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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: MadHatter's Only Thread
grapefruit
♀ Member
Member # 27090
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome, EH. Great that you're in IC and trying to sort your issues. Being betrayed is no less painful and devastating even if you've done it yourself.

Cup, how are you going? The FB thing is deeply uncool. I would be angry too. Have you talked yet?

Thanks for asking about me, TG. I'm doing pretty well although some days it seems as though there are triggers everywhere I look. I feel lucky that I have a remorseful H who is willing to work on his issues, as I am working on mine. Sometimes I still feel really angry though.

[This message edited by grapefruit at 1:23 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]


FWW / BS (me)
FWH / BS (him)
In R ...

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jan 2010
grapefruit
♀ Member
Member # 27090
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Argh double post again, sorry.

[This message edited by grapefruit at 1:24 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]


FWW / BS (me)
FWH / BS (him)
In R ...

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jan 2010
exhaustedheader
♂ Member
Member # 39459
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my wife now knows. Pretty much everything came to a head. Heated argument was started as she headed out the door to visit her girlfriends from work.
First thought in my head ? How fking cliche. R u serious? I told her if she left she needs to stay with whoever she winds up fking.
I could have shoveled her chin up from the ground.
Well, like a reopened infected wound, it all came bleeding out. All of it.
No ic appointment. No guide. Just raw crap. I threw the sht i printed out on the table. She ran from the house.
Came back and i put my timeline from ic on the same table. All of it.
It was too much to bear. Shes left. This morning with the kids.
Her friend txtd me from new mexico about an hour ago that she is there now, and will be for awhile.
How quickly it fell apart has shaken me to my core.
Took tonight off. Again...this sux

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: exhaustedheader
exhaustedheader
♂ Member
Member # 39459
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If there is anyone left here on a sunday is there anything i can do to eliminate this sick.feeling? All i can come up with is booze and i hate booze...i feel like a little lost boy. And i aint little. I miss the girls. Rite now i would be tickling one while the other jumps on my head...

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: exhaustedheader
exhaustedheader
♂ Member
Member # 39459
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Argh. Need to stop. Just smashed my hand. Its swollen. I hate jack.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: exhaustedheader
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 1:19 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry this came to a head this way. Drinking is probably not the best thing to be doing right now. Do you have any trusted friends you can call to come be with you?

Give her some time. You have had days to process this meaning her affair and years to process yours. She hasn't. Give it some time.

Again I am sorry for what you are going through. I remember the pain of both DD, it is horrible.


Me43 Him 43 Hardlessons DS 24,22,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth”
― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 3663 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
grapefruit
♀ Member
Member # 27090
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, EH. As shitty as things are right now, at least you can live an authentic life now. At least you're no longer hiding. Keep us posted.

Cuppa, how are you going?


FWW / BS (me)
FWH / BS (him)
In R ...

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jan 2010
exhaustedheader
♂ Member
Member # 39459
Default  Posted: 3:16 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I jsut wish i could go away. Pernanaytl. Sorry will wuir venting
Sht. Wat now. Cant evn thk strait.
Sorry SI ,cant wrap my head around this now. Hope i havnt offended..

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: exhaustedheader
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 3:22 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey eh, hang in there, if anything, for your girls. Remember one thing, it will pass. Wherever you're headed, one thing to keep in mind is being healthy for you and for your girls. They need one functioning sane parent.

See your IC, do weighs, hang with friends, take in a movie or two... Stay around those who love you.

At some point you'll need to get professionals involved; a lawyer and counsellor(s).

Would recommend you read up in the healing library. It's of absolute criticality that you prepare and know what/where you're going with this. There is no pressure to make any life altering decisions right now though.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
exhaustedheader
♂ Member
Member # 39459
Default  Posted: 3:31 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NE im trying to remain calm. Im.not doing so good. Drk too much
And. Reall y hurt. Am so ahrgu sat myself. I did this. I fckd my way. Thru my marriag and i desrv thix.
Crp i just looked at my posts. Cant even spell rite. Im a big ol guy and feel like im afraid. I am going to slp as i dont wanr to ruin my only ppace for help. If u pray plz do

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: exhaustedheader
grapefruit
♀ Member
Member # 27090
Default  Posted: 3:45 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EH, please lay off the booze for now. When you're sober, read through noescape's post very carefully - there's some really good advice there.


FWW / BS (me)
FWH / BS (him)
In R ...

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jan 2010
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eh, if you know how bad drinking is for you, just lay off it, you wouldn't want to compound your problems. Keep thinking of your girls, they need you and your W doesn't/hasn't had the benefit of IC to work through her shit so give that a little thought moving forward. Keep posting, we're here to listen and lend support if we can.

SI is your safe place. But I'll tell you two things that helped immensely in the aftermath of my DDays; 1. Threw myself into my work and that kept my brain busy and racing with no time to dwell. 2. Whenever I hung out with friends, it helped feeling 'normal' even if for a few hours.

If you're a praying man, you might find some solace in prayer. By all means, keep seeing your IC, would he/she do a phone appointment for you just to talk this stuff out IRL?

Finally, I'll reiterate: read the healing library and read up in JFO; the more you see others in a similar situation, the more it'll make you feel that you're not alone.

Praying for you man. Just stay out of trouble and keep thinking of your littles.

[This message edited by noescape at 8:43 AM, June 10th (Monday)]


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
exhaustedheader
♂ Member
Member # 39459
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Too my new found sages...
Thank you. Its a strange feeling to wake up and read what i posted in the middle of the nite. Im no drinker for.heavens sake. Had thatbottle for two years and never touched it.
now ive got another issue as i may have broken my hand punching a metal door. Hard to drive an 10spd split like this.
No contact from wife. My oldest called me this morning and just bawled...sucked the life out of me for the day already.
Im headed to urgent care for hand.
I hope my stupid drunken rant did not offend too much...apologies...

[This message edited by exhaustedheader at 9:25 AM, June 10th (Monday)]


Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: exhaustedheader
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EH,

Are you going to see a Dr today? If you do you may want to let them know what is going on right now.

Do you have any friends that you can talk to, maybe one that you can let know what is happening so you can call when things get a bit rough. Exercising helps when the anxiety gets high. And you can always come here.

You can also post in wayward. When you post up there, you need to post from a perspective of your own cheating but you will find a lot of support up there.


Me43 Him 43 Hardlessons DS 24,22,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth”
― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 3663 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
exhaustedheader
♂ Member
Member # 39459
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Went to urgent care. Classic boxers break. Yay. Idiot.
No one really to talk too. Family on my side is broken beyond repair.
My wife did txt me that shes ok and the kids are too. There is some hope as she is already telling me she misses me(one day?) And wants to come home today, but wont? Shes all over the board.
I guess i am too.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: exhaustedheader
exhaustedheader
♂ Member
Member # 39459
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Would love to post from a wayard side orf things, but im now finding it impossible to separate this. I think ill stay here as i would post something rotten.
Id rather not be banned. I like it here.
You folks post back and i need someone. Thx!!!

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: exhaustedheader
Uneek
♀ Member
Member # 38416
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eh, I know that feeling of not being able to step out of the BS viewpoint far too well. Sometimes I even forget that I'm a wayward in addition to a BS. The waywardness was so long ago and I've moved on from it that I'm very disconnected from, while the role of BS is very new and raw for me. It's easy just to stay there.

I also know how you feel with the punching. It's pure luck that I didn't injure myself when I got in the shower the other night and started pounding on the tile walls and screaming. Not a fun place to be, for sure.

Do you have an appointment lined up with your IC? If not, please call right now and do that. you need the support.


Posts: 114 | Registered: Feb 2013
exhaustedheader
♂ Member
Member # 39459
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unique, i read your post and its really not the bs part thats killing me.
Its my betrayal of her.
But now that the two r one, so to speak, i am unable to separate them.
I have an ic on tue. It was supposed to be my come to Jesus moment.
I now firmly believe it is my fault for her looking outside for whatever it was she wanted.
Still not sure even after reading 26 pages of crap...200+pictures and one30 minute video

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: exhaustedheader
exhaustedheader
♂ Member
Member # 39459
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like the little puking guy.
Hes my new friend. Lol...

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: exhaustedheader
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is not your fault. Unfortunately, in madhatter situations it becomes all to easy to start assigning blame. Don't do that. You stay on your side of the fence in taking care of what yours to take care of. That is the best thing you can do for her right now. Fix you. Fix you for you, for her, and for your kids.

I am sorry for your pain. It is a hard place to be in right now. What have you done for you today that is a healthy thing?

And yes, for a bit, she will be all over the map. So will you. It is normal.


Me43 Him 43 Hardlessons DS 24,22,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth”
― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 3663 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
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