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User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 8
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The part that's difficult for me at least is that knowing the truth of things doesn't necessarily dispel those insecurities and doubts

perhaps not entirely, but knowing the truth, and having confidence in yourself can help with the ability to let bullshit accusations and/or insults go in one ear and out the other.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Cannon
♂ Member
Member # 32440
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not meaning to dominate this board right now, but she's entered another phase: Extreme blameshifting / victimization. (Wait till I have a minute to post some messages she sent me today. Good lord)

Last few facebook pictures say:

"I want to forgive you and then I want to forget you"

ALso: "People think the most painful thing in life is losing the one you value, the truth is, losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are special too"

She also posted the one you may have seen about how men and women react to breakups in a day, a month, and a year. (It's a picture)

Finally, this status:

Asking for a "friend"....does anyone know of a good divorce attorney in the Athens area....somone who will stick up for a woman's rights especially given that the woman makes more money than her future ex husband. inbox names please

I've asked her a million times to keep our martial issues off facebook, but she never does. I've told very few people about what's been going on the last three years, and hardly any of our mutual friends or family.

It's about to be ON

[This message edited by Cannon at 2:57 PM, July 19th (Thursday)]


Me - BH, 41
Her - Bi-polar WW, 41

Status: Divorced and relieved


Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: .
Cannon
♂ Member
Member # 32440
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Check out this email exchange that started Tuesday (the day after DD #5? 6? )

WW: So I took a couple of clonopin today so I hope this doesnt sound fuzzy. I did not go seeking OM#1....he sent me a text message earlier this summer while I was sitting on the front deck reading and having a drink. Here was the exchange:
J: YO
Me: What do you want?
J: Who is this?
Me: you know who this is...what do you want?
J: I'm cleaning out old numbers and wasn't sure who this was.
Me: It's WW and if you have anything you need to say to me it's best to email me....don't text me anymore

Then he sent an email to my hotmail account. He sent old emails that we had exchanged to show that he had kept them and he sent pictures to prove that he still had them. He had threatened in the past that if I ever made him angry that he would share the pictures with some of our mutual male friends. I told him that I thought he had deleted all the pictures and he assured me that he still had them. I think this was all in response to the nasty message I sent him when I was angry that weekend and told him off. Anyway, he asked me to talk dirty to him like I used to and for a while I did...not sure why...part fear that if I upset him he would send out those pictures because I knew i had pissed him off and part of me just liked the fact that someone was paying attention to me again. He said he wanted to see me again and I suggested that he could meet me somewhere on my trip down South. The day before we left for the beach, I emailed him and told him that I just couldn't talk to him anymore...that I was married and that I was a Christian even though I hadn't acted like it in the past. I told him that I respected you and our relationship too much to continue to carry on with our conversation. I told him that I would never cheat on you again and that I felt aweful about doing it in the past. I told him I was headed to the beach and just wanted to spend time with my family. (When I told you that I was proud of myself last night I was referring to sending OM#1 that email....where I stood up for myself knowing that it could trigger anger in him and make him send those pictures to friends....I just didn't care anymore and finally stood up for what I believed in). When I got to the beach, he sent a message and said he needed to get a picture of my tan lines. I sent him a picture of me wearing my (college team) shorts and said Go "Team"...in hopes to piss him off. I also told him that if he needed to talk to me I could meet him on my trip but it would only be to talk about the past and to discuss the issue of the pictures...that there would be absolutely no sex involved as I had already relayed to him my feelings about cheating. I never heard back and still haven't heard back.

Yesterday
I've thought a lot about what you said and I know I'm a horrible person and yes, if your mother were alive she would hate me as you said. I'm a whore and not worthy to serve in the church. I accept everything you said. I take full responsibility for my actions. I figured if I played into OM#1's demands that he'd eventually delete those pictures, but now I'm pretty sure that he likes having them so he can always hold that over my head in case I piss him off again. I'm just going to drop the issue and just let him keep the pictures....I don't care anymore.

We need to go slow in making our decision...I don't want to jump into a decision.

Yesterday
Cannon: We will talk tonight. Im still in shock and have a million thoughts in my head. I do appreciate your messages (honestly)

WW:
sure

Today 3:00
So this is where I'm at....you have shown immense love for the kids....probably the best God Damn Dad in the world. But you have sucked as a husband. You you don't support my ambitions....you put them down, when I was pregnant with with DD you had an emotional affair and gave me a bag of god damn groceries that valentines day since "I like eating so much"....yes cheerios, apple juice and whole milk make a woman feel loved. Meanwhile, yuor secret lover was saying that it was valentines day and she was thinking of only you. LMAO. It made me feel like a slob and a fat ass. Of course, I'm sure your girlfriend, thought it was the perfect present....bitch. You can have her now....you've waited long enough and I know that's what you've been wanting. I'm tired of being your 2nd choice...and she's ugly as hell by the way....but if that's what you want....have it. the kids and I will find other means to stay together as a family. This is what you wanted 5 fuckin years ago....I guess you deserve it after such a horrible wait


Me - BH, 41
Her - Bi-polar WW, 41

Status: Divorced and relieved


Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: .
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its amazing how efficient selective memory is at creating alternate realities.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hum, I see what you're saying WAL. I don't usually think of people as inherently good or bad so I don't have issues with justifying actions with person. Go straight to establishing track record. Though it lacks the additional reinforcement of Good Bad Other, too.

Lust, Rage, Triumph.. I dunno what happens if you add a fourth. Is that like breaking the hero quest? I thought Zork did that. Best to keep the lights on in that case.


Cannon, wtf is that mess? Cheerios and an EA? Is that what she had for breakfast?


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hum, I see what you're saying WAL. I don't usually think of people as inherently good or bad so I don't have issues with justifying actions with person. Go straight to establishing track record. Though it lacks the additional reinforcement of Good Bad Other, too.

This is where I maybe get a little granular. I don't see it as a fixed binary system - that is, people are mutable. They can change, grow and regress, sometimes all three at once. But they're only interesting to me to the extent that they occupy a slot along the spectrum of my human relationships.

In the same way that I'm Programmer Guy at work and not at home, I tend to think we present facets to people in different roles in our lives, and those people have the absolute right to judge us in the context of that facet. I can suck at my job but be a great dad. It doesn't tell the complete story of me, but my boss doesn't have to weigh the fact that I'm a great dad in his decision to keep me employed.

To some extent, this reflects my bias against the statement that "my cheating doesn't define me" or whatever it is. I would argue that yes, it does. For a period of time, in a particular relationship, for the role you fulfill...yes, it is completely definitional, because every other part of the relationship is dependent on the inherent deception. It doesn't define anyone for all time, but for a span determined by the victim of your adultery, it can define you as a whole human being and become the lens through which any other worth you have to them is filtered.

It's data. I'm big on data, and data is rarely discrete. It's the fulcrum on which other wads of data are weighed. When I get a defining set of data, it colors all the other data sets on which it impinges. Not to make a direct connection here, but finding out that Jerry Sandusky was a pedophile pretty much ruined my estimation of all the other good, charitable work he might have done with kids he wasn't raping, you know? That piece of his character becomes defining for me of his (albeit distant) slot in my consciousness. All the kids he helped without raping do not signify.

But like I said, people are mutable. My wife is an awesome woman and a wonderful spouse. She's hot and sexy and delicious. Once upon a time, she was also a dumb fucking whore. I learned to live with that and then transcend it. She helped that process by stopping the behaviors and mindsets that led me to that conclusion. I re-evaluated in light of new data.

I tend to see that as the role of the BH in choosing to reconcile - you keep your mind open enough to let her show you that she's something different than she has proved herself to be previously. If she can do that, and you give her transformation an honest chance, there can be a ton of healing on both sides...but you also have to be careful not to be passing out benefits of the doubt where they're not earned. You have to be careful about spinning the lies, damned lies, and statistics into saying something other than what they're telling you.

I get that a broad swath of people fall into a category that says once they let themselves think of their wife as a whore, it's a deal breaker (or it should be a deal breaker for their wife that she's thought of in such a way -- I tend to believe that if she can make me out to be the All-Time Source of Evil in her life enough to justify an affair and I can get over it, she should be able to get over her husband thinking she's a dumb whore.) I can completely respect that, and for some men, once they hit that breakpoint, it's best to just divorce.

Strangely enough, I tend to see my approach as enormously optimistic about human nature.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call ye down Melisandre, and the moon shall shiat on thy fields, yea, and other stuff, verily thy gubbins shall be made orky by her power, nasty male personage.

I don't know why it's not called Mrogyny and just get it over with.
(get it? get it? hahaha "mister"...o well)

I did not understand run when I was told to. I was like, what? do I clap my hands or my heels together three times?

wal's insights floor me and they're true. Profoundly so. (even though wal and I ended up on the opposite end: he is R, I am trying to D.) I hear a screaming banshee in my head.
She asks: "Are you being abused Cannon?" (beyond what has already been demonstrated)
Check one.
Yes.
No.
What now brother?
What now?
The abuse
(and our buying into the meme) stops.
When we say it does.
S'all I got.


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's data. I'm big on data, and data is rarely discrete. It's the fulcrum on which other wads of data are weighed. When I get a defining set of data, it colors all the other data sets on which it impinges.

char D='3'
while (3='D')
{
//..


eta:

Damnit, I was going for a penis joke but fumbled the keyboard, hit sumbit and my game maximized and I was distracted by shiny things. Nevermind. It was gonna end with |3=====D~ somehow.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 7:01 PM, July 19th (Thursday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Cannon
♂ Member
Member # 32440
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fonk....fooooonk...

Again, I don't mean to dominate the board -

I just had my FIL come and pick up my WW. She had eaten nothing for three days and has ingested klonopin and alcohol. That's it!

We went out to our local brewery today and when she got home the shit HIT THE FAN.

She got in my face again and called me any number of names (peace of shit, cheater, I hope he goes to hell with his mother) IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS. She told my oldest son that he would soon have a step mom named "X" that daddy's always loved, which sent him bawling. She told all the kids your daddy and I are getting a divorce...

While I waited for my FIL to come get her, she yelled at mea and slammed shit around the house for 20+ minutes...kids ran upstairs out of fear. I just sat, said nothing, and stared straight ahead...When FIL got here he saw how bad it was and why I called him - I felt bad for that but we were both really worried. He also heard WW again reiterate my "small dick" in front of him (and my son mentioned he heard it too).

He finally got her out after she found her cell phone (which she of course accused me of stealing- it was on the dining room table).

The kids are here with me and we're shell-shocked.

I know it's slow in the weekends here and I've dominated this boad latey...but WHAT DO I DO NOW? I can't be in the house with her any more....EVER. Do I have legal rights? I have no money and no where else to go...

Please help


Me - BH, 41
Her - Bi-polar WW, 41

Status: Divorced and relieved


Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: .
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you could prolly have her hospitalized and put on watch.

eta: because she sounds manic.

[This message edited by stilllovingher at 9:20 PM, July 19th (Thursday)]


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, don't worry about the number of posts. You've got a lot going on. We all understand.

Second, you do have rights, but none of us can really accurately advise you. Start researching attorney tomorrow. Find the best men's rights attorneys in your area.

Third, (((Cannon)))

[This message edited by wifehad5 at 9:26 PM, July 19th (Thursday)]


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35380 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Cannon
♂ Member
Member # 32440
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MIL just called and I unloaded EVERYTHING on her....even shit she didn't know. She was very upset and apologetic.

Late few messages I got:

"You are a piece of shit. I'm about to publicaly post you love affair with X"

Then she did, on fb. I called her Mom and told her to tell her to take it down, or there would be hell to pay (and she did)

Then, more messages:

"I hate you"

"Oh yeah. Make me out to be sick. What an easy escape."

"You know it's true. Coward"

"What's OM's number...I dont' have it"

and just now..."I know you have it"

I'm getting a little scared right now.

And now: "We're done"

Yeah, you think?


Me - BH, 41
Her - Bi-polar WW, 41

Status: Divorced and relieved


Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: .
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

other than what i said upthread...
document, document everything.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Cannon
♂ Member
Member # 32440
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, July 20th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

24 texts and 27 calls tonight...wow.

didn't respond to a one.


Me - BH, 41
Her - Bi-polar WW, 41

Status: Divorced and relieved


Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: .
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 4:56 AM, July 20th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to one-up SLH and say that her behavior doesn't even sound manic. It sounds like she's having a psychotic break.

But yes, document. Getting her parents involved was a good thing because it lets other people see what's going on. Keep the texts/messages/calls if you can. If there's a God in heaven, extra witnesses plus evidence like that should greatly benefit you in a custody hearing.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, July 20th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree with psychotic break.
Recruit FIL to keep her "for awhile until she calms down". "You've seen her rage and instability, we need to protect the kids." "We need time for things to calm down."

YOU calm down. No more venting to IL's. Recruit them to help you (it's for the chillren)- to keep her away.

She has damaged and abused your children. Bonding, spending huge amounts of time with them, talking, touching, hugging, playing silly games in the park...it's healing. They will process the drama that shouldn't have entered their innocent lives in their own way, on their own schedules. Listen for it. Be there for them. Consider counseling. Call around for community clinics/prorated fee schedules.

I would make a police report, and I would go to the DA's office (county courthouse?) & file for a PO. While it's fresh. While the IL's are allies. (That often changes you know, so right now, the window of opportunity is open). Tell them you are concerned for your (& kids') safety. Her ramping-up of abuse, since she was outed for having an affair.

You (the big bad man) are vulnerable to false DV charges.
Get a VAR and keep it on you at all times.
("Kids, let's talk about what happened" - and record it!)
Get important papers (house note, car note, personal stuff you don't want to lose) and your documentation together and get them to a safe place she doesn't have access to; a trusted friend, safety deposit box, etc.

In short, GAME ON brother.
Get proactive. Shields up.

And definitely. Get an attorney. (ask the cops when you file the report for a good one - ohhh they know!) Free consult. Contingency. Payment plan. 2nd mortgage. Whatever.

I see this as the same as some stranger was beating on your kids at the bus stop. Yeah. I'd be *that angry* & Cetic-ass-kicking *proactive*.

You can fuck with me all you want. You mess with my kids you get the green godzilla.


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, July 20th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Papa bear needs to come out, you got to protect those kids from that crazy. Would her parents help with getting her hospitalized if they've seen that crazy shit?

Lawyer time yeah.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Cannon
♂ Member
Member # 32440
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, July 20th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update...

She's back now and is beyond upset, saying she doesn't remember anything from yesterday, that the combination of klonopin, not eating, and alcohol for three days did her in.

She still wants to "work things out" and is doing the "slobbering, snot bubbles" thing buffalo always describes she "doesn't want to lose her family"

Anyway, shes still insisting that the stuff with om1 was blackmail...that she had to talk dirty with him again because he said he'd release the pictures. That shed finally told him it was wrong and wouldn't do it any more and that's when I found out. She even forwarded an email to me from him that said so.

Anyway, too little too late. I've bee dealing with the fallout of her Facebook lies all morning, and it just gets me angry all over again...


Me - BH, 41
Her - Bi-polar WW, 41

Status: Divorced and relieved


Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: .
dustnbones
♂ New Member
Member # 36195
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, July 20th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have read almost everything starting with Betrayed Men - Part 3 up to here.

I'm not a joiner... I tried posting once before on another forum but the vibe wasn't the same. So I'm here basically for a "peer review" before I decide on D or R or life in Limbo.


In 2009/2010 wife cheated with one of my best friends who I worked with. ( and at least 8 others to varying degrees)

We have a little girl who is now 8.

There were many reasons I chose to stay at the time, but primarily it was fear. Fear of how my little girl would survive and fear of the court system. I also really do love my wife, but if it weren’t for my girl I would have bolted and …..well let’s just say I’d have a large marble collection draggin from the handlebars

Now I'm fairly certain that the damage to my girl is greater than the benefits of having a "normal" family or any potential for my wife to make amends.

I don't have my whole story in my profile yet ... it' just way too long.. too many setbacks.. too many lies.. just too many people

When I first found out it was just a simple examination of our joint phone bill details to find out why we kept going over our plan min. But why was there 2000 txts and phone calls to a number I recognized ? It wasn't family and I don't really remember numbers I just program them in, givem a funny name and forget about it. The next morning I went to work and the thought hit me that I should find out who that number was..... turned out it was my buddies cell number...I got up and headed home.. on the way out my boss stopped me to ask me some status or something so it took me 10 or 15 min longer to get home ( this will be noteworthy in a few lines)

I got home .. asked if there was something she needed to talk about.. she said no.. I said last chance...she said no.. asked what the deal was with the phone numbers ... got the words that would be repeated over and over again for years.. I hate these words.. I used to think that when I heard them from somebody it meant they were probably the smartest guy in the room.

She said "I don't know"

I picked up her phone (we have shared our passwords with each other for 15 years)

She didn't try to stop me I read the first 5 txts and realized I just missed catching them together in my living room by 10 min. I looked in the corner at my shotgun and machete just innocently standing there. 10 min sooner and I know I would have been in jail for life.

I asked Why.. another word that has previously served my so well in life but that I cringe now when I hear it.

Of course she said "I don't know"

I started to read more on her phone.. asking questions as I went (once she tried to take it from me but I didn't let go)

She got on her knees in front of me and cried ( no sobs) and tried to hug me. I told her to fuckin leave get out of my house or I'll put you out myself (strange but I think of the Flintstones at this point) She refused to go. I got up and kept reading and asking questions.

She started to answer them I thought truthfully turned out most where lies

I had only been looking at things from him but I came across some other red flag words as I was scrolling thru.. cock, steamy, cum, ...

these were different numbers. different men, pictures sent and received... I started asking more questions.. ans din't make sense.. the dreaded "I don't know" over and over I was getting so angry

Boom .. 6 yr old girl comes into the house from school... saved once again by timing.

My girls ( I have one in college as well) are really the biggest successes in my life. Smart, funny , pretty, logical(how did that happen?)

We put the conversation on hold wife sat in a stupor on the couch, I became supper sleuth.

that night ( and for a months after) I did't sleep. I spent nearly a month surviving on beer and emotion and only sleeping when I passed out in my desk chair. the next day Tuesday, I called in to work and stayed home to confront her on the stuff I found.

I'm in IT and I know my way around. I found, recovered, extracted... 40,000 txt messages ( about 50/50 split incoming and outgoing) thousands of emails. hundreds of Facebook posts and private chats, My space, IM logs,

there were some gaps but I was able to build a good profile with all that data and construct a time line and .................

Needless to say Tuesday morning I knew she lied about some of the things she said the previous day. I found at least 9 guys on a consistant basis.
2 were definitely getting blowjobs at work (she always seemed to get the best concert tickets for free)

4 where asking for hookup times ( she claims no PA)

3 where her clients for work ( sales person)

1 was our daycare providers husband

1 was her physical therapist ( she had car accident in 07)

3 where old fiends from school days

1 was just kissing after aunts funeral

all where txting, Facebook, phone conversations, videos, emails..you name it they were jackin off to it.. ( that seemed to be the goal for her)

1 was my best friend at work 10 years we worked together kids were best fiends, ever other weekend we all did things together, camping, parties, shared birthdays bike trips,concerts, weekly rides for hours at a time you get the picture. She admired she was fucking him couple times each week. (well first she only admitted to a drunken hookup on New Years eve) later over the next month as I walked her through the facts I had she admitted more but only if I had proof of something

She only surprised me with one fact ( driving to one guys work 1.5 hours away with the kids (boy 9 girl 5), leaving them in the car at a mall and visiting him) then going back the next day for a date after going to aunts funeral.


I did not tell her everything I found. Other than one thing she hasn't admitted to anything I didn't have proof of.

So back to the day after d-day. I had her get in the car with me and I proceeded to visit every one of the bastard fuckhead I could find.

First I went to the therapists office had her go in with me. He was treating a group of 5 or 10 people all in one be treatment room I walked up to him and asked him in front of his patients if he wanted all the pictures and videos of his cock back ( he would't ans me) I backed him up to the wall and asked him if there was any reason I should't just kick his ass right then and there... he ran away. I found out that his boss was out of the country so I left a msg for him with the nurse and said he needed to fire this guy ... How can he employ people in a position of of trust that does this crap. ( he got canned I guess I could have pursued it even more gotten his licences suspended but I was too busy with all the others)

I then went to her work and confronted one of here co-workers in their office this was a downtown business district I told him he could stand there like a man and take a punch or I would tell his fiance .. he ran into the street.(there were cops out there) they kicked me out of the building

I couldn't find any of the others so I called my buddy and his wife and asked them to meet me at a local mcdondls ( I work in a secured facility with both of them so it wasn't a good idea to bring it to my work) He never showed up she did. told my wife to tell his wife what was going on. She simply said she had an affair with your husband. the other wife thought we were joking and didn't believe it I offered the proof but she didn't want it she left.

couldn't find anybody else so I drove 1.5 hours to this other guys work and went inside the mall ( he is a bank teller .. ya I know stupid) luckly the bank had just closed so I only got to glare at him through the window.. bank guards came to investigate I was just about ready to push the issue and got a tad smarter and left. I waited outside for him to come out .. over an hour and no-show so that was a bust.. she wouldn't tell me where he lived

wow this seems like a lot of stuff and I haven't even gotten half way through the first week after d-day

So the last confrontation I had with the fuckheads put an end to my marble gathering quest. It was at work. I tried to do it differently cause they have guns there and I wanted to keep my job. I went to HR with the data I collected showing that my buddy had been txting, talking and taking time off to visit my wife in his truck, our car, hotels... basically I tried to show that he mis-charged time to a government contract. They didn't care. They asked me to take a weeks vacation and if they could put our desks in different places. They told me that I should avoid contact at work .. I knew this but..... he wouldn't meet me. I told my other friends at work ( same 10 years of history shared trips, lunch and breakfast everyday....) Most of them decided to keep thier mouths shut one tried to give me advise to just blame the old lady a it wasn't our friends fault I told him that he could choose I would rather be shit on than associate with him if he was still buds with the fuckhead.. I should have realized that since they were new "brothers" in a bike club ( I wouldn't join.. I don't join anything) that I was the expendable friend.

Any way so since I reported it to HR these fuckheads OM BW or other friend ( they were all interviewed) claimed that I threatened to take out the facility where we worked. complete bullshit at that time I was so mad I would probably cut the fuckers stones off and mailed them to his mother but never even considered taking it out on other people. There was an investigation, more crazy tests, time off from work and I was cleared... but what the fuck no consequences for false accusations?

So it finally happened I saw him in the hall at work. I stared him down ( he was talking to a bunch of people in the coffee line) when I got to him I tried to keep my mouth shut but ... no dice.. I asked him if he had gotten the taste of my wife's ass out of his mouth yet. everybody laughed .. he said he wanted to meet me out side and kick my ass.. I said anytime fucker.

So one of my colleges .. a woman.. grabbed my by the arm and led me away.


got called to in to HR ... got another week off so they could deliberate... they brought me back into work and said because I said anytime in response to his threats that the zero tolerance policy didn't matter I could keep my job but only if we never spoke again ..My manager told me to put my head down if I saw him in the hall again .. ya you might have guessed .. I told him I would never do that to anybody...

I transferd to another state 5 hours away basically so that I could have a drink now and then without fear of making a drunken trip to his house. I know I won't risk hurting my girls and their future sober but I don't want to chance the drunk me. For some reason I seem to be able to stop myself from getting in my car or on my bike when I'm drunk but that didn't stop me from walking there.. ( 10 miles away .. I got to 5 miles before being captured by family and brought home)

Lesson here... i don't know but you can make the little businessmen fire their people for being fucktards and tarnishing their reputations .. but corporate shits are all to worried about being so politically correct they end up sacrificing something on the morels front. It helped me that I remained employed but so did he.....

So 2 years + and I'm fluctuating between Rage and Hate and indiffence for my wife (but for entirely different reasons than the A)

Please don't mis-understand. I'm not a drunken angry violent person. Other than those situations above (almost all in 8 hours) I have never gone an looked for a fight. Until this happened I was always the happy guy at the end of the bar laughing at anything remotely funny. I would certainly take some of these fuckheads out if it had no legal ramifications or at the very least piss on their graves.

I drink 3 beers almost every day but I have been drunk 2 or 3 times in the last year. when I say drunk 6-8 beers.. not like after d-day.. when it was 12, 18, and cases a day


I guess that what I am looking for here is to some inputs to help me decide the next steps. its been 2 plus years. I used up 3 or 4 months of the first year investigating and wallowing in crap. I used up a year or so in false recovery.. mainly trying on my own to make it work ( wife does make some efforts but they are hidden from me not many outward signs) the last 6 months or so I have been doing mostly a 180. and trying to convince myself of some good enough reasons to be in limbo world till my youngest graduates.



If I have to have a label and join a club...I'm the BH

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: 5 hours away and still too close for comfort
dustnbones
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Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, July 20th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry all. I did not realize that it was that long of a post... wow


If I have to have a label and join a club...I'm the BH

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: 5 hours away and still too close for comfort
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