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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 20/20 Hindsight: What I should have done when I J F O
katherine41
♀ Member
Member # 5792
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, May 9th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping.


Posts: 8205 | Registered: Nov 2004
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, May 24th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for newcomers to SI


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1303 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, May 24th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lather up in Self-Care.

Posts: 4725 | Registered: Dec 2009
SuspiciousWife
♀ Member
Member # 18108
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, June 1st (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping again.


Me - BW, 44
Him - FWH, 44
OW - former co-worker
3 great kids
DDay - April 25, 2008 - mostly EA with one make-out session

Posts: 557 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: East Coast
roseguide
♀ Member
Member # 35697
Default  Posted: 4:30 AM, June 2nd (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
I've only just read this post but I'm going to go ahead and call it life changing for me. It's only been 4 days since D-day but this has set me on the right path. WH does not want reconciliation he wants to be with OW. In a way that's a good thing because I don't have to continue with the lies. After reading this post I signed up for attorney consultations.
Can some one tell me what a "bump" and "180" are?


In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of the things not meant for you. Buddhist saying

Posts: 209 | Registered: May 2012 | From: New Jersey
lost2atranny
♀ Member
Member # 35664
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, June 2nd (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you for sharing your wisdom. I'm trying hard but as a newbie... its scary. I know this is a post ill have to just read over and over again.


Married for 3 1/2 years
Me - 28
EX - 29
2 little girls ( 2 and 3 years old)
Found out Oct 21 2011 and tried to reconcile
Found out again in May 2012 - this time I don't think I can do it.
DEC 2012 - LEFT AND NEVER LOOKED BACK!

Posts: 87 | Registered: May 2012
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, June 2nd (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad this 20/20 helped you (it sure helped me!).
"Bump" is just a way to get a particular post to go to the top of the postings. You could write anything after clicking on the "Reply to this post' thingy at the bottom of any topic, and that would indeed move it to the top.
The 180 is a brilliant set of instructions/suggestions of how to turn the focus OFF the WS and onto your own healing/recovery. It can be found in the Healing Library under BS FAQ, in fact it's # 11 on the list of FAQs.
So grateful for SI ...


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1303 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, June 3rd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5137 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, June 3rd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband tried to come back home a month after d-day, but when I told him only with Marriage Counseling, he said no.... I told him I want it all! I want a great TOTAL marriage, not a fake one.

This is not too much to ask!


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2318 | Registered: Jan 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, June 3rd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, to those of you with new babies/or pregnant I want to tell you this: When I was pregnant my husband was at topless bars and flirted with women in front of me. I stayed because I wanted my children to grow up in a family. Reality is if I would have followed my gut back then, insisted on Marriage Counseling, we might have had a different life. Even if we had separated/divorced, they would have grown up visiting their dad on weekends and it would not be as traumatic as it is now for them. 14 & 11.
I realize now, he never changed who he was, I stopped seeing what I didn't want to see.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 10:50 PM, June 3rd (Sunday)]


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2318 | Registered: Jan 2012
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, June 13th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for newcomers to JFO


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1303 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, June 14th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this. I will be re-reading it, and the 180 thread, a lot.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5063 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yet another bump ...


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1303 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
crushedheart09
♂ Member
Member # 28573
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had found this when I joined SI, would have saved me a lot of mistakes as well.

It should be required reading right after you pick your password or in the Library for sure.

Just great advise!!!!!


M 28 years
D 3/2011

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2010
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had followed the advice 18 months ago. I would be so much further along healing and having put my life back in order.

Great advice.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, June 24th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe now that my husband stayed up to watch tv after I went to bed to be able to talk to her on the phone. We have a camcorder and it sits in a case on the shelf in the den. I could have easily turned it on at night - still in the case- to record his phone conversations. At least then you know you're not crazy...


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2318 | Registered: Jan 2012
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Moving this to the front page for newcomers to SI


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1303 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumpity bump......



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1242 | Registered: Apr 2009
LearningToRun
♀ Member
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, July 4th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love this post so much. Wish I had followed it better.

Posts: 309 | Registered: Feb 2011
hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, July 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping again....



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1242 | Registered: Apr 2009
Topic Posts: 169
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