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User Topic: N P D Thread part 10
UnhappyHuman
♀ Member
Member # 33855
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, September 18th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I'm officially joining the "tribe". Some of my story is in my profile and recent posts in S/D. won'tdefineme suggested I post here (thanks!).

Mine hasn't developed any fatal diseases yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did. After DDay, when I told him he had a month to leave, he threatened suicide several times. I finally took his firearms and told him that the next time he said it, I would contact his family and get them to go to the courthouse with me to have him committed against his will. Suddenly he wasn't so suicidal anymore.

Hugs and strength to all <3


May the bridges I burn light my way. ~ Otep

Posts: 56 | Registered: Nov 2011
veelop5
♀ Member
Member # 11089
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, September 18th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am no doctor but my stbxh is def a npd times 200 no doubt in my mind....I have read through the thread and it describes him to the T. Do you know for years I thought something was wrong with me because most times after sex I felt raped....but I pushed it aside and said he is my H there is no way! He manipulated me into sex even when I didn't want to....I remember him forcing me to have sex a few days after my first son was born and ripping my stitches (episiotomy)?...I cried so hard but he needed sex! I have been sexually abused by him for years.....he would come home from screwing his whores and have sex with me right after....there is so much more.....I am no contact right now but there is still so much going on with kids and his emails...one min he is nice and the next I am a piece of shit....he only has email access I blocked everything else....this is such a hard and long journey"


ME-38
XH-40
3 beautiful boys (20,19 & 15)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
Divorce final 3/27/2013

Posts: 1085 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Pennsylvania
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, September 18th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome. This thread saved my sanity, my dignity, moved me forward, gave me understanding of the craziness, and allowed me to let go even if it was hard. The people who have been here a long time truly saved me from him and from myself.

Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
veelop5
♀ Member
Member # 11089
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just got an email before 7 am...." can't believe I miss you even after the way you freaking treat me".... I should thank him for the morning laugh....psycho!


ME-38
XH-40
3 beautiful boys (20,19 & 15)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
Divorce final 3/27/2013

Posts: 1085 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Pennsylvania
UnhappyHuman
♀ Member
Member # 33855
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

veelop5, I just want to take a moment to validate your feelings. Rape through coercion is still rape. If you express that you are not interested in sex, it should be respected. Always. 100%. Full stop. Anyone who does not is a disgusting pig and I would like to castrate your stbxh for you.

I was engaged to a sociopath/psychopath about 10 years ago and he raped me. It took me probably 5 or so years to admit it to myself. I said "no" and he didn't take that for an answer. At the time, to protect my sanity, I convinced myself that since he was my fiance and he didn't hit me, it wasn't rape. It absolutely was.

It's good to be able to laugh at their crazy. I'm getting to that point now and it's very liberating!


May the bridges I burn light my way. ~ Otep

Posts: 56 | Registered: Nov 2011
surrender
♀ New Member
Member # 31577
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey everyone,

Well...ever since I left and didn't look back I have not heard from him. Which is very peaceful but scary. He hasn't even tried to contact the kids which is surprising because he is extremely close to the boys. I almost actually thought that maybe he is just ashamed but then I quickly remembered that he is pretty shameless. Him not contacting the boys bothers me because I know it bothers my boys. On the other hand it is so much easier to detach and move on without his interference. They seem to be accepting it well because they are so upset with him but the longer he stays away the more they think that he just doesn't care. It pisses me off that I have to be the good guy and tell them that it doesn't mean he doesn't love them. Of course, I am not defending him and I have told them that they have every right to feel the way they feel but I will not badmouth him to them. I just don't know what to think. Of course he is just running away like he usually does. I'm sure the OW is keeping him busy and he has someone to tell him how wonderful he is and feel sorry for him because his bitch wife took off with him kids and all of his money....lol. Not that I caught him (this time) but all of the red flags were there. Eventually, when that relationship goes south, he will put his feelers out and try to make contact with at least the boys with no apology or explanation and just act like nothing ever happened and hope that it gets swept under the rug just like every other time he pulls his bullshit. I'm sure he is telling his family that he has tried to contact the boys and we just aren't responding to him. His usual crap to get them to feel sorry for him. Please!!

This time I just don't care. I don't care what he says, who he says it to or what his family thinks. That was always my problem in the past. I worried so much about what everyone thought of me because he would bash me so bad. Today...I just don't care.
I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself. I moved 4 hours away, my kids are in school and transitioning well, I'm pretty sure I already have a job lined up, I joined a church already and put the boys in the youth groups. The money thing scares me a bit but it is so much better then living with a cheating, lying, manipulative, disrespectful abuser.

Well...off to bed. I have an excruciating headache.

I'm sorry for everyone else who is going through what they are. I wish I had some words of wisdom. Maybe some day. Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom.


BS - 38
H - 37
Three boys 15, 12 & 1
D - 10/2007
R - 10/2010
Red Flags - Our whole marriage
DD in the last 20 years - Lost count
Made the great escape 9/4/2012

Posts: 25 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
veelop5
♀ Member
Member # 11089
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, September 20th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It amazes me to read how they are either stalking, begging, crying and than evil and nice (jekel & Hyde) or they just completely drop off the face of the earth and don't contact you......They do so much damage....last night I fell asleep with the TV on and around 3 in the morning (on the television) someone rang the door bell and knocked really hard!!.. I jumped off the sofa and thought it was him and my heart was beating so bad...That is something crazy that he would do...I am wondering if I will ever feel safe again...Mine is crazy and is always stalking me somehow...I wish us all some relief!


ME-38
XH-40
3 beautiful boys (20,19 & 15)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
Divorce final 3/27/2013

Posts: 1085 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Pennsylvania
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, September 21st (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to Tribe, UnhappyHuman. This is such a good bunch of people. You will learn a lot and get great support here.

veelop, after I was away from my NPD for a while, I was able to admit to myself that I had been sexually abused. Actually, I think it may be another thing most of us NPD victims have in common. It sounds like you may have some PTSD issues going on. Are you in IC?

The stalking thing is another NPD behavior that many of us have dealt with. If you want to go into more detail about it, I'm sure we can give you lots of advice.

surrender, it sounds like you are doing very well. Isn't the peace w/o the NPD lovely? I'm sorry he is a tool in regards to your children. It is difficult to watch as their image of their father is eroded further and further.

Peace to everyone. (((Tribe)))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, September 21st (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So court was very interesting today. First, he tried to hand in papers to the judge, (who was the same one he lied to both times in the PO hearings,) that he hadn't served me with. Didn't fly. Then he tried to deny he'd been served with my papers, which the judge proved wrong. Then he explained that he has been so sick he isn't on top of things. After all, he lost half his blood and had to have two whole pints replaced last week.

When he asked for a continuance because he didn't know until last night he had to appear this morning, he said that he's got cancer and has to have surgery next Tuesday. (Story changes with each telling.) The judge asked how long he wanted, and he said 6 weeks. The judge asked me if I had any reason to believe that he wasn't telling the truth, and I replied that I would like written proof from the oncologist. The judge asked if he had that with him, and of course, he was in such a hurry to get to court, he forgot to pick that up. But he figured he could get another copy and bring it to the courthouse today.

The judge granted him two weeks, and said if he was in the hospital, he would have to do it over the phone. So we go back to court on the 5th, again. Then the monster said he hadn't seen his son in a long time, and wanted to see him before his surgery. The judge turned to me and asked, "Is there a reason your 15 year old hasn't been in contact with him?" I replied, "Because he doesn't want to be." The monster was angry when he said it was because of me, not my son. The judge ignored that and asked if my son is aware of the "cancer." I said he was, and he still doesn't want contact. So the judge did not tell me to make my son contact him.

Oh, and the person who was with him is his very selfish, vindictive daughter, who has taken her daughter's father for everything he owns but his house, (which he kept only because she didn't want to live there,) and was obviously the author of the papers I mention below. This girl has used and abused the system so well and frequently that her ex pays MORE than half his income in CS for one child while she goes to Paris and the tropics every year. In a one income family.

Shortly after I got home, I was served with his response to the divorce papers. They were dated, filed and served today, but he couldn't be prepared for THIS hearing?

In those papers, he wants 50/50 custody, no child support obligation because he's suddenly on disability, two week vacations, the WHOLE year's schedule to be figured out by April 1st or forfeit, (which is the day before my son's birthday,) unlimited phone access, access to his therapist and everyone else, and also to take the chess set and fly rod he gave my son, his cradle board and not to pay him back the money he owes him for "borrowing" what he earned doing odd jobs for people, all of which went to the casino. He also wants me to stop showing my son all the court papers. (He hasn't seen ANY.)

And although I have a PO that states my address and phone are to be kept secret, he is to be informed of every address and phone number I may have in future.

That's the short version. It goes on and on and on and on.... I'm just sitting here, wondering how someone with stage 4 cancer, which is what he claims he has, (which has a prognosis of 6-18 months,) is going to drag his feet so badly that he'll be dead before we ever get through with all this?

It's such a ridiculous bunch of crap. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, September 22nd (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SoHurt)))

I would want written proof of his "cancer" as well. Only an NPD would try to snow the courts with a fake cancer diagnosis.

And if it is real...

Only an NPD would use the last precious bits of his life to manipulate the courts into FORCING contact with his child.

As far as his other demands in the newly served papers:
How could someone "dying" of cancer possibly enter into a 50/50 custody situation?? Seriously? I hope at 15, your son's wishes would be considered as well. And the court will order CS based on his earnings. I'm sure Disability is not excluded. And he can demand settlement by xyz date all he wants. And "forfeit" what? He can demand things that belong to his children all he wants. Boohoo. Make sure the court is aware these items were gifts to your son. Plus, maybe he doesn't even have them anymore, kwim? The money he owes your son is likely not enforceable by court anyway. Your son would probably have to sue in small claims court to get that back. As far as your son's medical records, etc -- as a parent he should be able to contact your son's medical providers and get whatever information he is needing. He can show up at your son's counseling sessions if he is so concerned about it. Of course, the counselor doesn't have to include him in the sessions.

You're doing a fine job of defending against his lunacies, and it seems as though the judge is not buying into it. Keep the course.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, September 23rd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Wounded.

I am keeping on course, and have already gone through the papers, line by line, writing out my counter to each point. I've researched as much as possible, and can cite laws that show I am in the right.

How could someone "dying" of cancer possibly enter into a 50/50 custody situation?? Seriously?

Only an NPD would use the last precious bits of his life to manipulate the courts into FORCING contact with his child

.

My thoughts, exactly. And in a household with no space for my son? It appears the judge does not feel as though my son must remain in contact with him, since he didn't compel me to have my son call or visit. As far as CS, his papers state that he makes less on SSI than I do. The things of my son's he's asking for are all things he's not getting. There are witnesses to each of them being gifts, so there's not really any argument he can make.

What you "forfeit" by not handing over a schedule by April 1st is all your own schedule, apparently. It says the parent who fails to turn it in by the 1st allows the other to have priority. Not only that, but these two weeks can be consecutive or not. So in a 50/50 custody, he could schedule his first week, say, the week before Christmas, have Christmas and his usual week, then schedule his second week for the week after, and then have his regular week. So he'd have him all of December, that way. In the event that the vacations conflict, he controls it in even years, I do in odd years.

He also states that the non vacationing parent should have unimpeded phone access, though he turns right around and says only two calls a week. And he wants him for Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas this year, with the holiday beginning at 7 pm the night BEFORE the holiday and ending at 7 pm the night of.

Also, we are supposed to use mediation, (regardless of the fact that it's not allowed in domestic violence cases,) in the next county, though there are mediation services here - and I don't have a vehicle - with each paying half the costs, regardless of who brings the problem in or who's right. It's ridiculously full of conflicting ideas, completely against the dv laws, and not going to fly with this judge.

I called the courthouse, and he filed a "proof of medical condition," so I'm going to pick up (and pay for) a copy on Monday. It should be interesting to find out what's really going on.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, September 24th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I called the courthouse, and he filed a "proof of medical condition," so I'm going to pick up (and pay for) a copy on Monday. It should be interesting to find out what's really going on.
Did you get it? What did it say??

I actually came here to bump this thread for someone new, but got wrapped up in reading.

Hugs to all!


Posts: 10973 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, September 25th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TIKY, I did get it. I spent a huge amount of time reading and analyzing. It was fascinating and funny. (If you can picture that.)

It was 15 long pages, so I'll copy and past the short form of it I wrote to a friend:

Assessment: 1: Large mass lesion in the cecum involving the ileocecal valve with presence of adjacent mesenteric component with calcification, highly suspicious for malignancy, especially carcinoid tumor. 2. Large solid mass at the left lower pole of the kidney highly suspicous for clear cell carcinoma or possibly oncocytoma. (A benign tumor)

Subjective: Cecal cancer with metastases to the liver and a separate left renal mass consistent with additional primary cancer.

Long n short, he's possibly got two cancers, one on the cecum which went to the liver, and one on the left kidney. His lymph nodes appear to be involved, and with the metastases, this would put him solidly in the Stage 4 class, with not much for a prognosis. Bear in mind that there are NO results from the biopsies in this report, and so that means there is NO DIAGNOSIS. NPD strikes again. He takes the possibles from what is said, and they become absolutes in court.

Now, as for the bizarre stuff and contradictions, and I quote directly from the reports of two overnight hospital stays in 5 days, total, and the ER where he got two units of blood (remember he lost "half his blood"?):

ER visit:
"Abdominal pain/diarrhea started 5 months ago described as moderate."
"No current or associated symptoms."
"Has had weight loss (50 pounds over 3 years)."
"No difficulty breathing."
"No diarrhea."
"Nonsmoker. No alcohol or drug use."
"No acute distress."

Dr. B says:
"Interestingly, the patient has indicated I should not talk to his driver." (WTF? What's to hide, monster? I think it was the N/BPD he is hanging out with.)
"... no abdominal pain or weight loss."
"Patient states he has a scar on his left anterior lung. I am not sure how he knows about that."
"Allergic to acetominophen." (Wait till he remembers it's Ibuprofen.)
"Will drink during the summer. Smokes off and on. Currently doing neither."
"Denies shortness of breath."
"Denies any smoking." (Lives with chain smoking old man in less than 1000 sq ft.)
"History of drinking heavily at times." (At times, all year.)
"No bowel habit changes."
Also had added that he'd been in ER for "profound weakness," though he denied it IN ER.

Dr. C:
He apparently tried to tell this doc to do all the surgery at once, right now, and the doc disagreed. Because he hadn't had an oncology consult yet or biopsy results.

Dr. X:
"Not feeling well for the last two years, especially the last 6 months, losing weight." (Somewhere, he said 3-4 months, but I couldn't find it again.)
"Bowel habit changes."
"No abdominal pain."
"Shortness of breath and profound weakness."
"Feels relatively well and able to eat a full meal without pain."
"He is not willing to tell me how many children he has." (This one freaks me out. WTFFFF? What IS HE HIDING???)
"Has smoked in the past but quit many years ago."
"He denies any family member with history of malignancy." (Two sibs' cancers must not count as malignancies, though he's claiming all 13 sibs.)

Dr. C again:
"Currently has no complaints."
"Still no pathology results."

Anyone else see the inconsistencies? And the truth of his "surgery" that was to be done today is proven false by a FB post where he said yesterday that his doctor visit was put off, and he was supposed to be called this morning. Also by the statement at the end of the report, where Dr. C says that his "surgery on Tuesday" he mentioned in court was a consult. Not surgery to remove intestines.

There is much, much more to what is going on here. I'm still not buying it, because my research says there are a multitude of reasons for the things they found, not just cancer. He's so NPD. When the judge reads this report, he's gonna have some serious questions. And I'm letting him talk... 'cuz he's the best player on my team.

[This message edited by SoHurt at 11:50 AM, September 25th (Tuesday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 25th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Assessment: 1: Large mass lesion in the cecum involving the ileocecal valve with presence of adjacent mesenteric component with calcification, highly suspicious for malignancy,

They're just trying to be decorous here, you know. I mean, they can't just write in the report; "Man, this guy's head is really far up his ass!"

Just being all doctor-like...


Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, September 26th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I'm letting him talk... 'cuz he's the best player on my team.

Yes, quite.

Do you know any medics who could decipher the contents and status of the reports for you? Or request any SI medics PM you so you can seek their advice?


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, September 26th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I mean, they can't just write in the report; "Man, this guy's head is really far up his ass!"
Just being all doctor-like...

jj, you just handed me the biggest laugh of this whole thing... never thought about it being the calcification above his shoulders that they found! Thank you for that!

request any SI medics PM you so you can seek their advice?

That's a great idea, Edie! Anyone know medical people on here that could help? If so, have them PM me. I'd like a clearer picture, so to speak, of what this says.

Interestingly, when in court, he said he had to go north to have surgery yesterday, then said on FB his appt was cancelled and he was waiting for a call. Last night's FB post was that he was going in for more testing today and tomorrow. I smell perjury again. He obviously does not realize those posts contradict him, and are public information.

Did I mention that I realized after court that I had not been put under oath, but the monster had? I find that interesting. You think the judge is getting ready to put down some perjury charges?

This is actually rather fun, in a perverse way. I shouldn't think like that, but I can't help it.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
veelop5
♀ Member
Member # 11089
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These post open my eyes to all the bullshit that they pull...OMG...Mine told me many times that he was dying....Mine is never content either.....I recently posted about him stalking me right??? Well I thought he got it through his head and was leaving me alone...NOPE he traded in his car for a BRAND new one (while I struggle) so he was still stalking me just in another vehicle...He changes his vehicles like his underwear..He has always done this is is just not content...He always has to one up everyone....I am so grateful to be aways from this man...


ME-38
XH-40
3 beautiful boys (20,19 & 15)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
Divorce final 3/27/2013

Posts: 1085 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Pennsylvania
Dancetilldawn
♀ New Member
Member # 36980
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, October 2nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wrote in General's forum the other day and (ThoughtIKnewya)suggested I look up triangulation and NPD. It's hard to get my head around all this NPD stuff becauce it's crazy Shit. Well, this morning it hit me, I had an epiphany on my whole NPD situation.

My WH,FIL,and BIL all worked in the family business. It was sold in 2008 for alot of money. WH and FIL continue to work in the company today. FIL started it years ago. What I understand now, is that was how my ILs had control over my family. Especially my WH. I now think that my WH had his A's to make his Dad proud. I believe WH feels he disappointed his Dad in getting caught. I know my FIL knew of the A's. My WH is not able to tell his parents the truth about his A's, even though he knows they have heard all the rumors! The funny thing is, it is driving my IL's crazy not knowing the truth. I am so Happy we are thousands of miles away from them.( WH got a job promotion)
correct me if I am wrong, but
I think this is a classic case of triangulation.

I thought this before, but it,s more apparent that staying miles away from IL's is my only chance of R with WH . Knowledge about NPD is a must for keeping myself/ourselves SANE!


BS 42 WH 45
BD 15 BS 18
D day #1 2/14/12
D day #2 5/17/12
married 18 years
At least 5 OW over 10 years
I am dedicated to my family, always have
been. I did not deserve this!

Posts: 33 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: EU
UnhappyHuman
♀ Member
Member # 33855
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, October 2nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As some of you know, I kicked my WH out earlier this month and have been maintaining NC as much as possible. I have let him help me with some things on my car because, well, I'm broke now and struggling to figure out a way to keep going to school and paying my bills, etc.

He seems to ramp up his "baiting" attempts around times I have had contact with him. After the last time we spoke he started by texting asking me to go out to eat, when that didn't work he went to "I had a dream last night. I want to tell you about it. Call me when you can." and when that didn't work he started texting me that there was something important he needed to talk to me about that might "explain" a lot, something about his past that he hadn't been able to talk about before, etc.

I told him I wouldn't be taking the bait and to please stop. I was very torn because I am a SAB/rape survivor and had a feeling that was what he was alluding to. I was also very skeptical because I suspect he is NPD and have had 2 other relationships with people who betrayed and harmed me and when I was done came to me with stories of sexual trauma.

He kept calling and eventually I answered the phone. He told me about 2 incidents that, if true, are pretty significant. I just don't know what to think. I hate doubting someone about something like this, having gone through similar things myself. But, if he is lying...how sick is that? Either way, I feel like he is trying to use it as some sort of leverage.

Anyway, I know some people's NPD WSes have claimed fatal illness when NC was established and am wondering if anyone has had a WS claim sexual or other types of trauma after NC was established.

I'm very conflicted about this. I told him if it is true I hope he talks to his IC about it and works through it, but that we will not be talking about "us" until and if (and maybe not at all) he does a lot of work on himself and his actions match up to his words (which is still not happening).

This has kind of thrown me for a loop here. I really don't know what to think/do. I know I'm not interested in R or anything, but I definitely waiver between thinking I should help him somehow and feeling like this is a very sick and elaborate trap. Ugh.

Sorry to ramble, I'm all over the place today.


May the bridges I burn light my way. ~ Otep

Posts: 56 | Registered: Nov 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, October 2nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dancetilldawn, You may be experiencing the effects of living 'with' NPD in-laws, but I'm not sure that it's triangulation. Triangulation is when one person (usually, the NPD) controls communication between two other people. The NPD acts as a 'go between', of sorts, but controls the information that each party gets. The ONLY way to break the 'triangle' is for one of the people who are receiving communication exclusively through the NPD to contact the OTHER person (also exclusively receiving communication through the NPD). Usually the NPD will flip-out when power is challenged, though.

In your case, the triangulation occurred when your FIL expressed his distaste to your H over this tax shelter thing, leaving you out of the conversation, when YOU were the one trying to get your name off of the stuff. Your FIL successfully triangulated your relationship with your H- placing himself(FIL) right in the middle. This has occurred quite a bit in your story. Your H successfully triangulated your relationship with your friend when he had an A with her. HE was the 'spider' in the web, controlling the information that each of you received. Does that make sense to you?

The NPD crap is really tough to wrap your mind around.

Your Hs A sits squarely on his head. He chose it, regardless of the family influences. It was his choice, his actions.

It's nearly impossible to grow up with, live with, or work with NPDs without developing some unhealthy methods of relating. Now, THAT could be part of your Hs A, but your FIL didn't make him do it. Take a close look at your H, as you start to learn about NPD. I don't know him, so I can't say whether or not he exhibits most of the characteristics, but he COULD since he grew up with an NPD male as his primary role model.

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 1:01 PM, October 2nd (Tuesday)]


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