Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Futurefear (43176)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread part 10
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:05 AM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wby2~ I got some lovely pix, too! His sz 13 feet squished into my sz 8 sparkle thongs with my red nail polish on his toenails, my anklet on his hairy ankle, and my black silk robe on, etc, etc., et al!!
Yeah, pix galore!
My N sure loved being The Center of NPD Attention!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats and hugs, svb. If you're disabled, can't you get on Medicaid? Cobra is the pits- way too expensive!

v, why??


Posts: 10939 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of my friends is currently in a very abusive relationship. She has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder since the age of 16, and I know that if it manifests itself early on, it progresses rapidly. She's tried to commit suicide a few times, she has been put into The Tank after going berserk in jail (she found out her ex-husband cheated on her, followed him to the OW's house, and rammed his car with hers). As of now, the only way I know she is alive is because we play Scramble together and every few days, she will send me a request. He reads all of her text messages and if she's late picking up the phone, or pre-occupied, she's a whore who is probably fucking someone else.

This is the thing, though: I've known a lot of bipolar people, and while on the surface she seems to be bipolar, I've recently started putting other things together that I don't get from the bipolar people I know. She is very jealous of her friends knowing each other; she was amazed that I became FB friends with one of her other friends after we met, and has exhibited other jealousies just with friends. I probably know more about her sex life than anyone on the planet because anybody that she has had any sexual contact with she tells me immediately: one-night stands, crushes, etc. This is so that I won't have anything to do with them, because they are all *hers.* There was even one incident where she had a one-night stand with a guy and told me that they had had a 6-month relationship. So I went to the other BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, looking for strategies on how to deal with a BPD in an abusive relationship, which led to a Perfect Storm description: BPD + NPD in a relationship. SCARY STUFF!!! If I thought I had a chance of snapping her out of it, that has been relieved because I strongly suspect he is NPD.

Then the NPD aspect of it led me to a site with diagnosed NPD's on it, and let me tell you, if anybody doubts that they shouldn't run from a diagnosed NPD, that they can change, blah blah.... even the ones that are all "therapied up" feel very, very sorry for themselves. There was one thread that basically asked, why do people hate us if it's a mental disorder and they know we can't control ourselves? Why do we get locked up and sent to jail if we can't control ourselves? Non-NPD's are jealous because NPD's don't have the burden of having a conscience and Non's have to stay buttoned up and become slaves to society. It's not that NPDs can control their anger and rage just because they take it out on their loved ones and am Prince/ss Charming to everyone else; it has to come out, so it may as well come out when it's in a socially appropriate place, like with family.

And so on. I was just like, OMG, I am SOOOOO happy to be away from that!!!!!

[This message edited by veritas at 4:20 PM, July 26th (Thursday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
wanttobeloved
♀ Member
Member # 30986
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I ave not posted in awhile I guess in denial, but everything is coming out now and I need advice.

WH is filing bankrupcy and when i checked the computer this morning he was looking at "how to evict my ex-girlfriend from the house that I own."

That left me feeling like all my breathe had been taken away.

I am lost and confused and just feel like running away but have nowhere to go.

First with the porn everything from shemale to granny porn than the adult friend finder looking for local transgender and now the eviction.

I keep asking myself what did I do to deserve this and why am I the one suffering and I did nothing wrong?

I am at a loss with this one and even when I try to explain to him that I know he is not being totally honest with me he still says I am wrong.

Please someone give me the 2 X 4 that I need to get through this, I know he showed signs of his NPD rage last night and at my grandsons birthday party he knocked my food out of my hands so why am I still here and why does it hurt so much?


BS (me):44
WH:46
4 kids, 26, 21,21,19(3 live with me)
3 grands, 9,7(live with me)and 9 months
DDAY October 26, 2010
doubtful

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2011
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and for sure you can't control it, or him. It hurts because you're normal.

What resouces do you have? Is there a shelter in your area that you can call for advice?

I wish I had more advice for you, but all I can offer right now is hugs.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
irrelevancy
♀ New Member
Member # 33579
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really is strange....once you're out of it , to think back on everything, all the stuff that happened....how poorly they treated their partners, and wonder, WHY? WHY the hell did I minimize that? Why did I stay so long? What was wrong with ME, that I let someone treat me so poorly??

This is so true! A huge part of it for me was that I was trying to be respectful of him. And part of being respectful was that I ASSumed that since I was trying to treat him the best that I could, he was also. And since he was trying to treat me the best that he could, I was clearly misinterpreting.

That and, when I didn't like something, it simply didn't matter to him. I can't tell you how many women I heard say, "I'd never allow that to happen..." and I just wondered, "how in the world do you not allow it? Why can't I not allow it? I've tried!"


The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love (or at the very least, respect) their mother....

That didn't happen.... we're divorced as a result.


Posts: 49 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: healing land
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because you were measuring them by a normal standard. They don't have those. To quote a narcissist:

http://www.psychforums.com/narcissistic-personality/topic94242.html#p879566


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did you survive deposition when stbxnpd was across the table?

I haven't seen him and refused to when he asked to see me. Its been over 7 months, but he has still controlled me everyway he can by withholding money, info from the lawyer, the truth about his affair, contact when financially necessary.

I've read to not look at him, ignore him. How? How do I stay strong.


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

v.

I was wondering why you'd put yourself through that!

My sister has been diagnosed bi-polar and also, by a different person, Borderline. I think Borderline fits her better, as I have NEVER seen her manic. She's a slug. But she's insanely jealous of people, she puts people on a pedestal when she meets them- then devalues and discards them, she halfheartedly attempts suicide with every break-up... She even did that when I moved away with my now H, so my mom called me and tried to get me to come back. As far as I'm aware, she's the only Borderline I know, so my experience is limited to her. I know she has absolutely zero boundaries, though, and can seem very much NPD, at times, but then there's the suicide thing... NPDs don't off themselves, they threaten for show and control. Maybe she IS NPD, I don't know...

Anyway, Borderlines are just as crazy-making as NPDs and I know that I have found my life much more peaceful since I've gone limited contact with her. This might sound cold, but there's nothing you can do to help your friend and it would be in your best interest to go LC or NC with her, too.

To update my story on my BIL, I got in touch with him, finally. He had surgery, but no amputation, yet. He has a great attitude about it and is really ready to let go of that leg (from the knee down) because of the pain he endures. Right now, he and his dad (who has gone to DC to help him b/c NPDSIL wouldn't) are living like rock stars. I'm glad he gets to spend this time doing things he and his dad never imagined being able to do because I know she would just make it all miserable for him. You know, if it isn't about her...

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 11:38 PM, July 26th (Thursday)]


Posts: 10939 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
Dawn4
♀ Member
Member # 34073
Default  Posted: 1:12 AM, July 28th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That and, when I didn't like something, it simply didn't matter to him. I can't tell you how many women I heard say, "I'd never allow that to happen..." and I just wondered, "how in the world do you not allow it? Why can't I not allow it? I've tried!"

Exactly! Other women would tell me "just tell him you won't have sex until....xyz"...I was like ...uh, that would NEVER fly. He would have a fit and besides, he'd just use it as an excuse to get it somewhere else....more. lol. Or things other women would talk about, and I would think " other men DO THAT?" like...have a 'honey do' list, or help put kids to bed. Yes. I think back now that I am in the D/S group , and there is not a lot to miss. I listen to the sad songs and I just think....I am not that sad. He was never really loving. There was never a big connection. I don't have all these nice things to remember from BEFORE I knew of his cheating beginning.....It was all a big bunch of crap that I held onto for my kids, without realizing it would have been better to leave earlier! But, everything in it's own time!


" You must always know how long to stay and when to go." - Let Him Fly, The Dixie Chicks

"This sucks more than anything has ever sucked before". - Beavis and Butthead

Posts: 669 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Canada
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, July 28th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wby2~ I got some lovely pix, too! His sz 13 feet squished into my sz 8 sparkle thongs with my red nail polish on his toenails, my anklet on his hairy ankle, and my black silk robe on, etc, etc., et al!!
Yeah, pix galore!
My N sure loved being The Center of NPD Attention!

My lord, I thought that I was the only one dealing with those types of pics. That was one of the most digusting things I have ever seen and I could not imagine EVER having sex with him again. I was shocked in court when we introduced them as evidence of adultery and cruelty, he actually admited that it was him in the pics and said some were taken before I knew him. So he admitted to everyone that he was a bisexual cross dresser BEFORE he married me and he failed to tell me. So I finally understand what he didn't want me to find out. It wasn't his cheating but rather that he was bisexual and a cross dresser. What he doesn't get is that I can actually recognize my underwear, night gown and one of his wedding rings in the pictures. So there was no way he could deny that it was him. Gross just gross.

TIKY, I have just applied for Medicaid and TANF and they are processing my request. I won't be eligible for Medicare until next August so I need medical until then. I have been busy selling my furniture in order to come up with the money to have the QDRO prepared but I still have to wait for the divorce decree. I do not understand why the judge stopped my ss the very day of court as I can't get by on my disability.

I have been hurting all week with this migraine and I need our current insurance to have the surgery to implant a neurostimulator to help with the pain.

Thanks everyone for the congrats on gaining my freedom. I honestly feel like I am doing better than I thought because when I looked at him on the stand I no longer recognized the man sitting there. I saw a completely different man than the one I fell in love with and I thought "what did I ever see in him".

I pray for each and every one of you to find your way out of NPD land and to get your life back. I never thought I would be happy to be divorced but I am. I no longer stress on the days when I can't get out of bed, I don't fear weekends of his drunkeness an partying with the neighbor MOW ho. I no longer want anything that is tainted with him. That is one of the reasons I am selling all my furniture, it is stuff we got while married but also because I want to move out of Texas and the less I have the cheaper to move. I can start over and get furniture that I want and I can decorate my apartment in my taste.

Any one in Texas want some stuff cheap?

Stay strong tribe and know that life on the other side of NPD land is fantastic.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, July 28th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. I am in Texas, and I'm from the Truly Detached Department.

Did you not get the memo?
All yer furniture belong to ME.
It's preciousssssss.

Therefore, by order of Texas penis code 12345 and a half, you must surrender, by o dark thirty Monday or soonest, the entire physical contents of your domicile, assumed or otherwise. To me.

In return, the State of Texas allows you to keep, not in order necessarily, barring obfuscations, imbibations, and in the event of refudiations, new life's wonderfully free expectations:
well,
barring alliterations,
(or whatever the hell they call these things)
.
.
CONGRATULATIONS!


Posts: 6005 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Dawn4
♀ Member
Member # 34073
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


" You must always know how long to stay and when to go." - Let Him Fly, The Dixie Chicks

"This sucks more than anything has ever sucked before". - Beavis and Butthead

Posts: 669 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Canada
mystified1970
♀ Member
Member # 36291
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct that was effing FANTASTIC!!! Today I was taking my few boxes out of the house to place in storage and I suddenly decided I wanted to keep all the Passover dishes! The whole set that serves 18. He was fine with me taking 8-10 boxes of personal items. When he saw me loading that china into the car I swear the look on his face was priceless. As I passed him standing there dumfounded at one point he said, "Why not rent a U-Haul and take everything?" I said, "If I wanted everything, I would!" Not much left anyway. I had to take my rage out on something that wouldn't land me in jail so I broke just about anything breakable in the house a few days ago. Being slightly OCD I broke all that crap neatly into the garbage can in the garage...well, except for a few framed, glass front paintings...yeah, those met the garage floor.


heavy sigh

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Asia
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, August 1st (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct, Oh I am so sorry, I didn't realize that I should be honored to hand over all of the tainted items. I will hire a truck and have them delivered directly to your door.

Although, I can not promise what type of condition they will be in upon arrival as they may get tossed around a bit on the truck But I promise that you will be able to gorrilla glue them back together and just take a blow dryer to the BIG TV as the rain may cause it to get wet.

Your truly,
The department of Finally Don't Give a DAMN


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, August 1st (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I must tell my story of personal property exchange with my stalking freak of an XNPDH.

He had been removed from the house via protection order, ahem HIS house. And he couldn't even come back for his tooth brush. Needless to say he was furious and in a full-blown meltdown narcissistic rage. He was calling everyone we knew making every threat he could spit out of his mouth.

I send his bare essentials out the door in the small travel size Hefty luggage bag with his sister and told her that the rest would be decided through our lawyers.

I made proposal after GENEROUS proposal and true to his NPD-form, he turned down every single one.

His idea of a fair and equitable split? Him to get everything and me out in the street with nothing, of course. Oh, and I had to pay-off anything that had a remaining balance including the house. Sounds fair, right? Especially when you factor in that he had moved into MY house that I owed BEFORE we were married. Whatever.

This went back and forth for months.

Finally, after much thought and careful consideration and also being at my wits end, I decided to go drastic.

I went through the entire house. I collected a little bit of everything. A set of sheets, a few towels, some kitchen items, even an old microwave and mixer, some Christmas decorations (including a Christmas tree) bathroom rugs, some furniture, etc. most of it was stuff I didn't want, but still pretty nice. Plus all of his precious crap, including his porno collection and other garbage.

Then I carefully labeled each and every item, numbered it and photographed it. I then created an inventory of sorts that had every single item listed with the number and the corosponding photograph.

Then it all went to the garage.

I KNEW that the freak was stalking me and driving by the house constantly, so on a Sunday (day before trash day) I started hauling all of that crap out to the curb. Did I mention it was raining?

I no sooner got it all out there and shut the garage door and started to sweep the floor and the doorbell rang.

It was the police.

Me: Can I help you?

Police: What are you doing? (motioning to the large heap by the street)

Me: Cleaning my garage....is there a problem?

(about then the stalking NPD freak from Hell and his OW on a broom drive up)

Me: Oh, there's the problem.

Police: Is that his stuff?

Me: I don't know....it's just stuff I'm throwing away, if he wants it he's more than welcome to it. But if he's going to take it, you need to stay here and supervise as he's under protection order. And I'm going to need acknowledgement that he took the stuff as we're going through a divorce. I'll have that when he's done.
(didn't tell them it was all ready to go )

Police: Ok

Stalking freak NPD from hell and OW load up all the shit in the rain with XNPDH throwing a huge hissy fit over every single thing he picks up.

Cops come back to the door and tell me he's done and took the paper for him to sign and you should have seen the FIT he threw over that!!

I took that to court and said, "He's already gotten his stuff and he signed for it."

And the judge said, "I don't care if she sent it to the dump. He got his stuff and he got way more than most guys get after all he's put her through. He's got enough."

[This message edited by sadtoo at 7:53 PM, August 1st (Wednesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, August 1st (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadtoo, you are my hero. In the rain... how very very lovely.

jj, I think there is a very good consignment store idea in you somewhere. If the second hand things were a little damaged or wet, maybe artists would come for the karmic energy for the artwork?

svb, nice to see the most recent chapters and to hear such a strong voice within the tribe!!

v,

You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and for sure you can't control it, or him. It hurts because you're normal.

this ought to be a bumper sticker and required tattoo for the tribe. If you aren't into ink, tattoo it on your soul.

wdm,

How did you survive deposition when stbxnpd was across the table?

xanax. And I did not make eye contact. I looked at the table. I looked at the door behind his head. (don't ask me why or how I let him be between me and the door... ) and I did not answer anything he said. For me it was mediation and not deposition. But I did not engage in conversation with Stretch. ever.

welcome new tribe members!! this is a place of healing and I hope you find the peace and support here among friends that I did.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, August 1st (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPD STUFF STORY 2: The NPDex loaded up everything he wanted to take in a PODS that sat in the driveway for a month. To punish me for having a 3rd kid he insisted on keeping "his" computer room sacrosanct while our older boys shared a room. After the PODS had been gone for a month to his new house, the "computer room" was still full of his crap. I loaded everything into hefty bags that was his and got older son a bed and some furniture. The hefty bags went under the carport and stayed there for 2 weeks before he decided he was ready to come and get "more stuff." I then informed him that everything in that room had been moved out 2 weeks prior and was under the carport, so he didn't even need for us to be home to get it. He was LIVID! He came over and started a total bitchfest from the time he got there to when he finally loaded everything. He even asked to use the bathroom a couple of times so that he could march through the house, cuss, and make comments about how stupid people had no respect, and his stuff was volatile, and some could have been damaged or blown up, blah blah. Then he drove off with his little truck stacked with all of this volatile stuff thrown together in the bed of his trunk in black garbage bags.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, August 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@v,

his "stuff" was volatile all right. He was primed to blow up at a moment's notice...


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, August 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ V

I had to hear about how I had intentionally destroyed his stuff too. He brought it all up in our divorce hearings.

OMG! I forgot about this one!!

He was screaming about how I had MURDERED his "pets".

After he was thrown out, I started to open the pool for the summer. I start skimming out the water and what do I find in the bottom of the deep end of the pool?? Freakin GOLD FISH!!! I couldn't believe it.

So I net them all out of there and put them in a couple 5 gallon buckets IN THE SHADE out by the street and called his office and left a message telling the receptionist to tell him to pick up his fish. If they were dead when he picked them up, well sorry.

Who puts gold fish in the swimming pool over the winter???? And then he claims I murdered his pets? Who talks like that?

[This message edited by sadtoo at 1:41 AM, August 2nd (Thursday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.