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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread part 10
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My idiot XNPDH went out to buy new tires for his pick-up. And he came home with a BRAND-NEW truck!! Was the other truck paid off? No. And did he buy anything reasonable? No. He bought a huge 4-door duel-wheeled 4-wheel drive truck. And rolled over the balance of his other perfectly fine pick-up into this monster truck. Did he need this truck for around the farm? No. We had a farm truck that belonged to my dad that we used for pulling the trailer, etc. And you don't want to drive those things often because they are gas HOGS and they are so big and bulky to take anywhere.

But oh he HAD TO HAVE IT. And what did he do for a living? He was a traveling salesman. So he was out driving around in this thing every day. How completely STUPID was that?

Oh, and I almost forgot. The first thing he did was throw a bale of hay and a role of fencing wire in the back to carry around. For looks?

The first time we set out to buy a new vehicle, he lectured the entire way about how we were just looking around, we weren't even going to buy a vehicle that day. We spent a good 10, 20 minutes there when he decided, but he didn't tell me; he just kept exclaiming over it, and how he wanted it, blah blah. I was still back in left field, mulling over prices and options. This was a Sunday.

Monday, he goes to work, gets one of his friends to drive him to the dealership and buys it. No options, just the plain version, manual everything except automatic transmission and AC. Why? Because the other models were not BLUE. And BLUE is his favorite color. It was a SIGN!

After child #3 was born and we were looking at 2 bigger kids and a car seat in the back, he said it was time to buy another vehicle. Stupid me, I thought that meant BIGGER VEHICLE, so that the family could ride comfortably.

Wrong. Wrong.

What it meant was, he wanted a 2-seater truck.

His mother, naturally, said she would help pay for it, and like the NPD-maker she is, she never did.

OMG. I can't believe I was married to that freak. I am so glad he is gone.

You said it, sister...


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because the other models were not BLUE. And BLUE is his favorite color. It was a SIGN!

Do you remember the times when they would say the stupid shit like this? And you would just stand there like your brain had just been put through a blender? Like he couldn't have just said that, or maybe I misunderstood? How can he be so stupid? Does he think I'm stupid? Is he crazy? Drunk maybe? How can this be my life?

This is part of how he kept me so off balance. The shit he would do and or say would just shock me so much, most of the time it would leave me flabbergasted and speechless.

And then when other people would ask....oh God. I would just cringe and thought I would die with embarassment. Because I KNEW they thought it was insane and I was an idiot for putting up with him.

And there YOU were with babies to consider! And he expects you to drive them around in a truck!!

The selfishness of NPD's is so astonishing.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 4:43 PM, June 28th (Thursday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is part of how he kept me so off balance. The shit he would do would just shocked me so much, most of the time it would leave me flabbergasted.

And then when other people would ask....oh God. I would just cringe and thought I would die with embarassment. Because I KNEW they thought it was insane and I was an idiot for putting up with him.

It was horribly embarrassing. And most of the time, he would be in his cheerful, charming mode for the public, so I looked like a stammering idiot.

And there YOU were with babies to consider! And he expects you to drive them around in a truck!!

Psht! If only... the truck was for him; it's a teeny bitty Nissan. We didn't even ride together in it when it was just the two of us. I rode in it the day he got it, and not once since. Now that we're divorced, he's reaping the payback. Every time he goes out of town with the kids, he has to rent a vehicle.

The selfishness of NPD's is so astonishing.

Truly!

[This message edited by veritas at 4:51 PM, June 28th (Thursday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPD-maker

I love this!

NPD-maker = Crazy mother of the NPD.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well, PDs are part nature and part nurture. Dickhead's brother was diagnosed with APD during his mandatory stay at a psych facility after his first suicide attempt. She is basically 2 for 2.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, June 29th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Expletive. I just unblocked OW17 on FB because I had to check out something current professionally - and I see my NPD (not my FWH, but former long term work partner) has in the interim since I walked out befriended her. I have been awaiting some form of revenge from him, and the FB is actually quite good because he knows how bad D-day and aftermath were, so whilst seemingly petty, not a bad effort by him as a slap to my face, as FB quite a public statement.. Mind you, I was expecting a lot worse in terms of reprimand and retribution for having escaped, but maybe that's still to come, and he's only just started the defamation and revenge and discard campaign...

Meanwhile, he is cherry-picking people off my friends lists .

Alll of this I know is small beer compared to many stories here, but given I have had to give up a thirty year career, and am now jobless, in order to escape his craziness and games, why does he need to twist the knife further.

I know, detach - but something very current needed checked. It does reinforce the need for NC in both cases. You think that knowing is safer, but really ignorance is sometimes bliss.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, June 29th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Edie))) Mine went through the FB list looking for suckers -- and he HATED facebook! I had to apologize to a few people (well, I didn't have to, but his behavior was atrocious) before it was all said and done with.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, June 29th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Edie))))) That's not nice, now, is it? FB is sometimes the worst thing out there when it comes to NPD's. Hang in there, sweetie. No matter how hard they try, they'll never be real, and we are. It's never small beer when it's happening to you, either.

Mine has apparently decided to take credit for being the one doing the leaving. After two months of "she's crazy and went off her meds and I didn't have a choice," yesterday, he posts a picture saying something about how sometimes leaving happens because you know it'll just get worse if you stay.

Now, am I the only one here who sees the irony of that statement? Seriously?

Yeah, some days, FB sucks. Oh, and this just days after he posted a very heartwarming story in which he claims fatherhood of my oldest, within a week of DENYING him in court.

There's no reasoning with crazy... truest thing I've ever heard.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, June 30th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you both, Veritas and SoHurt. I think partly what rankles is that both OW and NPD are currently at a big event that I should be at (because a not insignificant component of it was my work, and enjoying the fruition of that two years' work as special guest has been denied me by virtue of their very presence. I chose not to go, because discretion is the better part of valour, and why aggravate my PTSD, which was caused by both individuals)

But whilst really really angry, and not a little bereft re career, am not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself as am taking myself off tomorrow for a week to a rival event, amongst people who really value and love me for me, and in a hotter sunnier clime to boot!


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, June 30th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woohoooooooo! You GO, Edie! You go to that rival event and show the N who's who in this world. Make them eat whatever... crow or their words or whatever you choose.

YOU are the bomb! They are shadows and illusions!


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, June 30th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

New to this thread
hi everyone

Just wanted to (needed to) share..

I was just looking at old pics and spotted a few of myself

I just realized...
I was NOT the old ugly troll that my ex told me I was.
I really believed I was unattractive after gaining weight from my pgs
and yes I was 20 pounds up from my former pre-pg skinny self but where is the troll?
I cant see her in the pics.
I see a nice person, smiling.
I think she looks cute

such a mindfuck


Posts: 413 | Registered: Jun 2012
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, July 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Phoenix. Welcome to our Land of Misfit Toys. I can relate to this:

I cant see her in the pics.
I see a nice person, smiling.
I think she looks cute

such a mindfuck

Completely. Mine would tell me I am beautiful about once a month, then tell me for the rest of the month that I wasn't, in a multitude of ways. Not too surprising, then, that the negative image is the one I live with.

Are you still with your N, or away from him? Recovering from them can take time... sometimes, a lot of it. I'm about 2 months out from his leaving, so it's still new for me. But the one thing that I love the most, even when things are rough, is that there is peace in this house. There's been none of that in nearly 25 years. It's a precious commodity.

Again, welcome to the (((((Tribe))))) and I hope you find lots of support and comfort here.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
wifeno2
♀ Member
Member # 31529
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, July 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


It is so nice to hear about other's motor vehicle trauma! Mine had a steady stream of different cars before I met him. Was driving a Land Rover when I met him. (that's almost diagnostic criteria right there). After our child I finally consented to looking for another car. He saw one, up on a big display on the side of the road. Nice enough car but the reason it was "special" was that it was less than a year old and had 30,000 miles on it, had been smoked in, and later found out it didn't have a clean carfax. Anyway the sticker on it was $27,000. KBB said it was worth $19,000. The dealer's website listed the car at $22000. But WE didn't get a chance to find any other this out before he bought it for $26,000 plus letting them take his perfect condition LR and add what he owed on to the price. So we gave them a $9000 car that we owed $4000. And paid $4000 more than they were asking which was $3000 more than it was worth.

His argument when I was appalled? "But I deserve that car! It's special. I deserve it!"


Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DS-8
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: the south
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, July 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks Sohurt

misfit toys, I like that.

I'm D so I'm safe, but with kids we still have to have contact.

My parent was a an N too (a malignant one. while ex is a covert one) and I worked SO HARD to never ever be in that position again.

But apparently that is fairly common (to have a parent then marry one). Kinda like growing up drinking water laced with arsenic. You keep getting sick so eventually you move. Years later you are sipping water chatting when your friend takes a sip and spits it out saying it tastes poisonous. you hadn't noticed because the taste was so familiar.

so I'm labeled "bent" not quiet "broken" but off in my judgement. I'm a year D but will never date again (not seriously anyway).

I like the label "misfit toys" better, it has an element of fun amid the isolation.

sucks


Posts: 413 | Registered: Jun 2012
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, July 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PhoenixRisen,
Welcome to the group! Sorry you have suffered the trauma and drama of an NPD

I just realized...
I was NOT the old ugly troll that my ex told me I was.
I really believed I was unattractive after gaining weight from my pgs
and yes I was 20 pounds up from my former pre-pg skinny self but where is the troll?
I cant see her in the pics.
I see a nice person, smiling.
I think she looks cute

This is part of what they do to take and keep control of you. It's a sick form of abuse.

When I first met my XNPDH he would "hint" that I needed to work out or lose weight. I should have seen that as a red flag at the time, but for some reason I didn't.

I was in the best shape of my life at that time and I was at my all time low weight. I remember thinking to myself (WTF is wrong with this guy...and he doesn't exactly have the perfect physique."

Image is everything to the NPD. How things "look". Never mind the reality, or the back story. How does it look?

20lbs gained during a pregancy? That is amazing! And much less than what many women gain. Seriously! The baby weighs 7-10 lbs. Then you have 10 lbs of afterbirth and water weight.

He's so focused on the 20 lbs you gained. He's probably not even thinking about what you or your body have just been though and the miracle you've just created.

But then soon the baby will become his "property" too. After he's over being "jealous".

so I'm labeled "bent" not quiet "broken" but off in my judgement. I'm a year D but will never date again (not seriously anyway).

Be careful. Never say "never". I said that too and Surprise!! I met someone new AND remarried.

wifeno2

His argument when I was appalled? "But I deserve that car! It's special. I deserve it!"

Oh God...If I had a nickel for every time I heard "I deserve it" or "I have a right to..." I would be a wealthy woman.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 5'4" and I weighed no more than 125 when I was with the NPD. I would lose it all through stress and worry. I thought I was looking fine because I did not really like looking knobby and skinny, and I was at his mother's house one Easter. We were eating crawfish, and his mother was remarking on how fast I could peel crawfish. NPDex said, "Yeah, look at her throw it down her throat. That's why she has gained so much weight."

I think I went back down to 112 within a month, because I knew that once the public humiliation started, it would only escalate.

I'm even bigger than that now, and guess who tells me about my weight gain? Or hints that I am unattractive?

No. One.

The ex was over 200 lbs for most of our marriage, went down in weight when he went to Brazil, and gained it all back and then some in the states.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks guys,

Oh and I gained more than 20lbs during pg... I just never lost it all afterward. So a year later I was still 20lbs heavier than before pg and, admittedly, dressed like a new mom (you know those grey T-s that often has spit up stains). Looking back I can see that really bothered him. Never-mind I was juggling 100% child care, part time work, and looking after the house. It was all about whether I "looked" like a thin-n-sexy Stepford wife.


Posts: 413 | Registered: Jun 2012
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh can I relate to the "new car" crap. Only my NPDstbx had to have trucks but not just any truck...they ALL had to be one color. In our 12 years he probably has had 9 trucks and 2 cars while I have had the car I came into the marriage with and the one I left the marriage with and I paid them both off. STBXNPD would take a truck in for an issue and come home with an entirely different truck. Once he came home with a blue one and two weeks later had traded it for the "right" color. He would never take me with him cause one time actually asked them what the car payment would be and he flipped out on me and screamed "it doesn't matter". Guess he thinks he is Mr. MoneyBags but he is an idiot cause he will never be able to pay of the latest truck which he paid over 25k for when it was used. Who the hell does that? Who keeps trading and trading and rolling over balances until they can't even afford the car payments?

I was subjected to the crap about weight also even though I have always been thin during our marriage and only gained some weight due to meds when I got ill. He was subtle about how he put me down and used the new ho to trash me. He was always talking about how thin she was but never saw how fracken ugly she was. I work out when I can but it is so hard to lose weight when you get older and have health issues.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
imagrownup
♀ Member
Member # 29587
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was sent to this thread by others on here. Can anyone explain why my WS went out of his way to make me meet his AP partner, and then sat there while she grilled me about how we met and how long our children would be in our home. He literally watched her ask me each age of my kids then counted down on her fingers how long till they were out of the home and then gave me advice about how long we had to pay for them. This seems completly cruel to me. I can't justify it. I can't even begin to believe he just didn't have a choice. It is horrible. He wants to R so bad but I can't get past it.


Me BW 48
HIM WS 48
D-DAY1 11/5/09
D-DAY 2 11/28/09
D-DAY 3 3/15/10 Claims just talking
D-DAY 4 5/?/10 Says he quit talking???

Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: midwest
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Ima,
Welcome to the thread.

Wow...that is horribly sadistic.

I need some more information. Were you aware of the affair at the time this happened? Did he and the AP know you knew about the affair when this happened? What was the status of your marriage at the time? Were you separated? Still together and trying to reconcile?

Sorry for so many questions. I'm just trying to get a better feel for your situation.

I'm off to read your profile and other posts to gather more information too.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
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