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User Topic: N P D Thread part 10
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Free, it is sad that we are here, but if it had to happen, I can't imagine a more supportive environment with people I am beginning to adore as much as I respect.

This forum is a life saver for me, and though I hate my situation, I'm really glad I have a tribe to turn to when I need a lift or advice. This is the best gift I have ever been given.

Love my (((((((tribe)))))))!

And yes, that Bus will hit them all. They're so busy looking in the "mirror," they don't see it coming!

[This message edited by SoHurt at 10:40 AM, February 25th (Saturday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Y'all notice the brand new member's name up there?
#34909
"Incoming!"

Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, I poked the bear!!!! The bear is PISSED!!!

Got word 3 weeks ago that the bear lawyered up and was coming after me.....hard! Was told they would file the following week and I would be served. I have been checking the court web site ever since......nothing. So yesterday ....... I filed with the Uncontested Divorce Petition that she signed last April. I called her ysterday afternoon to ask her if she would rather sign the Service Waiver Affidavit or if she would rather be served by a Process Server.

Well.....the first thing she told me was to Cancell the Petition..... Because she had spent a lot of money on her attorney. (I had been trying to tell her we didn't need the attorneys and that we could do this ourselves if she was willing to keep it simple). I told her I had already paid for it and cancelling would not get the money back for me. I told her that she had informed me she was gonna file and when it didn't happen.....I took care of it. She told me her attorney was working on it. I told her it took me less than five minutes to handle it..... It is not my fault your attorney sucks. She prceeded to explain the attorney was sick, then had to be in court, then was out of town. Basicly defending the attorney's incompetence I told her it could have been handled in five minutes unless she was trying to make it complicated (she does not know I found out she is coming after me). Of course she lied and said her petition was the exact same as the one I filed. She then said I should have checked with her first...... Uh, I don't need your permission to file for divorce.

Short story version is that she demanded I pay her back the money she had spent on the attorney......uh not gonna happen. She is going to talk to her attorney and ask whether she should sign the Service Waiver. It is Friday night and it is going to bug her all fucking weekend

I told her to let me know by email or text by Tuesday or I would just have her served at work.

A little more ugliness and blaming me for the divorce. Just a pissed off bear lashing out cause she got poked. She was seeeething!!!!

Can't wait to see what ugliness will show itself next week. I have a feeling the bear is going to rare it's ugly head.

But I hope she is busy with another problem I found out about.....She got a notice that the apartment complex was going to forcibly remove her dogs.... she already had 4 more pets that she was allowed.....and she went and got ANOTHER dog. (rules do not apply to her....she wants....she get). True to NPD Cheater fashion, when they got on to her before when they discoverd one of the extra dogs, she just started hiding them better. But they are on to her and busted her again. This time they are not playing around. So she will be in scramble mode. Also her support system is not going to help her. They are pissed cause she got that last dog. So she is going to have to put her favorite dog down.....(should have been done a long time ago. The dog is suffering but she keeps it alive cause SHE needs HER {the dog} for her supply). She has got the 3 cats on Craigs List, but that is not going to take care of the problem fast enough. She then plans to take two of the dogs to work every day.....yep.....she works at a vet clinic.

Her week is going to be hell!!! Lots of stress!!!! Lots of NPD escalation due to the stress!!! I feel a RAGE coming on. Glad I am NC!!!

I knew I was going to HAVE to POKE THE BEAR. This was the best possible time for that. If you got to poke them......do it on your terms.

Wish me luck in the NPD war games. It is going to be bloody. She will try to..... win at all costs.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I called her ysterday afternoon to ask her if she would rather sign the Service Waiver Affidavit or if she would rather be served by a Process Server.

Why? File, have her served, go to court. Maintain NC. You engaged and now you are on her hook waiting for a reply before you can move forward. You allowed her to stall your momentum. You gave her control. Either you have let her choose, (her control) or you let her choose and then you "punish" her by not complying... and again- WHY?

She then said I should have checked with her first...... Uh, I don't need your permission to file for divorce.

exactly. So why are you arguing about the competence or lack of competence of her L? Why are you arguing about who pays what and why? Why are you talking about blame and rewriting the marriage history... This is all ego kibble. Stop engaging!

As for poking the bear. Don't do it. Let the process server poke the bear. Let the court poke the bear. There is no stick long enough to safely poke the bear. I get blamed for poking the bear with imaginary sticks. Ain't no way I am stepping up to actually poke the damn bear...


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why? File, have her served, go to court. Maintain NC.

Money is extremely tight. What little I have right now has to last a long time. The service fee could make a difference on whether or not I make it to the next pay check. But I WILL spend it if I have to and deal with bills when I can. Me and the dogs (I still have ten of them that she stuck me with when she left) may not be eating the last week.

So why are you arguing about the competence or lack of competence of her L? Why are you arguing about who pays what and why? Why are you talking about blame and rewriting the marriage history... This is all ego kibble. Stop engaging!

I did engage in a very calm and limited fashion. Mostly uh huh, hmmm, nope, yep, type responses. I did want her to be pissed at her lawyer though. Let her lawyer catch a little of that wrath. Keeps it off of me. I did maintain my dignity with a small prepared speech designed to keep her somewhat calm. "I do not regret the 31 years together. I never regreted raising the kids. I am sorry for the way things turned out. And I wish you peace and happiness." then told her to text or email me her response so we don't have to talk. I am not letting her stop my momentum. I gave her till Tuesday to respond. That would be the earliest I could have her sign the waiver anyway.

So far the exchange is favorable to me. Just the fact that I filed instead of her is what poked the bear....unavoidable. I had to do it to gain the advantage in the divorce process. There is more to this than I can put down here, but timeing was crucial to having the advantage.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, Frank... Caregiver is right. WHO told ME never to poke the bear? Hmmm?

I can relate, though, (pun intended.) It's hard not to want to engage, and I have a really hard time with 180ing. But my Npet is in the house, and yours isn't, so I'd have to say you gotta stop poking the bear, buddy. I know it was fun, and I know it's kinda nice to get whatever we get out of it, but it's not a good idea. I wanna choke the bear, not just poke it, but it's just not safe.

(((((Frank))))) Just do the minimum to get out of this, and let the rest go.

ETA: jj, the incoming are coming so fast it's already two more. How sad is that? Some days, I see a new one every time I refresh the page.

[This message edited by SoHurt at 11:44 AM, February 25th (Saturday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Wink  Posted: 1:56 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Frank you did poke more than you had to but I understand wanting to give back a little of what we went through for months/ years. I just hope she doesn't hurt you anymore. Her wrath can be wicked.

I had to do some poking myself because FT thinks I'm just going to go away. FT went to court for Bifurcation of our marital status.
Didn't even know this could happen without a settlement completed
Leave to CA to let idiots have the freedom to remarry before the divorce of previous marriage
is completely final.
We have a post nup in place and agreed that it would be our settlement for D.
He has honored all terms but hasn't paid me the last 1/3 of the cash settlement .
It has been 2 1/2 yrs and nothing from him and now we are in D proceedings.
I have given him terms I could live with to get me paid. He responded that I can sell one of the boats and the airplane.
No not my job... So when we were in front of the Judge I said I wanted a court ordered Settlement Officer Conference because
of his lack of cooperation to set up payments.
The Judge gave the order with no objection from FT's lawyer. I'm sure he still will think that he can get out of paying.
After the failed conference, I will have grounds for a trial and the Judge will tell FT how he will pay me. Also since his retirement pension
was our only one, I will get my percentage according to the law . There is no argument with this law. Judge wouldn't order bifurcation until the retirement is settled.
He has to carry my medical insurance until everything is final. Cobra is expensive.
Yeah his single status is costing $$$$$$
Cobra for me
My share of the pension
Court/lawyer costs for the Bifurcation hearing
Settlement conference
Trial and expenses?
All he had to do is agree with a payment plan and we would have been D and single months ago.

FT has other major problems. His sister has been diagnosed with Alzheimer. She's single with no children.
Dependant on FT and their brother. She has many paid for rental properties and worth some big $.
She has been the family's bank for years. The state has taken over her business and declared most of the family as not friends
of her estate.
Being a true NPD , FT told the social worker he would take her to Thailand to take care of her when asked who would care for sister.
The state froze everything of sisters. FT found out and took sister to bank and took out $26K. Said it was for a lawyer for sister.
State said she has an appointed lawyer.
He got caught and had to return money to her account. Also he was taken off by the court as her Trustee.
His NPD got shot down big time.


Then there's his declining health. He has been diagnosed with diabetes along with a heart, kidney, and many digestive problems he's had for years. Twat can't come here until this Summer because of her Visa. She used all her time up her last Summer and Fall. he's planning to to leave for Thailand in a few weeks but I think he will have a court conference and probably trial.
He is what a NPD is and what happens when their NPD world starts to fall down.
FT had a very bad week. FT is squirming like the weasel worm he is.
ETA: I forgot the battle between DSS33 anf FT. FT took DSS and GS8 out of his will. He gave everything to Twat ! DSS is on the warpath with FT too.


gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 2:40 PM, February 25th (Saturday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gma and Frank, I hope things work out well for both of you. This is SO not fun. Not at all. I especially hope you both get what you deserve, not what your Npets think is fair.

I should take my own advice re: not poking the bear. What an asshole, though. He got a call from my old therapist, and set up an appt. for us for the 8th. He really thinks he's going to schmooze her into batting for his team R. He doesn't understand what he's about to walk into.

What about poking the bear? Well, he was so pleased with himself about getting this appt. set up, and said, "You were all gung-ho (Yeah, right, whatever,) about going back to her, and I set it up for you and now you're acting like it's no big deal!" He was puzzled and "hurt" that I wasn't all excited. Said it looked to him like my decision's made. (Fucking DUH!)

So I said something like, "You told me I had to go to counseling before I could make a decision, so I finally agreed." He was all over that. Oh, no, he hadn't meant that. (It's going to cost him $75-85 and that bothers him.) He meant that we were going to FIX this, and to R properly. I said that may have been what he meant, but it wasn't what he said. Oh, you know how it is, (Yes, I DO!) you don't always say what you mean. I want us to move in the direction of fixing this, and that's what I meant when I said let's go to counseling. I meant... blah blah blah.

This is where I lost it. "If you wanted to FIX things, you wouldn't have held on to HER all these years! You would have let HER go, and focused on US and ME!" His response was priceless.

"That was TEN YEARS AGO!"

Crying by now, I yelled, "It was NOT 10 years ago! It was ALL TEN YEARS! THAT'S WHY THERE'S NO POINT IN TALKING TO YOU! YOU CAN'T EVEN ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG TO HOLD ON TO HER!"

Needless to say, it was a useless exchange, because now he's decided I am going to counseling to have "someone to bear witness" to whatever.

Why do I try to make him see any sense at all? If it wasn't for needing to separate from his bank, I'd have told him to take his shit and leave already. I'd have just been done. I hope my friend or brother is willing to loan me enough money to start that account and take me to the bank, so I can at least do that part on the QT. He's gonna have a fit when he realizes there's no more SSI money coming into his account.

I want this over with, already. I'm so sick of the constant shit.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SH- You can't win with a NPD.
I went around with FT 2-3xs trying to get a plan out of him. He's not going to pay me according to him.
I will be in a legal position to garnish and lien everything he owns but he won because he won't be paying me directly.Probably can force sell assets too. Doesn't matter how much he pays the lawyer and court.

They have to have the last word. Fucking no common sense ! NONE !

It will be so much better for you when you aren't living together and you can assert NC.
After 10 yrs he now wants to do R the right way?? Sounds like he's in a panic.
Too little too late.
Fucking idiots.
gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They have to have the last word. Fucking no common sense ! NONE !
It will be so much better for you when you aren't living together and you can assert NC.
After 10 yrs he now wants to do R the right way?? Sounds like he's in a panic.
Too little too late.
Fucking idiots.

How VERY right you are.

Yeah, after 10 years of lies, manipulation, more lies, more manipulation.. Yeah, NOW he wants to do it "right." Which, of course, really means he wants my therapist to tell him he's been right and it's me that wrong. I should never have expected him to have no contact, ever! How stupid am I? Holy shit, Batman! What was I thinking, asking him to never even talk to her again?

You're right. He's panicked. GOOD. It's about time he feels some panic. I've done it so often during these 10 years, my adrenals are probably burned out. And way too little, way too late.

Fucking idiots is right.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
NPDMagnet
♀ New Member
Member # 34909
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes.. here I am... New Member #34909...


What part of an inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote don't you understand?

Posts: 8 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Native Am vessel w/o propulsion on River Excrement
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome NPDmagnet.
What is you NPD story ?
Nothing surprises us believe me.
gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi gma! Sounds like your story is progressing nicely. I wish I had tickets...

I have thoughts about poking the bear and defending your boundaries and what the difference is. I am not clear on what those thoughts are yet. Someone else feel free to tackle the idea and relieve me of the mental exercise.

Defending boundaries is keeping you safe (financially, emotionally, physically). This will make the bear angry, but must be done. I will feel shaky and needy and sick after.

Poking the bear is more "fun." My motivation is not protecting me, but getting back at him. This is far more fun in my imagination than in theory. The problem is that to poke the bear in real life can be very very dangerous. If the reaction is not immediate and vicious then the fallout may come later. Given time to plan and lick the actual wounds and the perceived wounds, the counter attack may be harsh and far exceed what we did to arouse the anger/rage.

If you are new to NPDland or the knowledge of your NPet, then poking the bear is best done with full knowledge of the invitation you are sending.

Just a caution.

There are those who have been at this a long time and know full well after decades of interactions with their pet what can be done and what will happen next.

I am not that brave. Or my imagination of what could or might follow is too vivid.

Be safe tribe, and be smart.

I guess I did have something to say...


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
NPDMagnet
♀ New Member
Member # 34909
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the welcome gma56... I have the "illustrious achievement" of being in an on/off 6-7 yr relationship with a NPD only to fall right into the web of another NPD who was unfortunately married.

I'm VERY, VERY raw/beat up now by my own self-inflicted punishments. I'm taking baby steps with sharing too much right now. I'm trying to get to a place where I can see over the wall of fear that I'm hiding behind.

I have sooooo much to say, vent, cry about both of them but right now it feels like I'd be opening fresh wounds and picking at old scabs & scars. I know it needs to be done to keep the infections from festering.

Joining SI today was my first baby step.


What part of an inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote don't you understand?

Posts: 8 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Native Am vessel w/o propulsion on River Excrement
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((care))) well said.

Welcome magnet, and congratulations free (I'm being positive about the divorce, because it will be a positive experience in the end).

hi to everyone else, I haven't been on part 10 yet!

I think that we might go through a stage of something (righteous anger, despair) where we want to "poke" and the burning topics we want to address are all legitimate issues for us, or ripe opportunities to get the XNPD since we know them so well. No reason why we wouldn't want to do that. But I now believe that the anger and indignation can stop our healing and at some point this can be downright dangerous to our health and safety.

I wish now that 3 of the last 4 years of my life since my D were spent looking forward and letting go. I am doing so now, but only after great loss and fear on my part.

I seriously advise not poking the bear for your own healing's sake, not because you are not right or deserving or smart in how you are going about getting what really is revenge when you come down to it(because it can be done by defending boundaries as care put it, when necessary), but because we deserve more and we deserve peace, health and love.

[This message edited by rainagain at 6:39 PM, February 25th (Saturday)]


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1277 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to poke for legal reasons but it is nice to see Karma hitting his head at the same time as me. Just good timing for me. His world is crashing and most was his own doing.
Sometimes it all works in our favor.
NPDMagnet- I do know if you don't dig into your own shit, history is likely to repeat. It sounds as if this might have happened to you.
Just like some were raised by a NPD or some other disorder and maybe didn't become a NPD but chose one as a spouse.
The roots go deep....
Start where you feel comfortable.
gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
NPDMagnet
♀ New Member
Member # 34909
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks gma56... unfortunately I was just informed that I'm not allowed to post/share my story in this forum given my recent status as a FOW of an NPD.... I'm sorry if I upset anyone.

[This message edited by NPDMagnet at 7:09 PM, February 25th (Saturday)]


What part of an inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote don't you understand?

Posts: 8 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Native Am vessel w/o propulsion on River Excrement
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ caregiver, I understand your concerns about poking the bear. My belief is that sometimes you might have to. Just the fact that we have to do things for our own protection....legally and emotinally.... means we HAVE to poke the bear. Just doing anything that is not advantageous to them is in essence .....poking the bear.

In my case, I HAD to do something that I knew was going to piss her off. But it was done for financial self protection. I won't lie and say that I did not get some satisfaction from the exchange, emotionally. As a matter of fact, it is the first time in this whole mess that I feel like I had any control of the process and proceeding. I knew she would be pissed at me for taking my own actions. Pointing out that her lawyer fucked her over by dragging her feet was my way of redirecting that anger.....I anticipated this and it was a calculated move. If I had not beat her to the filing, her filing would have put me on the defensive legally. I had no choice but to go against her wishes.

So what I am saying is that rolling over and playing dead is a good tactic when not dealing with essential issues. But at the same time picking and choosing your battles and knowing which hills to plant your flag on and which hill you choose to die on should be given the utmost consideration. Just poking the bear to see if you can get a reaction out of them or to try to manipulate a reaction out of them truly is fruiless and dangerous with no possible benefit. Believe me, there are lots of times I want to poke the bear just because.....whether it be for retalliation, redemption, anger, self righteousness or whatever. Most times I can analyze my motivations and curb the temptation. Most times I just let her think she is winning and she is right and I am wrong.....and that really grinds against my nature.....but there are times when I have to stand my ground and engage with the enemy. My only advice is to weigh the benefit agains the risk, take the emotions out of the decision making process, decide where you are going to make a stand, and make every effort to protect yourself when you do make that stand. Even though I have known my STBX for almost 32 years, I realize I have no idea how this new escalated, motivated, NPD will react. I am having to re learn what to expect from her. I can only do the best I can to anticipate, protect, and adapt.

Hey Magnet, I gather you were the OW to an NPD. One thing that we in NPD land have discovered is that the infidelities are not of that much importance anymore. They are just the symptoms of the bigger problems. Another thing that we in NPD land learn is that we too are disfunctional in our own way. We have to do a lot of interspecting and self evaluation to understand what is broken in ourselves that allowed us to behave in the way we behave. What our weaknesses are/were and what we need to do to fix our brokeness...... much the same as a remorseful WS would have to do. We are learning to be a new, stronger, and most importantly, a better person.

Please get your dirty laundry out and let us help you get the stains out. We all have dirty laundry. No one here should judge you for your disfunctionality.....we are all disfunctional. I myself am a recovering Sex Addict and Drug Addict (Over 33 years recovering). The reality of the sex addiction is fairly recent and the recovery program is complete but is a lifelong commitment.

My belief is that we all have negative behavior patterns (NBP). All NBPs have root causes. That moment when we slap ourselves in the forehead and declare "why???? Why do I keep doing this shit to myself???" That is what you need to be exploring within yourself. You have proclaimed yourself a NPD Magnet. Time to start figuring out Why you are drawn to them and Why you are an attractive target for them. Figure it out, change it, fix it, and be a better person for it. FYI, there are no road maps. You get to bounce around like a pinball machine. While you are bouncing around you are running your score up. As you learn things about NPD and about yourself they will jolt you and hurl you in directions that are not comfortable and sometimes hurt. But you benefit from every single piece of knowledg you gain. So as a newbie to NPD land, I recommend reading the past NPD threads including the ones that are old and near being archived. I believe the best ones for me were NPD 4, NPD 8, and NPD 9. Lots of links there and good reading recomendations. Learn as much as you can about NPD and while you learn about them.....learn about yourself. Learn what is broken in you that makes you vulnerable to them....then start changing your world. Start shoring up your defenses against the NPDs. Learn how to make your world as NPD free as possible. Filter the toxins out of your life.

Sorry you had to find your way here, sorry your life has been turned upside down by NPD, but happy and hoping you have chosen to change your world and change yourself.

Even though most of us are BSes, I trust no one here will condemn you for being the OW.....I certainly would not. Welcome and (((Magnet))).


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
NPDMagnet
♀ New Member
Member # 34909
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Frank2010.... thank you for the encouragement... I didn't want you to think your words were not appreciated... and you are right... I am broken... you have no idea how very, very broken I am... but I was sent a PM by a mod telling me that this is a BS focused forum and I'm not allowed to post my story or seek help here. I'm only to post in the WS forum.... which doesn't really fit my circumstances or tap into my root issues.

I'm a forum orphan at the moment... or rather I feel like a redheaded step child... (I can say that b/c I am a redhead and former pseudo step-child of an evil child molester)... so yea... I'm broken.


What part of an inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote don't you understand?

Posts: 8 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Native Am vessel w/o propulsion on River Excrement
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, February 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No Contact, 180, discussing only finances and kids if needed.
These things apply to those of us with X npd spouses too and unfortunately long after we are separated and/or divorced as they do come back for supply. It is extra hard for us I think, because the infidelity betrayal is compounded with the personal wounding that comes with pd behaviors.

I believe that my wound from infidelity is as great as that one from choosing to meld my life with and raise a family with a narcissistic man.

I do not believe that I am dysfunctional, broken or that I have called this upon myself.

Gently, Frank, I understand what you are saying, but you do use the words rolling over and playing dead. If there is something that needs to be "played", then use the guidelines of the 180 and NC, if it doesn't need to be played, then don't go there. I don't think that's playing dead.


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

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