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User Topic: N P D Thread part 10
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, April 18th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoHurt,

Only you know how your wh will react and if he will go into a rage or whatever. You need to do this on your time and in the best way for you and your family. It is never easy to walk away from a marriage but to walk away from a 25 year marriage must be even harder.

I know that it was very difficult for me to walk away but I had no choice when he threatened me the last time. I was able to judge his previous rages before the final one and when I was faced with the final rage I knew that I wouldn't make through the next one without some serious injuries or dead. No one believes that my NPDwh is capable of that but I know him better than his own mother (she thinks he walks on water). So understand about knowing when it is right to take certain steps and when to wait.

I am sending you good thoughts and prayers that he leaves without any drama. Take care.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, April 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, SVB. I'm glad you're out of the hospital! I hope you're feeling much better, and keeping food down easily. I went on the ulcer trip once or twice... it's not a fun ride. Nowhere near as bad as yours, so I can only imagine your pain, but it's not fun. That, I know.

My son has decided to handle the monster. We've talked at length about the way he is, and what could happen, and I think he understands pretty well what we're up against. He is just as determined as I am that this will end.

He won't tell me what he is going to do, though I know it does not include a bullet. He's not willing to lose his right to his guns, or risk prison. But he won't tell me, so that if the monster questions me, I can honestly say I know nothing. I really hope that it gets just nasty enough that I can see the monster taken in well-deserved handcuffs. That would be a nice vision.

I am still afraid, but every day that passes sees me stronger and more determined. One way or another, we will have peace in this house.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, April 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((((SoHurt)))))))))
Stay strong, I understand alot of what you say. But, you can do with and your boys have their mama's back.
You will have your peace!
I can not believe he abused your boys and you know all that will come out on your wh? He will reap what he sowed!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2459 | Registered: Aug 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, April 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My son has decided to handle the monster.

I'm coming from a very protective place here ok, so please don't take this wrong.

I don't know if that's the best idea.
Does your L know that he abused?
S/he needs to get the boys in, take statements, and get the evidence to law enforcement.

Let an Authority handle him.

Monsters don't respond to anything but authority - and many times, not even that (hello sadtoo?)

Please think about it...I'm edgy about abused confronting their abusers. 90+% of the time it's not a good idea unless it's in a monitored and heavily controlled situation.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, April 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please think about it...I'm edgy about abused confronting their abusers. 90+% of the time it's not a good idea unless it's in a monitored and heavily controlled situation.

I agree. You are supposed to be protecting your children. In your previous post, you said that he was a monster with snake eyes, etc. If that's the case, then why is it okay for your children to take him on without any backup, when you are too scared to do it yourself? This has disaster written all over it. Please involve some people with legal authority and no emotional ties to this man, monster, whatever.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, April 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoHurt,
During our marriage my NPDXH was also abusive toward my children. Not horribly, grossly abusive, but abusive. Physically and emotionally. Yes.

As our marriage began to unravel, and the NPD's feelings of losing control increased, so did his rage and abuses against the kids. He especially targeted my DS who was 12/13 at the time.

My DS "handled" his NPD father. It was an unplanned occurence, but it happened nonetheless. There was a good and a bad side to this. Let me tell you about it:

I had a call from NPD at work (during his evening visitation). He was demanding that I come and get DS. "We have had a fight. He punched me and I hit him back. You need to come get him." DS was 14 at this time, btw.

Before I could get out of my workplace, I had a call back from NPD saying that, "He had handled the situation, and there was no need for me to come." Ummmmmm...fuck that noise. There was no way I was not going there.

My work is 20 miles from his (OW's)house, so on my way home, I consulted with my wise SI friends who advised me to call the police and let them handle this. So that is what I did.

The police would not let me go with them, but they went to OW's house, and determined that my 14 y/o DS had been the instigator in this physical altercation, and that they were leaving him in the care and custody of his father. My son's fault?? Really? Who is the adult here????

I was fuming mad. Of course you know the likelihood of my DS having actually instigated a physical fight with his 6 foot 240 lb father who already intimidates the hell out of him...

The story I got from DS and DD is that NPD had been arguing with DS about homework not being done, and as their argument escalated, he took DS into a back bedroom and closed and locked the door. NPD belittled and taunted him with, "you want to hit me, go ahead..." until DS swung at him and gave him a bloody lip. NPD then tackled our son to the bed with a shoulder to the ribs, and DS was propelled off the bed and onto the floor at some point. DS came away from that night with bruised ribs and a bruise along his jaw line.

The whole incident was a horrible nightmare for me and for DS. I have never been so scared for my children's safety, and my DS was physically injured and emotionally battered.

BUT...and I say this with a certain amount of hesitation... that asshole has not laid hands on my kids since that night. Not once.

So, I guess my son's handling of the situation worked, but what if NPD's rage had been all- consuming? God knows what could've happened.

Please protect your children from this monster. Try to talk to your DS and dissuade him from physical retaliation against his father. It could get really ugly.

I know how hard it is to get the system to intervene for the kids. Get your lawyer on this. Get CPS on it. He needs to be out of your house like yesterday. I'm sorry you are dealing with such an evil monster. Please be safe.

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 2:57 PM, April 19th (Thursday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7636 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, April 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj, I can't take your advice wrong. You're a sound adviser. And Veritas and Wounded, the same with you.

Believe me, I do understand what you guys are saying. I feel the same way. I don't want any violence to happen, though it would only serve to prove what we've lived with. But my son has decided to take it out of my hands.

All I've been able to get him (24 years old) to agree to is that he will have backup, which most likely means to have his large male friends present, with phones ready for 911. He promised me there will be no violence from him, no goading the monster to violence. He is not going to allow me to handle this, because he is afraid I will get hurt. He is trying to distract the monster away from me.

I don't want him to do it. But if you knew my son, you'd know there's not much that will alter a course he's chosen. He wants to protect me and his little brother. There's not much chance I will be able to talk him out of it. I couldn't talk him out of telling the monster last week that he'd have to leave, either.

I have finally had a chance to print my protection order for filing, and hidden it. If the police are called, I will show it to them and explain that I have not been able to file it yet, but that it will be filed Monday morning. (If I have to ask my son to stay home from work to take me to do it, I will.) They can read it and see what has happened. Hopefully, that will help.

I know I sounded laid back in my post, but that was covering what I really feel. This whole thing terrifies me, and not just a little. It's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with, and I know the stakes. I'm trying to convince him that it would be better to wait till the order is filed, but he's not agreeing. He wants to end this situation, and my guts are in a knot. I will keep talking to him, but I don't know that it will do any good at this point. He's made up his mind that he will not let it go any further.

ETA: The monster just came to tell me he is leaving tomorrow as planned. Do I dare believe him? He's gotten no kibble from me... could it be he's found a new source and really is leaving?

[This message edited by SoHurt at 5:08 PM, April 19th (Thursday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, April 21st (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just listened to Pink's "please dont leave me", this was my life. The best thing to ever happen to me was S and finding out the monster behind the smoke and mirrors. I always looked at him like a wounded soul that I would love no matter what because he apparently loved me for who I was. The real him came out when he always put himself first over my hurt, my kids hurt.

Manipulation at its best. I can see now how his game works, it doesn't hurt now, I can hear it, see it, but there is no rise in my heartbeat, no anxiety, there is a simple peace about it. Acceptance is good. Limbo and waiting for my new life to really begin is the real pain now. I do have a court date, that along with the truth set me back a little, but I will get there. Me and my kids will all get there.

I'm sorry to say he is still the weak pathetic loser he always was. Why did the men around him see it when the women didn't. Probably because his MO groomed women to see him for the wonderful husband and father he thought he was. Too bad those women didn't lead my life.

Oh I wish that whore would leave her husband and live my life, not just the sex, but my true life for as long as she could stand it.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eocCPDxKq1o


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, April 21st (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,
Life is good in my NON-Npd world. It's my busy time of year. The foals are arriving. I love spring. We have 4 at the barn already, and they are so adorable. None of them mine. My mare is always the last to foal. She is not due until the end of June. I'll be posting baby pictures.

Congrats to all of you who are moving forward and away from your NPD's. I know it's not easy and it can be very scary. But in the end it is so worth it.

SVB,
Glad to seen you're out of the hospital. I've been sending you "healing vibes" while cleaning stalls and on foal watch.

SoHurt,
I think the others are right. Try and get the PO rather than the boys handling your WH. These NPD's can be so unpredictable. And when faced with a familiar sparing partner, the situation may escallate quickly. But with the police, he will have no choice. Nothing shuts down an NPD like the police and the threat of going to jail.

Why?
Because in reality they are BULLY'S who would rather beat up on women and children. They don't know what to do when faced with an equal opponent, like they may face in jail.

In any event, please stay SAFE.

I hope all of you find yourselves NPD-free very soon!!

(((tribe)))


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, April 21st (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday was a horrible day, mostly because I was afraid my son wouldn't listen. But he did not confront him at all, keeping to himself to avoid it. And today...

The monster left. He started packing things and tried to pretend he didn't notice he was taking half the towels (for just himself? I got one back, then ignored him,) and then took the toothpicks. Yes, the toothpicks.

He got on FB and left a parting shot about us being separated as of today, how it wasn't what he wanted or expected, and he's lived on the street before. Never thought it would come to this.

I wanted to just type: Really? But I didn't. I just sat here and let him act like he always does, and now he's GONE! It made me smile to overcome that urge. I really am going to make it. I had my doubts the last few days, but I'm sure, now.

I'd wanted my youngest told gently and with compassion, but the monster stopped him on his way from my room to go get his breakfast, and said, "We aren't going to be able to work it out; we're getting a divorce. I'm moving out today. We still have to agree on some things like visitation, though. Sorry to ruin your breakfast." Just like that, and cold, with no emotion or compassion.

My son's face told me he was hurt by that, and I called him back to hug him. The monster stopped him, sideways hugged him with one arm, and let him go. I sat my son down, put my arms around him and rocked him. He held on so hard while I rubbed his back. He held on for the longest time, and when he finally let go, I looked in his eyes and asked if he was ok. He said yes, but I could see his dad had hurt him.

That was nearly my undoing, but I pulled it together for him, and sent him to get his breakfast.

So we have begun our life away from the monster, and I think we will be ok. Finally, I am starting to think we will be ok. It's been an eternity since I came back here, but it's all happened very quickly. Part of me wants to dance, and part of me wants to cry for all the wasted years. But we are going to be ok, now.

The worst is over, it would seem. He is out of the house under his own steam, which I'm assuming means he DOES have someone else, and we are free.

Thank you all for being supportive and advising me. It's so good to know there are people who understand what it is like to live with crazy. I hate that it has to be that way, but I'm glad for it, because it sure does help. So for now, I'm going to just breathe and try to regain some of my equilibrium, and help my son deal with what his dad did. I may just spend time with my sons, learning to enjoy the peace of not having to watch where I walk. My feet are sore after 25 years on eggshells.

Now they can begin to heal. If only a little at a time.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 21st (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sohurt))) it sounds like you handled yourself and the situation very, very well! The children will be hurt, as always, but they will be more hurt in the long run by him staying, like wdm said. They will finally get to experience joy - and so will you!

Svb, I am glad to see you on the mend! My NPD ex has been doing a lot of nice things lately, and even so far out, I had to battle with,wow, he has changed versus waiting for the other shoe to drop. Of course, that darned shoe ended up on the kitchen floor, but he's playing games with things I no longer care about. He was trying to finagle time in order to rekindle his friendship with one of the attempted OW, which would have infuriated me that he would have spent a weekend without the kids for a woman who only wanted him around to buy her drinks. Now, it's his loss for choosing a maybe over his beautiful children. I do admit to a certain satisfaction in picturing him waiting around for her to call, poor widdle muffin!


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, April 22nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Veritas. It was difficult, but I feel like I'm getting stronger with each rational reaction to his crazy.

He came over last night to pick up a few things, and ended up sitting there on the computer, eating and badmouthing me on FB. I did not respond, again.

Then he showed up an hour early to pick up my youngest for the day, walked in, ate, used the bathroom, used the computer... and again, I did not respond. He tried to talk to me, and I ignored him. He leaves us with no money while he has several hundred, barely any food and eats when he comes over, no phone while he has two, and no vehicle while he drives a nice van. And somehow, he is the victim.

Every single jackass thing he does, especially in a public forum, is being documented, and only serves to hurt him more. So let him act like one... I don't have to do anything but keep track of it. I am proud of myself for learning to shut up and write it down.

I think today is the day I remove my ring. I'll choose another to wear. He is no longer my husband, regardless of a lack of final decree. We are free.

I don't remember who said it, but you can't reason with crazy. You really can't.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, April 22nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Hurt, Yeah for you!

As my Dad told me about FT, "GIVE him the rope, and WATCH him hang himself.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2379 | Registered: Jan 2010
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, April 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoHurt, I am so glad that he is gone and you can live toxic free. I was worried how he would react and said prayers for you and your family. Enjoy the peace and freedom.

Today was another DDay for me and I am glad it was so that now I know what a lying cheat my stbx is. I had previously found some sites that he was on but a new one popped up today that I thought I had already searched. I discovered that he joined in 2010 and that he posted some gross pics on 3/2011. He joined the site a 4 months before I found out about his cyber sex. Then I saw his posts and to find out he was posting pics after begging me to give him another chance and that he knew he cheated on me. He said it was just way back then. Now it all makes so much sense as to why he never wanted to talk about his cheating. He knew he was still cheating on me even after I came back to try to reconcile.

What kind of monsters do this to a faithful loving spouse? If he wanted his freedom why did he beg me to give him another chance? Why didn't he just not get married and he could screw anyone he wanted, why pull me into his sick world? I am not hurt at all, I am just angry that he lived this lie while I was trying so damn hard to make the marriage work. I am pissed that I fell for his lies and believed he wanted to make our marriage work.

I have to say that the Karma bus better be a flippin double decker with 20,000 lb weights on each tire and roll over him 10 million times until he is nothing but spit on the road. Yeah, I know but I am so damned angry right now. There will never be any forgetting or forgiving of his sorry ass now. I am tired of finding more little places he joined to have his sick crap happen and to feed the demon that lives in his NPD body. The wonderful man I married never lived, he was just a facade to suck me in until he knew I was where I had no one, no friends and he could break me down. He played while I struggled to figure out why he was so different and why he treated me so poorly. This just happened to fall into place today like it was destined for me to find it.

I can't wait for the final hearing so that I can tell the judge that he didn't just cheat once...oh no..he is a fricken serial cheater. I think it might make a good day for me to see his face when he finds out just how much I know and how much evidence I have against him.

Sorry for the rant but I need to get the poison out so I can sleep. Thanks for listening.

[This message edited by soverybetrayed at 9:28 PM, April 24th (Tuesday)]


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, April 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Checking up on everyone. Hope all is well.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
get-a-brain
♀ Member
Member # 35295
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

About 6 years ago h and I went to MC after an intervention for his porn / dating sites use. That councilor suggested after some time that he may have NPD or be a sociopath, we stopped going shortly after that.

Fast forward 7 years after an affair with a stripper we are now in MC with a different MC who is also my IC. She says she doesnt see NPD, but she could be wrong.

My question is, can NPD "ACT" remorseful? He does seem remorseful, but some of the things he's said just seem really off.

Example: apparently when he was dating a girl in college, he cheated on her and he was baffled when he saw her and she punched him in the stomach. He said something along the lines of, "it was weird, it kind of showed me how much pain she felt."

He is convinced that no one has the ability to make you feel bad about yourself if you have high self-esteem.

He says if you love yourself, no one else can hurt you.

In MC we were talking about values and he said his values change depending on who he is hanging out with. I was like WTF?

I'm not sure if these are just rationalization to excuse his behavior or if this the symptom of a bigger problem.

His family is really weird. They look good on the outside, but there are absoulutly no boundaries in that family. For a quick example his mom asked me once if I wanted all of her children's old homemade Christmas ornaments. I said no. Low and behold the next Christmas in my storage room was the box of ornaments. She does crap like this all the time and very manipulative. She will mask insults inside of caring. Like when my h called her one day she said. "well I was on the phone with xyz (in a condescending tone) but I've been wanting to talk to you (sweet), so I guess I'll call xyz back later (like she was being inconvienced). It really is mind boggling the way this woman works. When you talk to her your kind of like, "Wait, what just happened there? Did she insult me? And how the heck did we go from dinner at 6:30 at McDonald's to we are cooking at our house and all her friends are comming over?" I think she may secretly work for the CIA
If you call her out on something, she'll storm out of the room like a 2 year old.
She is sweet and kind to everyone's face but she is the most difficult person. I just don't know how to explain it.

I know only a therapist can diagnose, but I feel desperate. I've read "in Sheeps clothing and many of the traits for manipulation are present in my h" I wonder if it is just from being raised by his mother the way she is.

Though on the outside he really appears to be a genuinely giving person. He'll always help a friend and has alot of them, but no really close ones. It's all surface stuff. Maybe men are that simple and I'm looking for something more in depth from him. After 13 years of marriage I don't really feel like I even know him, and it's not just the affair, I've always felt that way.

When I entered IC this last time I was convinced I was nuts. I've thought maybe I have NPD, BPD, Bipolar, something. I was diagnosed with PTSD, which I've read can be a result of living with an NPD. I do have a lot of FOO issues that are the orginal source of the PTSD trauma. I just want an answer as to what I am dealing with here.

[This message edited by get-a-brain at 5:25 PM, May 3rd (Thursday)]


Read Why Your Spouses Infidelity Isn't Your Fault
http://www.healingafteraffairs-bloomington.info/infidelity/trauma-of-infidelity.html

Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Illinois
2_4giving4_2long
♀ Member
Member # 34008
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone,

It's so sad to meet of you here on this thread. However, it's nice to know I AM NOT CRAZY!!! Or alone

Anyway, my IC just informed me that my WH is a sociopathic NPD.

The thing that worked with wh was that I had suffered a lot of tragedies while married over 20 years. My 20/20 hindsight started kicking in about a week ago. CRAZY...anyway..EVERYTHING is about him. His needs, wants, his memememememe.
So during the times I just had gotten through my personal losses less than a year another one occured. I realized this past week that he was never supportive during these difficult times.

However, the reasons we stayed married so long was I didn't see the real him. I was dealing with funerals and all the legal things afterwards. (I am not an only child or the youngest but I had the responsibilities of all of them) In addition, I was raising 3 kids and working long and crazy hours (I worked at the Sheiff's Dept switched from the road to the jail for HIM)

This thread has given me a ton of insight!!!

I want to thank all of you brave souls for reaching out to people like me. You have no idea how sane I feel. I've read most of NPD #4 and this one.

I now know why I was always afraid when he was around. I was seeing and feeling the same gut feelings when I was dealing with a suspect or an inmate.
HUGS to all of you. Thank you for sharing and giving insights and little humor to help others. It really tells me there are a lot of kind and caring people out there.


Me 52
He 49
DDay 11/06/11
Married 23 years
2 adult children.

Posts: 159 | Registered: Nov 2011
SGRBEET
♀ Member
Member # 35442
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband does display NPD traits but I am wondering if anyone can help me with a question.

In your experiences, why does a spouse continue to lie even though they have been caught? And why do they try to minimize their actions? Is this just the NPD personality or what?

Any replies would be welcomed.

[This message edited by SGRBEET at 6:29 PM, May 3rd (Thursday)]


Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2012
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Npd's can act remorseful. Their ability to study what remorse looks like, as well as any other authentic emotion - and parrot a simile back to the observer or target is well documented on here.

Interesting...and it is this one's 'tell' btw... how he prattles on about self esteem.
Catch that?
You: "Ohhhh, I see! It was your high self-esteem that led to your betrayal!"

After several moments of confused looks and some stuttering
(I suggest you plan for it, and enjoy each moment)
something...bullshit covering... will be said.

{Listen for your fault. Didn't watch the kids right? Wash the dishes that night? Vacuum the rug well enough?
You are <insert callous statement here> & it was somehow his right, or you somehow deserved it}

It's mostly noise.
Fuck that noise!

I also suggest you plan to not listen - unless you can mine some humor value from it, those are always good. Don't reveal that you're "on" to the game.
Don't laugh out loud. Control yourself - come here and share it with us. We can always use a laugh!

PS...
NOT only a therapist can diagnose. I'd trust the sayings and stories and judgements of the folk on here far far FAR more than your average, garden variety therapist. Pretty much, we're all autodidacts. We've paid for our diplomas in body fluids, so they're real.

24...I actually do. I do feel how nice it is to feel sane. Welcome to the land of busted lightbulbs and broken toasters!
You are among friends you just met.

@beet I don't know!
To save me in the face of such, I highly recommend the 180!
(((TRIBE)))


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
2_4giving4_2long
♀ Member
Member # 34008
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the land of busted lightbulbs and broken toasters!

Thank you jjct


Me 52
He 49
DDay 11/06/11
Married 23 years
2 adult children.

Posts: 159 | Registered: Nov 2011
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