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User Topic: N P D Thread part 10
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, March 23rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just got a text saying "hope your day isn't hell..have a good one"
WTF???? I hate this!!!!!!
I did not respond..
I am proud of myself for that


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2459 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, March 23rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, Why is he fucking texting me??????? I will not respond, after what he said about me lastnight and dug the knife in deeper and deeper... FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING SICK FUCK!!!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2459 | Registered: Aug 2011
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, March 23rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWL
Do not respond!!!!
Have you read Narcissistic Lovers?

He yearns for your answer to get narcissistic supply.

Do not give him his drug !


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 53 | Registered: Nov 2011
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, March 23rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadtoo you wise soul, how did you do it? And how could you have the courage to trust again?

First of all, remember. I was as beat down as all of you. I was suffering from horrible depression, I could barely get out of bed. I was so brain washed, gas lighted, off-balanced by the NPD abuse and lies, it was crazy.

But I KNEW if I didn't do something, he, his mother and his OW were going to take everything that I had worked for my entire life while I laid there on the sofa and did nothing.

I HAD TO GET UP AND FIGHT. Not with my hands, but with my mind. I had to disengage from him emotionally, even though I still "loved" him/it at the time. (NPD-confusion) today I could at just the thought of him. Oops, there I go again. Ack!!!

I had to put my emotions to the side and think with my RATIONAL and BUSINESS mind. No more Cindarella syndrome for this girl. This was NOT how a marriage was suppose to be. And I needed to FACE IT.

Honestly, I don't know where my fight came from. I just know that once I started, I wasn't going to stop. I started with the documentation and I became OBSESSED. Weather it was a premarital item or whatever. I took photos, I found receipts, I located canceled checks and or credit card statements that backed up my position of ownership. I did this on every single thing I owned. Then I organized all of these things in a very neat three ring bindier in clear sleeves with divider tags. Once I started doing this, it kept me busy AND it helped me PROVE he was a liar without saying a word.

That was a great feeling and slowing I began to feel empowered.

I had to have the jackass removed from the house via court ordered protection order. And that was very scary. But there was no other way. He was violent. And I KNEW we were never going to sit down and have a nice conversation with me asking him nicely to leave.

He went completely nuts after being thrown out and he called everyone we knew and told them how crazy I was, but I just ignored. Most of them called me and asked ME what they could do to help.

And he drove by and stalked and harassed me, but he also got arrested and thrown in jail when he did this. Turns out, he hates jail more than he hates me.

As far as trusting again? Well it's interesting. When I met my new husband, he was like a breath of fresh air and a slap in the face all at the same time....if you know what I mean? He is real. He is solid, responsible and he is a real man. He made me EMBARASSED that I had tolerated the BS I had from that idiot for so long.

When I first met new H, NPDXH was still bothering me and I told new H about him. I said, "you probably don't want to go out with me. I've got this XH who won't go away, he's been nothing but problems."

New H said, "I'm not scared of some chicken shit guy who picks on women. That guy needs to find out what it's like to be in a real fight."

And new H would never go picking a fight with that idiot because that freak would be the FIRST to file a law suit and sue him for everything he owns. Not that new H couldn't rip his head off with his bear hands if he had to.

One time New H went to the grocery story and my dog rode with him. He came out of the store and his vehicle was surrounded by XNPDH, OW, XNPDH's brother and three other guys and their vehicles. XNPDH demanded that newH was "in possession of a stolen dog"

NewH called and said that someone had called the police and they wanted ME to come down there! NewH said that XNPDH was waving papers around and throwing a big temper tantrum. I said put the cop on the phone.

Cop: Ma'am you need to come down here so we can sort this out.

Me: No I don't. They are on private property and this is a civil matter. Everyone needs to go home and call their attorneys. And from the sounds of things (hearing XNPDH screaming in background) XH needs to call his psychiatrist and have his meds adjusted, doncha, think?

Cop: Oooooohhhh......Yah. I do....
(In background) WHAT IS SHE SAYING!!?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING BITCH SAYING???!!! THAT CRAZY FUCKING BITCH IS A LYING WHORE!!!!
Cop: (to the nutcase) SIR! Settle down or you are going to be arrested for disorderly conduct.

*click* end of call

5 minutes later

*ring* ring*

Me: Hello?

NewH: What did you say to that cop?

Me: (Laughing) I told him that he needs to go call his psychiatrist and have his meds adjusted.

NewH: OMG from the way the idiot was acting, it was believable. I cant believe you were married to him. Well, I don't know if they took him to jail or not, but he started jumping up and down and screaming, so the cops put him in the backseat of one of their cars. His buddies all took off and the OW just sat there. The cops told me to leave.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, March 23rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow sadtoo, He is a Public Nutcase, My wh would not do that, he would not cause a sense, he is sneaky one that only takes things out on me, he would of seen new H with dog and then would have waited for me when I was alone. That is how he is. When he use to hurt me he would do out of sight of others and kids, if kicks or someone walked in he would act all cool like he was doing nothing. Scary huh????


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2459 | Registered: Aug 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, March 23rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWL, it is truly amazing how someone can remember
every.
little.
perceived.
slight.
FOR YEARS!
and drag you over the coals unmercifully and repeatedly...
yet, the very same ones *forget* where they were a particular night, what they were doing, and who they were with...
When you get distance, you'll be so happy to be free from such crapola!

Ugh. NPD's suck.

and

How did you manage to get rid of your NPD influence INSIDE?

For me, I distanced myself first, then it took time.
A trick for me...like taking something from a baby and replacing it with something else...I crowded it out with my happiness..."me time"...

So instead of; 'don't think of a pink NPD'...
think of "me"...


Posts: 6005 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, March 23rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct, you are wonderful
You make me smile. Thank you.
I am distancing slowly but surely and I truly want that distance now.
You are right how they remember bad things you have done but never about themselves... I guess in their evil twisted world it is okay.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2459 | Registered: Aug 2011
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, March 23rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadtoo,
Thank you for your answer! Wow, you have been through something-what a nightmare!
Mine is the type that plays the poor victim. But it is true that before posting here I read the thread and did all necessessary stuff (copying paperwork, preparing the contract, that I got signed by him !!!,....)
so that the divorce settlements never became a real issue. The kids are though and it would certainly help, if he didn't show up every second week to manipulate,.... Them.

Jjct


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 53 | Registered: Nov 2011
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, March 23rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jjct
You are wonderful with words and your posts often make me smile. I will try the bit with the "me-time".
Thanks!


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 53 | Registered: Nov 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, March 24th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,
I've been reading this thread for several months now, and I'm on the fence about my STBX being NPD.

However, he's a sex addict, and probably has been acting out since we were engaged more than 16 years ago. I'll spare you all the graphic details because his obsessive, secret sexual preferences are dangerous and also very dark and unpleasant. We separated last Sept. 14 when I discovered one of his secret email accounts with 1200+ text conversations. I asked him to leave our home that night. We have two children, ages 5 and 7, and they have been living with me.

STBX went to live with OW - and fellow SA. She's arguably sicker than him. Visitation during the last six months has been ONLY here at my house, twice a week, no overnights.

STBX has not fought it much. I assume it works for him - acting like the perfect dad twice a week to two adoring little children, then going back to his other life.

I'm trying to keep this long story short. I think it's impt for all of you to know that he's a compulsive liar, a master manipulator, charismatic, charming, very very smart, and unable to show true remorse or empathy of any kind.

Here's my question. It's been 6 mos since our separation, and he doesn't know I have an attorney. He believes he can get away with this double life situation forever, apparently. I've been following NC for the last 5 mos so I don't really know what he's thinking, but he IS suddenly trying to reconcile.

The attorney is going to email him a letter next Wed., letting him know that I retained her. It is going to rock his world. I am going to be on my way to my parents house in another state (with our kiddies) when he gets the email. I will also make sure my alarm is on in our home, and that he's taken off the ADT account.

Can anyone please tell me what else to do? What he might be capable of? What other precautions you would take? I will return the following Saturday night since he has visitation with the kids. My father has offered to come back here with me and be present when STBX arrives. (But my poor dad is 75.) I can have other people here too, but I'm not sure if that's the best strategy.

I guess I've watched too many television shows about people like STBX losing it and killing their families after exposure and finding out that their spouses are divorcing them. I know that's VERY unlikely in my case, but I'm still very worried about SOMETHING happening.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

ps: sadtoo, your story made my jaw drop. what chaos one individual can create in this world! My STBX wouldn't do that, but he WOULD escalate things UNTIL the police go there - then he would calmly and rationally explain why the dog belonged to him, and I swear to god, the cops would HATE him, but they would probably give him the dog.

Anyhow, I am so happy that you found a wonderful new, healthy person to spend your life with. That's the happiest ending I've read in a while, and you definitely deserve it!


Posts: 1425 | Registered: Oct 2011
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, March 24th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can anyone please tell me what else to do? What he might be capable of? What other precautions you would take? I will return the following Saturday night since he has visitation with the kids. My father has offered to come back here with me and be present when STBX arrives. (But my poor dad is 75.) I can have other people here too, but I'm not sure if that's the best strategy.

Choosing, I would take important financial papers with me (or put in a safe deposit box) - things you'll need for the divorce. I'd also take the photo albums that can't be replaced in case he's in a rage. You'll probably already have the kids' special things with you anyways. If you have pets (such as cats that you could leave alone for a few days or with a pet sitter), board them instead. You may be one of us that needs to learn that beyond those material things, nothing else really matters.

I would also bring someone with you when you return. I get what you say about your dad, my mom worries about my dad, same age, because my dad gets so upset with XWH. So have someone, just a girlfriend, there as a witness,in case you have to call the police, not as protection b/c you'll be calling 911 if you have to.

This preparation may be all for naught, but best to be ready. There are many more stories like Sad's out here.


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1277 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, March 24th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope,
You know my thoughts already so I won't spend too much time rehashing.

he's a compulsive liar, a master manipulator, charismatic, charming, very very smart, and unable to show true remorse or empathy of any kind.

um, you've been reading so you know what this means.

Be smart. If your dad wants to come and can, then he can man a cell phone. Numbers, witnesses, someone who can trigger the need to appear "normal" might be enough.

You might find that setting this in motion and finding out what his "worst" reaction is will calm you some. Anticipation can be awful.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, March 24th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And don't forget the kids passports!

Take a box with all personal items that are emorioally really valuable to you and can't be replaced with money and leave it in your parent's house for a while!

If your cell phone has VAR function turn it on before you come home just in case.

I remember the same fear after having read all the posts hear-in my case it went ok, but with an NPD: always better be prepared!

Thinking of you!!! (((hugs)))


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 53 | Registered: Nov 2011
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's my question. It's been 6 mos since our separation, and he doesn't know I have an attorney. He believes he can get away with this double life situation forever, apparently. I've been following NC for the last 5 mos so I don't really know what he's thinking, but he IS suddenly trying to reconcile.

Can your attorney also include an order to keep him out of the house?

I never would have thought my XNPDH would have done half the things he did either, so you can never be too careful.

I would change the locks on the house. (even if the lawyer and the judge says "no, not yet." Also, have your mail forwarded to a post office box so he doesn't steal your mail while you're gone. The other thing to do is chage sell of your utilities to YOUR name only. Then put a password on all of the accounts.

Make sure you remove everything from the house that is important and or you don't want him to steal. Chances are good he will break into the house while you are gone. If the house is still in his name, even with a court order, he can legally break into his own house.

Too bad you can't rent some hungry alligators to stay there while you're gone.

I would defiantly have someone with you when you come back. If your dad wants to be there, let him. But have someone else too.

I think it's impt for all of you to know that he's a compulsive liar, a master manipulator, charismatic, charming, very very smart, and unable to show true remorse or empathy of any kind
.

This is the very definition of an NPD

I can't emphasize enough how important it is to take every precaution possible when leaving an NPD. And never, never underestimate their capability to harm and do evil. Don't ever say, "oh he would never..." NPD's have NO boundaries and that includes how low and or how bad they will act.

That sense of entitlement kicks in and with the lack of empathy, they are capable of ANYTHING.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
am i dreaming???
♀ New Member
Member # 35134
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been posting in the ija forum but wanted to repost here to see if my story fits anyone elses expieriance.


My husband and I have been married for ten yrs. this August and together for over eleven. We had a great marriage for the first 8 yrs. and have three girls, a ten yr old and twin six yr olds. Two yrs ago we began to grow apart and my husband had a kind of paranoia where he decided in his mind I was having an affair with a childhood friend who lived 4,000 miles away. There was never an affair. He seemed to let it go for the most part and I thought we were going to get past it. This July when we were in Vegas for my sister's wedding he became physically violent and attacked me. Upon returning home I insisted he get help or we were done. He went to a Dr. that said he was depressed and put him on Zoloft. It was good for a few months then in November things started to change again. On Jan. 11 I discovered that he had been texting and talking to a women in a town an hour a way where he often went for work. He said she was a friend that he talked to to see how "crazy" he was. I have since learned that that he was sleeping with her and talking almost 24 hrs. a day. He said they met in Dec. but phone records show them talking in November. I have no access to his email and she has mentioned them emailing so I have no idea how long this was really going on. The day after I found out about her he had me drive him to a mental hospital in another town blaming his depression and Zoloft for the affair. They denied him. We came home and a day later while I was checking to see if communication had stopped I found another women in another town he was often in. When I confronted him he said it was someone helping him with his work website. He had been talking to this one at 2:00 am so I didnt buy that lie either. When I finally pushed him to tell me the truth he ran. He jumped in my car and went straight to the mental hospital again to self admit. All I got from him was text saying he was sorry and couldnt hurt me anymore. That she was just another friend he would talk to for advice. Well my husband was working for my family so I had access to the cell phone they had taken from him before he could erase it. That night i saw where the two of them had texted back and for about meeting up at all hours of the night and morning and having sex in her home. He has said he only met her in Dec. and all that I can find shows that they met on Dec. 1st. While he was int the hospital for two weeks I found that all of our money was gone, we were about to lose our home and everything else, he had been taking thousands from my father by claiming it was for me, they were ready to fire him at work, and he had only ever had and filled a 30 day rx from July of the Zoloft he blames. Because of numerous threats since July that he had no control in becoming violent again and his self admittance to the mental hospital I was terrified.None of this was in character for a man i had actually known most of my life. While he was in the hosp. I filed for divorce, emergency sole custody of our girls and a protective order. He was released on Jan. 23rd and was just plain mean. He could not come near me but sent texts and would call and tell me all of this was because of his depression and it all went back to his assumption of me having an affair. He said it had eaten away at him until he went "crazy" and that at the time with these two women he was justified. About two weeks later I could take the not knowing (he was still claiming to have slept with neither) so i called the latest one one night. I was on the phone with her all night as she gave me every gory detail of the two of them. She knew things about him only I should have known so I do believe her. She knew every detail about our life and children to the point it is creepy. She kept apoligizing and actually tried to be my friend. I did know better than that because until two weeks ago she was still avidly pursueing him. When i confronted him with the info she had given me (she even sent me a picture) He answeres some of my questions. He said he had first met her in a starbucks one morning and it went from there. He had slept with both women. And had had phone sex and sexting while masturbating to them almost every night (with me in the next room asleep) and most of every day during work. The two now know about eachother but didn't before I told them. He claims still to have little memory of doing any of it saying he was blacking out. He still refuses to give me any info on the first one other than her first name which she confirmed but I do not know where she lives, works, how he met her, or even her last name. He refuses saying he doesn't know. I do not believe this. Jan. 17 is the day I filed and we are waiting on the final date I do have protective orders so have not seen him in person since Jan. 13 when he left for the hosp. He has only seen our girls once as it has to be supervised until he is deemed stable by the court appointed specialist. Unless he is still emailing them he has stopped all comunication with the two women as far as I can see on our phone records. About the last week of February he claimed to have a mental breakthrough and was supposedly in shock over everything he had lost and what he had done to me and my girls. He said I was the only one he had or ever would love and that he would never get over losing me. This continued every day and had me thinking that some day in the future we might possibly have a chance if he fully recovered from the major depressive disorder he was diagnosed with in the hosp. But On March 17 he reverted. He out of nowhere changed the login to the phone records with a really bad excuse. When I made him give me the login because we do have orders keeping him from doing this he became angry and defensive claiming he wasn't talking to anyone but those from work and that I had better not dare to contact any of them he even made a big deal about adding the name adam to one new number claiming it was the contact for the new job he was taking and that he was getting info from him on where he could park his camper when he moved there this past Monday. Well the call and text to this "Adam" we exactly like the first two women. He talked to them all day and night for three day's straight complete with sending 11 video messages back and forth. During this time he was cold again when I would talk to him and stopped answering any questions I had. I was like DDay all over again but hurt so much more. He finally admitted on Wednesday that Adam was in fact Tasha. He had met her at one of the RV parks he was looking into and she was just telling him about the area he was moving to. I did text her she confirmed her name and has only said I have bigger problems if she is not the only one. He denies wrong doing saying he only hid it and lied because he figured I would get mad. And again he is very vague in that he say's he can't remember where he met her, where she works, her last name, or where she lives. Oh but he still wants to see if we can work this out because he loves me. When I ask how he expects to do that with no truth or effort he say's he is just not sure he will ever have answers for me or ever able to get over the "illness" that makes him this way. Now I am in complete limbo trying to figure out how to put my life back together, wondering if the past ten years have been a lie, and wondering did this all start in Dec. or has it been going on longer and I just never knew. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! I know he is lieing about almost everything. Is there any truth to support that he is doing all of this because of his mental illness? I am having the hardest time with the not knowing anything. And not knowing if what I thought we had that was so special was ever real. And is it possible that we could divorce and keep working to get him better and possibly ever be able to make it on any level. Keep in mind until this past July he had never hurt me physically or emotionally, was never secretive, very loving, and a wonderful hands on father. In fact until now i have never known a better man. Do I give up completly, do I try and how/when does the horrible pain and suffering I go through every day just from what's in my head end. I have no idea where to go from here. I am lucky to have a great family that has stepped up and taken care of my girls and I as well as setting up everything for the lawyers. I just feel so used, worthless, hurt, broken, and destroyed.... Not to mention very stupid! He say's he doesn't remember attacking me because he had so much to drink. Keep in mind he had always drank and never become violent until this night as far as I know he stopped drinking after this but since we are divorcing I am sure he is again. As of right now I do have protective orders keeping him atleast 500 yds away and because we live in a tiny town I know all of the police and they patrol my house regularly. It is just so damn hard to let go of the man I know is inside. He has always been my best friend my everything i am lost now. I feel like I am dealing with the loss of two men. I feel like the man I love so dearly has died and I am grieving his death. I fell like this new man is the monster that killed him and finds so much pleasure in my pain and suffering...


ME-BS 31 (SAHM)HIM-WS 35 SA?BP?PD?
OW- WHORES FROM SEX AD SITES.
DDAY-1/11/12 AND EVERY DAY SINCE...
MARRIED OVER 10 YRS.
3 GIRLS-AGES- 10,6,6
MD 10YRS - NOW SEPARATED - DIVORCING - PERM. PROTECTIVE ORDER FOR GIRLS AND I

Posts: 27 | Registered: Mar 2012
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((aid?))) hugs to you.
Maybe there's a thread in the ICR forums...
"Plain-ass whack"
"Nucking Futs"
"The Hell?"
...maybe not...

I don't know whateveritis-you're-dealing-with,
but
stay far far away,
keep that PO up to date, renew it,
continue with the D.
Cease all contact.
That's extremely important.
Contact through L only.

You might get more responses posting in the General forums.
One big thing;
I know we struggle with "not knowing it all",
Just STAY THE COURSE, and do not engage for the purpose of "finding out more"...

At some point, you will have peace without "knowing it all".
Why?
Because you know enough.

Strength to you!

PS...(it helps some of the "older eyes" on here if you use paragraphs )


Posts: 6005 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone. I'm worried. I'm making a To Do list. I'll spend today collecting documents and personal items, and I'll bring everything with me to my parents' home. I will see if I can change utilities to my name, which makes sense anyhow.

I have to figure out the lock situation. If I can get him off the ADT account, he won't be able to get in here. The alarm will go off and the police will arrive. But even then, he would have a driver's license in his name with this address. The police would probably let him in - they have more important things to do.

I will have several people around on Sunday when we return and I have to pass off the children to him. I have to figure out what to tell the children in case he makes a scene or worse. It's such a fluid situation.

I'm hoping it's all for nothing, but I just can't predict anything right now.

Oh, and I just got a strange message from PNC, which is our mortgage lender, saying they wanted to discuss the reason for an important decision they recently made. I'm worried that he may have tried to open up a second home equity loan or line of credit on our home. Will call them now. Unbelievable.

Lastly, I keep reading that man men seem to "grow out of" NPD, but my husband's condition was worsened dramatically in the past few years. He's 46. Is this unusual? I'm wondering if it's just the other circumstances - like the sex addiction.

My life is a mess. Please say a prayer for me. If I can get through the next seven days, at least I'll officially be on the road to divorce.


Posts: 1425 | Registered: Oct 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((CH)))
Isn't it funny?, after all the toxic crap we are put through, and after all the straight-up evidence right in front of our faces (getting worse) - that we still cling to hope, and glom on to the suggestion that NPD can be 'grown out of'...

It says more about "you", really...

The possibility that NPD's change for the better is vanishingly small.

Continue detaching and protecting yourself. When you get more healed, more into a quiet, peaceful place...
then you can consider from afar
...if the NPD is 'healed'.


Posts: 6005 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks jjct. I'm pretty detached at this point and getting divorced and have lots of psychological support. Five months of NC has helped greatly.

Two therapists have told me that there aren't a lot of male NPDs past middle age, so I was just curious. I think that STBX was always a highly functioning narcissist when he was young and things were going his way. He's always been pretty kind and non-combatative until the last couple of years. Somewhere along the way, the sex addiction got worse, and along with that so did the NPD. I wonder if there's something else wrong with him too.

It's all a mystery to me, but I do have two young children with him, and I'm financially dependent on him for now. My lawyer and I are debating trying to force him into getting some sort of help so that he doesn't end up unemployed and/or screwing up our children. I know that there is no cure for NPD, so I suppose we would focus on the sex addiction.

I'm not sure if it's worth it, however. You have to be pretty darn motivated to get better if you want to succeed at SA recovery. I guess I'll just see how next week goes. One day at a time.

Thanks for reading and caring enough to respond to me.


Posts: 1425 | Registered: Oct 2011
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

am i dreaming???
Welcome to SI and to our little thread.

I'm also really sorry you're dealing with such a nightmare. I have read your other threads with interest.

It's difficult to say what exactly you're dealing with. The onset of bizarre behavior (with no earlier red flags or signs of trouble) usually indicate a brain tumor or other serious illness. But since he has been in the hospital, I am assuming those have been ruled out. The other possibility would be paranoid schizophrenia. But that usually shows up in late teens, early twenties. They would have found bi-polar disorder too.

He was diagnosed with severe depression, right? I believe that. He's probably depressed over getting caught. But most important, he is NOT sorry. If he were he would be showing you by becoming completely transparent. Providing passwords and giving you all details. Picking up where he left off and continuing to lie is NOT sorry.

I'm not a doctor and am in no way qualified to diagnose anyone. But, I have never heard of anyone suffering from depression who has such convenient memory loss like your WH.

But I have seen people with severe personality disorders who have successfully lived DOUBLE lives for YEARS. They are very sneaky, pathalogical liars, and serial cheaters.

Something happens that causes their worlds to collide and everything implodes. This same person who YOU may have know as a loving husband soon becomes violent, a drunk, mean and crazy.

In my situation, one of his OW's became pregnant and threatened to tell me.

I felt the same as you. (prior to knowing about the OW and the OC) Off balance, confused, what is wrong with my husband??

Think back over the years. There MUST have been some signs that things just weren't quite right.

There is more about YOU and what YOU are saying that makes me think you are dealing with a personality disordered individual. Scared, confused, blindsided and in denial about what you are dealing with.

Maintain no-contact with him. He is SHOWING you who he is. Are you listening?

[This message edited by sadtoo at 2:40 PM, March 25th (Sunday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


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