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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread part 10
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh shit SoHurt !

That is an understatement. I'm emailing him with pleas not to take this course. I don't know what is going to happen, now.

I hope he intends to have someone stay with you 24/7 because this going to be all your fault according to WH. It will get ugly. Like I said DS needs to be able and prepared to help you.

There's NOBODY to stay with me! That's why I'm so scared! This WILL be my fault, because I trusted him to work WITH me, not against me! I am in full panic mode, and there's nothing I can do!

Ready or not ? Ughhhh !

NOT!!!


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((gma56))
Thank you for your empathy!!
It so wonderful to feel you are not alone... that there are people here who understand...

I just hope that I can get the kids through this sane....

A var for my daughter was a suggestion here but that could even be used against me in court. Plus she loves her Dad and wants to be seen.....

OW is in the honeymoon phase of their relationship , they both decided to write bestselling books together and become very rich.....NPD fantasy I guess.

Does anyone have an idea what I could do / how I can handle it well. I try to do my best.....

((Sohurt))
That sounds really awful! Try to convince your son to help you -again! If he can't see WHY it has to be your way, get a friend over and have your mobile nearby (does it have VAR function?) try to record everything WH says and does! Will be thinking of you (((())))!!!!


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 53 | Registered: Nov 2011
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sohurt)))
Is there any helpline you could contact? Can you at least call a friend?


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 53 | Registered: Nov 2011
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Son just called and said his gf broke up with him over this. He wouldn't tell me why. But he is adamant that WH be gone today.

(Thanks for the hugs, btw. I sure need 'em.)

There is nobody I can call. I don't have a phone, for one thing. My friend is out of state atm, so we are emailing, but other than that, I'm stuck.

Back to the gf thing. I'm wondering if WH did something that made her tell son that she wouldn't stay in this house with him here. And what that something would be. And if it's true. I'm sorry to be eating up the thread like this, but something is going on that I don't know about, and it could backlash on me BADLY.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@free: your children are very small and easily manipulated. I'm sure that doesn't make it hurt any less, but just explain to your son that it's your job to take care of him and that's what you're going to do. (((hugs)))

@sohurt: I know this must be difficult and scary, but if you really fear for your safety, please consider contacting a woman's shelter. They can help you to get help to be reliant on no one else. The atmosphere that you've been living in doesn't sound healthy for anyone, and if your ex gets violent with your son, eviction will be an eventuality. Your priority should be protecting yourself, regardless of what happens between your son and his girlfriend.

[This message edited by veritas at 4:43 PM, February 20th (Monday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh. My. God.

Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water. The gf is pregnant, and THAT is what was fueling her pushing on my son. I won't even go into the ways I see this as a desperate ploy on her part. Suffice it to say she is NOT the right person for my son, and this is really bad news for him. I knew this was coming. I want to cry. She's manipulative, on a good day, and not mentally stable the rest of the time.

So I asked him if we could go somewhere to talk after he gets home, and I'll see if I can talk him down off the ledge. When, where, and HOW will I ever get away from all this crap? Oh, and just for kicks, I found out the other day that my oldest son knocked his wife up again; she's 3 months gone, with a not-quite 7 month old. He isn't working, yet, but she is.

Suddenly, I am not afraid for myself. Now, I'm scared for my son. He has one nasty girl on his hands.

ETA: And the hits just keep on comin'...

[This message edited by SoHurt at 5:19 PM, February 20th (Monday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long has son known this girl ?
I hope he has enough sense to run the other way.
If it is his child he can settle this after the birth and DNA test.
Holy shit (again)
Yeah, you need a phone asap.
When rains.....


Free-Are the kids in IC or could they be ?


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sohurt,
If your son owns the house, I would say he can say who can and cannot live there. I think at this point if he wants to ask your WS to leave, that's his business. Since you are divorcing your WS, I would just stay out of it.

Is your son going to allow you to stay? Although this isn't ideal, you wouldn't be alone during the divorce process.

As far as your son and the PG g/f, since your son is an adult there's probably not much you can do about it. And to preserve a relationship with any future grandchildren, I would highly recommend you staying out of this too. If you pick sides, or voice your opinion of this woman, it could cause way more problems in the future.

Plus you have your own issues to deal with now without borrowing any more.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, first things first. Disaster averted. Son talked down. Situation normal, all fucked up.

gma and sadtoo, we've known this girl most of her life. They sort of grew up together. It was her sister, though, who was his first love. That complicates things in my mind, but oh, well. They were our neighbors, and it was US the sister came screaming to when her dad overdosed. It was US that dealt with the immediate aftermath of "Daddy won't wake up!" Then they had to live with their out of control bipolar mother.

I haven't said anything negative about her to him, because I'm not willing to risk my relationship with him over her. I don't care for her, but it's not my life, it's his. He's going to be 23 at the end of the month, so he can make his own choices, and I'll support him, either way. She LIKES me, so she doesn't mind if I stay... it's just WH.

He talked with her, and although they are not "together," right now, once WH is gone, they will get back together. (Snark: IF she hasn't moved on to greener pastures.) So, I have gone from panicked to exhausted in one fell swoop.

I had my first biological grandchild last July, there is one due this July and one in August. I'm starting to think renting wouldn't be so bad... I think I need to go to sleep early tonight. This was a lot to handle in ONE DAY.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((SOHURT)))))

It sounds like you will have to pick your battles carefully. You need to be your first priority.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, February 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sohurt )))
I am relieved to read your son saw reason. Nevertheless you have to act now! Get a mobile asap, get your ducks in a row, prepare yourself ! A women's shelter is a good idea, they can also provide you with a lot of information and practical help. So maybe you would like to at least contact them?!
We are all thinking if you!


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 53 | Registered: Nov 2011
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, guys. What a day that was. Terror doesn't even come close to describing it. Geez!

As I was trying to sleep, I was really getting angry. I was composing lots of nasty monologues to her. She could have set a nasty chain of events in motion, and she didn't even know or care. I don't know if I can stand to live with her, that's for sure.

Anyway, I am going to get those ducks moving, and get things in order. That's what pissed me off, partly. I have been formulating my plan, gotten started on the process by emailing SS and some other things, and she nearly derailed the whole thing with her selfishness.

But it isn't going to stop me, it's going to speed me up. I can't have her do this again. I really wondered if I was going to survive or have a heart attack, yesterday. This is not fun, for me. Holy moley, I was freaked. But in the end, it was a good motivator to keep going. With a loose cannon around, I sure can't afford to sit still. I will be getting a phone, and if I have to do it openly, so be it. Who gives a fuck if WH knows? I need a phone, I can have one. It's MY money, so why not, right? That will make it easier to keep things moving.

(((((tribe))))) Thanks for being here for me all day. It was very good to know that I have so much support. I love you guys a ton!


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
juki
♀ Member
Member # 34784
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thinking of you Sohurt.

I'm glad that that disaster was averted.

Someone mentioned contacting a shelter. That's a great idea. Unfortunately, they hear this (and worse) all the time. They might have some useful information for you. There might be free services that could really help you that you don't even know about.

Knowledge is power

Glad you have some time now to plan.

Take care


Me: 45
H(Sazerac): 46
M: 25,T: 27
S24

Posts: 550 | Registered: Feb 2012
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoHurt,
Forgive me for not knowing your back story.

I guess I don't understand why it would be such a bad thing that your son tell your WS to leave the house. Since it is son's house and he is allowing you to live there, why not have WS tossed out? If you're divorcing, this would be the end result at some point, right? And if you're worried about WS reaction to this, IGNORE him.

My thinking (and again, I don't know the whole story) is this may be a blessing in disguise for you. Son throws out WS, you start divorce process, you have somewhere to live and other people to support and protect yfrom urging the process. I understand the G/f situation isn't ideal, but this would be a better option than a shelter.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 2:08 PM, February 21st (Tuesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forgive me for not knowing your back story.

None needed. It's been kind of scattered around, and I haven't taken the time to write it in my profile.

Since it is son's house and he is allowing you to live there, why not have WS tossed out? If you're divorcing

It's partly because WH doesn't know we're divorcing, yet. The other problem is that if my son were to say, "You leave, mom and brother stay," WH would take that as a sign we were in cahoots, and that's where the problems would start. For one thing, WH is paranoid that everyone is always against him. Nothing could ever be his own fault... it always a conspiracy to hurt HIM.

Also, WH has said he feels like son is going to challenge him, and that he wouldn't mind going for it. That scares me. I can't let my son take the brunt of this for me, although he would do so willingly. I made my bed, and I'll have to unmake it. He is far more likely to choose to preserve his skin and only use verbal abuse, if I do the ousting.

My money comes in on the first, so I will be getting a phone. In the meantime, I'm emailing with SS to find out exactly what I need to do to change accounts and so forth, to handle the money situation. I also have an attorney to contact who's a friend of a friend and may help me without sending me to the poorhouse.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

10 more hours to my divorce ....


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 53 | Registered: Nov 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, February 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Free, is it done?

Feeling anxious as my day nears. Feeling anxious as things change.

Stretch is local full time per the kids. Never going back to out of state skank. But not "broke up" according to the kids. What the f-ever. But local one hundred percent of the time? ick. bleck. cue anxiety.

Need to retrain my brain pathways.

I long for the distance (time and physical space) to heal.

Stumbling along...


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
discombobulated
♀ Member
Member # 6580
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, February 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((free))))


BS - age 52- married 27 years, in IC, support groups
WH - age 57 - sex addict/porn addict, NPD
Children 2 boys, 19 & 16
D-day #1 2/2/05, D-day #2: 1/22/06
R 4/21/05, but that was another lie, just a game.
D-day #3 11/06
Divorce final may 09

Posts: 2151 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Florida
discombobulated
♀ Member
Member # 6580
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, February 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Divorce from an NPD isn'r the end if you have kids. My NPD has held the kids under his thumb. Even though he doesn't pay child support - he is a God - I tried to explain to my youngest son that his father has not purchsed a t-shirt or a bag of groceries for him in 2 years, but dad is a laugh riot a minute and promises trips and motorcycles and fantasies.... and mom cleans the house and buys the clothes and cooks and worries about how to pay the electic bill...


BS - age 52- married 27 years, in IC, support groups
WH - age 57 - sex addict/porn addict, NPD
Children 2 boys, 19 & 16
D-day #1 2/2/05, D-day #2: 1/22/06
R 4/21/05, but that was another lie, just a game.
D-day #3 11/06
Divorce final may 09

Posts: 2151 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Florida
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, February 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Divorce day went ok, will be final in 4 weeks.
He looked frail and old.
Tried to hug me afterwards and wants to remain friends......
I was very sad somehow.
His secretary called me later..... Said he is more or less normal at work, thinks he wants me to believe he suffers, said he took the rest of the week off to visit his mistress . Said she cant understand how this woman can adore him so much and kisses his feet as she (secretary)also sees the ugly NPD monster now


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 53 | Registered: Nov 2011
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