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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 28
rollercoaster80
♀ Member
Member # 23412
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, December 31st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy, healthy, and tranquil New Year to all!


me 55 fbw
him 67 FWH/SA
married 32 years
together 31 years my whole adult life!
4 s, 1 stepd, 2 grand kids

multiple A's, 2 LTA's,multiple indescretions...before and throughout our marriage


Posts: 1047 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: sarasota, fl
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, December 31st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy New Year tribe!

Thank god this rotten year is over.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, December 31st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not wanting to drag the tribe down I've been dancing between 'stay away' and 'trying to keep up'.

I have 'liked' many positive FB pages. Today this was posted:
Brave Girls Club Posts
As the year draws to a close, beautiful friend, please remember that you get to decide what heads into the next year with you and what doesn't. It would be worth some of your beautiful minutes to sit down and really think about the baggage that you have been carrying around that you just don't need anymore... and then decide that it is not invited to come with you into the next year...and that it will no longer be a part of how you view yourself, your possibilities, your commitments, the way you spend your time, and what you have to give in the world.

We often are taught to collect, collect, collect, gather, gather, gather, hoard, hoard, hoard... that we never even consider the possibility of starting over with a clean emotional slate by letting EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF BRAIN BAGGAGE GO and starting over with fresh hope, fresh faith, an open mind and endless possibilities. Some things that would be wonderful to leave behind are shame, blame, specific expectations, outdated beliefs, outdated identities and a scarcity mentality. It would be wonderful to let go of grudges, fears and beliefs that make us feel stuck.
When we decide to spend our time on loving others, and feeling loved... there is no room or time for feeling angry or for being worried about unkind things others may think of us. When we decide to spend our time working towards the life that our heart is yearning for... there is no room or time to think about things from the past that have been holding us back.

So please decide, amazing girl... YOU GET TO DECIDE!!! Decide what you will focus on, what you will think about, where you will spend your time and how you will think about everything and everyone around you. This could be the best year of your life! Make it so.
You are so very very very loved... and filled with endless possibilities!

Written by Melody Ross from Brave Girls' Club.
By: Exceptional Living

Although written to 'girls' I'm sure it applies to our guys here as well.

Here's to 2012 - new year, new life! {{{LTA - current, oldies, newbies & lurkers - whoever you are}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, December 31st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's some more NY inspiration posted by a quilting friend...

ďI hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. Youíre doing things youíve never done before, and more importantly, youíre Doing Something. So thatís my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobodyís ever made before. Donít freeze, donít stop, donít worry that it isnít good enough, or it isnít perfect, whatever it is: art or love or work or family or life. Whatever it is youíre scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.Ē - Neil Gaiman

getting closer to midnight on the prairies... {{{group hug}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, December 31st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

LS

Thanks for your reflections.


Tribe

Happy New Year everyone.

Hope you are having a great time.

Thanks so much for your advice and support in 2011.

I sincerely hope 2012 is kinder to you all.

Love

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, January 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a wonderful NYE party, 13 adults and 10 kids in my house celebrating the end of 2011 with me. I just got the Boyos to bed and am now sitting quietly in the last 15 minutes of 2011 thinking of what I will "let go" in 2011. Feeling grateful for my friends (IRL and here on SI) and my family and all the blessings in my life.

Blessing to all in this new year.
Love, Nell


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 4:21 AM, January 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell - just wanted to clarify- my house my mortgage i'm not leaving...well D - i have a timeline for that.As WW wants her own life & says Im not yr wife then as Im not her husband my responsibility for paying her bills is over well except the medical insurance. Everything else she can pay for - fuel for the car, rego, insurance , doctors etc ..she is a tenant & thats how i will treat her..end result is stupid ftww will need to get off her arse & get a job. Its tough love & I'm a mean bastard this year.
New years day - a little sunburnt but Ive swum 3.5kms ..didnt hit anything but ran a few kms...kids had fun & she has sucked lemons for the last 2 days as she wasnt a nye priority for om this year what a shame.
Take care tribe & welcome to a new year.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, January 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dp,
Please CYA legally so that you don't end up with crap credit rating on top of everything. I think you're right about it time for tough love... although 'round these here parts we call it tough sh!t.

I gathered up all the empty bottles, glasses, serving bowls, etc. from my party last night, and now I'm sitting in my living room enjoying my Christmas lights with a cup of coffee and listening to Otis Redding.

It's going to be a good year.

XOXO - Nell


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, January 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy New Year Tribe...

Dip - I grilled last night!!!

May 2012 bring peace to all of us.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
fadingmemories
♀ Member
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, January 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy 2012 Everyone!
I see this year as a year of change. One son moving out, one son moving home after being away for 2 years. My daughter is leaving in two weeks for India. She is a singer in NYC and needs time away from the "me me" existence that the performance world lends itself to. So she has decided to pack up and give back for a while. She is heading to Mother Theresa's home for dying children, knocking on their door and saying I am yours for 4 months. Most people when they have the urge to give back will volunteer at a soup kitchen... but not my daughter. She has always lived large. I am proud of her but frightened for her as well. She is not doing this through an organization or anything. So I will spend the next two weeks helping to make her as safe as possible with Malaria meds, mosquito netting, water purifier tablets, hand sanitizer and anything else that I can manage. Has anyone traveled to that area of the world that could give us some tips?
Big change in my life as well. After years of struggling, I have decided to undergo bariatric surgery and will do so in Feb. I am doing this for health reasons and not for aesthetics but I will take that benefit if it comes, as well. This is not a light decision for me as I have had a family member die from this surgery but I have another who was very successful. I am trying to stay positive. Thanks for listening tribe. It's good to be back after a long hiatus. Hope you are all looking forward to forward steps in 2012.


Me BS
Him FWS
Married 25 Years† Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.



Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, January 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy New Year Tribe! Someone said to me the other day that "even" years are better than "odd" years, so 2012 should be better than 2011!!!

Nell: I'm glad that you had a good time at your party

Lostsuol: Thank you for your posts. They are very inspiring!

Nofun: Hi! How are things with you? Grilling on NYE? Sounds like fun!!

Love to everyone and wishing a wonderful happy shining New Year!!!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, January 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best Wishes for the New Year Tribe,

This is not only the first day of a new year, but the first day in the rest of your life. How does your story end? What chapters need to fall between now and the end you envision?

Holidays still seem to be times for reflection and wondering, but it was FWW who triggered last night watching an ols episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm". I think she was able to recall herself saying the things a character was saying to justify an inappropriate "friendship".

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, January 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy New Year Tribe!

I hope peace to all!


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, January 1st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell

Lovely to hear you had a nice NY and better still the tidying is done!!!

DP

Its tough love & I'm a mean bastard this year.

No you are not mean! If you were you would have been gone years ago. You are doing what you need to protect your sanity. BIG HUGS. Stay strong.

Fun

Lovely to hear from you. Hope you have a better year.

FM

I am proud of her but frightened for her as well.

What a wonderful girl!!!

I have decided to undergo bariatric surgery

Great work! Take care of you!!

Honest

I hope your evens prediction is right!

ats

the first day in the rest of your life.

And a much better one for all of us I hope.

Tryn

Love to all

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, January 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checking in!!!

Sorry I was out of touch - my home computer broke & as I was on vacation, I had no access to the internet until just now.


So - hope everyone enjoyed the holidays & maybe had some time and insight to chart a course for the next year that will bring you all more happiness and peace.

Laura - loved the pics - I love those little fluffy ducks. (That's what FD is about, isnt it? )

M3 - Yes - more info please!!!

As for me: the boy. Well, I like him quite a bit. I have to admit that feelings grew at a pace that makes absolutely no sense. And, he seems to be more smitten than me which just makes me feel like there is something wrong with him, lol. (Joking, but not really....)
Long story short - love the attention I get from this guy and would keep dating him if it were not for the X. As you may recall, X learned of the new boy about 2 weeks ago & had his come to Jesus moment. Flowers, gifts, cards, long letters, tons of attention, etc. all while he is falling apart, not eating, sleeping, not enjoying life at all. Promises to do everything to R. I must admit his attitude is totally different. So - what to do.
In all honesty, I would like to just keep dating new guy. I feel that X took his damn time deciding that he wanted to be married and I want the same opportunity. BUT, he is making me miserable. Too much guilt and pressure. (Guilt is in the form of me seeing how he really wants me back & not giving him another chance. Guilt in depriving my kids of having an intact family when the X appears ready to do what is necessary. Guilt in that if I choose to continue to date new boy, things will have to be a lot more formal with the X as far as visitation goes - my kids are not used to going to his apt, not used to spending time away from me. For example, last night they spent the night with X. My daughter cried, missing me. I missed not having the kids in the house this morning, etc.)

So, the game plan is to end things with the new boy. I'm just under too much pressure from the X, etc. to be able to really be in a relationship. X will always blame new boy & make my life miserable if he thinks I denied him another shot. So - I'm letting X take his shot & ending it with new boy. Planning on going crazy slow. Told X he's got to start taking the kids to the apt with more regularity despite the fact that I'm giving him another chance. Also told him that my fuse is real short, I have absolutely no patience for anymore BS from him. So he can bring it now or forget it.

So - that's all for me!
Peace out y'all!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, January 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FM

Malaria pills!!! Recommended / required for any part of India.

The US (Embassy) post information regarding recommended vaccinations, registration with US Embassy in India, Visa requirements, etc. The World Health Organization (UN WHO) also provides information.

An international cell phone is highly recommended. She should check voltage requirements and take plug adapters with her.

Driving is not recommended so she needs to research transportation options.

Best wishes

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, January 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost soul-
Thanks for all of the positive thoughts for the New Year!
I love the idea of getting rid of clutter for the New Year-that's what i've been doing this weekend-but, the analogy about getting rid of all of the negative thoughts, grudges, unforgiveness, etc. as well is a good one.
I'm working on it!

Allgood- So good to hear from you!
ANd what a surprise twist in your story!
It sounds like Mr. Nogood has certainly had his wake up call!
Stay strong in all of your demands. You decide what reconciliation should look like-not him!
I know a lot about reconciliing with a no-goodnik FWH...LOL
It's a journey and doesn't happen overnight but if you have a truly remorseful FWS that is very comitted to saving the marriage and is willing to do anything that it takes to save the marriage...then it is possible to reconcile and have a renewed marriage that can be even better than the 'old' marriage!
I wish you and your family only the best in the New Year!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, January 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood,
I know you struggled mightily with the decision to D. I hope that Nogood's currents actions are indicative of his true remorse and not just regret... I am keeping you front of mind. Please let us know how things progress.

honest,
How are you doing with NPD in your space? You've gotta be right about 2012. There's nothing but "up" from here.

lostsuol,
I love your positive posts.

nofun,
Good to hear from you, albeit ever so briefly.

I am wondering how strongish is doing. Thinking about you, strongish... if a lurker you be.

*What is with my weird grammar, you may be asking? No idea. Mayhaps too much leftover wine yesterday while putting Christmas decorations away.*

fadingmemories,
Best luck on your surgery.

ats,
Interesting that she triggered... I have never witnessed Mr. STBXNell triggering. He is quite mopey, though, now that we're moving forward with D and I seem fine with it. (And I am!)

njgal,
Getting rid of all the negative thoughts... I have them and try my damnedest to let them go. I even have a visual that I learned from EMDR to help with that.

Semi-selfish request for karma/prayers/whathaveyou:
My sister is pregnant and there is *something* wrong with the baby; they are doing blood tests to try to figure out exactly what they will have to deal with when the baby is born (due in 3 1/2 months). We're hoping for the best of all the (not great) possibilities.

I have not yet told her about my impending D. I plan to wait until they've figured out what's going on with the baby and have had a bit of time to come to grips with that before I throw my own drama at her. My parents know everything... God bless them. 2011 was not the best year for the extended Nell family.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, January 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Nell)))

Will do.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, January 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checking in quickly. fWH is around and Iíve not had much time since coming back from my Mumís. But I just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year and Iíll be back when Iíve got straight and fWH isnít lurking and tutting!

Love, hugs and peace to all!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
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