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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support
hamster
♀ New Member
Member # 36909
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, October 11th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks for the hugs 0115...
Everyday is a rollercoaster.Days I feel lost and that this whole thing is surreal..it can't be true..but it is :-(my due date is fast approaching and that is what I am trying to focus on to get me through this. I will be happy then and for her. That has to keep me going. As for him & us..trying to reconcile..good days and bad days..but I guess that's expected. I can't predict the future or erase the past but in time I have to see where this goes.

Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
Sleepless22
♀ Member
Member # 36580
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, October 11th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a question. I had BV recently. I tested negative for chlamydia and HIV but now have a false positive on syphilis. They tell me that i don't have it but need to follow up and take the test again. I have scoured the internet but now I'm worried that there may be something else going on. Does anyone have any experience with a false positive for syphilis? They took it as a blood test only. I am freaking out. Is the doctor just being cautious? This whole A thing just sucks.


Me-BS 33 Him- WH 35 (ptsdandhoping) 3 Kids 10, 5, 2, and one due 12/23.
DD1: 12/2/09-PA DD2: 05/25/12-EA with Ho-Worker;
Status: Reconciling, I think.
My life needs editing. Mort Sahl

Posts: 153 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Crazy Town
sleepwalk
♀ New Member
Member # 37171
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't read through all of the posts here yet, I'm still working on it. So I apologize if my question has already been asked and answered.

Some of the things I've read say that a lot of STDs won't even show up on tests until somewhere between 3 and 12 weeks after exposure. My husband got tested about...8 or 9 days after the first time he slept with gutterslut mctrampy pants. (He slept with her 3 more times during the week he was out of town for his dad's death and funeral). He had sex with me exactly a week after the first time he had sex with her. I haven't been tested yet, because from what I've read it's too soon for anything to really show up. (Today is 1 week since I had sex with him). However... whatever "sources" say, I definitely have something going on. Intense itching of entire area (vaginal and anal, tmi i know), swelling, tenderness, thick, clear, discharge (no odor that I've noticed) and I'm also feeling crampy in the uterine area. I'm a bit concerned because I was towards the end of my period when I had sex with him... so everything was OPEN. I'm very concerned. Something is DEFINITELY going on, this is not normal, and it's not a yeast infection. But would it be a waste of time to go to my doctor and get tested now when it's only been a week and not the 3-12 weeks that it takes for most thigns to show up??

edited to add: after re-reading it sounds like we had anal sex and we didn't!!!! lol. i was on top so my rump was all over his scrotum (tmi again, I know!)

[This message edited by sleepwalk at 1:25 PM, October 20th (Saturday)]


Me(BS)- 26
Husband(WS- LiesEndHere) - 27
Together for 7 years, married for 3.5, 2 kids ages 5 and 2.
D-Day 10/14&15/12
In MC and trying to R

Posts: 26 | Registered: Oct 2012
lonely2009
♀ Member
Member # 26370
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, October 22nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get in to see your dr. asap.

They can better advise testing and determine what is going on. especially with the symptoms you describe.


BS- Me -young at heart
FWH- AARP Eligible
M - Over a quarter of a century
DDay - 9-14-09
R - going full steam ahead

Posts: 323 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: West Coast
sadandempty
♀ Member
Member # 36710
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, November 1st (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the same symptoms, itching, swelling, cramping... I thought it had to be a yeast infection. I have never had one before so instead of getting the over the counter stuff I went to the dr. Well she had to sit me down and explaine to me that I had a STI called trich!? I have never even heard if it before. I was so humiliated! That's how I found out about my WH A. To make things worse after all that humiliation, OW told my WH she got checked and didn't have anything so they both decided I had made the whole thing up to make him come clean about the A, so my WH didn't take the pills I gave him because he didn't trust ME about what I was giving him. Well two months later after he came out of his fog, and was truly sorry and R was going well he admitted this to me, so I got to go back to the same dr and be humiliated all over again. I made WH come with me so dr. could explaine to him what I came in for and what I had, then I got checked again and surprise I still had it. My WH was just sick and humiliated himself!


Me BS
Him WH

"For a minute there I lost myself"


Posts: 158 | Registered: Sep 2012
Decimated
♂ Member
Member # 31656
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, January 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBXWW was cheating on me for 1 ½ years. This started in 2009. I found out January 2011. After I discovered her cheating I asked her if she practiced safe sex and her response was "No, he is clean…he is married". I was stunned at her arrogance and asked her "how the hell do you know if he was clean?" She then said "whatever…go get tested if you want".

Apparently, in mid 2010 STBXWW tested positive for HPV…and never bothered to tell me. In June of 2012 STBXWW's pap came back abnormal…pre-cancerous/highly aggressive cells. Since then she has had a hysterectomy and all the while, hiding the true cause from me. By chance, I asked her doctor while STBXWW was in the post surgery recovery room..."what would cause this?" She looked at me in a confused manner and said HPV. I told her I knew nothing about this and then and then I proceeded to tell her about my STBXWW's affair. Much to my surprise her doctor showed me STBXWW's records that proved when she tested positive. We have been married for almost 16 years…together for 18. I had no sexual partner for 4 years before we met and I certaimly never cheated on her so I seriously doubt that her HPV was pre-marriage. I reviewed the timelines with her doctor and she agreed that STBXWW more then likely got it from posOM.

I later asked STBXWW when she was going to tell me about her HPV. She said she didn't know…wth? She even claimed that she didn't know where she got it for sure. I asked her how many other guys she was F*****g since we were married…she claims none, only OM.

Now I have to face the fact that I have more then likely, been exposed to HPV although I have no symptoms. Also, as of now, there is no HPV test for men. Thanks to STBXWW and diseased posOM, what am I supposed to do…never have sex again? I could never expose another woman to this. This stuff causes Cancer! I am shocked at STBXWW's selfishness.

It is ironic because after I discovered her affair I was trying to reason with her to break it off with posOM. I tried to give her a mental picture of what her life would be like if I divorced her. When I mentioned she would not have health insurance anymore she snapped back at me "I should stay married so I can have a pap smear done once a year?" Well, that pap smear saved her life!

[This message edited by Decimated at 2:36 PM, January 2nd (Wednesday)]


Decimated
Me -BH 48
Her-WW 40
D Day #1 9/09 (found out about friendship, she promised NC...she lied)
D day #2 1/11 (found out EA on going...she lied)
D day #3 4/11 (found out EA was a PA...still lying)
M 16 years, 3 kids
Divorced - 1/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Mar 2011
Oh the Irony
Member
Member # 12354
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Decimated, I know you are super upset by her actions and all, and her comment about her pap smear is the type of situation that made me choose my user name. Those ironies are so painful...

But really, 80% of adults get an HPV infection at some point! Around 70% clear it after a year, 93% after 2 years.

Most women do not get cancer from it even if they get the virus.

HPV is normally not that big of a deal. You can totally have a normal active sex life!!

Please research it. You will find that so many people have it that you really just have to assume that people do. Yeah, disclose if you have a new partner but it isn't a no-sex sentence.


Two gorgeous boys, 16 and 10.
D-day Sept. 15, 2006.
Me, BS 45
Him, WS 50
Her, OG (Guess she is 27 or 28 now! 19-21 at the time...)
Separated. Divorcing. Happily working on myself.

Posts: 737 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: thankful for truth
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HPV is normally not that big of a deal.
OTI, are you seriously coming on to a thread specifically designed for victims of STD's to tell us that our STD's are 'no big deal'??? I'm quite amazed at that.

Most women do not get cancer from it even if they get the virus.
True, but I'm sure that doesn't make those that have gotten cancer from it feel like it was 'no big deal'.

Decimated has every right to feel the way he does. The fact that he is concerned about protecting himself AND future partners is a testament to his character, and I commend him for it.

These are the actual CDC figures on HPV:

Genital warts. About 1% of sexually active adults in the U.S. have genital warts at any one time.

Cervical cancer. Each year, about 12,000 women get cervical cancer in the U.S. Almost all of these cancers are HPV-associated.

Other cancers that can be caused by HPV are less common than cervical cancer. Each year in the U.S., there are about:
1,500 women who get HPV-associated vulvar cancer
500 women who get HPV-associated vaginal cancer
400 men who get HPV-associated penile cancer
2,700 women and 1,500 men who get HPV-associated anal cancer
1,500 women and 5,600 men who get HPV-associated oropharyngeal cancers (cancers of the back of throat including base of tongue and tonsils) 

Did you know that HPV is now the leading cause of oral cancer?


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 34 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7161 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
notwarmorfuzzy
♀ New Member
Member # 37868
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got my negative results Thursday.... To wake up today with sores on my vagina! Holy FN Shit Balls!!!! I'm a nurse.... So the minute I took the mirror down... My face fall off... My heart stopped... I have Herpes.. Swollen itchy, painful sores. Courtesy if the WHORE that my WH was with without a condom!!! Oh yeah... I thought I had thrush in my mouth because I had just gotten over pneumonia (gee I wonder where my immune system has gone... Can we say STRESS) but... Nope, it now makes sense. It's not thrush, no white patches, FN SORES ON MY TONGUE!!!! I think I'm numb. Yes, I cried, we actually had a good day today, but now I'm sitting here... Blank... Typing... Wondering what this means to our R?? Can a R be successful with HERPES?! OMG... I'm numb.., 😶😐😕
BS-me 38
WH-39
M-20 years
DDay 11/12/12
2kids 19&16
I thought we were working on R.... Now... I'm lost in Herpeland?!?!

Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2012
hamster
♀ New Member
Member # 36909
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@notwarmand fuzzy

I just read your post ((hugs)). I am in R with my WH 3 1/2 mons now. He decided to hook up with a random starnger in Vegas and brought home HIV. Now I've tested negative but we get to live with him having it. I know I don't have the STD but I sure as hell feel like I do. There will be good days and bad days ahead but you just have to take care of yourself. It's time for you to be selfish and think of your well being. They say time make sthings better...I'm still waiting...


Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
fallingquickly
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((decimated)))
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I found out my WH was cheating by being diagnosed with HPV. The nurse didn't think it was such a big deal. She told me how it could stay in your system for years before becoming active. When I told her my WH and I were "onlies" and had been together since we were 17 she started to cry. She felt so badly for me and for how she handled it.
I realize this is probably very little consolation for you but thank you for your reaction to being exposed to HPV. You make me believe that there are good men out there. My WH used to be one. I don't know what happened to him. I hope that when I'm ready I find a truly good man.

((notwarmorfuzzy))
I just want you to know you're heard and that I empathize with your pain.

((hamster))
Please be sure to get your follow up testing. It can take a while for things to show up. It's much better to catch things early.


Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.


Posts: 455 | Registered: Aug 2012
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to all of you. I am so sorry you have had to join this sad little club.

Hamster, did you mean to type 'HIV'? Because there must repeat testing for HIV. I really hope that was just a typo.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 34 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7161 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
hamster
♀ New Member
Member # 36909
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@painpaingoaway...

nope that was correct HIV

I have and continue to get tested. Here's the kicker..I was 7 mons. pregnant when he told me. I have had baby tested, delivered on 12-6. She is healthy & happy.

Incredible how people can be so selfish and only think of their wants & needs.


Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
hitbyatruck
♀ Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most women do not get cancer from it even if they get the virus.

HPV is normally not that big of a deal. You can totally have a normal active sex life!!

I got cervical cancer from HPV, it was a very big deal considering that was all discovered when I was pregnant. I had a hyster shortly after I had my son. Thank goodness I had already had 2 kids.


Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh hamster I am so sorry.

I have a friend from this site with HIV. She and her H both have it.

Her H got it from his whore, and the mother fucker waited almost a year to tell her. When she was finally tested, she was way sicker than her H.

I can put you in touch with her if you would like me too.

PM me if you would like.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 34 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7161 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Oh the Irony
Member
Member # 12354
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, January 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend at all and of course know HPV--which I have had personal experience with--can be devastating.


I guess the OP talking about never having sex again hit a nerve.


Two gorgeous boys, 16 and 10.
D-day Sept. 15, 2006.
Me, BS 45
Him, WS 50
Her, OG (Guess she is 27 or 28 now! 19-21 at the time...)
Separated. Divorcing. Happily working on myself.

Posts: 737 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: thankful for truth
hamster
♀ New Member
Member # 36909
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, January 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well we're 4 mons.out now and I'm begining to think less about the "acts" and more about the consequences. This is a life long disease we will be dealing with. It breaks my heart because afterall I am still human and empathetic to him. But OMG I can't believe this. It's surreal..still.

Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
CreekWalker
♀ Member
Member # 38215
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband had unprotected sex with his ow. After his return, I had no idea it had been unprotected. When I found out, he insisted she is "clean." Over time, he admitted that she's the sort of older single woman who has some drinks and goes home with whomever.

Anyhow, he would not go get tested, and never has. I went. Everything was negative. I get tested still...my question is...how long before I can stop worrying? BTW the OW is a pharmacist...so she probably has access to treatments for herself if she thinks she has anything.

When do I stop getting tests and stop worrying?


BW, reconciled since 2009,
Him 42
Kids 3 Teens

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: NY
CrocodileTears
♀ New Member
Member # 37699
Default  Posted: 3:06 AM, February 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am one week out from having my STI test and the waiting is killing me. WH's A's were a little over six months ago but I only recently decided that he was lying about using protection. Ironically he just admitted to me yesterday (V-Day) that he indeed did not use any protection during either A. We have been M for 10 years and the day before our 10yr anniversary I had a hysterectomy because of HPV. I can't prove that he contracted it after we were married, but to have it pop up 8 1/2 years into a marriage that you have been faithful in is hard to believe. Just have to make it through the next couple of days until I hear from the Dr. I didn't know however that I had to ask to a herpes test specifically. I don't think I was tested for it. Thanks for all the helpful info in this thread and (((hugs))) to everyone that is dealing with the worst possible fallout of an A.


Me: BS 36
Him: WH 36
Married 10 years
D-day Sept 12, 2012
D-Day #2 Feb 14, 2013
OW: his student
OW #2: OW1's best friend
One of the hardest decisions you'll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Dec 2012
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, March 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 34 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7161 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Topic Posts: 273
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