I wonder if she contacted our previous attorney (for the support hearing). That might explain the about-face that she pulled on us.
OW also crossed the line when FWH went to pick up OC yesterday. Ever since the Black Friday confrontation, FWH rings a doorbell on the ground level, and waits for OC to come down...therefore avoiding OW. Yesterday, OW came down by herself and proceeded to try to talk to FWH. He told her No, he wasn't doing this and would not say anything else. She continued to try to bait him, then huffed back up the stairs, muttering to herself...and still OC was nowhere in sight. FWH thought she was denying the visit and started to walk away...then he said she screamed out something like, "You're not picking him up?!?!?" and that's when OC finally came down.
This is going to be a long few weeks until court. I'm just tired of being in this limbo state and all this BS in between.
Looking for the rainbow after the storm
Well, OW in my case is one of those who imagines herself to be incredibly intelligent, and is actually a complete idiot (FWH's biggest complaint about her when he ended the A to try R; "She's just so stupid. She thinks she's so smart, and she thinks she knows everything about everything, but when she opens her mouth you can tell she is just so stupid… it was embarrassing".) I told her the attorney that we hired was an attorney for both of us, she had no need to hire her own attorney, that ours would work for both sides. Yeah, not really true, but she seems to take our attorney's advice. We are paying 100% of the adoption, and OW WAS fighting us over a $10 (each) fee for their background checks (which we didn't want to pay on principal, it's their criminal history, they should pay the measly $20) but our attorney advised them to pay it, as well as let them know that it is usually the burden of those who are actually adopting to pay, not those who are having their rights terminated.
Have you considered having neutral parties do the exchange? Like, inlays or something? I don't know if it is possible for you, but I've seen it done in (legitimate) relationships where the couple cannot put their differences aside long enough to do a child exchange…
[This message edited by Want2help at 5:56 PM, April 5th (Saturday)]
I'm glad that your attorney advised OW in your case to just pay the $20 for the background checks. ITA with you that it should be their responsibility.
There's already a stipulation in the current custody order that I and my FIL and OW's mother and her boyfriend can transport OC for custody exchanges. Her mother already has a few times, her boyfriend never has. My FIL is starting to show signs of Alzheimer's, so we don't think he's going to be driving much longer....and we definitely wouldn't ask him to go out of town, where he's unfamiliar. As for me, OW has been making it abundantly clear how she doesn't even want to see my face, and she's already hinted that she wants to get me removed as a transport alternative.
As for me, OW has been making it abundantly clear how she doesn't even want to see my face, and she's already hinted that she wants to get me removed as a transport alternative.
Poor OW. Doesn't want you around.
Perhaps and (here's a crazy thought) she should have thought of that before getting pregnant and deciding you would be her child's stepmom. These women are broken and pathetic and have the title "OW" for a reason.
The OW in my H's life has disappeared. She called his parents and said her son was crying for his daddy. This time, h and I were there (yes we're divorcing but his parents invited me and the kids over for dinner and asked if I would mind H being there - I think she's trying for R. God love her )
Anyway He picked up the phone and said: "this is the last time I will address you and this situation. do not call me or my family. further communication will result in harassment charges. I will have my lawyer draw up a formal letter if this is not clear." And no...he doesn't have a lawyer but she got flustered and hung up.
**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**
Ha! What an idiot!
Perhaps and (here's a crazy thought) she should have thought of that before getting pregnant and deciding you would be her child's stepmom.
I concur, but I firmly believe the OWs DID think it through… and in their mind (at least I know this to be the case in our switch), the MM would run to them, taking the knocked up OW in their arms, and never let go.
The day OW announced her pregnancy to fWH (and then promptly called me, so she could announce it to me before he had a chance), she told me "I thought he'd be done with you for good…" and "I NEVER thought he'd leave me to be a single mom…"
They didn't anticipate us being the stepmothers of their OCs, because in their fantasies, we, our Ms, and our COM were discarded in favor of OW, OW's magical vagina, and the COM she would soon push out of it.
I also asked what we can do about a NC order for our families. As I mentioned last week (or so), OW seems to have been in contact with FIL and stepMIL, which FWH is royally pissed about. In the past she has attempted to contact MY family through social media, for what reason I do not know, they all blocked her.
We'd like to have a NC letter sent to her, (which would likely exclude adult stepDs, MIL, and SIL, since OC has already formed bonds with these people, and these people are not involved in our life in any way).
Ugh, I cannot stand OW. Who in the hell does she think she is, outing the affair to OUR families, while filling her own families (except her mother and father, who totally encouraged the affair) lies about some mysterious baby daddy who cheated and HER (OW) and left when she found out she was pregnant. I'd LOVE to contact her family (all religious) and let them know how OC REALLY came about.
Instead, I will leave it to the attorney to handle. And FWH intends to call his father and demand that he cease contact with OW once the adoption in complete.
I can't make heads or tails out of OW's thinking...she specifically said once that she knew FWH wouldn't leave me, but that she hoped he would.
The discussion especially showed how she's using OC to try to separate FWH and I. She had the gall to sit there and complain to FWH that one of the reasons she wants me to stay out of things is that FWH and her end up fighting because FWH obviously takes my side....
Want2 - You're right. My H's OW actively pursued him, and TRIED to break us up. Assuming that he would fall in love w/OC and her and leave me and the 3 kids we share.
I sometimes wonder what OW has told her boyfriend and friends about how OC came about as well. I don't imagine it's truthful.
Welcome to the thread. And - sorry you have to be here. I know, it stinks. One thing I have to say and I say it with all gentleness and love: You can demand NC (that's your right and that's your comfort level) but you can't force it. My H went back and forth on NC for a bit because he felt guilty for this little boy to have been ditched by 2 men the mom claimed were his dad. But, in the end, our marriage and our children won out. But, I didn't force NC. I told him that was a decision HE had to make, I didn't want him to resent me one day. I know it sounds messed up but this was his child and as much as it upset me he had the right to know him if he wanted to. You can handle this but you have the right to set boundaries. Whether it's C or NC. Once that decision is made, YOU set the terms. If your church is good and understanding (mine wasn't - they sided with HIM) they can be a great resource of support. I promise you, you will start to feel better. You may still feel bouts of depression/sadness etc but eventually this becomes your new normal.
We're in the midst of separation/divorce and I still go back and forth. I love him but the OC and cheating scenario were too much for me. We'll see what happens with us. As for you, please take time. Post, post and post some more. We're here for you. You have some decisions to make - whether he's got an OC or not he still cheated and that's hard to wrap your head around. (((HUGS)))
[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 8:09 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]
try not to let yourself be swayed by what your H wants or out of feelings of guilt or anything else.
[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 8:54 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]
I'm so sorry, man.
Welcome to the club nobody wants membership to. We're here for you.
is an unemployed alcoholic single mom
I've yet to read about an OW that wasn't broken or pathetic in some way. My H's OW had "daddy issues" (as my counsellor says.) Her dad wasn't around so she looked for love anywhere she could get it. My counsellor says that (without meeting her, only by what my H has said) the OW equates sex with love and assumes it's enough to keep a man and when they leave she get's angry (makes sense considering none of her children are fathered by the same man and all the fathers have left - her 1st child's father told my H he thought she was evil.)
Separating your finances is a good idea. Protect and worry about yourself right now. And you can always post here if you need an understanding shoulder to cry on or vent or ask advice.
[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 2:36 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)]
He is the only one that doesn't think its his, but his hesitance just tells me that he does believe it and just doesn't want to face up to it
I MADE my H do the test. I had to know. For me and my children. He felt like as long as he didn't know he could deny it.
If she decides to take him to court for child support (and most OW's do) he'll have to do a court ordered DNA test anyway.
**t/j (sidenote) when did I lose the "new" beside the word member under my username? Have I posted that much/been a member that long?? I'm sad to see how many members have needed to join since me! But SI is a great place. Wow how time flies - at least I'm making progress w/healing!**
Now please continue OC related discussions!
[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 1:08 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]