Looking for the rainbow after the storm
This is the kind of stuff that makes R particularly hard (not impossible, but harder)...the residual and current effects of dealing OW and her choices and actions. In our first few years of recovery, I was overwhelmed by all of the anger/depression/shock etc. I felt over the fact that it wasn't just about getting over the adultery, but that she got pregnant and had my H's child out of it too. There were times I didn't even want H to touch me, I was so hurt by the repercussions of his careless actions. I realized that he is no longer actively hurting me though. I've made very clear boundaries in my mind~ I blame both of them for having sex. All of the current stuff that's going on....the support increase namely...that was her decision. She's abusing that power, therefore I am mad at her for doing that.
And Sparkle - I agree with your reason to be mad at the OW...my H's OW only took him to court when he decided NC was the best way to save his family - she said "we will not be ignored". She thought by outing him to me and his parents would force him to bond and raise OC - she also thought she could replace me and it was a rude awakening when 1. he didn't leave me and vice versa 2. his parents didn't "shame" him into parenting 3. his parents had no interest in meeting her or her son and 4. my H followed through when he told her he wasn't going to be contacting her ever again
[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 10:56 AM, September 23rd (Monday)]
I absolutely know how hard it is to think about forgiving your fwH, especially in the first few years after D-Day. It is a battle and it's a sucky situation that we never asked for, but it will get better than it is now. Stay strong *hugs*
I hope everyone else is doing okay - this thread is quiet lately - but, maybe that's a good thing? Maybe that means less drama for some?
They had a child together – he was so careless in his cheating that he created a life with a woman that wasn’t me.
^^^THIS!!! Ugh, it turns my stomach.
I am STILL waiting to hear from our attorney, who is turning out to be LAZY. She gathered all of the paperwork from us and OW (for the adoption) and hasn't filed it with the courts yet, and it's been 2 months! I can't go get another attorney, as this was a flat fee that we paid up front.
I just wanted to check in and see how everyone is. You are all in my thoughts, and I am following all of your stories and wishing you all well.
stronger~ you are absolutely right....people are so quick to judge you without thinking what they would honestly do if they were confronted with the same hard truths. Bottom line, it is your unique journey to healing and it is nobody else's place to tell you how to or when to.
This happened on the anniversary of the day H and I met almost 20 years ago. What I hate is that OW was the one who introduced me to him. How I wish I could go back and erase her from the equation.
Hopefully, you and H will get this all sorted out soon.
Wishing you lots of strength and patience
Has anyone had OW fake a pregnancy?
LOTS of people, most of them do not stay on this board. This board is for those personally dealing with the situation.
My best friend's H had an affair around the same time as my H. His OW faked a pregnancy, an elaborate miscarriage (at 12 weeks), a fake cremation/funeral. They ended out finding out (from the OW's BH) that it was ALL LIES. She had never been pregnant, never been in the hospital for a miscarriage, and never cremated a 12 week old baby.
Now, on the bright side, this week was our 12 year anniversary (of being together, not being married), and on that day we checked the mail and the lawyer had mailed the petition for the courts! We got a copy, and OW got a copy. OW and her H will sign it in front of a notary, and send it to the lawyer, the lawyer will file it with the courts, and in about 3 months (if all goes according to plan) OC will no longer be my H's child legally!
It was so wonderful to read the words in the paperwork about OC being legally OW's husband's child. It was a little bit of a trigger to read "[OC] born to [OW] and [my FWH], an unmarried couple..." I wanted to be like "they were never a fucking 'couple'!!!" but I just reminded myself it is standard language.
I hope nothing gets delayed or messed up because of it, but I had to chuckle to myself about how much OW has lied to the attorney. She lied about who she lives with (they live with OW's parents, she said they lived on their own), lied about how long they've been together, lied about all of the places OC has lived in her 5 years of life, etc. Nothing major that should cause any hiccups in the legal process (except living with the parents, who would need additional criminal background checks), but I never realized how much of a liar OW is! I don't know her well, and have heard about some lies she has told my stepDs and others (all stories about me, and the manner in which FWH left her, but minor things that just make her look like the perpetual victim she tries to portray herself as), but MAN, I don't know if she could tell the truth if she tried!
FWH was rather disgusted as well, and I hope it really drove home the extent to which he "affaired down". One thing that I very much pride myself on is my honesty, and I am known for it (as in "You can trust Want2help, she never lies." or "Tell that to Want2help and ask her opinion, she'll tell you the truth whether you want to hear it or not.") I have also never, ever been one to play the victim.
Anyhow, the attorney needs to draw up a consent form (termination of parental rights) for FWH to sign in front of a notary, and that can be filed, and the petition to be filed, then just a waiting game. I am hoping, HOPING it can be done before the new year, so we can start 2014 off with this done and over with.
We have been dealing with his A and the repercussions (OW and OC) since 2007. It will be phenomenal to close this chapter of our lives.
My thoughts are with you all.
I so badly want to write her back and say:
"ALL CONTACT GOES THROUGH THE ATTORNEY. I don't care about you or your fucking life, you sow faced slut, just make it happen."
But, I of course didn't. I put my boots on and walked the high road, as I have always done, and told her that we knew because the lawyer had contacted us, but thanked her for letting us know.
I want to have respect for her and her H for doing this, but she has shown that she is exactly the same person that screwed my H and then harassed me for over 2 years straight. Add that to the fact that her husband was engaged to his pregnant high school sweetheart when OW got pregnant by him (and to my knowledge he does NOT see his other child), and no, I have no respect for either of them.
But, I will just play along until OC is adopted.
I just want everyone to know that there are happier days ahead. Even without the adoption, somehow an OC becomes a "new normal", and the pain slowly dulls and fades.
I can't wait til the courtdate. I know he doesn't "qualify as parent" legally BUT idk whats gonna happen. I'm not a lawyer and the duty counsel called H's particular situation "hard to determine" as another man raised the OC and signed the birth certificate and has an order to pay support...I wish I was a lawyer or knew a lawyer - obviously I want the judge to side with H and this OW blows away in the wind (like they all should) but we'll see. I'll keep you updated!
[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 2:33 PM, October 7th (Monday)]
It takes a special kind of evil for a human to trick another person into believing a child is/is not theirs.