Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: punished (45460)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only) Part II
#1survivor
♀ New Member
Member # 27296
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, January 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out from her when i called to confront her about the affair. She tryed playing the victim on the website "the other child" about the whole situation but she was very unhanded about the whole thing. I know she got pregnant to try and keep my WH but hahaha he didnt go to her.


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Virgina
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, January 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly, sometimes the WS does leave when the OW gets pregnant. Mine did.

We did not have an COM, he wasn't sure I would ever be able to truly forgive him and he thought this might end up being his only chance to be a dad if we weren't able to work things out. So off he went. OW knew what she was doing and she got what she wanted, in my case.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2264 | Registered: Feb 2010
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, January 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want2help

Luckily in Canada, she can't legally give the baby his last name unless he signs the bc!! She can have him use it, but it's not his legal name, he automatically gets her name.

Man! That is the way it should be! I am wishing I was in Canada, and not for the first time.

(((Whalers11)))

I am so sorry. My heart truly does go out to you. Your WS makes me so angry, especially since Ow's new H was engaged to his highschool sweetheart (who was pregnant) when he met OW and got her knocked up. He left his BGF for OW, makes me SICK!


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2316 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Black23
♀ New Member
Member # 34528
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, January 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hello everybody i need some advice I just found out H had an A in september while i was in texas and him in CA with a young girl who just turned 18 i found out through facebook she is pregnant he is living with me in texas now and does not want anything to do with her.
I talked to her recently and she told me everything about the short affair. supposevely she didnt know about me at the starting. when she told him she was pregnant he freaked out and told her to have abortion becuase he loved me.on dec. 8 he took her to dr. apt. and left her there becuase i was calling. i didnt find out till dec.16 she hasnt heard from him since then. but he did comment to her in the past that if i left him becuase of this he would be with her!
I dont know if i should just try to work it out with him. it bothers me so much i dont want him in another family with her. but its so hard to deal with this i often find myself looking at her facebook and she posts pictures of ultrasounds and progress it makes me so angry and sad. i am hoping its not a boy becuase we have a daughter togeather and his always wanted a boy.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jan 2012
#1survivor
♀ New Member
Member # 27296
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, January 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@black23 I'm sorry to hear you are a part of this group. My only advice is take time and be strong for you daughter. I am 3 years out from dday and i adopted OC but yet i still struggle with this. I learned through all this to follow my heart on my decisions but damnit i will not be played for a fool. Just take the advice from the veteran ladies here they have helped me tons.


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Virgina
Black23
♀ New Member
Member # 34528
Question  Posted: 4:25 PM, January 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@#1survivor thanks yea I am trying to take things slow but it is so hard.but I feel much better now than before. I want to let go and start over but it is so hard,becuase I dont want him to go with her and be happy and me be alone. I know sounds selfish but that is how I feel, like the only thing making me feel better is that he picked me over her.But then i feel for staying.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jan 2012
#1survivor
♀ New Member
Member # 27296
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, January 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@black23.....it takes time, we are stronger then we give ourselves credit for. It never goes away but it does get easier as time goes on. Like i said before I am 3 years out and i still have my good days and my bad days. hold your head high you are a great woman i am sure of that.


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Virgina
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, January 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh, I just ran into OW's fat, ugly, skanky ass on Pinterest, of all places! That was my safe internet spot!

Pinning stuff for OC's birthday party (garish zebra print shit, looks like a strip club). Pinning makeup ideas with sad little comments like "I love this I wish i could do make up better" or "i love this hair style i wish my hair would do this". Booohooo whore. You're such a victim.

Yuck!


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2316 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
onyxns
♀ New Member
Member # 32945
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, January 17th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

at Black23
I want to let go and start over but it is so hard,becuase I dont want him to go with her and be happy and me be alone. I know sounds selfish but that is how I feel, like the only thing making me feel better is that he picked me over her.But then i feel for staying.
I feel the exact same way!

Want2Help, how can you tell if she's on pinterest? I often wonder if I'd see her on there.

I'm so happy we live in different parts of the country!!!


me, BS - 40 yrs
him, WH - 35 yrs
married 10 yrs
dd 15
ds 9
OC born July 13, 2011

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Canada
BooBoo!
♀ Member
Member # 33195
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, January 18th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi to you all...I've lurked on this thread for awhile (it helped me read your stories)..there is an OC in my life too just cant tell or write my story without crying

Hugs to you all


Posts: 631 | Registered: Aug 2011
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, January 18th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello to all new members, sorry you are here but this is probably the best place to be in our cases.

Sorry I haven't been on the past few days, been arguing with fwh. He's stressed over $. Not an excuse, though. I told him when life sucks you can't be an asshole. We are kinda 180'ing each other now, good thing our work schedules are a little hectic until Saturday.

[This message edited by IslandWahine at 8:10 PM, February 29th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, January 18th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want2Help, how can you tell if she's on pinterest? I often wonder if I'd see her on there.

Saw her comment on someone's pin.

Her last post to "saying i love" was "I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue." With her caption "this is so me lol opps i speak my mind"

No, you don't, you fucking passive-aggressive moron. You let FWH walk all over you. You cried when you found out he was still sleeping with ME, and then you cried when you found out he had another OW! You are a doormat. You help MM hide affairs from their wives. You are nothing but a hole on legs.

Pinterest so needs a blocking feature before I write "Do you fuck other women's husbands because it hurts to close your legs?"

Ughhhhh!


(Island) I am so sorry. It has to get easier. My FWH never sees the money that goes to OC (it comes straight out of his check) so we don't have to think about it as much. Eventually you will become more and more a "us against her" type of team. We are going on 5 years out, and although I am saddened that I've forgotten what it feels like NOT to have OW and OC looming over our heads, you become so desensitized to it.

And hugs to all of the new people. I would give you advice, but any more when new people join I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.

You are all in my thoughts. I hope this finds everyone well.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2316 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, January 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((want2help))) The $ for the regular CS comes right out of his check too so we don't have to think about it (although I do), it's that damn additional support the judge awarded, my fwh actually has to do the math to figure out what she gets for the OC, send a redacted paystub, and send an actual check. It drives him nuts and she ALWAYS bitches about how it's not enough, about how we are trying to "short change" the OC (she's doing that on her own, non-working ass), how she is going to take him to court AGAIN. She has done it EVERY single time now, so I know my fwh is bracing for it. She knows to bitch to our lawyer though, although she somehow thinks she's important enough to contact us directly about it. No, contact the damn lawyer, it's what she's been retained for. He just hates parting with the $, although I remind me that we keep the large majority of it.

For the most part we have a united front. I just get really pissed about how much this is costing us. We are working out our finances this year and trying to recoup and adjust, so it is getting better. I don't dwell on it as much as I used to. Still chaffs my ass though. She doesn't work, hasn't worked since 2008, with no end in sight, and lives off of the CS. That's how come she can get max CS, because her income is ZERO--the judge never imputed income. But when they have to go in n a couple of years for a remod. if she's not working it's almost guaranteed she will have income imputed, because the judge WAS pissed that she wasn't working.

Sorry for the mini-vent. Sometimes seeing it written out is actually cathartic.

[This message edited by IslandWahine at 8:13 PM, February 29th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
hurt&unsure
♀ New Member
Member # 34240
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, January 20th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Island Wahine- I fear a similar situation to yours when we go for our CS hearing in March. It was so embarrassing to ask the benefits person at my work if I would be able to add my husbands OC to the health insurance policy that I carry for our family if the hearing stipulates that we have to provide the ins coverage. H just started a new job, hours are variable- and I am very afraid that the judgement will be on the high end and then he will stop getting overtime and the CS will be an even larger portion of his earnings.

I was fuming when we filled out the paperwork that they asked for MY income- makes me feel like my kids are going to be shortchanged just because I chose to get a perfessional degree. I busted my butt to get a decent paying job and now it feels like it is being held against me (and my kids). H did make an appeal on the financial paperwork, but our state even spells out that since I make more than the OW, they will not take my kids into account. Seems so unfair.

I know that there is no sense in worrying about it, my being upset isn't going to change the judgement- but man do I hate being in this position.

Hugs to all.


BS (me) 33
WS (him) 31
D Day 12/8/11
Married 8 years, together 12
Daughters, 4 and 9mo
PA resulted in OC Nov. '11

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2011
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, January 20th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The cOW in our sitch has actually called MY HR to bitch about the insurance that I GO TO WORK EVERYDAY TO PROVIDE. I have had to explain the story to 1 of the HR women there, my file is completely red-flagged in case the cOW calls again (she's been told by me and our lawyer to NOT call MY job for ANYTHING). It's EMBARASSING as all hell. She has manipulated the insurance so I can find out NOTHING about how it's being used by the OC, even though I pay for it! She even blocked my fwh and he is the damn bio-father! She somehow got away with it because she has sole legal/physical, and we suspect she has told them that we have been hostile and/or she fears for her safety (which is complete bullshit). We got that info from someone investigating what was going on; that this type of block would never have gone thru so easy unless she made some type of claim like that.

I am also pissed off that I busted my ass to get thru school, I have a professional career, I do all the right things, and my fwh runs off with some loser pot-head (she grad from HS but not college) with no future. I too was pissed that my children don't get as much CS as the OC merely because I work and have a career and the cOW doesn't.

It all just SUCKS! But keep your heads up, this is not forever. It is LIMITED for less than 2 decades (depending on the state).

(((hurt&unsure)))


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
hurt&unsure
♀ New Member
Member # 34240
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, January 21st (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is helpful to know that other people are going through the same thing. I hate that any of us are in this situation, but I am glad that we can support each other.

I have never met OW, but will I am sure at the hearing in March. She has abided by my WH's request for no contact thus far, and I am hopeful that she is a reasonable person and we can establish out a cool but workable arrangement. that is my hope, but I am too much of a realist to have this be my expectation.

Luckily my H has done all the "right" things, and despite the intense pain of the past few months, we have talked more and more deeply about what we want and what our marriage and life mean to us than we have in years. I hope this trend for the two of us continues...

I appreciate the support I have felt from this site and the people on it, even when I am not posting it is good to know that others have gone through this and have come out the other side, no matter what the outcome. Hugs to you too, ((IslandWahine)) and to us all.


BS (me) 33
WS (him) 31
D Day 12/8/11
Married 8 years, together 12
Daughters, 4 and 9mo
PA resulted in OC Nov. '11

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2011
onyxns
♀ New Member
Member # 32945
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, January 22nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I'm surprised at how the system works in the US. In Canada, CS is based off your income, bonuses,etc are not included in that at all. And as for my income (when I get a job after graduation), has absolutely no impact on the payments. My income is my income, she gets none of it...and my health benefits are mine as well. It's all based off WS income. She makes almost as much as he does, and it doesn't matter at all..she supports 2 other kids, and so does he, but the support is 52% of his pay. She's trying to get daycare and legal fees but WS's lawyer is fighting that as it will put him in undue hardship.

I'm still trying to decide if I want to stay or leave. Their court date isn't until March, he'll be paying $623/mo support till the OC is 18, plus contribute to a life insurance plan that she wants to guarentee cs in case I kill him LOL He still goes into his sacred hotmail account and won't show it to me....sigh


me, BS - 40 yrs
him, WH - 35 yrs
married 10 yrs
dd 15
ds 9
OC born July 13, 2011

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Canada
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, January 22nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here in the US almost everything counts as income! We had almost bought an investment property a few years back, and if we had and there was rental income, THAT would've also counted as his income (if that housenote was in both of our names)! The cOW wanted his bonus income added in as regular income, but since it fluctuates so much the judge didn't allow it. However, because she pushed and pushed, the judge allowed a portion after taxes to go to the OC because the cOW argued it was fair to the OC and that the OC should live the same life we do!!! WTF! She was pissed, she wanted it before taxes. Thank goodness it's after taxes because bonus income is taxed higher which would've meant less to us (and I think the judge knew that). She actually wanted a portion of my fwh's stocks/bonds as well, saying that since our COM get to enjoy the benefits of that, the OC should as well. Luckily the judge said no, and my fwh closed his stock account until the arrears are paid off (the state put a lien on the stock account due to the arrears after we wiped it out).

He didn't get the additional life insurance--he wasn't ordered to. However there is case law in this state that dictates he may STILL have to pay CS if he dies. My fwh can disown the OC past the CS obligation but his estate would have to pay the CS (aka ME!!!) until the OC ages out.

My income was only counted when they figured out the CS obligation to me from my fwh (which they automatically do since he lives with our COM, one of the very few good things about CS in this state). The cOW tried to get my income added initially, saying that we are an upper middle class household and she is a zero income household, the OC is living drastically different than our COM. We only make what we do because I work, its not just my fwh's income. Judge denied it thank goodness. Then the cOW tried to say she couldn't meet the OC's basic survival needs, and again asked my income to be added as "household" income since there was a huge discrepancy between households. Yes there is because I WORK! Again denied. She tried to have BOTH of our COM not added in because she "filed first". Denied. Then she tried to get our youngest COM not calculated because the OC is 5 months older than my youngest. But the OC's paternity was discovered after my youngest was born, therefore technically at time of discovery my fwh had 2 COM. Denied (on her part).

The OC is really nothing but a paycheck for her. She hasn't worked since 2008 and tries to say she can't find any work (although she told my fwh that he should be thankful she's not working because then she would hit him up for childcare expenses, which actually he wouldn't have to pay because she qualifies for state aid to pay for it--they take the cost out of her income. Which is why we don't think she will go back to work until the OC is in school).

I know too much about the $ issues. I made it a point to stay 10 steps ahead of the cOW in the $ dept after my fwh got hosed in court.

This whole thing sucks. The $ part has been the hardest for me because it's the one thing that's been used to hurt us the most.

(((us all)))


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, January 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh!! It's a Monday. So WH hasn't spoke to The whore since the issue we had the Monday after NYE. She has sent pics and tried to contact him but he has been ignoring her until they go to court on the 31st of the month. I get a call from WH this AM. The whore has been calling him all night because the OC is sick. Whore said she has an ear infection and is digging in her ear and nose.(Poor baby) Says this has been going on for 3 days. Does she take her to the Dr. this AM? No she drops OC off at daycare. The daycare calls WH because he is emergency contact and the OC has 104 temp and is throwing up. WH makes a Dr. Appt and HE is picking her up and taking her to the Dr.. The daycare can't get ahold of the whore. Are you kidding me???? What kind of mother does that.I feel so bad for this OC. (thanks for letting me vent. I'm so disgusted!!)

[This message edited by tryingtosmile at 9:58 AM, January 23rd (Monday)]


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, January 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok so here is an update. He picked up OC from daycare at 10:15 and tooke her to the Dr.@ 10:45. She has a very bad ear infection. So this poor baby has been in pain for 3 days.He got a copy of her shot records . All of her shots have been late the last bunch very late. The Dr. is concerned because OC has not gained a pound since she was in a month ago and they said that is not normal so WH made an appt for 2 weeks from today. Oh...did I mention that the whore still had not called daycare or WH about the OC and it is now 12:41pm. Truly a POS


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.