Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts - 7
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, February 1st (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay, Pink!!! I agree. Let him dig his own grave. You're doing fine, woman! Proceed... (ha, ha!)


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still hanging in here, trying to get my ducks in a row, as they say. Meeting with a D atty tomorrow, will have to drag the kids along, I think, since I don't have childcare. WTF am I going to tell them??? If they tell WH where we went, well, I'm afraid...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8792 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nature Girl! I've been worried about you. Hon, you don't need additional worries, can't you find someone to babysit the kids? Anyone???

Going to see the attorney is stressful enough without worrying about one of the kids spilling the beans.

I wish I lived near you. I would babysit them in a heartbeat. When are you asking your SAWH to leave? Did his men's group agree to help you???

Hugs and prayers, sweetie...


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((WS)))) I'm thinking of you and hoping that you're okay. (((MORE HUGS)))

(((NG))) I wish you had a babysitter too. Could you do a phone consultation with the L instead of a face-to-face meeting? No matter what, good luck tomorrow.


Posts: 1434 | Registered: Oct 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did a phone consult today and got a good feel on the phone with this place. I actually DON'T have a babysitter for during the day. Most people work. I don't, and we homeschool. So, I'm kinda stuck. Then again, I haven't needed a babysitter during the day before. Dadgummit!

As for the men's group, I called the leader guy up today & left a message on his cell. Told him that I already had the information he seems to think I don't have, that I am NOT "standing alone" as he kept insisting. I went on to say that I didn't appreciate the barriers HE was putting up, that the request I was making was entirely reasonable. I told him that this was a safety issue, and if he wasn't going to do this MY way, then I didn't want his help at all. It's either MY way, or NO way. I tell you, I felt really good after leaving that message! Go me!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8792 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woo Hoo! You go, Nature Girl! Good for you!


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay. Sorta unrelated, but I have to share....

My bully boss has been riding my ass, if you've read my previous posts. Today, she informed the staff, that the company is redoing the entire commission and bonus structure. WTF!!! Thanks to her, I'm, already down $13,000 year over year. I am already working twice as hard for half the money. The majority of my clients would leave, if I leave. Sooooo....

Tonight, with my WH's help, I set up my own website as a weight loss counselor. I have not yet developed my website, but I purchased a domain name and I'm ready to move forward!

I am so excited! I am getting my ducks in a row, and feel strong that if I am terminated, or quit, I have a Plan B. My dream is to be my own boss -- and today was the first step in realizing my dream. It has been months since I felt hopeful about anything. But tonight, I feel hopeful! I think I can do this...



This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, wasn't WS going to the disclosure today? Has anyone heard from her or how she's doing?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8792 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She did and I did hear. I don't know details and I'll let her tell what she wants. She sounds OK...

I am in a really bad place. If any of you have a chance to read my post in Off Topic, and can give me your take, or just your prayers and positive energy, I know I'd feel it. I don't know where he is tonight, I can't believe they'd let him work, not in the condition he left here, I'm hoping someone intervened and got him somewhere safe, but, in his current state of mind, he might just have quit on the spot and drove off...coworkers do have the home number though...let go and let god...


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2933 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I can't forget about you. Ghost! GREAT! That sounds like the perfect plan! Just a toe, but ideal!

NG, hang tough. Take coloring books, electronic toys if you can, and a bunch of flowers and a 20 for the sec'y you sweet talk to keep an eye on the kids. You'll think of something to tell them, ummm, research for a school activity on businesses? Maybe that's next month's curriculum?


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2933 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What's the difference between the S-Anon & COSA groups?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8792 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
TooManyYears
♀ Member
Member # 26108
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nature Girl,

I don't know the difference between COSA and S-Anon. My experiences are solely with S-Anon, and I cannot recommend it enough.

Good luck with your consultation today. You may not be able to legally remove him from the house. It depends on your state. My H was willing to leave, but our situation was different from yours.

As for the SA group, I wouldn't mess around with that "leader" anymore. I think the group sounds odd, from the way you have described interactions. Besides that, 12 step groups don't have "leaders", but maybe this isn't a 12 step group?

Anyway, good luck and stay strong!


Me- 40
H, rSA- 46
2 young adult children
Married 21 years
Last D-day 9/19/09 (Many before this)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Nov 2009
TooManyYears
♀ Member
Member # 26108
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

scaredyKat,

I read your post in OT. First of all, HUGE HUGS!!!! I think that as parents all of us can relate to the fears that we have about our children as the result of growing up in a household of addiction. I hope you are able to reach out for support IRL and lean on others right now.

Next I want to share with you what my therapist has said to me about my kids. As background (and I know I have shared this before), my kids found out about some of my H's activities on d-day. That was one of the biggest factors in my decision to separate from my H. I had said to my youngest, I am mad at your father, and my youngest replied back, I am mad at dad, too. And that started everything in motion, when I learned that my children knew things about their father's acting out, as I had felt that we had hid things very well, and were staying together for the kids. Needless to say, living in a house with addiction has affected my kids. My therapist has told me that at this point they will begin to make adult decisions and the best thing their father and I can do is to work on our recoveries so that they see the change in our lives.

This is a long and weary road. While much change has occurred in my H's life and in my life, the kids are slow to see it. There are still tense times, and our oldest still does not call my H dad or father. Our youngest just told me this week that people don't really change. It is sad to see the affects of the wasted years on our kids. It is the one thing that upsets me more than anything; the damage that has been done to my kids. My H's acting out bothers me far less than the disappointment and dysfunction that we have brought to the two precious human beings that we were entrusted with.

Yes, I have a TON of shame. So, I can sympathize with the way you are feeling. I know that you did the best you could with what you had. None of us set out to see our children hurt or suffer, we all want the best for them, and I know that is true of you, too. I know that both my H and I grew up in abusive households with multiple addictions and in some respects we repeated the cycle. Addictions are multi-generational and that is why recovery for US is so important to help break these cycles.

I wish you peace today. I hope your son is safe and will hit his rock bottom. I hope he will begin to embrace recovery for himself, too.


Me- 40
H, rSA- 46
2 young adult children
Married 21 years
Last D-day 9/19/09 (Many before this)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Nov 2009
TooManyYears
♀ Member
Member # 26108
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW...it would be awesome if whomever starts the next thread out (we are so close!) could make 7's resource list the first post of the thread as a reference for newbies.

Hugs to all, and I hope you are taking care of yourself today.


Me- 40
H, rSA- 46
2 young adult children
Married 21 years
Last D-day 9/19/09 (Many before this)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Nov 2009
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What's the difference between the S-Anon & COSA groups?

Nature Girl, I'm not sure of the answer to your question, but I find them very similar. The nice thing about COSA is that there are online meetings and telephone meetings. I prefer face-to-face meetings, but they are a long drive from me and meet only once a week. For awhile I needed a meeting every day, and went to Al-Anon and AA meetings. These help immensely. You can just find an open meeting and go as a visitor - they are always welcoming.

Here's a link for the information regarding the telephone meetings: cosacall.com/

I was on one of those last week, and there were soooo many new people joining in. It kinda' breaks my heart. As does reading the posts here. I'm lurking these days, but I am following along and praying for everyone.

{{{{ Everyone }}}}


Posts: 1062 | Registered: Aug 2010
pink carnation
♀ Member
Member # 34310
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

S-Anon is a life saver... And 12 step groups don't have leaders... In my S-Anon group and my Co-d group it is said over and over that our "leaders" are but trusted servants and do not govern... They are talking about the boards that approve literature and things like that... I wish you so much peace and hope.


You are in God's hands now, Dahlin'!

Posts: 1881 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: GA
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kat, I just posted on your thread in OT. Oh sweetie, I am so sorry for your pain. We are living parallel lives -- and it totally sucks! Please keep us posted on your DS. I am praying for all of you!!!

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you through this. You have been so supportive of me.

Wrapping (((Kat))) and all of you in warm hugs...


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs and prayers to all of you. Weekends are so hard.

Nothing really new on my end, SAWH merely trying on new attitude & behaviors like a new suit. Doesn't fit well & isn't flattering. Haven't felt well all week and am working all weekend. Had a nightmare of SAWH f*&^ing another woman two nights ago. Last time I had that dream he was acting out. *sigh* FML.

Take care of yourselves today everyone. Will check in after work.


~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG - For what it's worth, the CSAT told me that there isn't a lot of difference between COSA and S-Anon. In fact, even within each of these organizations, there are differences between each meet-up group - it depends on the members, the emphasis on religion (or not), etc. He told me to go and try out a few COSA groups and see which one I liked best.

I liked the first one I went to. I live in a city but chose to go out to the burbs (the shame factor). I went to a bunch of meetings, and I found it incredibly powerful to tell strangers IRL about the SA and my marriage.

I ultimately stopped going, however,when I decided to follow through with the divorce - the CSAT and I thought I should concentrate on that instead. I do think about going back sometimes. I have mixed feelings, however, since most of the spouses there are not in recovery, and I feel like I'm in a different place.

So you might just want to try a few groups and see if you can find one that feels right - you'll probably want to find on that has members who have left the SAS or are in the process of doing so.

Interestingly, the CSAT suggested Al-Anon for me, since my husband acts like an out-of-control drunk. Sigh.

[This message edited by ChoosingHope at 9:45 AM, February 3rd (Friday)]


Posts: 1434 | Registered: Oct 2011
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are seeing some light...and my "atheist" SAfWH said that he actually "prayed" all night for this outcome. To save you all from post jumping, this is what has happened...

An update...we followed through last night. As he left we told him not to come home without a plan and a changed attitude. He left here, drunk, I think, and with two different shoes on. He had trashed his room again in a fit of rage that we cleaned it up. I cannot TELL you how out of character this all is...anyway, his clothes were on the porch. When I left this morning he wasn't home. That's a hour after he usually would be home. He called my H at 9:30 saying he had checked himself into the ER, and was going away for a few weeks to a "center," to get "better." Through some detective work we found him, it's a very well respected in-patient facility that specializes in mental health disorders that may or may not be complicated by chemical dependencies. He's in a great place.

I called them. I told them I didn't expect to be told anything but gave all our contact phone numbers, that we could be called at anytime and that we loved him...

God's will is mine this time...

*****DS#1******

Thanks for the wise support and cyber hugs...

It's not the end, but it's a beginning...

Love to all.

Can I please get off this ride???!!!


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2933 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.