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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: BS Questions for WS's - Part 6
WishingForLethe
♀ Member
Member # 34805
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, May 12th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wonderingwhy- would your husband consider switching accounts or jobs? If it made my BH uncomfortable it would be out of the question for me. Of course, it may be different if you are dependent on his income. In any case I think you should have a say.


Don't look at how far you have to go, but how far you have come

Posts: 350 | Registered: Feb 2012
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, May 12th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fwh and mow were co-workers. They often went out with other co-workers that they considered friends.

Fwh says none of these so called friends ever said anything about what was happening. Just wondering if anyone ever tried to tell you what you were doing was wrong and what affect it had.

[This message edited by Lucky2HaveMe at 5:21 PM, May 12th (Saturday)]


~L2HM~
Every Storm Runs out of Rain ~ Gary Allen

Posts: 5475 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, May 12th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nordicbabe,

My situation was different than yours. I never left. Twice I told my BW I wanted a D, but took back those words right after I said them. The damage was done. Can't take back words like that very easily. I'm sure BW will remember them for a long time.

Still, the reason I said those things, and my thought process behind it, was that I was going to be giving my BW everything. I was going to be the good guy and leave without a mess. By letting my BW be the one to initiate the D, I thought I was giving her some strength in the situation. She could say that she D'd me. She would save face.

Now I look back and see that I was a complete idiot in my thought process. I can't defend what I did. But that is what was going through my head at the time.

So, your WH may be thinking that he is doing you a favor by letting you be the one to D him. What he may be hoping is that if you do, he will be able to tell everyone that he wanted to work on the M, but you just couldn't forgive him even though he was willing to give it a shot. Makes him look like an okay guy.

This is just a guess. Others may have a different take. 180 his ass.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Wonderingwhy11
♀ Member
Member # 34782
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, May 12th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH is self employed (and I work with WH) – makes the client/friend more difficult. The friend was a client first and then became a friend. I now say never let the business client become a good friend. WH says he trying to keep it all business now. I have such a hard time about meeting this friend for drinks. I just want him to keep the meetings at the office not in bars like before – and he has done that when I have insisted. WH says client/friend rather meet in bars to discuss business and I do believe this knowing this friend. WH says it is hard to end a friendship. I ask him why he would want to continue a friendship that hurts me. I have pointed out some of the friend’s behavior and WH does agree I have a point but is struggling because for some reason he considers him a good friend. WH has other friends. I wonder if there could still be continued contact with OW through this friend. WH says no. It is just very hard because of all of the lies. Part of me thinks is demanding the friendship to go is a test I am doing. Am I being unfair? We did decide to go to MC to help with this issue – and all the other ones besides the friend. I hope it helps us.
I do appreciate this forum. I appreciate the WS who respond. Again thanks.


Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15

Gotta love the life that we livin'


Posts: 376 | Registered: Feb 2012
WishingForLethe
♀ Member
Member # 34805
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, May 12th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wondering- I don't know if this comment is really appropriate foe this forum, but I trust Baxter will let me know if I need to censor myself a bit more.

Take a breath a vault yourself! You have offered your WH a gift beyond price! Some WS, myself included, would cut off a finger whistling to receive such acceptance!

This "friend" was complicit in the A. This "friend" makes you feel bad. Ergo- he is no friend. If he offered your husband a million dollars and a dog that craps gold- that is NOTHING compared to what he has received from you in the gift of R.

Anything that gives you a moment of unease should be out the window. The only thing unfair, IMHO, is that he is asking you to tolerate this.


Don't look at how far you have to go, but how far you have come

Posts: 350 | Registered: Feb 2012
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, May 13th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BaxtersBFF – thanks. You know processing all of this feels more like a washing machine than a logical process. Wash, spin, see what comes out in the wash then repeat. Eventually some things will stick out I’m sure. I think you are right that the pedestal is really issues from way before I met my W. My W slept with AP once before we started dating, then she started the A after we had dated about a year or so – we were young for sure. But at that point she did feel the pressure of the pedestal as I did nearly worship her but I was also trying to help her with her self esteem issues. I’ve learned that trying to help someone fix their problems is not always conducive to feelings of equality.

My W does not say yet definitely why she had the A. She is exploring the pedestal as part of her why. Sometimes the why paths are nearly as hard for me to deal with as the A itself. For this one it seems so impossible that because I loved and respected her it put pressure on her. I guess not impossible, I do get it, but I probably don’t want that to be true. Sometimes I just need to hear it from someone who lives in the real world and who is not paid to analyze our brains.

As to the restart of the A, our communication was not the same at that point. I was trying to recover from learning of her first A and struggling. I was there and trying but it was not very good. We then started MC. She was really bad and we had one session with the MC before the A restarted so in hindsight that was a bust. Because of the trauma of the first A I have so much trouble remembering what it was like before the second A started. I can’t even remember much of the last two months of college.

Thanks for taking the time to think about me. Some days I am feeling like so much is good and some days I just flounder. You have given me some good ideas. I am going to show her the post and see what she says about the first two paragraphs. Someone posted about how we are never in the same marriage since we are not married to ourselves. I would have thought that came out of a horses ass a few years ago. Now it makes sense. Either I am growing or I am speaking “horses ass” language – IDK.


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jul 2011
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, May 13th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

foundoutlater,
Sometimes I just need to hear it from someone who lives in the real world and who is not paid to analyze our brains.
Wait, I'm not getting paid for this?

Sometimes the why paths are nearly as hard for me to deal with as the A itself.
This is absolutely true. It is also a major hurdle for the WS. Once a WS starts to get it (pulls their head out of their ass), they will start on this journey, and then they realize that they went down the wrong path. They had to, it had to be explored, but it also hurts the BS a little bit more, so the WS may not want to talk about it, or they may get to the point of not bringing things up, then the BS feels like their WS isn't communicating. It is an intricate dance. And it is a huge indicator to how R is going if both the BS and the WS can talk about things during this process.

Hopefully that is the case with your R.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, May 13th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lucky2HaveMe,

There were a couple times when I brought up my EA. It was always vague, or so I thought. Each time, the person I was talking to basically said I would be crazy to leave my BW. One was a friend from HS who I have kept in touch with over the years. The others were co-workers who had met my BW and who had known me for a few years.

Their responses did make a difference for the better.

I do remember something else. There was a co-worker who I talked to one time about M in general. He was basically heading for D. I don't know if it was his ability to be an ass, or something about his W. I'm leaning toward it being her issues...but anyway, he made the comment one time about "how long are you (generally speaking) going to stay unhappy." What I remember about that conversation was that I wasn't comfortable with it. So, yet another indicator of how I was fighting with myself.

This has been a theme for me this weekend...the internal struggle of knowing what right, but fighting it to do something that deep down you know isn't right.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
MammaMia
♀ Member
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, May 13th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a question I want to ask all WS. If you are a BS please do not respond because we do not really know what our spouses think.

Have you ever had or are you currently having guilty feelings over the A?

If the answer is yes please explain:
a) how soon after you were found out you started experiencing guilt

b) what events caused you to experience guilt?


If your answer is " No guilty feelings" please explain:

a)what is the main factor that you have never experienced any guilt?


And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Posts: 813 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
starrysky
♀ Member
Member # 14669
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a question I want to ask all WS. If you are a BS please do not respond because we do not really know what our spouses think.
Have you ever had or are you currently having guilty feelings over the A?

If the answer is yes please explain:
a) how soon after you were found out you started experiencing guilt

b) what events caused you to experience guilt?


If your answer is " No guilty feelings" please explain:

a)what is the main factor that you have never experienced any guilt?

Mamma Mia,

I'm now almost 7 1/2 years past DDay and still find myself struggling with guilt at times. Most often now it hits me at serene moments; looking at my H while he's sleeping, holding his hand while we sit on the couch & watch TV, reading emails he sends me while he's away (he's active duty Army), etc. The guilt hits me incredibly hard when I look at those moments & realize how much I've hurt him & how incredibly thankful I am that he gave me the gift of reconciliation.

I confessed & that confession was because of my overwhelming guilt. Seeing his pain, his confusion, his hurt, seeing how hard he was trying to fix something when he didn't know what was wrong; all of those things ate away at me until I blurted it out (drunkenly) one night.

I imagine the guilt will be something I carry around for the rest of my life & that's the price I pay for choosing to have an A.

Hope this helps...


"The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it"

Me(37)-FWW/BS
Him(36)-BH/WH The love of my life
2 Daughters: 15,11
Married 14 years Together 17 years
11 Month EA & PA
Beautifully Reconciled


Posts: 585 | Registered: May 2007
nvr flt sch pain
♀ Member
Member # 31540
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BaxtersBFF thanks for answering everyones posts.

In answer to your q, our relationship before was much as it is now we are married. The marriage did not change things. I guess I thought it was a committment and felt more secure as I believed my wh had morals but clearly not given that he started his pa a month after we were married and was in the ea before we even said I do!!!

Really in hindsight I shouldn't have got married, I wish I hadn't as although it was a great day it now holds nothing but bad memories for me and I can't look at the photos without thinking what a lie and a sham it was!

My wh has a ons very early on inour relationship but he came home and told me and cried and was full of guilt, told me he didn't me and offered me everything he had at that point. I forgave him and it was good for a while. I now suspect the casual sex was a thing throughout our whole relationship, I found texts to random women he met out, he'd looked up numbers for hotels and regularly went out on his own and came in at silly oclock (6am) so no prizes for guessing where he really was.

After OW1, there was a second ea he swears it wasn't a pa but I don't believe him! There were even some inappropriate texts to his ex amongst other things and he registered with several dating sites for adult fun so he is far from fixed!!!!

He has been makign an effort in his own way, hasn't been out on his own for ages but is still in contact with ow1 (as a friend!!!!) and yes I've asked him to give up that relationship but he won't so I guess my answer is there really. He can't really care about me or love me can he?

I guess I just need to get my big girl pants on like everyone on SI has been telling me instead of hiding in my shell. I was waiting for finances and things to get a bit better and looking for evidence of further indiscretions to seal my decision but in reality, am I only putting off the inevitable because I am scared or something????

I soooo hate bieng here!!!!!!


BW-2gether 13 years, wed 09/09.
Dd1 OW1 6/7/2012 - 9 mnths pa/ea. Dd2 OW1 13/8/2010. Dd3 OW1 10/10, ons and ongoing ea.
Dd4 05/11 OW2 - EA/poss PA, plus other poss ONSs,other dodgy txts.
Dd5 03/12 date sites, sex chats & porn!
01/2013 - porno se

Posts: 663 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: united kingdom
wwnomore
♀ Member
Member # 31675
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MammaMia,

I am a year out, and the guilty feelings are in full force. Why now? BH's triggers. They are everywhere, and we are just now beginning to deal with them:

AP had a common first name. Every time BH hears that name, he triggers. I have taken to calling people by their last names these days.

AP had a not so common last name. While watching a baseball game recently, there was an ad behind home plate for a business bearing that name.

I had asked BH to help me look at a house I might buy. One of the rooms was filled with souvenirs of a popular pro football team in AP's hometown...which was there the A took place.

All of these little things would have meant nothing, but for what I did. Realizing that I have forever tainted BH's world with things he never would have noticed previously is really hard. Guilt? You betcha.


Posts: 489 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Mid-Atlantic
nealos
♂ Member
Member # 35284
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a question I want to ask all WS. If you are a BS please do not respond because we do not really know what our spouses think.
Have you ever had or are you currently having guilty feelings over the A?

If the answer is yes please explain:
a) how soon after you were found out you started experiencing guilt

b) what events caused you to experience guilt?


If your answer is " No guilty feelings" please explain:

a)what is the main factor that you have never experienced any guilt?

YES.
a.) immediately; within an hour, I was experiencing extreme guilt.
b.) I had managed to convince myself that it was okay and that no one would get hurt-- that I was going to stop when it could possibly hurt my BS... so when I saw her in so much pain, I fell flat and was immediately crushed with guilt by witnessing her pain. It still hurts tremendously to think about-- I still have so much guilt.


31yo WS-SA

“When we disclose the thought and intents of our hearts in surrender, we identify with one another at depth.”


Posts: 254 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: 5280'
wolf_heart
♀ Member
Member # 35262
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here are some questions for a WS.
1) When you lied did you create an alternate reality to make the lie true to yourself?

2) How soon during the A did you feel guilty or feel that you might have done something wrong?

3) If the sex was bad, would you still go back for more?

4) Do you now do things for your BS that you did only for your OP?

5) Do you find it hard to keep transparency, openness and honesty with your BS? If not, why?

If you only want to answer 1 or 2 questions that is fine. I am just curious with some of these and want to see if they add up with my WH. Thank you in advance.


Married 26 years
BW: Me, 47
WH: 47
DDay#2: March 8th, 2012, with one of my good friends.
DDay#1: Oct. 20th 1992, 2 years post PA
Attempting R
Without honesty, loyalty, and commitment; saying you love someone, simply means nothing.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Southwestern Area of USA
starrysky
♀ Member
Member # 14669
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here are some questions for a WS.
1) When you lied did you create an alternate reality to make the lie true to yourself?
2) How soon during the A did you feel guilty or feel that you might have done something wrong?

3) If the sex was bad, would you still go back for more?

4) Do you now do things for your BS that you did only for your OP?

5) Do you find it hard to keep transparency, openness and honesty with your BS? If not, why?

If you only want to answer 1 or 2 questions that is fine. I am just curious with some of these and want to see if they add up with my WH. Thank you in advance.

wolf_heart,

1. Yes, I absolutely did. In lying to xOM about my H (that he ignored me, never listened to me, had no interest in things I wanted to do, etc), I convinced myself those things were true; even though they weren't. Even if some of the things were true, things were the way they were because I didn't address them with my H, but during the A, I created an alternate universe where everything was H's fault. At the time of my A, my H was an active duty Army recruiter; he worked obscene hours, weekends, holidays & though he had no control over that, I used it against him & used it to further my alternate universe to justify my A.

2. I felt guilt pretty quickly. xOM came to visit me in the city where we lived at the time, we met at a hotel (I told my H that I was staying at a girlfriends house) & immediately after the PA started, I felt guilty. That guilt was compounded when I called my H over that weekend & he told me he loved me & hoped I was having a good weekend :( By then, I was in so deep I compartmentalized that guilt for another 8 months before it became too much & I confessed to my H.

3. At the time I didn't think the sex was bad. xOM was 7 years older than me, had MUCH less physical attraction than my H; but I pushed that all to the side because xOM swooned over me Sex with my H was & always has been the best I've ever had. I'm not sure if you're asking if I would go back for more now; if so, the answer is a RESOUNDING no. If you're asking about during the A, again, the sex wasn't bad; just different & I convinced myself it was "better" because he paid all sorts of attention to me.

4. Hmm. This is going to likely be TMI, but at the time of my A, xOM & I experimented with some light BDSM activities. They interested me & I was too embarrassed to tell my H that. xOM & I discussed it a lot (he lived in another state, so we spent a lot of time chatting online) & tried a few of those things. It's been 7 1/2 yrs since DDay & I now share everything with my H. It turns out, he was interested in those things too & had I brought it up, we could have tried them first together. Other than that, no, I don't do things for my H that I solely did for xOM (to be honest, aside from the BDSM stuff, I don't think there was anything I did just with xOM that I had never done with H.)

5.I don't find being honest, open & 100% transparent difficult at all. In fact, I find it to be the easiest, most freeing thing in the world for me. I no longer stress about where I left my cell phone & if I put a passcode on it, I don't have to worry about being at the grocery store & freaking out thinking I left my secret email account open, I don't have panic attacks thinking I didn't delete any pictures I sent xOM/he sent me, etc. I had MANY of those moments during my A & it's SO amazingly freeing to never have to worry about that stuff again. I remember, maybe 3 or so years ago, I left my house to drive my sister to the airport & forgot my iPhone at home. H called my sister to let her know & I said "no biggie". When I came home, my H had the most serene look on his face & said "4 years ago, if you were 2 minutes away from the airport & going to miss a flight, you STILL would have turned around to come get your phone. I'm very proud of you" and NOTHING beats that feeling.

I hope this helps :)


"The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it"

Me(37)-FWW/BS
Him(36)-BH/WH The love of my life
2 Daughters: 15,11
Married 14 years Together 17 years
11 Month EA & PA
Beautifully Reconciled


Posts: 585 | Registered: May 2007
WishingForLethe
♀ Member
Member # 34805
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nealos- I had extreme guilt long before I was caught. I just felt like I was trapped. Looking back now I realize what I should have done. But at the time it seemed like there was no way out. I used to think I would have to kill myself- that there was no other possible outcome because of the pain this situation would cause. I started seeing an IC to find some resolution. But got caught before I did.

Wolf heart-
1. Yes. My entire A was wrapped in fantasy on my part and on the part of the OM. We met through an online fantasy game. Nothing was real.

2. When contact began out of game I started feeling guilty and buried it because I so craved the attention. I was so in over my head by the time the PA started, I could not look at myself. After the first time we were together I literally threw up.

3. It was never sex I was after. I trades that for attention and affection. That was my addiction. Actually OM had serious sexual dysfunction due to childhood sexual abuse (another reason he "needed" me) so the sex part was mostly talk and ego stroking. My BH is a really good looking guy who at that time I did. It feel "needed" me. So what I wanted was not the sex- but to feel wanted. Only I would end up haing a PA with someone who is awful in bed- I can't even get that right!

3. No, although it did open me to wanting to try stuff AND wanting to do stuff with BH during the hysterical bonding period that would be "just ours". I don't know if that makes sense. I just felt more sexual during that time. Sadly, BH took this as if I had done way more with OM than I had.

4.NO- it is such a relief that he knows now. No more fear. No more concern he will find anything- there is nothing to find. I can't slip up- he knows it all. I am relieved every time he checks my phone/ computer or anything. It is a tiny way to build trust. I hate it when he won't check. It feels like I don't mater. I keep no more secrets and that makes me much more relaxed.

I hope this helps.


Don't look at how far you have to go, but how far you have come

Posts: 350 | Registered: Feb 2012
wolf_heart
♀ Member
Member # 35262
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your answers!
I should have been more specific with number 4. I am finding it hard that my WH doesn't call, text, e-mail and send pix to me like he did the OW. Especially the e-mails. You know the "I love you and am thinking of you" type. I don't get those and she did, so I am still jealous.


Married 26 years
BW: Me, 47
WH: 47
DDay#2: March 8th, 2012, with one of my good friends.
DDay#1: Oct. 20th 1992, 2 years post PA
Attempting R
Without honesty, loyalty, and commitment; saying you love someone, simply means nothing.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Southwestern Area of USA
SGRBEET
♀ Member
Member # 35442
Default  Posted: 2:02 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For all the WS's out there....my H and I are attempting R and we are 2 1/2 years out from dday.

What does "I don't remember" and "I don't know" really mean when questioned about the details of his activities.

My H frequented strip clubs, massage parlors and even met an escort. He says nothing really happened but then how did I get an STD?

I just need to know where his head is at when he won't answer my inquiries. What are his motivations behind this silence and does he really not remember because it is just to difficult for him to actually do that?

Any insight would be appreciated.


Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2012
Arais
♀ Member
Member # 33628
Default  Posted: 3:45 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like to hear about this too. My WH says he can't remember all the time and yet when pushed he can come up with small significant details. I know that he wants R more than anything but his refusal to come clean/tell me everything at this point has pushed me very close to D. Why? Why would he risk it rather than tell me?

Posts: 329 | Registered: Oct 2011
englishrose
♀ Member
Member # 34974
Default  Posted: 4:38 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too.

My fWH doesn't answer some of my questions. He will avoid answering a lot of the time, he sometimes ignores me or finds a way to distract me, or tries to change the subject. If he does answer I almost always feel that he isn't being fully truthful.

He's being attentive and loving otherwise. He reassures me regularly, and hasn't done or said anything that'd make me feel anxious or suspicious since we got back together last year. Other than him not being honest with regard to the nature of the A, he's ticking all the boxes I could hope for with regard to R.

He seems to have particular difficulty regarding me asking if he and OW had had sex. He has said many times that they didn't (I don't believe him). The 'story' just doesn't ring true to me at all, so I persist. I dig, and dig more, I prod and I poke, I call him out on things he says (he contradicts himself sometimes/forgets what he's said before. I trick him into believing that he's told me something before, and he sometimes goes along with it.

I hate having to do this, I'd much rather him tell me the truth.

I've told him that i'm not prepared to go on hearing him lie to me, that I can't live like this for much longer, yet he continues to lie or says that he can't remember. Why does he do this?


me BW 46 WH 43
DS 7
DS's 21 & 19 (my boys - from my previous marriage)
Ddays 3&17/3/2011



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