I've read all 3 also.
My rating is
1 How to Help Your Spouse
2 After the Affair
3 How Can I Forgive You
Each has it's own merits. Just pick through the books to find what helps you the most.
I skipped through How Can I Forgive You. It's just a personal thing for me-I couln't forgive. I live alongside (co-exist) instead; (the A) not my marriage or H that is. It is unforgivable for me.
I think if it moves you forward and if forgiving is something you need in order to heal the book may be helpful to you.
The How to Help Your Spouse Heal was really the most helpful because it basically lays out a How-to of what the WS can do to help the BS.
I also highly recommend Getting Past the Affair (Drs. D Snyder, D Baucom, and K Coop Gordon). If you are in IC/MC you can use this along with your therapist for understanding and moving in the direction you want to go. It's a lot to digest though (long and a bit clinical lots of thought provoking questions to consider). My H and I would read a chapter and then thoroughly discuss it until we felt we were edged through whatever topic it covered. You need to have a willing partner for this-it easy
Good luck and hope this helped.Faithful Wife of 24+ yrs: Me
OW(s): AFF Skanks/GRANDMOTHERS!!!
Status: Struggling Everday to
what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another-Anatole France