Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: mexico (43213)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread part 9
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, November 2nd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let the nastiness begin. He couldn't stand being ignored for 1 day, so he cut off my cell phone.

It is so unbelievable how NPD's can escalate a situation against you that THEY started. He completely ignores you and tells you to "leave him alone". But when you do EXACTLY as he asks, he cuts off your phone and goes psycho.

Don't you know you're suppose to NOT do as he asks and run after him, begging for his attention, telling HIM how wonderful HE is? You're suppose to apologize to HIM for being such an insensitive wife and promise to do better next time. Then you're expected to take him to bed and screw his brains out, telling him how great a lover he is.

Wontdefineme,
Make sure you are documenting everything. Sounds like you have a classic nutball on your hands.

Tellitlikeitis,
So sorry about your mom. Isn't is awful how they always seem to pick the most horrible times to throw their stupid fits? Wouldn't it be nice to have a nice normal husband who you could lean on right now for support instead of this overgrown crybaby who can't think of anyone but himself? Like you don't have enough on your plate, right? He's so miserable? Show him the door!

I hope you are all NPD-free very soon!!


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, November 2nd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got my lawyer involved when he started yesterday. Your Phone is on. Please respond.

Like hell I will. I am not a child and you will not punish me and then expect me to come running. NC NC NC

Thanks to you guys for helping me finally realise what I was dealing with. I now have detached and know that all communication will be through the attorneys. Hopefully will be over quick or quick for a N with not many resources.


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, November 2nd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you! Maybe get a phone in your own name and yank the control away from him.

Your phone is on. Please respond.
What? Like he did you some favor?


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, November 2nd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or is it, "I've turned your phone on so you can call ME."

???


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, November 2nd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should thank god everyday I have people through SI that have listened to me through these hard times and have given me more strength through information, advise and concern. I have found a new family. I just wish we could all come together to just hug one another, slap each other on the back and give the precious gift of a genuine smile. I haven't been this happy in a very long time.

Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, November 2nd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wontdefineme- I feel that way too. The word "tribe" sums it up. Having a group of wise and witty and understanding folk? It has made the difference in how I feel about today and tomorrow and it clarifies how I see all of the yesterdays.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, November 2nd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wontdefineme,

Just stepping back out of the shaddows to say I am your biggest cheerleader. You have not faltered one bit. I feel like I am at a horserace and you are the horse I bet my life saving on. You are coming down the back stretch and leading by a nose.....I am yelling: YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! GO!!! GO!!!

Reading your posts just gets me excited and makes my blood pump through my veins. So nice to see someone "get it" and then "move on it".

Keep it up girl...you are one amazing lady!!!

Ok, slippin back into the shaddows feeling guilty for poking my head back out....


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, November 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't feel guilty! It's good to 'see' you Frank!

It seems like he is always trying to get information from me.

Yes. I came to realize this about the time I began to learn to hold myself in, guard myself, "give them nothing"
It was weird...she'd ask me how did I hang up my ties, or where did I get the bathing suit - That one turned into another histrionic meltdown. I mean, the most mundane stuff.
It was as if she felt me withdrawing, and switched over to seemingly ordinary things to get juiced up about.
In time, I became quite practiced in looking like a drooling dullard around her...turn off the supply; "Supply is NOT strong in this one...move on, nothing to see here."

Re: developing symptoms.
You are not alone.
Over the years, members have recounted those stories dozens of times!
It's all about having to be the center of attention, and resentment when anyone else but the 'mighty them' gets any.

Childish.
Transparent.
PREDICTABLE!

Sorry about your mom, tellit. May you be N-free very soon, like yayyy! wontdefineme...
I 2nd getting another phone.

Lolita... you said

I am trying the 180 but eventually I have to tell him if I need to talk about something bothering me.

Tell a friend, family, counselor, US!
Instead.
Telling him about it is actually giving him more ammunition.
(((TRIBE)))


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, November 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone's x gotten crazier?

I ask because I don't speak to my x at all, and rarely email. He picks up the kids outdoors, and I stay inside. We have virtually no contact with each other.

When an old friend was visiting over the summer, she went out to speak to him, came back inside, and said "he's gone round the bend."

I asked my older daughter if her father seemed nuttier than usual. Her response "if you ever did stuff like that, I'd be worried. but for him, it's normal."

He got dumped by his new girlfriend right after labor day. (I'm assuming he either cheated on her, or asked her to go swinging....his MO).

Anyway.....12 year old tells me her father seems to be getting crazier these days...sometimes just stares at a pile of wood in the garage.....and is obsessing about gold prices on the internet.

His perseverative behaviors aren't new....he's always had the apocalyptic fantasies about the end of the world and stockpiles canned goods and survivalist supplies.

12 year old said "he's on the internet so much on goldseek.com that he doesn't even have time to check dating sites!"

Thankfully he doesn't spend too much time with them, and frequently cxls, or I will just keep the kids if they have something going on.


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, November 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gotten crazier?

That's a great question and something that I've wondered about.

But then I always seem to come back to, "Maybe he was always like this (meaning this crazy) and I either didn't notice, was in denial, or was too busy propping him up trying to make him look normal to pay attention.

And then sometimes I think, "Maybe he's faking being "more crazy". After all, how could he have been that much of a nutball and me be ok with him at all? Even for a little while?

This all drives me crazy. (crazy ) But I have had friends of mine, formally "ours" who have told me that they have seen him, the OW and the OC (who he had with OW#1) and they say "hello" to him. But he acts and even SAYS he doesnt know who they are!! Even when they try to jog his memory, "oh you remember. You metus with Sadtoo at blank back in the day." Nope, No recollection at all. My friends say not only does he act like he doen't remember me, (which is fanfuckintabulous) but he doesn't remember them either!!!

How weird is that?

So? Are they crazier? Or is it just more NPD crazy making? Or in my case and yours, Why, is it because we have gained clarity from being apart from these nuts and are now seeing them in a different light?

Hmmmm.....thoughts?


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, November 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have definitely gained clarity since he left.

With him, there was always a certain level of "acceptable crazy", and we all just sort of got used to his rants about the government, the impending collapse of society, end of the world crap etc. but now he seems to be taking it to a whole new level....


My friends all thought he was a nutty conspiracy theorist (which he is), and my family just thought he was flat out lazy (which he is) but it all seems a lot more pervasive now.


There isn't an area of his car that doesn't have a dent in it, and he bought it new in January (after he totalled his other new car).........

Kids report that there was nothing in the fridge except moldy butter last time they were there....


He's basically living in the middle of the woods in a small cottage (it was our vacation home) in an area that is essentially empty after labor day. I think he's getting squirrely.

And get this...he is taking the kids to visit his stepbrother in FL next month.
They just had a new baby.
My aunt lives in the same town. He didnd't book a hotel or anything, but told kids they would all be staying with my elderly aunt. (I'd like her to keep an eye on things while they're there, and she said she'd be ok with them all staying with her.) WTF?


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, November 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The ex is also paranoid and was a huge conspiracy theorist. It might have been all the pot he smoked because every time he came back from smoking The Big Bong, he wouldn't let me out of his sight until he fell asleep. Because, you know, he might die while I went to the bathroom. So he would follow me in there and chatter about nothing.

Since the divorce he has had a number of personal and sexual relationships crash and burn because he just doesn't know how to behave himself. The kids' only comment is that he stays up all night and doesn't get much sleep, whereas he used to be in bed by 9 pm. And now he's doing things for me that he never would have done while we were married. He changed a flat tire for me one Sunday morning at drop off and he buys me breakfast. his mother is practically in tears when we talk because she sees now how awesome I am. Oh, how the mighty have fallen...


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, November 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine smokes a lot of pot too! I'm assuming he's still doing it as he was always sneaking off to smoke pot in the basement or garage under the pretense of fixing something...and nothing ever got fixed, but there would be clouds of smoke when I went to do the laundry. He actually smoked pot before using a chain saw once....He's almost 50.......

Mine also used to follow me into the bathroom and talk endlessly about nothing while I was taking a bath.

Funny how they always seem to have the same MO.


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, November 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The man doesn't understand the meaning of a RO. The one put in place by the court when I filed for D has been ignored many times. Time for my attorney to play hardball. He said he'd stop the money, didn't actually stop it, but decreased it. Like he thinks this is going to worry me. Many times through our crap marriage I had to adjust the way things where paid or just not pay the mortgage because he didn't know how to stop spending. I'm now pretty calm as I see the future without this immature moran in it. No stomach ulcers here!

Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, November 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, this is all so familiar with mine....
It's all about having to be the center of attention, and resentment when anyone else but the 'mighty them' gets any.
Because sometimes when we would go dancing, he was used to getting all the looks, and if he felt I looked really good and I was getting too much attention, he would actually have me put my coat on like we were leaving, then he would go back to dancing with me. He was trying to get me to cover myself so I wouldn't get any attention!

And both of my NPD's (psychoX and XSO) were both very paranoid. And XSO smoked pot also and would also try to follow me into the bathroom, although I made him stay out...I have to keep a few things personal.....


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14914 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, November 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weird....my STBXWW was a haeavy pot smoker for all these years but quit about the time she started the affairs.....went back to drinking and I actually caught her listening to the country music chanel on her TV while cleaning up her bedroom.....she hates country music. Guess that was one of those red flags I missed big time....God I was so dense!!!!


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, November 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really think that a lot of people with NPD use substance abuse to deal with their problems and pain . If you hav noticed even though they very selfish and just go after what they want with no regards to others, they are not particularly happy people.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14914 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
TellitLikeItIs
♀ Member
Member # 33737
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, November 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my WH drinks to forget or not think or whatever it is that they're using substances for.
Been a hard week, I'm working the 180 but he's tantruming at every turn and sometimes it's just so hard to bite my tongue. Yesterday he blew a fuse because the supper table was not set when he came in (never done that before) ... I guess any excuse is a good one to start venting and telling me what a terrible person and wife I am. Oh yes, and then later, he was threatened by the book I was reading. Come to think of it, he always gets mad if I choose to read.
Hope he leaves me alone today as I'm really tired of this 3-year old tantrum garbage and listening to him tell me that everything would be perfect if I just did everything he asked me to do. Oh yeah right.
Sorry folks ... just needed to vent!


Me: BS youthful 51
Him: skittle shitting unicorn 54
Married: 14 years
Blended family: 6 kids: 30,25,25,23,21,11
D-day: June 22 2011
living with trickle truth and too many D-days to count
Looks like R may be "real" this time around ...


Posts: 109 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, November 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine smoked pot and drank by the gallons. He'd sit on the floor in front of the TV with a bag of pot, his mini water bong, a huge bottle (the one with the handle) of Jim Beam, and a two liter bottle of Coke. He would take a hit off the bong, take a swig of Beam, and chase it with a swig of Coke. All the while smoking cigarettes IN MY HOUSE even though the rule was to smoke outside.

Pig

Then during our divorce, he has the audacity to claim that I AM A DRUG ADDICT AND AN ALCOHOLIC.

Apparently that is also the reason he gave his parents about why he suddenly presented them with an almost THREE year old OC grand daughter when we had only been married for FIVE years.

It's been almost 10 years and that pot smoking thing just makes my blood boil. I never touched the stuff (since college & I'm 50) and he sat in front of that tv night after night puffing away like he did. Then he claims that he is Mr. High and Mighty and I am some drug addicted low-life.

What a rotten scum bag piece of worthless shit. I can't believe I wasted 5 minutes on such an puke let alone married him and STAYED and tried to make it work for five YEARS.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
MaleableReality
♀ Member
Member # 22451
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, November 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh god, I am so happy you people are here! If I did not get these chances to sit and read through a few pages of posts, I would literally go nuts. In the last two pages, a few things struck me. Not sure how said it but this:
if I have a problem he reacts either by - mirroring it back on me - HE has that problem about me

is SPOT ON. When I told him I know that he's drinking to the point that he forgets his one name, he made some feeble attempt to throw the accusation back on me, saying the pot was calling the kettle black and "I've seen your car!" I was so confused. What the heck was he talking about? Then, LOL, oh!!!! he is saying that I'm a drunk and I cracked up my car. My car has a dent in the front from someone hitting it while it was parked on the street. Its been there a year because I can't afford the deductible. LOL! Yes, you got it babe, now I'm a drunk!

It doesn't matter how far away they are, if you let them back in for a second, they'll take that opportunity to rain the crazy-making behavior down on you again. I'm not so far out from active involvement with him that I see it immediately. It still has the power to make me crazy and make me react.

The other day he copied me on a message to the student accounts office from where he's enrolled getting his Master's (three years now for a one year program!) wherein he indicates that he can't give proof of insurance because I have his medical card and he's asked for it repeatedly. His hands are tied, what can he do?? Poor man. So I immediately call the health company and ask if they can fax proof of insurance to the school. Yes, they can do that but HE has to call. So I respond to the email. "I don't have his card, but I called the company, and xNPD can call here, specific number and extension, and request this specific document be faxed to this specific number.

This sets off a series of messages from him. He says he called and they refused to do it for him, says I have to call. So, I call again. I get the same woman. I ask her if she got a call from him. All calls are recorded and no, no one has called about this insurance policy but me. I just sit there shaking my head.

Because I am a NORMAL F'N human being, and I don't understand what the game is here. What is he trying to do? He needs this paperwork. I tell him exactly how to get it. And instead of doing that, he puts it back on me when he knows I can't do anything about it. Yes. This made me insane for a few hours yesterday. I DID feel like I had to validate myself. I had to make him SEE that I could not do this for him and this simple thing is the way out of a $1500 charge, all he has to do is make a call.

He doesn't want a simple answer. He WANTS TO MAKE ME INSANE. He WANTS the 10 messages back and forth about this stupid piece of paper. He WANTS me angry and irritated and defensive. He WANTS to steal my serenity.

That's how easy it is to slip away from NC. NC works. It may not fix them, but it gives you piece of mind. The longer you do it, the healthier you feel. Everytime I slip back in and give him this power over me, I feel like a recovering alcoholic that had a drink after 10 years of recovery!


Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2009
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.