NPD's are like overgrown 3 year
old's. They stomp around making
ridiculous demands "JUST
They are a nightmare to deal with,
even in "good times." You almost
can't help but become co-dependent
with these nut-balls because if you
don't jump through hoops, you're life
with them will be HELL 24x7.
They handle divorce the same way, but usually crank it up a few notches. This is why I preach and preach NO CONTACT during a divorce with an NPD. They are so manipulative. They will say or do ANYTHING to get what they want. They will spend $5000 to get a $5 dollar item. They will make up outrageous lies in order to frighten, intimidate and anything else they need to do to get their own way. Save yourself alot of headache, heartache, time and money. Let your attorney deal with the idiot. That's what you're paying him to do.
In the end, you will be so glad you did. Right now, you are so emotionally damaged and exhausted that you most likely just want him gone. But don't short change yourself either to what is rightfully and legally yours.
I spent a small fortune getting rid of my XNPDH. (about $40k) at the time, I was SICK over it. BUT, it was money WELL spent. And if I had to do it all over again and they said the cost would be double, I would still say, "What a BARGAIN!!"
Peace of mind. You can't put a price on it.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 7:19 AM, October 25th (Tuesday)]
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
Hugs & thanks to all~ Sabina
"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow
"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."
I need to take a break. I want to focus my energies on a New Beginning. I am feeling a little guilty because I do want to help others the way I was helped. And I will be back....not sure how long I need. But I want to say thank you to those that were so helpful in my healing process. I may still pop in from time to time but part of my healing is leaving this mess behind. I am ready to move on. This will always be a part of my life but I want to put it in the past. I will always feel the connection with those that walk this path. Many of us have shared some very special moments on these boards and the SI army of strangers have shown so much compassion and caring and shared so much emotion that it has truly been a sobering experience.
I am not saying good bye for good.....just taking that necessary break. It is part of the healing process. I feel like I have come out the other side....finally. I just want to stay out here and not be drawn back. When I know I am safe I will check back in and see how everyone is doing.
Until then....I wish you all a fast recovery. Keep working hard at your healing and take care of yourselves. I hope to read some success stories when I return. You are all special whether you realize it yet or not. It takes a special person to survive what we have survived. Good luck and I love you all.
Status: S & D'ing
Bye for now Frank2010 but not forever.
I wish you all the VERY BEST. Keep moving forward.
"Live the best life possible."
Uh huh and ok are brilliant.
The last time I spoke to NPDWH he started crapping on about "poor him" and "woe is him" then he told me he sat on the railway tracks waiting for the train to end his "woes".
I replied "uh huh".
You could almost hear his NPD brain thinking "oh that didn't get the response I thought I would get. Change topic. Ask how the cats are".
I wanted to say "well you're an asshat. The train only comes twice a day you fool. Shouldn't you have checked the timetable moron?"
BTW I'm ignoring his weird texts and emails. So what does he do? He emails my adult daughter! Says he loved her like a daughter. Yeah right. It's been 9 months and this is the first time you contact her?
NPD all the way.
I have read a lot of your post and you have been a blessing to all of us.
Thanks for everything.
NPD graduation day!!! Show the world what you are made of.
Hugs & thanks~ Sabina
You have the power to pull yourself up off the bottom of the laundry basket and put yourself in first place for next care and cleaning. You just need to do it.
The fact is, there will always be someone recovering from something, someone's birthday, a holiday and any number of other reasons to put off making your move. You need to do it when you're ready, period. Because once you start, there can't be any going back.
I'm sorry about your mother. I know how hard that is, especially when you have a whining, unsupportive NPD in the mix crying "ME! ME! Me!"
Frank, I'll miss you even though you don't know me, your advice has helped me.
I have been told by a joint counselor that my ex likely has NPD. I'm doing NC as much as I'm allowed given that we have children together and have to communicate about them. The rest? Is a true NC. The caulk guns have made me laugh because yep... had them! The other stuff.. scarily true.
Back to possible lurking. I wanted to tell Frank a big thank you though.
That didn't happen.... we're divorced as a result.
Thank you for your insight and support. Best of luck to you. Don't forget to check in and let us know how you're doing.
The good news that I heard was that she is going to help me with some coping skills when I have to be around him. And that he may not turn on our children. Some relationships are "protected" someone from them. He's not connected fully with them, but maybe he won't manipulate them like he does everyone else.
Wow. It feels so good to be validated. I mentioned on here before that I hadn't seen the "rage", and again, she said some relationships are "protected" from the rage. But, while talking to her, I HAVE seen the rage. It was directed at the man who "outed" him. I'd never seen him so angry. I've seen the rage, it just wasn't directed at me, but directed at the person who "destroyed" the perfect image.
This is usually how it comes out. When the NPD is exposed, their image is destroyed, or they feel as though they are losing control of a situation or a person. The rage will then be directed at the perceived villain.
I wonder what people would think of him if they knew how he talked about them behind their backs.
My XNPDH's fits would start off like a temper tantrum. He would literally start stomping his feet, sighing heavily, slumping his shoulders in an exaggerated manner and pout like a baby. Seeing a grown man act like this was mind boggling. If that little charade didn't get the desired result, he would start YELLING and SCREAMING. If that didn't work, he would get into my space or right in my face and no matter how hard I tried, he would be right there. he wouldn't touch me. I would be pushing him away from me, but he would continually stay within inches of my face with his face.
I so do NOT miss that creep at all.
He got mad, really mad because I told his skank to stay away from him otherwise I would send the phone records to her boss. He lost it, big time.
Mostly we talked about me creating stronger boundaries and learning WHEN he is manipulating me. She is also going to pull together some things for me to read.
She reiterated that I was simply a pawn to him, that everyone is a pawn to him. I have to learn it wasn't about me, he treats everyone the same. I've heard from other people he doesn't treat his AP very well. Very manipulative, and does nothing but complain about him.
The therapist was telling me about children of NPD's, and many of them first notice that they treat other people poorly I'm worried for my children.
He had the nerve to tell me I had an anger problem and the only person he had an anger issue with was me.
LOL - I've heard this so many times. It isn't that he's an asshole, it's me. I make him like that. No one else, it's me.
Yeah, ok pal. Sure thing. Maybe it is me, because I know the real monster and I can say things he can't lie and cover up. That seems to be when he loses it the most - when I have him dead to rights and he can't charm his way out of it or lie to cover it up. Then the fireworks go off.