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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread part 9
neverbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 32711
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to go home and get a few things.

Here's a good one - he actually said that me taking a few percocets (prescribed but I act a little nutty sometimes) is worse than his EA with his ex girlfriend.

That's right - a prescribed medication is worse than telling your ex you want them, have always wanted them, sending dirty pics, telling her horrible things about me, etc. all while I can't walk after knee surgery.

He's so far gone.

We've stopped texting. He refuses to tell me if he is still leaving tonight. I asked 4 times, never got a response.

I can't believe I have to deal with this. He's baiting me to beg him to stay. I won't. I just want some peace.


When the infrastructure of a building is gone the collapse is inevitable.

Posts: 934 | Registered: Jul 2011
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought you were leaving; why are you even asking him about his whereabouts??? Don't talk to him, and don't go to that house alone. Rent a juicehead gorilla if you "have to" go get a few things, but do not go get those things by yourself when the man threatened your life and called you a c***! You're putting yourself in serious danger if you do!

[This message edited by veritas at 3:56 PM, September 14th (Wednesday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
neverbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 32711
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't ask about his whereabouts???

I asked if he was leaving aka moving out tonight like he said. I didn't ask and don't care where he would be going.

If I leave it's temporary since he can't afford the rent. I'd rather him leave up front than me leave, and wait, and then move back. But if I have to, I have to.

Side note - just checked the keylogger website. While all of this was going on, he was looking at naked celebrities. It's just insane.


When the infrastructure of a building is gone the collapse is inevitable.

Posts: 934 | Registered: Jul 2011
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No...HE'S insane. Remember, he doesn't really care about you. He enjoys the drama, and you are getting sucked into it! He is feeding off of what you are giving him. To a NPD, *any* reaction feeds him. Every text you send, every phone call you make is feeding his ego.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, separated 3 years, together 17
Alis volat propriis "She flies with her own wings"
separated 1/2011

Posts: 3617 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never please be safe and work on NC with him the best you can. He sounds really nuts.

Toughgirl8 the difficulty with telling him stories is that this is his own father. Not to mention the fact that my son doesn't believe me and really won't talk to me at all. He is going to have to hit bottom first and knowing how these cameleons act it could take yrs before he comes around.

There really is very little I can do but go NC with the 2 of them the best I can and hope he gets his head out of his ass eventually.

Oh and this girl keeps saying she is knocked up. She sent me an email again today. 6 weeks ago it was her being 2 months and today it is she is 7 weeks. It is totally disgusting because she is not even 16 yet and my son is 18. She thinks it is awesome and seems to figure my son is her knight in shining armour and he thinks she hung the moon.

I find it totally revolting and just can't deal with it regardless of this potentially being my grandchild or not. I want no part of it.

This whole thing is sending me into a serious depression. It feels like d-day and the aftermath all over again.

[This message edited by lied2 at 5:27 PM, September 14th (Wednesday)]


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
neverbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 32711
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No...HE'S insane. Remember, he doesn't really care about you. He enjoys the drama, and you are getting sucked into it!

Thanks cmego. This is what I need to remember.

Thanks to all of you for your support. I won't be staying there tonight if he is. I can't spend another night listening to the rantings of a crazy person.

Thanks again. I'll try to check back later on. Depends if they have wifi where ever I end up :)


When the infrastructure of a building is gone the collapse is inevitable.

Posts: 934 | Registered: Jul 2011
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never,

Take those texts to the police and ask them what you have to do to get a protective order. Ask if he can be forcibly removed from the home. Get him out and change the locks. Get a Protective Order and if he shows up again call 911 and have him arrested.

Stop this insanity and show him you mean business. Take charge of your life!!! Protect yourself!!! You can not defeat him physically or mentally.....but you can defeat him legally. Do it and don't look back.

It is TIME!!! No more waffling!!!! Do it....get it done....get it over....and get on with a real life. You and your children deserve to be safe and they deserve to have some form of normalcy. Get them out of this mess.....get yourself out of this mess.

Would you want your daughter to stay and put up with this treatment???? Step out of your heart and look at this realistically. How the hell can you truly love someone who treats you this way??? You can't. I know you are feeling something.....but it is not love.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
amorfati
♀ Member
Member # 29374
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never posted in this forum, but it is the one ICR forum I belong in since my ex is pretty NPD.

But I came on here to say to neverbelieve, PLEASE CALL THE POLICE!

And for the love of God, what can you need so badly from the house? Whatever it is you need just go out and buy it.

He's baiting me to beg him to stay. I won't.

This man has told you he wants to kill you. There is no "I won't" only "Never again."

Seriously. If you've ever watched even one single crime show on television you'll know that situations like these DO NOT get better.


BGF: 23
Him: Out of the picture.
My story? Summed up by the last line of Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises: "Isn't it pretty to think so?"
Alternately summed up by this awesome Mark Twain quote, "There is no humor in heaven."

Posts: 698 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Chicago, IL
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

let me chime in with

THIS IS LIKE WATCHING A TRAIN WRECK IN SLOW MOTION.

I have no advice you have not already been given. Are you willing to risk being dead wrong?? Stop. Listen to people who can see the tragedy for what it is. Take this threat seriously. Don't force him to make a believer out of you. It is like when a dog growls. Do you dare him to bite you??


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5310 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, please please listen to everyone and protect yourself and your children. I was able to get and make permanent a restraining order for behavior from XWH that was no where nearly as obviously threatening as what you've described.

Go to the police, they will give you legal advice. You don't need a lawyer or money to get one. At the courthouse, there will be a victim's advocate (ask for one if you are not introduced to one) who will serve as your advisor and explain procedures to you as well as to be able to give you safety tips and resources for free.

Godspeed.


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1277 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
Faithsurviver
♀ Member
Member # 30860
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never-

If there is a womens shelter in your area, go there!

Be safe!


BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!

Posts: 331 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

neverbelieve - please call 1−800−799−SAFE(7233). That is the national hotline for abuse. You are being abused. Your life is being threatened. And if you are about to leave, that is when the danger is the worst. Take him seriously.

I know it is hard to believe that they actually may go thru with their threats, it all seems so surreal when you are going thru it (been there....)

Take him seriously. Call that number. They will find a shelter in your area, and you don't HAVE to go there, but you can at least talk and meet with someone to find out your options and how to keep yourself safe. They will also assist you with getting a P.O.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14918 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@lied2: I think you're in Canada, where the laws may be different, but in several states in the US, an 18 year old having sex with a 15 year old is illegal and could get him arrested and having to register as a sex offender for life. I would not take this lightly at all. :(


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, September 15th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I reckon I belong on this forum (amongst others) but not sure if I can truly refer to my STBXH as NPD. He has a lot of the traits although he has never been verbally abusive to me, or physically aggressive, just craves constant attention/validation from outsiders, doesn't appear to have any empathy in a lot of situations but then will display great empathy right out of the blue on occasions. He flirts outrageously, he is extrovert, needs to be the centre of attention in social situations, he appears to take pleasure at times in finding the achilles heel or sensitive nerve of someone and then goes back to that point continuously it would seem in order to get a reaction from them. He is extremely sensitive to criticism but doesn't go completely beserk like other NPD's I have seen described. To sum it up, he never seems to "get it", whenever it's pointed out that he has been insensitive. We separated after D-Day but he almost immemdiately arranged a family portrait sitting with all our kids including the family dog (myself not included of course). Couldn't see why I would be upset. He nominated one of his OW for an award in the field they work in and was staggered when I suggested it might be insensitive seeing as he had behaved so disgustingly with her. He marches our 13 year into OW2's house to show her where she'll be sleeping when she eventually "sleeps over" against my D's obvious discomfort, he challenges our D's reluctance to meet his new woman by saying "why don't you want to meet her, she hasn't done anything to YOU?" I could go on and on with examples but you get the picture.

On the other hand, he has been extremely compliant with financial matters, possibly because he realises I have so much on him, he rings my bank manager and tells him to make sure my house purchase goes through without a hitch, he almost falls over backwards with things like that but on an emotional level .

I also feel there are Histrionic traits that exist alongs the NPD issues. I've discussed all this with my counsellor.

Problem I have is that whilst I do not intend to reconcile with this man, I still have to deal with him on matters relating to our kids particuarly our youngest. How the hell do I detach from this NPD type behaviour? When will I stop being so incredulous at his insensitivity? Basically, how can I teach MYSELF to "GET IT" that he just can't change.

Ellejay xxxx


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, September 15th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Following on from my previous post. I hadn't read what was happening to the other posters, I just clicked into the thread and started writing!

Neverbelieve:

Take the advice you have been given so far. Get out now to a safe place and never go back to this lunatic.

Ellejay xxxx


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 12:59 AM, September 15th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never,

We are all concerned for you. Please post as soon as you can so we know you are ok.

As I have thought about your situation, I have concluded that he is not only NPD....a sociopathic disease....but also has some type of psychopathic disorder. I am not well read in psychopathy so I do not have much input, but......I think it is obvious. Get out...Stay out...stay safe. Or get him out,.... keep him out.....and stay safe.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, September 15th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPD and APD (antisocial personality disorder) often are found in the same person. My psychoX was diagnosed with sociopathic tendencies, but he is also narcissistic.

I found a website that has very good information on APD/sociopaths....

Here are some of the symptoms that you may find in someone with sociopathic tendencies....

and these types of people can be quite dangerous, because they are able to internally justify any behavior they choose, including homicide....


* Glibness/superficial charm
* Manipulative and conning
* Grandiose sense of self
* Pathological lying
* Lack of remorse, shame or guilt
* Shallow emotions
* Incapacity for love
* Need for stimulation
* Callousness/lack of empathy
* Poor behavioral controls/impulsive nature
* Early behavior problems/juvenile delinquency
* Irresponsibility/unreliability
* Promiscuous sexual behavior/infidelity
* Lack of realistic life plan/parasitic lifestyle
* Criminal or entrepreneurial versatility
* Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
* Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
* Authoritarian
* Secretive
* Paranoid
* Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
* Conventional appearance
* Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
* Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
* Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
* Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
* Incapable of real human attachment to another
* Unable to feel remorse or guilt
* Narcissism, grandiosity (self-importance not based on achievements)
* May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

(Obviously, in order to be a sociopath a person doesn't have to exhibit anything like all the above. Usually, the lack of a conscience, the manipulation of others, dishonesty and the inability to love and/or have lasting and profound personal relations and cruelty are key symptoms and often much more revealing than having been in trouble with the courts.)


and I agree with Frank, never.....your partner is exhibiting enough of those tendencies that you need to start being very careful and watch your back.

Oh, p.s. It is estimated that 1 to 4% of the population is APD, which means, there are a couple on every block. We all know people that are APD. Unfortunately, it is not that horribly rare.....

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 6:44 AM, September 15th (Thursday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14918 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
neverbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 32711
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, September 15th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all,

I went home last night and he was sitting on the back porch - yeah, poor him. I didn't speak to him or acknowledge his presence. I got a drink (non-alcoholic!) and went upstairs. I packed a bag and set it next to the bedroom door. This way if he came upstairs and in any way had his angry attitude going, I was set to walk out. His rage escalates very quickly, but I can see it coming. I'd be gone before it got out of control.

I went downstairs when I was done and got a sandwich for dinner. He wasn't on the porch anymore, he had moved to the basement. I took my sandwich upstairs and ate it. All of this was between 7:20 and 8:00.

At 9:40 or so I went back downstairs to get another drink. Still no sign of him. I was relieved.

A few minutes later I heard the water running downstairs, so I knew he was out of the basement. I was ready to head out if ANYTHING about him seemed threatening. He came upstairs a few minutes later and asked if I wanted any macaroni and cheese. WTF???

I said no, thank you. He went back downstairs. He came up a few minutes later asking about Big Brother. Um, ok? I guess all the nasty texts didn't happen.

I made polite small talk but that's it. I went to bed.

I left my packed bag (he doesn't know there is anything in that bag) right where it is so that I'm always ready to leave.

He's doing the usual "let's pretend none of this happened" No, I won't.

He's sick AND I know he had some contact with her. I don't know how but he knew things he shouldn't know. And really, who cares. I shouldn't be treated like this.

I'm moving out this weekend. I'm really just sick of all of this. Screw him.

Anyway, thanks to all for the concern and support. It's really helpful to have others see my situation for what it is. I think we all know sometimes we can get so wrapped up in it that is seems normal.

Thanks,


When the infrastructure of a building is gone the collapse is inevitable.

Posts: 934 | Registered: Jul 2011
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, September 15th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear you are OK! But, you understand that the next time he escalates, you could be really hurt, right? You can see the pattern, and it's slowly getting worse, right?

Make a plan and get the hell out!


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, separated 3 years, together 17
Alis volat propriis "She flies with her own wings"
separated 1/2011

Posts: 3617 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, September 15th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never,

Glad you are ok. What about getting him removed? Would that not be safer and more permanent? Have him removed, change the locks, get R.O......stay where you are remove the problem? That way you are removing the problem with the support of legal.....he won't act up if the cops are there. I will be a lot more peaceful. With R.O. in place just dial 911 when he comes storming back after being removed.....and he will.

If you just move, he will track you down and there will be a confrontation of a whole new level. And no law around to keep him in check.

Think about it.....ok?

Is his name on the lease?


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
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