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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 26
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest-sorry I missed your actual birthday but consider this an extended birthday greeting! Glad to hear that your boys made you feel so special. You deserve all that and more.

We don't have a partnership. We have a friendship and a history. He loves me, though I'm not sure in what capacity.
This is pretty much how I feel about FWH and I. It's been burning my butt today to think about how I'll get screwed in the D settlement. He will continue to make 3-4 times what I make, with fewer bills (like health insurance) and HE had the LTA!! Usually I don't let the unfairness get to me, but today it really got to me. My sister, who's XH had an EA years ago (they've been D for 10 years, since her youngest was 2) just lost her 4th job in 2 years. She is struggling to make ends meet as her XH closes on a new house with his new family today. The new wife doesn't have to work, but my sister is still working like a dog to take care of 3 kids and hold down a full-time job. Sounds familiar?? So this morning I"m telling FWH about it and he starts telling me how he would be okay with loaning my sister some $$. I'm thinking, well, I've just dropped off a check so that she can get her checking acct. out of the red, and due to my fuckwad WS I now to start watching my money and won't have much to help her with. He on the other hand, can come riding to the rescue with some of the cash that he will now have lying around. What a great guy! Later, he called her to offer support....he should be too ashamed to talk to any of my family, but as it turns out, that's not the case for him. He's just not feeling ashamed any more, if he ever did. Must be nice to have so little conscience. And that's why I could never do to him or anyone what he did to me.

So, pity party for me tonight but I called two friends IRL who talked me down from the ledge. I'm still luckier than most....no earthquakes or hurricanes inbound to Texas!

Hugs to all!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad all the time-
Sorry that you have to deal with all of this horrible information.
Just be careful...if this OW was a professional escort then she was most likely involved with a lot of very unsavory characters...often a criminal aspect to that whole lifestyle...so who knows who the person is that is emailing you.
It could be a disegruntled ex-client/stalker etc.
I know it's hard to do..but if your FWH is remorseful and is committed to the marriage and is willing to do the hard work of saving the marriage, making changes in himself etc. then...you're best bet is to focus on him, yourself, your marriage.
Is your FWH in IC? are you? have you gone to MC? Is he totally transparent about his whereabouts? his cell phone records? his credit card bills? his email passwords etc.?

Elle- It sounds as if your STBXWH has lost his marbles.
Has he always been so selfish and narcissistic and insensitive? or is this a new development?
Obviously there was no 'love' with any of these OW because it was so easy for him to jump from one to the other...
His disrespect of you and insensitivity toward your children is awful.
Obviously, he leaves you no choice but to file for divorce and move on with your life.
Have you gone to IC for yourself? I saw an IC for almost 4 yrs. It was a life saver for me.
Have you considered counseling for your children? So they can have a place to vent about their feelings about this mess?
I know another SI BS that found out that her WHs bizarre behavior after d-day was fueled by mid life crisis, bipolar, and drugs and alcohol....
unfortunately her WH never came out of the 'fog' and did not get sober and continues to self destruct and hurt his children.
Just an awful situation.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Njgal - I think he has lost his marbles as you say but then he may have always had them missing but I have either 1) been in denial or 2) been so involved in my marriage that I couldn't see what others could.
He is high functioning in many aspects of his life, but where his head is on this kind of thing.....well I am at a loss. He has the H of OW1 plus OW1 herself and the H of OW2 now out for revenge. I am the least of his worries. He is now telling people that it is all my fault for not giving him enough sex. I guess I saw that one coming. Yep, he is definitely in victim mode now. No, I didn't give him enough sex (for a variety of reasons) but for God sake! This thing about nominating the OW2 for an award in her and our field of work just sent me over the edge yesterday. I still work in our joint business (thought I try not to have much to do with him) and one of our staff has also been nominated in a different category for the same awards. All of our staff will be at these awards but funnily enough he hadn't mentioned anything to me. I wonder why? He has provided a gushing blurb on this woman on the website of the organisation that hands out these awards, knowing that I will see it at some stage. He said to me last night "I hope you're not going to turn up at the Awards Night just to be silly". I won't print here what my reply was. The other week he accidentally ran over and killed the poor little dog of OW2 as he was backing out of her driveway, probably in too much of a hurry to pick up their copy of "Deviants Weekly". As I type this it is starting to almost sound comical, not that I am happy about the poor little dog but this negative Karma is just following him around. My counsellor said to me the other day that in 25 years of counselling she has never come across a scenario quite so ludicrous as mine. I did direct her to this website so I'm not sure if she's changed her mind about that one yet! Yes I am getting counselling which is great. I even laugh loud and heartily sometimes. Not too loudly though as it can be mistaken for derangement!

Anyway, I am still trying to catch up with everyone's stories and I do hope yours has improved.

Big hugs and positive energy to everyone. Love Ellejay xxx


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strongish: I totally understand how you feel. This is the 1st pay period since x moved out. I wrote out a tremendous number of checks that my paycheck wasn't going to cover. Already dipping into limited savings. It stresses me out. I'm going to have to make changes & instill those changes in my kids too. I was always careful with my money, but now I have to be way more careful about it cuz there's a lot less coming in, even with some of the expenses being reduced by x's absence.

I actually sat x down today to tell him that I'm still looking at $1k/mo less income & there's not that much fat in my budget that's going to make that up. He seemed amenable to chipping in whatever it took.

We'll see.

But I totally agree. It sucks that they ended the marriage & we pay, and pay and pay.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow...


ellejay: your ws sounds like a perfect fuckwit...we should introduce him to mr dishonest, they seem to have way way too much in common...and thats so damned sad to me....way too many men out there who just take the cake and then of course some other suckers cake too..

whenever possible take the high road....its so not worth stooping down...stick up for your kids and do what you gotta do for them....

and if not in ic i think you would benefit from it greatly....


sadallthe time....has he taken a lie detector test.....my ws did, of course if was after 8 months and i gotta tell you i didnt and still dont believe the results...i found lots of other shit that just dont jive with the results and i was not able to ask the direct questions i wanted too....but alas i am not reconciling as you are trying to do...

as for talking to the ow....take it with a grain of salt...i am sure she is a liar as he is....so both are liars....

mc is also in order...and if you dont like the mc you go to, then pick another...all mc's are not created equal...


allgood and strong: wow....your posts so resonate with me...i will be there myself eventually and it looks, well it looks like shit...

yesterday my friend was telling me about her meltdown last week, she is the one i babysit for, her husband is still out of work...and now i can no longer sit for her when needed....she feels like her life is also falling apart....so pfm's actions have some ripples to others....and i feel bad, but i have to cover myself....for my future...


miracle update: family therapy did not go well, we came home and manchild didnt shut up for about an hour...he went on and on and on, saying the same thing...and now posts on facebook that he has a piece of shit life....i dont feel guilty, but i do feel angry....and i want him to experience what a piece of shit life really is....

my son is being a fool right now....and i hate doin it but i cant seem to stop the comparisons in my head...he is so much like pfm and its makin me so so mad....i want my son to be better then him....


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: I'm sorry to hear about the goings-on with your son. I'm sure it will work out in the end, you are doing great standing on the sidelines for a bit, I know how hard that it to do. Bit of a social experiment.

And, I just wanted to assure you that despite the stress over financial matters, I am still happy that I chose this course of action & I can honestly say I'm happier now than I was when I was still struggling with R. Money is money - a far easier thing to deal with than the emotional hurricane we found ourselves in.
Got to go.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood-
So sorry about the financial hit your family is taking now. But, sadly, that is part of the fallout with divorce.
I know I keep saying it...but these WS are such idiots. They create this chaos because they 'are not happy'....and then later as I watch all of them... I never see them acting very happy at all. Is your WH happy now? is he skipping through life? oh well....

Miracle- I'm so sorry that your DS is having these emotional issues. Please don't give up on him.
Just like many ICs do not know how to handle infidelity issues.....many ICs are not experts in dealing with adolescents.
A big help when our family was dealing with a teen crisis was finding the correct 'team' of health professionals to help.
It started with an adolescent pediatrician. She was awesome. Not many out there but truly worth finding. She dealt with kids from the ages of 13-23. Got them through those tough years. She was so knowledgeable about teen issues like-eating disorders, drug use, peer pressure, depression, anger etc.And what she would do was to recommend psychologists that specialized in adolescents. Then they worked as a team. They would call each other to discuss the teens issues/progress etc.
Finding the right match of health professionals is crucial. And as in all things early intervention is best. You're not being over protective. Some of the things you have described show a young man in crisis.
I'm sure that there is a certain amount of anxiety about going back to school etc. on top of issues that he has with pfm etc.
My prayers are with you.

Also..sending out good thoughts for all of us on the east coast... hopefully that monster hurricane will move out to sea and miss the coaastline.


Honest- Just wanted to say that your description of Mr Dishonest and how scared he is of animals...how he is NOT at all the macho guy when confronted with a praying mantis! LOL...it really made me chuckle....
what a big shot,huh?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ellejay and sadallthetime,
I'm sorry that you are both living in such chaos. It's not fair... and I hope that you find a way to center yourselves. Yoga works for me, long solitary walks (just the dog and me), getting away from WH and our house from time to time for several days (mini-vacations), journaling. I preach the 180... that was the biggest thing that helped me to let WH carry his own burden and to let go of trying to control him and therefore the outcome.

Of course, I'm staring down the barrel of divorce, so not sure if you want to take my advice... but it's a decision I have made with my eyes wide open.

That's what the topic of MC will be... the fact that I view this marriage as over, and what do we do now. And I expect that WH will want me to fight for it (his way) and when I don't agree he will say that he will do all the stuff he hasn't done for the past year because "he will do anything" (which would be laughable if it weren't so sad). The protestations have already happened... we have all this great history (remember 15 years ago through 7 years ago? that was so great), we need to ask our friends and family and God (talk about a come-to-Jesus moment! WH trends toward anti-religion) for help, I'm the love of his life (and...?), blah blah blah. But then the sound of crickets again. STILL hasn't read the books! Once again started one (5 Love Languages this time) but got about halfway through and then got too busy with his business idea to finish it. Talked to me about it once. Same ol', same ol'.

It's an untenable situation. And yes, it will suck and it will cause hardships and (this is the part that kills me) my kids will suffer. But my options are:
(1) Live alongside WH, who continues to make all of his decisions based on what he wants and what makes him happy without compromising for my wants/happiness, and rely on myself for my own happiness and rely on support from people outside my marriage and deal with problems within the marriage by working around WH. And play happy family for the Boyos for at least 13 years.
(2) Get out. Live authentically, though alone and financially strapped. Still have to deal with WH because of the Boyos, but only on the sidelines of my life, not as a central player.

I can't do #1 any longer. So #2 it is. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaan, this is going to suck.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura,
EMDR... it helped me get past the anger... which was where I would get stuck. Underneath the anger was contempt for WH (because of how he has dealt, or not dealt, with any of this). The level of contempt was made lower by contempt for myself for having that 4-day inappropriate email flirtation thing and having to deal with myself about that (which I did... honestly... and without sugar-coating, TTing, lying, justifying, minimizing, etc.).

Under the contempt is the realization that WH has always shown his true colors to me... not to say that he realizes that he's a grayish shade of lavendar (he actually thinks he's bright red and navy blue with some gold thrown in there for sparkle)... but I was totally color-blind until the past year or so. In other words, he is who he is, and I can't change him and he is either unwilling or unable to change. Maybe he loves the way he is. Maybe he's a coward. Maybe he's just not equipped to deal with himself. I don't know. Not my problem.

Anyhoo... I can look at the whole situation without my gut twisting around itself, which is giving me the opportunity to actually think through things, instead of getting stuck in a cycle of rage.

It's so simple, though! Jeez!

Sending you a PM with a question about it.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell- So sorry about all that you are going through right now.
Getting this all out in MC is a good idea.

But...maybe I am the eternal optimist...I do believe that people can change.
They do change all the time. And...they do have 'come to Jesus' moments.
Addicts and alcoholics change... former WS can change... they can suddenly have that light bulb moment that was so elusive before...
and the change can be authentic and long lasting.

IMHO the only thing that we can predict in life is that things will change...so why not people?

and... if the two people in a relationship make changes in themselves then their marriage and entire family dynamic can change...


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest.

He does not know how to grill! I am going to issue him a life time Nancyboy card for that. No votes are needed for this one. I know all the others will agree. Pink flip flops in the summer and those big fuzzy house shoes in the winter. Pink of course.

Here is a strange but true and probably boring, mantis story. I was sitting out side one day and I had a mantis land on my chest and crawl up to my shoulder. It stayed there for 20-30 minutes. I walked around and it just went along for the ride. I felt like some sort of weird pirate. My W was even pretty impressed. I took if off and set it on my deck rail. It flew back to my shoulder. I guess it liked me. Your H would have freaked out big time!

Turn right Irene!


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dip-
You are one brave pirate!
No fear of the deadly praying mantis and you grill also!

I remember as a child that other children would say that the Praying Mantis was protected by the government and you would be fined etc. if you killed one!
Was that true?

yes...definitely...lets hope Irene turns out into the Atlantic!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, njgal. I'm actually very okay with this. It kills me about the Boyos, but otherwise, I've accepted it. I accepted it a long time ago, I guess, I just wouldn't allow myself to go all in. Out of fear, mostly, not out of love or attachment to WH or wanting to hold on to this relationship. I wanted that a long time ago, but WH killed it. It is what it is.
former WS can change... they can suddenly have that light bulb moment that was so elusive before...

Unfortuntately (or fortunately), I am the one who has changed. I am the one who has had the lightbulb moment. I like me a lot better than I ever did, and I now believe that I deserve better than this. And it's taken me getting rid of every last shred of hope and attachment to WH to get here. I really don't see anything WH throws out in desperation making a difference at this point.

But I have spent a good amount of time lately about shocking the hell out of myself, so who knows?


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right Nell. The infidelity does change us.
But..in my case I do believe that I reconciled due to a new found strength not weakness.
I R with a whole new outlook on life, marriage etc.
For me everything about the old marriage had to change.
It was a huge 'do over'.
So... a new marriage but with a mutual history..same kids..LOL


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have time to catch up but I did want to say good luck during the hurricane for those who will be in it's path. Stay safe everyone.-- M3


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, criminy! I completely forgot about Irene! Okay, sent up some prayers for your safety, East Coast friends.

njgal:


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
sadallthetime
♀ Member
Member # 26845
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for you insight and words of wisdom so helpful.

Ellejay I do want to reconcile with this man and last night he wanted to talk about this recent situation. He feels that this OW is vindictive and wants to make his life miserable, understands why I would doubt him but insists he is telling the truth and he has been totally consistent for the last 22 months. He has suggested that I email both of these people and firmly tell them that I do not want to hear from them again and will take action if they continue to harass me my choice, of course. I was going to take no action but told him I would seriously consider doing this. I am so sorry for the loss of your 25 year marriage. You sound like a wonderful, strong woman and this man does sound like he has lost all his marbles. Be kind and take care of you we will both come out as winners whether R or D. Thanks for your advice and good words.

Honest happy belated birthday so glad you have wonderful boys.

Strongish do you have a good attorney? I have followed you a bit and know you have made a tough decision just hope you have good support and advice emotionally and financially.

Njgal Your advice is right on and after reading it last night told my FWH that I wanted to continue moving forward, not backwards so Im putting this recent mess behind me. Its just another example how their terrible actions continue to haunt our marriages. Yes, my FWH is remorseful and is committed to the marriage, is willing to do the hard work of saving the marriage, making changes in himself, is totally transparent about his whereabouts, cell phone records, credit card bills, email passwords etc. We both went to alcohol rehab (yes alcohoics and addicts do change!) and he is back seeing his IC, who I think is very good. His IC was very positively surprised about our rehab and says we are not ready for MC yet he says FWH needs to work on himself and the hows and whys will come out as he progresses and I need to focus on myself right now. I am going back to my IC also.

Miracle I dont think a lie detector test is the way to go at this point just think we are beyond that. Im sorry family therapy did not go well. DS is at a very difficult age and dealing with this makes being a teenager even more difficult. None of this is your fault and I applaud you for having the patience to stay on the sidelines. Time and maturity hopefully will bring him around. I agree with njgir that a good IC is worth looking for.

All it sounds like you have come to the best decision for you stay strong and take care of yourself.

ImNellNow maybe MC will finally wake him up. Is your MC good? Is WH strong enough for a new marriage? You are and if hes not you have realized it will never work and are ready to move on I applaud you.

Nofun whats going on with you?

I live in the Florida Panhandle hurricane alley! although glad Irene is not coming this way my thoughts and prayers are with all on the east coast facing Irene.


Me-BW 60 now, FWH 64 now, 2 adult kids
DD#1 7-21-09 11 yr. affair w OW 30 yrs. younger who is an "escort". DD#2 7-23-09 Long Term EA with mutual friend DD#3 10-3-09 1 1/2 yr PA with escort #2 DD#4 10 yr. EA w/old GF

Posts: 104 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is your MC good?

Yes, very. He specializes in men's issues, especially infidelity. He even has a men's group, if WH were interested in it. (He's not.)
Is WH strong enough for a new marriage?

In my opinion? No.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell - You sound like you are ready to make a firm decision hard though it is. Letting go of something you have invested in for so many years....well I can't really describe the grief but I know from the moment I read the emails between my H and those other women, the things that were said, the level of betrayal, the light was turned off for me. I have not even once thought "now how can save this marriage, maybe I should give him a chance". I removed him from the house immediately so he could no longer be in a position to disrespect me. I've read lots of conflicting information since about how it's better not to separate immediately so that discussion can take place and also how it's better to remove the OP to give space between you etc but I know my decision was right. However that first day, when I laid in my bed alone....that was HARD. I'm getting there though and so will you if that is what you decide. One of the biggest lightbulb moments for me was the realisation that for years I had not been living authentically by putting up with his flirtatious behaviour and the way it made me feel. I am now getting back to ME, slowly but surely. Thanks for the advice re Yoga, that's a great idea.

Sadallthetime - I would NOT engage these people in conversation any further. It's a game to them only. The payoff for them is the attention you are giving them which validates them. They really could'nt careless if their information is helpful to you or not - they are NOT your friends and yes it is HARASSMENT if they continue.

**************

Can someone please explain EMDR to me, as I keep hearing it mentioned? I think I need something at the moment, I feel so angry again. My ex H has the attitude that now he has reverted to Plan B and we are separated that he shouldn't have to consider my feelings at all when it comes to his present activities, even though at the same time I have move in the same business circles etc. The other day he asked if I would be prepared to give him a "character reference" in regards to some other shit he's got himself into. I think I need an Oscar for keeping a straight face. Then he told a mutual friend of ours that his biggest fear is that I will find someone else. I needed resuscitating for that one!


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, August 26th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Elle- Like you I did kick my husband out right after d-day.
I was horrified to find out about the LTA.
We were separated for 6 months before I allowed him to back home.
It was not a change in me that caused me to change my mind and reconcile ....it was the changes in my husband.
He was extremely remorseful and did many of the things that everyone on SI describes as the actions needed for R.
I had already gone and filed for divorce...he worked very hard to convince me to change my mind.

I tried a few sessions of EMDR but I think it was too early in the process for me and I found it too upsetting.
It stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is used for PTSD symptoms.Many BS do respond to d-day with PTSD or as some call PISD (Post Infidelity Stress Disorder).


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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