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User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 26
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, checking in folks.
I am back to skim-reading catch up after the weekend. I am up to pg25. 7 to go, but the kitchen calls. I have been wanting to put in my 2p’s worth, but I think enough time has passed to leave it.
So, love to y’all and BBL.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome back UKgirl.

m334455:

You seem to have it all under control there

Thanks for the vote of confidence.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you stop using another person to medicate your feelings or to provide you with a sense of security you sometimes find you do not love that person at all.

I don't really think this applies to me -- but it might apply to some of you.


Actually M3 - this sounded more like a quote that applies to our FWS's - they used these OW/OM to feel better about themselves and once they were outed and saw the A for what it was they quickly realized it wasn't love at all - just a sick dependence on their AP to elevate a very depleted sense of self-worth. JMHO!

I love that DP has started this and enjoy the quotes he has been posting - Thanks DP.
Thought I'd add one too.

I was watching a special with Carrie Fisher and at the end she made this statement - I wrote it down so I could share it with you all. It really rang true for me.
"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

I felt so much resentment, anger and rage after d-day and it was destroying me. I wanted so badly to punish my H and the OW and holding onto my anger somehow made me feel that I had the power to do that. And all the while, my H would act like all was well with our world until I had a meltdown.
Our FWS's just want to move on, get us over the shock and act as if their LTA's were not really the devastating events that our PTSD indicated them to be. Which then, of course, fuels more resentment, at least for me it did.
It took me a long time to get over my resentment and anger but the one thing I kept telling myself was that I was the one who was being hurt most of all by my own anger. It was a poison in me - not my H or the OW.
So for those in the early stages of R try most of all to work through your anger, rage and resentment. Don't let their A's take any more of your peace of mind than is possible. Easier said than done I know but reclaiming our inner peace needs to be a priority in our recovery.
UKG - so good to see you!
Miracle - congrats on going back to school. Keep us posted. You'll be terrific.
Honest - I'm so glad your H is leaving but most of all that you are seeing him for the fraud and manipulator that he is. You are gaining strength with every day and it makes me
ATS - Just sending hugs. It is so hard to know what to say. Only you can decide on the path you must take but I hope it helps to know so many of us care and are here for you when you need to vent.
Allgood - thinking of you and hoping the adjustment is going well for you and your kids. How did they handle this first week/weekend? Your strength is amazing and inspiring. Good luck in your search and as the others have said, be careful and avoid those creepy sexters. Yuck!!
Hugs to all of the tribe and to our newbies. May you find the peace and wisdom you seek.

ETA - Anger is a very important step in recovery - it is one of the 5 stages of recovery for those who grieve. I guess what I'm suggesting is not letting yourself get stuck there. It will only hurt you in the long run - not your S or the OP who caused you this pain.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 2:46 PM, August 8th (Monday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
vulnerable
♀ New Member
Member # 32658
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for your advice. I really am trying to take it all on board... I do know that I can't stay with him if he keeps contacting her. He's not tried to justify it... he's knows it's not ok. I know that if he doesn't go NC then R cannot happen. I just guess that right now anyway, I've given him another chance. I don't know if R is possible. I know if he is in contact with her then it can't.

I know maybe some of you think I should have shown him the door already. But I don't know. I can't.

Allgoodsnamegone, I'm trying to bear in mind what you said - if he contacts her again in any kind of way, I need to think really carefully about what my reaction is.

Thank you to every single one of you for your support, I do appreciate it so much.


Me: 26 BS
Him: 26 WS
Dday: 21/06/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: UK
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iwant.. way to go on the school. A great career too. You'd be perfect for that job.

For me, one of the greatest feelings in the world is when you have success at work.

Ok.. poured on the charm to my W and it’s working! Too afraid to pour cold water on it with some sexting...

Wishing everyone some success too. Peace.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To all who inquired - my kids are doing well. My oldest is returning from his trip with his grandparents tonight - so he is the only one who hasn't experienced the x being out of the house.
But the others, it's a sad acknowledgment, but their daily routine was largely unaffected by this. Got annoyed with x for just leaving last night without saying goodbye to the kids. Said goodbye to me, I just assumed he did the same with the kids til the kids later asked me where he went. They seemed to be fine when I told them he went to his apt. Sent x a text reminding him that just disappearing is not good for them. He said ok.

Today I would say is the greatest difference. He came over at 11, cleaned the pool & played with the youngest kids. Then I find him asleep on the couch at around 3. I was really pissed, but just told him maybe he should go home if he's so tired. He was pissed that I was pissed. I couldn't shake my pissed-offedness because it seems everything I was trying to do around the house was being undermined by lil diva & I was again, like, what the Hell is he doing. Idk. He was too comfortable, having phone conversations with his partner while reclined on my bed, etc. so I told him we had to re-think this schedule. He then pointed out that the only reason why he was there so late was because I wanted to go to the gym. (True). He got agitated & there really was no turning this around. So he left, said goodbye to the kids. This is the 1st time this week we ate dinner without him. And I now just f-d myself out of a free child care provider & will have to bring the kids to the gym childcare.

And, so that is what is going on here. But, the kids seems fine.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forgive - thanks for the vote. I started saving quotes (the motivational ones) to gove to the kids especially my eldest who lacks confidence much of the time.

When you stop using another person to medicate your feelings or to provide you with a sense of security you sometimes find you do not love that person at all.
I don't really think this applies to me -- but it might apply to some of you.

When I read this too, my first thought was that this applies to WW.

Ats - I think given the times atm you will be one of many re-assessing their financial situation. I'm certainly looking at all of our expenses in an effort to tighten the belt to be able to provide for my family.

UKgirl - good to see you back.

M - big girl Paddy rocks.

Take care tribe.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

O boy.
Eldest came home tonight after spending a week in Fla with his grandparents & cousin. HE had a great time, but had themother of allmeltdowns when he came home.
It was sparked by some harsh words exchanged between he & my 11 year old & just took off from there. It was a number of things, but he is very upset about our split, feels guilty that he didn't spend more time with us while we were all together. He's worried it's going to be strange when his father comes to visit, etc. Took awhile, but I got him to open up (very, very, VERY hard for him to do) which was a great relief to me & I was able to calm him down & assure him. Had my x call and talk to him and everything is ok for now at least.

Alright, good night all.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood:

this just sucks monkey guts..i hate that this shit hurts our kids and bravo to you for stepping up and being the mom he needs....especially since your ex cant be the dad your son needs him to be...

hey ukgirl....good to see you, and you too fnf


m3: good post, lots of food for thought...

and i forgot yesterday to add..


yay baby paddy...i love an independent soul..

vulnerable...never worry that we think whether or not you should kick him to the curb...many of us have put up with lots of shit...we are not here to judge but to lend support in any way shape and form....we will give you a shoulder, some advice (does not mean you to follow it),some humor when we can, some hugs and most of all support in any way we think we you need...we may not always be right either

bottom line...keep posting...we are here for you no matter what..


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Welcome back FNF and UK

Allgood

Had my x call and talk to him and everything is ok for now at least.

That's great honey. Yes the kids will need lots of reassurance but it sounds like they are doing well.

Got annoyed with x for just leaving last night without saying goodbye to the kids.

Geez. What a FT. I can't believe he did that.

Tryn

Ok.. poured on the charm to my W and it’s working! Too afraid to pour cold water on it with some sexting...
Wise man!!! Good luck!

FNF

"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

Love this quote. So wise. And Yes! The anger for a while is healthy but it needs to fuel determination to survive and take care of ourselves. One sad thing I have learnt from this shit is that in the end we really are alone. We have to take care of us. It is nice to have someone to help but in the end the only person you can rely on 100% is yourself. So you have to be your own best friend. Being full of resentment is not healthy long term. I have to take care of me by abandoning this.

M33

Yes I do enjoy the challenge but it does make for some very long days. Unfortunately schools are so different from many workplaces. You can have every i dotted and t crossed by 5pm one day and the next there will be a fight in the yard, a teacher having a meltdown, theft from the lockers, a plumbing problem and an irate parent on the doorstep. It's very unpredictable. Unavoidable I think when you have 650+ people to deal with.

Laura! Stop treating him like a piece of meat!...grab him somewhere lewd, give him a big sloppy kiss and ask him for something really dirty while dragging his butt into the bedroom.

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary

Hugs honey. I hope he really steps up. It's my birthday next week and I'll be interested to see what my FWH does.

V

if my WH ever breaks NC. EVER. EVER, ever, ever his is gone. WAY gone.

Sorry honey. I have to agree with M33 on this. I made the mistake 24 yrs ago of letting him rugsweep an inappropriate friendship. Look what it got me. I only wish I had put my foot down then. Or been more observant after. I still can't believe he was fucking OWs for 16 yrs and I didn't guess.

Please put your foot down hard. Make it clear. NEVER again or you are gone and make sure he knows you mean it. JMHO.


ats

she does not love me, and she is not interested in sex with me

Selling the boat will save many hundreds a month in costs, and while the market sucks, it will provide some cash.

Do you really WANT to do this??? You love your boat. I would think it should be the last thing to go!

((((DP)))))

Any updates?

There are some missing members of the tribe. Come out please and let us know you are OK.

Hugs to all the lurkers

Love

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 5:55 AM, August 9th (Tuesday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not quite there yet......... and got distracted with the riot news. Not riots over food or dictatorships, but over looting TVs and pharmacies. What's wrong with people??? Anyway, DS23 & gf says they're okay, although not heard from them today.......

I don't know if I'll have anything constructive or helpful to say, but giving the tribe a big hug in the meantime. Gotta go out. BBL. Again.

(((((Tribe)))))


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ukgirl:

sending prayers to you and your country right now....so much mayhem....hope all are well..


m3: i wish a wish for you today of peace...so i hope this anniversary is as peaceful as can be....especially within your heart which i know is broken...

(((m3)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right! All caught up – now have run out of time to write anything!!!
So, very quickly here –
When you stop using another person to medicate your feelings or to provide you with a sense of security you sometimes find you do not love that person at all.
I don't really think this applies to me -- but it might apply to some of you.

Ditto what FNF and DP said. My immediate thought too.

Honest Has he gone??

Vulnerable – NC = NC

I really am trying to take it all on board... I do know that I can't stay with him if he keeps contacting her. He's not tried to justify it... he's knows it's not ok. I know that if he doesn't go NC then R cannot happen. I just guess that right now anyway, I've given him another chance. I don't know if R is possible. I know if he is in contact with her then it can't.
I know maybe some of you think I should have shown him the door already. But I don't know. I can't.
Ref what Allgood said, have that response ready. “I am not going to talk about this right now. I need to think about my response and how I feel about this” Have your steps outlined. He writes a letter of NC to OW. Preferably one drawn up by a lawyer. If you find out he has broken NC, you start on the 180 – and hard. Move him out of the bedroom. Don’t do a thing for him – no cooking, laundry, etc. Tell him tough shit. He should stop thinking about himself and think about you.

But threats are no good unless you are prepared to follow through. I threatened FWH twice with divorce. The first time he decided he’d better stop fucking around keeping things and MOW “under control” so she would go quietly (as if!!!) and he sent the NC letter (eventually) and the second time I found out where he had shagged the bitch the first time, having also found out that they'd shagged within weeks, not months and months later. I was really, REALLY mad and wrote I WANT A DIVORCE YOU FUCKING SHIT in huge letters under a pic of the scummy hotel and left it on his desk and I slept in the spare room.

Go and see a lawyer yourself NOW and find out where things stand if you should go for divorce. This will help you on two levels – you will have everything covered and that, in itself, will give your confidence (whether the news is good or bad, you will know how the land lies). You will also be ten steps ahead of him if you want to divorce. If you haven’t already, I’d also recommend opening a bank account in your name and sticking some money away. That made me feel loads better when I did it. Kind of settled inside, knowing I was already ahead in the game. And get thee back into the healing library. Read and commit to memory. And do NOT tell your WH what you are doing. Just do it.

Just taken a long phone call – so gotta run again. Hugs.
eta - over deleted!!!

[This message edited by UKgirl at 1:26 PM, August 9th (Tuesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gosh! I'm at work and have no time to catch up, but I do see a couple of familiar names here (I've been away for over a year!). I agree that each BS needs to establish what the dealbreakers are, and that NC is right up there. Our situation is somewhat different because we see OW and/or her H regularly (small community). FWH has not broken NC except in those cases when we see OW out and about. We try to avoid or ignore, but there are simply times that doesn't work. We don't engage in chitchat, but we are cordial. H says that the difficulty in maintaining NC initially was that it was such a HABIT to contact her, and of course it would be after so many years. He needed to replace that with something. Fortunately, I was in a position that allowed him to contact me each time it came to mind. Now he is in the habit of contacting me. Sometimes that creates a hassle in my day, but I'm OK with that!

We still have some issues and have really bad days now and then. I quit asking questions about the A. Don't feel confident that I got all the answers I wanted or that the answers I got were totally truthful, but what matters to me now is that H is totally commited to our future. He has worked very hard and continues to work hard. For example, our DDay anniversary is this week. He was thoughtful enough to ask if he should work his schedule so he wouldn't be out of town (That kind of thoughtfulness is a MAJOR change for him!). I had not even mentioned it.

Things are really very good for us. At one point I just said to myself, "Really, there is NOTHING he can do to 'make up' for this, so let's just put it behind us and move forward." That single change in my attitude has done more for our recovery than anything!

Hang in there tribe! Better days are in store!


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Kalamity

Thanks so much for popping in.

It is lovely to hear from someone who is making it. I read your story and it is particularly heartening for me. There seem to be very few in our sich who look as though R is a real possibility. Apart from the length of the As, we also live in a small town, I work and my FWH does shift work which is why he was able to escape detection for so long

My FWH had 3 women over 16 yrs that I know of - one about a year, the next for 8 yrs and the last for a little over a yr. There was probably another 24 yrs ago. I busted them - he gaslighted and I bought it.I found out ALL of this by my self. He lied and denied until I produced proof of each and has since denied any others - which is quite hard to believe (ie that I found out EVERYTHING!!!) So - it is what it is.

Anyway so nice of you to pop in to cheer on the tribe.

HUGS

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
vulnerable
♀ New Member
Member # 32658
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura28, I do really appreciate your advice... if he doesn't keep up NC, then I know we need to go our separate ways.

UKgirl, I'm trying to keep that response in my head, still hoping (maybe I'm naive, I know), that he might get a grip and change, and I won't need to think about it. But I know I need to be ready if it happens. Divorce, if it comes to that, should be as easy as divorce can be (legally), with not having any children, and having had such a short marriage.

I guess right now I'm giving him this chance. But I need to know that if something happens again, I can't let him walk all over me.

:) It's a good idea... I think I'm off to the healing library... thanks for all your support


Me: 26 BS
Him: 26 WS
Dday: 21/06/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: UK
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I realized today that Labor Day is coming up and it kinda threw me for a loop. It's almost a year since I've known the full extent of WH's douchebaggery. Not sure what the next step is.

We're going away for our anniversary this weekend. To a town that I have been saying I wanted to go to for about 10 years now. Good Time Charlie strikes again. I'm thinking that at the end of the trip, I'll have chosen a path. Wish me luck.

Sorry to be so self-absorbed. It's just that I'm self-absorbed. I have read everyone's messages, it just isn't sticking.

Oh, vulnerable, I wanted to tell you that there are no standards that you're being held to, and no one's timetable means anything. Take as long a time-out as you need to figure things out. I'm going on a year, myself. Some of us are slow learners.

Oh, and EMDR is going really well. Surprisingly well, actually. It touches me more than I logically conclude that it should.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awakened. I dunno what to make of your mother. I think you just have to let it go. She’s obviously immovable regarding her opinion, but I thought the comment about losing DS or DD was unnecessary. Almost bitter. But that might be connected to her feelings about her brother, so maybe a step away might be a good idea, esp while you are going through your separation process. You need to look after yourself and protect yourself accordingly. Just a thought. But I see I’m not alone in coming to that conclusion.

Laura – I wonder if the lack of sex is due to you not giving signals that you are willing or wanting sex. It’s hard to not think about the WS having sex whenever they were with the OP, but that was not a relationship – leastways, not in the full sense of the word. It was opportunity, availability and inclination to take it while it lasted. The fact it went on for years is irrelevant. The fact was they could have been rumbled at any time and that added to the heightened desire. I understand the need for your H to want you, and to want you not just for sex but for YOU and for you to feel desirable, but you have to be open to let him see that you are available. OW didn’t need to give off those subtle signals – being available was her JOB. It’s not yours, but you have to work on getting what you want and telling him how you feel. I can relate, I feel it too and then I get resentful when I think of WH and bitchface and how they had it all. but you’ve got to bring yourself down (or up) from thinking that way.

Now, if it’s a case of he can’t/won’t perform, that’s a diff issue. Is that the case?

For me, I am very well aware that, for H, sex=everything is okay. It must be – we’re having sex, yes? No, sex does not make everything right. But him showing love through sex does go some way towards it (and then making me a cup of tea after – LOL!)

ats Your communication sounds brittle. I think you have to find some way around this. Hasn’t your MC come up with a strategy for you both? I do see that your W is trying and she is far more communicative than she was. She probably feels she is laying herself open and vulnerable. She doesn’t seem to want to build her hopes up and keeps her expectations low, which makes everything sound negative, or at least not as positive as you would like to hear. It must be hard with so many issues. And I mean hard for both of you. I still think you are amazing.

"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
I think I might alter this slightly. It’s not so much resentment, it’s not letting go of the pain. Not letting go is my comfort blanket, so that one day,when fWH decides to fuck off into the sunset with MOW after all, I can wear my badge that says “there! told you so!” Meanwhile, of course, I’m not really living and I’m not really putting the shit where it belongs – in the past. But then I’m also aware that I’ve started over with a man I don’t really know or trust and that, to a degree, the future is fated by the past. But yeh, gotta relax and enjoy more.


Allgood – be careful. Sounds like you are getting hit on by some weirdoes……. I stick with just the painting, if I were you……. and for protection, take a loaded brush on dates ………… And stay out somewhere public. And don’t let him drive you home. And don’t wear your skirts too short…… or your shorts….you know what that does to a man…. Oh, okay. I’m sounding like my mother!
Your stbx moving out is bound to have an effect on the kids. But I think you are in the best position for coping. And you will. Kids always put some blame on themselves. Then you. then the world. It will settle down, it’s just strange for him at the moment. Not nice though. (((((Allgood)))))

strongish What are you up to?

At the age of 51 I am being offered to opportunity to reinvent myself or make a new start. And it looks pretty damn inviting.
Do we get to find out? Sounds intriguing!

DP I think I read something about a new job? Did I get that right? If so, when do you start? I bet I missed that somewhere in my skimming.

m33 Enjoy your wedding anniversary and any other peace offerings from Mr.m33 Nice that you are acknowledging the day.

miracle Got any cake left??
Back to school? Hey, so am I! Again. I like to add to my certificates.
Mine’s not as hard as yours though!

Nell

We're going away for our anniversary this weekend. To a town that I have been saying I wanted to go to for about 10 years now. Good Time Charlie strikes again. I'm thinking that at the end of the trip, I'll have chosen a path. Wish me luck.
Good luck with all of it!

Night all.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKGirl - yes - there's a lot of crazy out there. I will be careful.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl - Yes a new new job. Start end of the month; a better job fit + 15% pay increase.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
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