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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 26
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DP-
You have to start taking care of yourself! I know that all of the anxiety and stress that we go through can really do a number on our immune system. You need to compensate for the damage done by being under stress for such a long time by getting enough sleep, eating healthy, trying a variety of de-stressing methods that work for you-exercise, yoga,meditation,prayer.....
you need to be healthy for your children.
Take care.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
dadof4
♂ Member
Member # 25534
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ATS: Thanks While 20 miles offshore is enticing, that would put me on Jefferies Ledge on the edge of Stellwagon Bank. Ever watch Swords, Life on the line. The north Atlantic isn't a place for me to be sleeping
Your comment struck a cord. This behavior is manic and as many have said and I agree it is based in fear. Our oldest graduated from UNH our Son is entering his Junior year at UNH. we have equity in the house.

I know it is not as easy as just get divorced. Unemployed fww, kids in college, upside down house... What you can do is lead your life within the conditions life has dealt you. Your FWW can always leave if she cannot or doesn't want to take your current behavior.

The last couple of days I have been at the end of my rope (with myself) My FWW said my Jeckyl and Hyde behavior is frustrating. Yeah no shit it sucks for me feeling this way too.

Called my IC this morning. His voice mail is full. His office is down the road so maybe I will just show up at his door today

[This message edited by dadof4 at 8:16 AM, July 20th (Wednesday)]


Me 51(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-23,21,16,14
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: New Hampshire
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah friends, life is messy, what can we say? Sadly, I have not been on my boat at ALL yet this year. That sucks.

I'm a bit hungover this morning. From ONE beer. That is just WRONG. So, so wrong.

Vulnerable, the name of the book is Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum

Tryn -- I'm a little sad that there were no charts or graphs. So, I will insert one in this post in your honor and also in honor of ATS.

ETA: So, ATS, I assume the *real* problem here is that FWW's XH is cheaping out and there will not be an open bar?

[This message edited by m334455 at 8:43 AM, July 20th (Wednesday)]


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
0115
♀ Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To the Tribe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Af8mB9ABuJA

Music speaks volumes for me. I am trying to put my "haters" playlist away and come up with a "new me" one. When I hear this song I think of Jesus speaking right to me. Lately, I think of the oldies of the tribe singing it too I hope you like it too.
Thanks Laura, NJgal, Miracle, M33, Tryn, Strong, Honest, Allgood, Ats, Dip, Nell, DP, UKgirl, Jollum...the newbies appreciate you!!!

M33 thanks for your humor...love the chart and going to rent the movie!!


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 997 | Registered: Apr 2011
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry not to be posting much but I am lurking . So many great posts and so much wonderful support being offered. From an oldie to the newbies, this place is a godsend - a real life saver when struggling to survive our S's LTA nightmares. I wish you all peace, sanity and brighter futures. It may seem impossible to believe to those in the early months of discovery but we do ultimately come through this storm and find a way to be happy in life again. It's not perfect. There is always the lingering sadness of the LTA reality and the loss of innocence and trust but we do get to a place of acceptance - as hard as that may be to believe. My M is far from perfect but my choice to stay has been firm and I know for me it was the "path of least regret."

Laura, I'd love to be added to your beautiful poster.
Feel free to just use FNF or my whole username - whichever fits best.
My dream - To have a beach house with an oversized kitchen, lots of bedrooms - minimum of six - and an equal amount of private bathrooms, so that I can have my entire family with me - and most especially my 3 beautiful grandchildren, as often as they'd like. If it is directly on the beach all the better so that I can wake up, pour myself a huge cup of coffee and walk onto the beach as the sun is rising and take in all the beauty this life has to offer. I want to be able to hear the crashing of the waves and smell the salty ocean breeze all day long and never have to turn on the air conditioner. But the most important part of this dream is having my children and my grandchildren with me as much as possible - they are my joy and my greatest blessings.

Hugs and love to the tribe - another one of my life's blessings.

ETA - 0115 - absolutely love that song - it is the perfect theme song for our tribe too. When I listened to lyrics I kept thinking how so many from this forum helped me through my darkest days and how everyone here helps to hold the others up through their dark days. It is a perfect song for us. Laura, maybe a few of these lyrics could be added to "our" poster.
Thanks for posting this 0115.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 9:57 AM, July 20th (Wednesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
awakenedbytruth
♀ Member
Member # 29435
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all, quick post because I have a girlfriend in town and then lots of things going on for the next couple of weeks leading up the crash. I'm reading your posts when I can though....appreciating your comments and feeling for those new posters....this road is not for the weak is it?

Had another convo with WH and this time he told me that this is indeed not about sex, but how I make him feel. Because I blog about my inner feelings (don't mention him or A) and he feels like I'm trying to be Oprah and he's the Waterboy. And, the times that I have threatened if he ever reunited with OW, the kids would know who she is (not proud of this but it has been my biggest fear). These things don't make him feel loving and compassionate to me.

So, I sat back and thought about it. I've wanted to work so hard this last year. I did refuse to stop blogging. I did put my personal healing and gratification above his discomfort about it. I let the feeling of, 'what if I didn't do enough' sit with me for a few hours. Then I told him, this is the problem......when he shares with me how he feels, I sit in it and take ownership. When I share, he runs and feels guilty. So the fact that after all of this, I - the betrayed - have a feeling of wondering if I have done all I can to heal this relationship and he is not having that same feeling.....tells me I am walking the right path. He's sad about the family and doesn't want S...blah, blah. But there is nothing in his words that say, I hope I've done what I could in this relationship. Those that have relationship power will not easily give it up. Been about him for so many years, by golly, it's not going to change now.

March on......


ďCourage is the power to let go of the familiar.Ē - Raymond Linquist
Me BS-39
Him WH-41
Married 18yrs 2 Kids 11-9
DDay#1-July 5, 2010 (LTA 2 Years with CoW in corporate office)
Separating - 8/11

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: West but my heart belongs to the South
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

0115-
Beautiful song, wonderful message.
We will survive this...and even thrive...whether we decide to R or not.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats-
The reason that I havebeen able to R with my husband is because of all of the remorse he has shown, and due to the amount of love and kindness he shows me every day.
If he was behaving badly toward me I don't think I could do it.

Just curious....where did this attitude from your WW's DD come from? Why all of the negative feelings toward you?
What did you do to deserve this?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

0115...i absolutely love that song...the lyrics were beautiful and i had a hard time keeping the tears back...it describes what si and especially this forum has meant to me....

Rascal Flatts Ė I Wonít Let Go Lyrics


Itís like a storm
That cuts a path
Itís breaks your will
It feels like that

You think your lost
But your not lost on your own
Your not alone
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When youíve done all you can do
If you canít cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I wont let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know itís dark
This part of life
Oh it finds us all
And weíre too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When youíve done all you can do
And you canít cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight

And I wont let you fall
Donít be afraid to fall
Iím right here to catch you
I wont let you down
It wont get you down
Your gonna make it
Yea I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When youíve done all you can do
And you canít cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I wont let go
Oh Iím gonna hold you
And I wont let go
Wont let you go
No I wont

thank you for that link...


ok...

m3...loved the chart..


fnf...its sooo good to hear from you...


ats to dadof 4:

... she did nothing to deserve this treatment...

If this is true, why are you posting in LTA? ;-)


i disagree ats...as much as she deserves alot of things...lashing out at her when she has done nothing is counterproductive to reconcilliation....while i can understand the need to lash out, been there done that...it does not mean that it was deserved....and i also think that the ws needs to be patient and needs to understand when it happens...it makes us human, but it does not make it right...it is what it is....and it really is a good thing that dadof4 recognises that its wrong...it means he "sees" beyond the infidelity even if the infidelity has him by the balls so to speak...

so basically she does not deserve it, but this is where she needs to understand where it comes from and she needs to step back and remind herself that he is lashing out who she "was" and is lashing out on what she "did"...she is hopefully no longer that person doing those things...


ats: why is there only 20 people on the list?...is this because of money, logistics or something else...?


and frankly your wifes choices regarding this and the rest of her 'visits' to family are very inconsiderate to your marriage and hence to you....what she does not realize and maybe cannot see is that she is also doing this against herself if she wants true 'r'.....and her stance will end up hurting her more....


awakened....

I did put my personal healing and gratification above his discomfort about it.

ok, i will be not so gentle here....are you nuts?...never ever do that for him again....your personal healing needs to come before anything and anyone with exception to immediate needs of children....

hon...HE was the one who FUCKED UP literally....why should you be bending to him....just because this is who you were before does not mean that this is who you still need to be...when you did it the first time..put him first it didnt stop him from going out and cheatin did it.....so now its time for you to be your own best friend and do not let him blameshift any of this on you....if your marriage was so bad why did you stay faithful?!?!?!?!?....

i had a shit marriage before...i was going to be damned to hell if i put up with one more second of a shit marriage afterwards!!!!

i deserve better as do you and every other bs here!!!

i think i have only seen one case where i actually reversed that....and she the ws was an abused woman...and not just the verbal and emotional...hell i was that woman too...but this woman had been physically abused as well as i believe her bh is a total nutcase...and not driven to it after finding out about her cheatin...it only served to make what she was already living with a 100 times worse....she is on this site and whenever she posts in the wayward, everyone....and i mean every bs and ws here tells her to get out and get away from this poor excuse of a human being....

and that is pretty much the only exception i have seen...i know there are more...but for the most part the bs does not deserve to be treated with anything less then absolute respect, love, appreciation, honesty and patience period!!!

so please please open your eyes and see who you are and treat yourself the way you think any bs would need to be treated....and even if you want to forget that status of bs...then dont except anything less then how another human being who is loved and cherished should be treated....


please read the healing library and "see" how we are supposed to be treated, all the ws is supposed to be doing and "see" it all and then look at your own experience....is your experience in this relatable to what "should"...or is it in the "it isn't" category...


people teach others how to treat them...so that means you have the power to not accept his shit, period!!! you accept it he keeps doing it and he has no reason to change it because its workin for him....kwim...

ok, i will back off now


(((awakened)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious....where did this attitude from your WW's DD come from? Why all of the negative feelings toward you?
What did you do to deserve this?

njgal480,

FWW says that her DD told her she hates me (and her), because I stole her Mother away from her when we got married. This is the current line. There is also a history of FWW's older DD screaming at me about what an awful stepfather I was, what an awful father I am to my DSs, and how everything is always about me. There have also been comments that I have a schizoid personality disorder, and that I act and look like the bind-torture-kill serial killer. So I guess it is my bad parenting and narcissist serial killer personality that bothers her. It must not have anything to do with the homework help, transportation provided, bills I paid while she lived with us, or money provided after she moved out.

FWW commented that her DD does not like her stepmother either, but has not been as mean to her and her setpmother is invited to the wedding. I told FWW that I did not believe that her xH would tolerate the sort of treatment of his wife that FWW had and continues to tolerate towards me. For all of his faults, I believe he would have defended his current wife.

why is there only 20 people on the list?...

iwam, I have heard different stories on this. FWW's xH is embarrassed he cannot put on a big wedding like his brothers/sisters, so he does not want them there. FWW's DD only wants people there who know her fiancťe and are comfortable around him (she may be a bit embarrassed of him?). Her future MIL is not invited either.

Hi fnf

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
vulnerable
♀ New Member
Member # 32658
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks m3 and iwantamiracle for the book suggestion, I will have a look into it.

0115, that is a lovely song with lovely words.

Thanks everyone for the words of wisdom, I appreciate it very much.


Me: 26 BS
Him: 26 WS
Dday: 21/06/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: UK
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats- Wow!
how old was DD when you and her mother got married? at what age did this behavior toward you begin?
you are right...the kids and family will treat you as disrespectfully as your WW allows them to.
Do you think your WW got some kind of satisfaction in the conflict between you and DD? did she want to have DD all to herself?
very screwed up situation...I'm sorry.
The only excuse for DD's attitude would be if you were the OM and had wrecked her parent's marriage or if you were guilty of some kind of abuse toward her......


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Popping in quick before work.

DP

What NJ said!!!!

M33

0115

The song - truly beautiful and so SI LTA

FNF

So good to hear from you. Will add your dream soon.

it is the perfect theme song for our tribe too. .....so many from this forum helped me through my darkest days and how everyone here helps to hold the others up through their dark days. It is a perfect song for us. Laura, maybe a few of these lyrics could be added to "our" poster.

Perhaps it needs it's own poster. Will look at something a little different. I need a new project.

Awakened

the fact that after all of this, I - the betrayed - have a feeling of wondering if I have done all I can to heal this relationship and he is not having that same feeling.....tells me I am walking the right path.

Yep. ((((((awakened))))))

Ats

Her future MIL is not invited either.

This says it all!!!! How screwed up is that? What a great way to start a marriage!!!

Gotta run tribe

Love you all

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
dadof4
♂ Member
Member # 25534
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iwantamiracle,

.it means he "sees" beyond the infidelity even if the infidelity has him by the balls so to speak...

And I am laughing them off right now. Why? Up until d-d It could be argued I didn't have any (at least I didn't think so) in the last 20 months or so I think I grew a pair. I just realized that


Me 51(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-23,21,16,14
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: New Hampshire
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal, she was 10 or 11 when fww and I married. I did not become aware of the hatred until after dday. Not now, but up until a year ago I do think she and fww fed into each other with what an ass I am (was?)

dadof4, a toast to balls After dday, finding mine and getting them back into working order became a priority for me too. They still have a bit of codependency wobble in them, but I am working on that.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
0115
♀ Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I forgive my H for the A but not the crappy way he's treated me the past 12 years yet? Does it have to be all or none? I know I'm bargaining here, but I'm sticking my toe in to see what the water feels like. I'm still on my fence about R.

Thanks!


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 997 | Registered: Apr 2011
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just sharing todays desk calendar quote.
In a full heart there is room for everything,and in an empty heart there is room for nothing.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

0115, I hear (read) you. Forgiving FWW's affairs is one thing, but 20 years of hiding her feelings, blaming me us hard to accept. An affair can be an aberration, but how they perceived or treated you through the marriage is who they are (were?)

I have a good day if I ride my bicycle home from work and can average 18 mph (Fl, no hills). I am watching the TdF as they ride 25 mph up hill, and are not pushing it. Of course I weigh like any 2 of them.

FWW tried to make a joke about sex tonight, but it triggered me and I snapped. I need to reconnect with my inner Tryn. IWAM, I do agree, no need to punish FWWs for what they did for years if they are trying now.

Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

0115:

Can I forgive my H for the A but not the crappy way he's treated me the past 12 years yet? Does it have to be all or none?

can you forgive...well i think you can....provided

1. he has earned it
2. he has changed
3. he acknowledges it
4. and he never repeats it

then yes its possible with time and earnings...without the above not a shot...any forgiveness would be then about you moving on from him and not with him....


purple:

In a full heart there is room for everything,and in an empty heart there is room for nothing.

while i like the quote, is it a 2 way street...because when it comes to pfm there is nothing.....

although i think i am either making progress or am just a pollyanna at doin right...

i found out earlier tonite that his mother took a fall on sat and totally busted up her shoulder...the bone is crushed and she will need surgery on fri....she is not young and has a few serious health issues...now while these people have disowned him i could have kept this info from him but chose not to....for the main reason is if anything happens to her, how would i feel knowing i could have told him and left it in his hands as to what to do....so my path of least regret is to tell him, she is his mother, a shitty mother but his mother....

yup, still no compassion in the decision, def pollyanna doright...

but i did miss my gym class to talk to him when i could have left since i told him everything i knew....unless i was just curious....


honest: what time is he gettin in tomorrow?

and you will get through this....you are so much stronger then you realize...

(((honest)))


allgood: where are you...not like you to not check in...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:41 AM, July 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi 0115

Can I forgive my H for the A but not the crappy way he's treated me the past 12 years yet? Does it have to be all or none? I know I'm bargaining here, but I'm sticking my toe in to see what the water feels like. I'm still on my fence about R.

Honey IMHO it's too early to go there. No matter how remorseful he is you still have so much to process. At this stage I believe you need to

1. Look after yourself. Worry about where your head is at. At your point I was still having crazy crying and raging fits. Each day was a battle to keep my sanity. Take it slow. You have all the time in the world.

2. Still be vigilant. It takes time for him to prove he is trustworthy. I have only just started to trust my FWH again (after less than 14 months) and I still have my moments of fear. This is also something that can't be rushed. It will take time for you to believe he IS trustworthy and for him to earn the title.

ONTH

as Ats says

no need to punish FWWs for what they did for years if they are trying now

3. This is true. What I tried to do was to be IN the M even though I still had so much doubt, fear, hurt and rage. FWH was trying so hard to make me feel loved (and still is) that I thought it was only fair to give our relationship a chance by reciprocating when he was loving. I often found this was quite difficult and am sure that much of it was (and still is) "faking it until you make it". Doing this is good for you. It means you can go through the day and avoid drama. You can feel good with him. You can let him make you feel good. So again this is for you.

After that. Who knows? I don't. I'm still processing and coming to grips with his huge betrayal. I am still not sure if I can stay with him. I am not sure if he will turn back into Mr Hyde.

So I am giving ME time. Either he will be the partner I want, the partner I should have always had or....I will leave him. And as time goes on I realise that if that time comes I fill find it easier. I would have found it very hard to leave him just after dday. Now I feel stronger and as time goes on I know that I will not find it hard to leave him if that is what i decide to do.

Time honey.

Lots of time.

HUGS

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
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