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Newest Member: ThomasD (45459)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Codependency in the Marriage: A BSís common mistake
Miss Saigon
♀ Member
Member # 31965
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, January 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS - me 43
WH - 39
2 kids - ages 7 & 4
together 10 yrs, married 7 yrs

rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth.
-H Thoreau


Posts: 73 | Registered: Apr 2011
Waiting@home
♀ Member
Member # 24792
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, January 30th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thx, QV


BS-me
DD1 Dec 13, 2008 EA
DD2 April 15, 2009 EA
M 17 yrs
Divorced the WXH


Posts: 321 | Registered: Jul 2009
starstruck
♀ Member
Member # 29547
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, January 30th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks QVee.


DDay 7/29/2010
Am hoping to reconcile!! Am I crazy or what?
If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves-Thomas Edison

Posts: 323 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Pa
npain
♀ Member
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, January 31st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a caretaker by nature, so I fell right into this codependent role, but the funny thing is 1 year ago I kinda started finding myself. That's when the sh*t reallyhit the fan. I started pushing him to do things that he didnt before, I took care of myelf, lost 40lbs. And becuase I tipped the scales a bit, WH got mad, real mad. I was no longer playing the game. I started to push back and demand things. So by the time I confirmed his A, I was well out of the codependent role. In fact, after 5 months of watching him do nothing but sulk, I kicked him out in the middle of the night. I had looked at his phone and found he had been disrespecting me to his friends and allowing them to disrespect me in text messages. All of a sudden he is seeking counseling and trying to get to the bottom of his mess. And i have already told my pastor who is counseling him that I am not accepting anything less than 100% participation from WH in thi smarriage otherwise there will be no reconciliation. He has been giving me crumbs ans I refuse to accept that any longer. Codependent no more!


S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!

Posts: 515 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
imarriedmymother
♂ Member
Member # 34360
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, January 31st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, My name is imarriedmymother and i am a codependent


M 24 yrs
DD 9/9/11
Drunken ONS w/aquaintance, EA/PA with co-worker. Moved in w/AP 10/1/11, Kicked Out 12/19/11
Recongealed

24 years down the tubes, but at least I lost my man boobs.


Posts: 81 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: upper u.s.
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, January 31st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

imarriedmymother, welcome to the club. How will you untangle yourself and change your half of the equation? I know for me it has been a hard road, recognition goes along way to enable you opportunities for change.
Welcome.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1914 | Registered: Nov 2010
QVee
♀ Member
Member # 34670
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi imarriedmymother!

I'm trying to kick my codependency tendencies to the curb. It's not an easy road, but it feel really good (unlike other forms of rehab/therapy)!

Welcome!


BS: me 30yrs
WS: 33 yrs
Relationship: 6 yrs, married 2
"When they try to make you an extra in their movie, LEAVE THE THEATRE!"

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Mordor
imarriedmymother
♂ Member
Member # 34360
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lhap and QVee, Thank you for the welcome.I think my admittance is a start and in time i hope to start overcoming these issues,amongst others. I'm a work in slow process but progress. Thanks again, immm


M 24 yrs
DD 9/9/11
Drunken ONS w/aquaintance, EA/PA with co-worker. Moved in w/AP 10/1/11, Kicked Out 12/19/11
Recongealed

24 years down the tubes, but at least I lost my man boobs.


Posts: 81 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: upper u.s.
itwillrain
♀ Member
Member # 34564
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, February 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's honestly difficult to put myself before the relationship, but that was me already. I was like that before the A.

Looks like IC might be a good idea...


D-Day: January 8, 2012.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Toronto, Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, February 3rd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IC has helped me tremendously in learning to put a relationship in it's proper perspective. My upbringing was SO conservative Christian, I was literally rasied to be a doormat.

Which explains why I had such a wild late teens early 20's.

And then explains the mess I'm in now.

IC is liberating my mind and soul.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9866 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, February 15th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1914 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, March 2nd (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1914 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, March 20th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1914 | Registered: Nov 2010
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, March 27th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, March 30th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
mitz66
♀ Member
Member # 17888
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, March 31st (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the bump and the thread. I know I am codependent. Funny thing is last year when I went to ic for 8 months my codependent behaviour was in full swing. I did not want the counselor to think badly of me and I did not work through everything I needed. I had all the right words as I am in the helping field and missed an opportunity to really examine my why of staying and putting up with crap. I recognized some things in myself but pushed them away. I have reread codependent no more and it is time for me to accept that I am only responsible for me. I do not want to live this way anymore, with or without my wh. Freedom!


Me:44 BS Him:43 WH
M May 07 Adult kids
DDay #1 Pics on cell jly 07
Jan08 DDay #2 "Just Friends" admits EA DDay #3 July 2010 - he insisted on platonic contact ..False R - until Dec 2010 admits PA in April 07
Dec 2012 NC succeeded

Posts: 543 | Registered: Jan 2008
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, April 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1914 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, May 24th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump!


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1914 | Registered: Nov 2010
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, June 3rd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5135 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, June 8th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
Topic Posts: 164
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