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User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 25
awakenedbytruth
♀ Member
Member # 29435
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, June 26th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strongish - Once upon a time I did IC for anxiety (control). That doc became our MC. I did not feel comfortable going back to him individually while we were both going. In MC last week, I shared the conclusions I had come to in my reading. I then pulled the plug on MC. Really, we had spent months going round and round about how he said he was trying and me saying he wasn't trying how I needed him to. He hated it, resented it and I simply didn't need it any more. I left there and went to another IC for a 1 1/2hour session. I'll go back if I come to another crossroads. WH has been going to IC. I did not ask him if he quit after I allowed the MC to stop and he hasn't shared.

Regarding his travel - it is so hard but yes, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Last night I had a weak moment and checked the OW Facebook profile pic. She had changed it to one where you could barely see who she's sitting beside and boldly holding a drink that represents the area where my WH is traveling. Urgh. My own fault for the weak moment...but that is the kind of stuff she pulled when I found out, instantly opened up her photo albums with pictures of places they had been together. Cities I loved, cities I wanted to visit...all explored with the love of my life. It's enough to make me want go into a lifetime fetal position....1 for him doing that and 2 for the type of person he considered leaving me for. Apparently nice, deep, respected, spiritual, and a good mother don't get you as many points as vindictive, dirty, and manipulative do. Ahhh sorry, I digressed.

He may one day get a job that takes him out of the country as well. Life that I will want? I dunno. Today all I am trying to do is to let go and love myself more than I did last night.

[This message edited by awakenedbytruth at 7:11 PM, June 26th (Sunday)]


“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” - Raymond Linquist
Me BS-39
Him WH-41
Married 18yrs 2 Kids 11-9
DDay#1-July 5, 2010 (LTA 2 Years with CoW in corporate office)
Separating - 8/11

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: West but my heart belongs to the South
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, June 26th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so many topics...

mc...do it or not...

well for me and pfm, i had decided early on when i was able to recognise that the man would not man up as they say and come clean that mc was a total waste of time...why...because he was still doing things his way, because he was not truly remorseful, he was not doing what i needed him to do and i further realized that he was incapable of doing it without ic....and i really wanted the man who started out as out mc to do the ic with him..why...because he witnessed enough of his lies, enough of his backtracking and his warped sense of perception....this man knew my side of the story....and could draw his own honest conclusions which i knew would be impossible for any ic he saw that did not interview me....

soooo, i said no more mc til he did ic and fixed himself, until he fixed himself he was and is incapable of fixing the marriage...and at that point i only asked that he be completely honest, open and transparent....he couldnt even do that...

so that led me to the "done" stamp...


topic of when to call it quits...not until you are ready and know that you can walk away with the least regret...and while you still hold on to any shred of hope, that makes that close to impossible...even when like allgood its written on the wall....but she still loves him and really really wants the marriage for herself and her kids...and while the man will dangle a carrot here and there to keep her hangin on he is not giving her the carrots but merely danglin them....

if he is truly serious then i would say its time to give the final choice in his hands but the choice would be if reconcilliation has any hope he needs to do a, b and c....not one of them, but all of them...if he is unwilling then it is he who is choosing not to reconcile but to keep what is what is and not make it better...


the drinking...njgal has that one completely covered....


going to retrovaille or onsite or even doing emdr....well for both...you got nothing to lose by trying and everything to gain...so when someone is so resistant its because they are afraid of the final outcome...and that the outcome won't be the one they really really want...

tryn went into it believing in nothing and came out of it believing his marriage could and should be saved and he did....if i remember this wrong i am sure when he comes back he will correct me...but i remember it being one of those last ditch efforts...

nothing to lose by trying and everything to lose by not....


believing a marriage could work after separation...of course it could...njgal is walking breathing proof of that one....but it takes work, lots and lots of work and lots and lots of patience...


telling everyone:

i will start with the kids...

well this is a hard one when your kids are little....or in fragile states of mind...like teens who will use any excuse they can find for bad behavior...

my philosophy...first off is there going to be reconcilliation...if yes...kids do not need to know....it serves no purpose...this of course is with a ws who is truly remorseful and being the poster child for "f"ws...

if the ws is not truly remorseful...well then it would depend on the sich at hand and the ages of the kids...

when to tell....when they aske directly, never lie,
when they are adults and sense something is wrong...that would be a personal choice
when you are afraid or you know someone else will tell them first...


telling others...

well i would only tell people that you know will keep your confidence and that dont have big mouths in front of kids.....

and then i would tell as many people as i know that i could trust ....


topic of waiting for them to do...

on this one i am pretty much a hard ass....you either do this or this is the consequence...and for pfm he had a list...so he is done...and the stupid asshole cannot understand this one...that is because he thinks that if he is honest most of the time, that should count...


pfm does stupid really really well...


cant remember any other topics..so miracle house update...

dd's party is done....i think there were 9 of them...and this group of kids all have some sort of learning disabilities, autism and/or aspergers....college age...so it was quite interesting...and there was a drama queen in the bunch who sat in my living room crying her eyes out, she is 21, her boyfriend seemed to be at a loss...so i went in to talk to her....well she was upset because another boy called her pretty girl...and now she is worried that her boyfriend will think she is cheating on him and that this other boy should automatically know that she is in a relationship...well i kept a straight face and set her straight letting her know that until she is dead she should always want guys checking her out and finding her attractive...and hit it home when i told her that i too at 50 years old love it when i get complimented and then got the grand slam when i told her that my mother who is like 75 (or close to it ) also loves getting hit on....
with that she smiled and got it together with a few more choice words..

my dd owes me, this was a crisis averted....


manchild graduates tomorrow nite....how cool is that...he pulled it off...i may have to start calling him houdini...


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle - Yeah for Manchild. Congratulations.

Hugs to everyone else.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood --

This is not a situation where there is so much hostility, tension, etc that they are better off with the separation.

This man called you a fucking bitch in front of your children, what, last week?

Just my 2 cents.

((Allgood))


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: Congrats on Manchild!!

I have to run. Be back later.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle -- I need to add my congrats as well!

You know, I can really haul tail when I want to. There are literally 15 people here working to get the house ready. Tree/landscape guys, painters, carpenters, guys building a new walk, nanny is cleaning since the kids are gone... I'm feeling pretty darn spectacular!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle- Congrats on your son's graduation!

M33-
Sounds like you are feeling positive about all of the work getting done to get your house on the market!
Think of it as a fresh start!

Allgood-
Your husband is so....confusing....
he's telling his partner that he is working on saving his marriage?
Do you think he believes this?
or do you think he just tells other people what they want to hear?

as for your kids and divorce...it will be tough on them but then again when is a good time for divorce?

People used to think that it was better to wait until the kids were older....high school age or in college...
well, now the research seems to show that that is the worst time to divorce!

It seems that kids in high school/college are feeling very unsettled and scared due to the major life changes and decisions that they are making and so when there is upheaval at home at that time it really affects them.

Then again.. I know many friends and relatives that are divorced and the kids turned out great.Well adjusted, successful, etc.
And some of my married friends have had kids with lots of problems/issues etc.
so, who knows what is best.

You need to do what is best for you.

Like Laura I also got a lot of advice about what to do after d-day.

I had to do what I thought was best for me, my family, my situation.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle - Congratulations on Manchild's graduation! Enjoy every minute of it.

m3 - Well, of course you're spectacular!! We all knew that!!

Allgood - Thinking of you...you okay?

An update - DD22 is arriving home this afternoon. Why am I so anxious?? I haven't taken a Xanax in weeks (not even during the graduation weekend) and now I can hardly stop shaking. Go figure.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strong -- your daughter loves you.

Now, I'm pretty new to having a daughter, but there's something different about Baby Girlfriend than the boys. I know you know what I mean more than I do, LOL! Look at miracle, for example, her DD is the only one who knows.

It's ok. I just know sometimes I'm hanging with Baby Paddy, and I think "it's you and me against the world, chickadida!" Like we're going to go all Thelma and Louise any minute now.

Speaking of which -- maybe you and your DD should rent a convertible and go all Thelma and Louise, you know, without the rape, and maybe replace Brad Pitt for a younger model.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3,
Good on you for figuring out how to rip that band-aid off!!

awakened,

Today all I am trying to do is to let go and love myself more than I did last night.

I think that's an awesome goal to have every day! (Hey, look! Rainbows!)

miracle,
Cosmos because it had to go in a Gatorade bottle, so I went with bright-ass pink drink. Which the mean lady threw away, so it was $7.50 CANS of beer all night for Nell. Good thing I stopped drinking every single day so it didn't take quite as much alcohol to give me a decent buzz. WH pulled a stupid and made me miss the first two songs of the concert (he took someone else's pain pill for no good reason and his blood pressure dropped and had to go to the first aid station and get a saline drip and looked like death and scared me AND pissed me off), then the Solid Gold dancer next to me kept whipping her nasty hair in my face and I accidentally knocked over her drink, then some other woman smacked my arm with her lit cigarette. But the second part of the concert was good.

Anyhoo... yay for manchild! And yay for you!

strongish,
How are you?

Ummm... that's all I've got right now.

I had fun with my BFF, but it's not the same when the Hs are with us. Girls-only vaca definitely necessary.

Boyo2 had one of his random fevers again today. WH worked from home this morning and I came home early so he could get to work this afternoon. *sigh* Just tracking his symptoms at this point.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
WheredoIgonow
♀ Member
Member # 27130
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What constitues a Long Term Affair?

My FWH's first A was an on again off again A with a co-worker for over 2 years... There was very little emotional - deep involvement.

Once that faded it seemed... OW#2 came around... she was going through her 3rd Divorce and was all over my FWH. This turned into an intense EA/PA for 5 months.... and that one really hurt....

So about 3 years of 2 As... - so maybe not a LTA... but there was some intense feelings and attachments.


Me; BS (54)
Him: WS (56)
Married 29 years
DD-28, DS-26, DS-18, DS-16
OW#1 - PA - 4 1/2 years
OW#2 - EA/PA - 5 months
He thought she was his soulmate - was going to move out- confessed about OW#2 when asked. OW#1 revealed them.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jan 2010
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Checking in quickly.

Miracle: Good for you & Manchild.

Strongish - you sound good. How are you? And, did you ever answer the question someone posed about whether the 2 of you are allowed to date during separation? Just curious.

As for me:

M3: Thank you for your concise reality check.

Spoke with stbx again. He really isn't giving me anything to work with. To the extent I saw real concern, love, etc in his eyes the other day, I'm really not seeing that now. He's just not giving me anything to work with. If he struggles with the ability to limit his social activities, how is he ever going to deliver on the more abstract & difficult ones like showing committment and changing priorities?
New plan: tell the kids on Thurs afternoon. 1 of my kids is out for the night & I otherwise truly DISLIKE the idea of bringing the kids to a sitter in the day or two after telling them the news. 1 or both of us will be home for a stretch of about 10 days starting on Thursday. So, that's the day.
I'm thinking of going with a warning that things have been bad, we need some time apart & land somewhere between there's no hope for us working it out (cuz there is none) & just short of telling them the whole Dad is moving out here's the visitation schedule.
This would be to give them advance warning only, not because stbx and I are uncertain. (I read this in a book - that the kids need some warning.)
I've already made it very clear to him that I am now officially looking for someone.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Off work today. Had to get a skin cancer cut off my lip!!! Really hurt but should be OK.

Have just spent an HOUR typing a post in Reconciliation. If you're interested

http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=413543

Now to catch up.

When is Tryn due home? Does anyone know. I'm missing him. UK has been quiet for a while too?

awakenedbytruth

Yes it is truly hard when they work together. I am getting used to it but I still have some bad moments.

HUGS

miracle

topic of when to call it quits...not until you are ready and know that you can walk away with the least regret

Agree 100%. I guess that's why I'm am still here. I can actually almost imagine a scale. On one end it reads "I am outta here" and on the other "I'm in it for the long haul". If "outta here" is zero I think I am at about 75%. It fluctuates a little from day to day. My aim is to reach 95%. Given his history I think 100% is just asking a little too much

retrovaille onsite emdr

My vote is for whatever it takes if you want to save your M. As people always say nothing is harder or more expensive than D so anything is worth a try if your heart is in it.

Reconciling after Separating?

Don't know but several here have done it so anything is possible.

Telling kids

18+ definitely tell. They probably have strong suspicions anyway and are wondering what you are doing. And I would suggest the truth and nothing but. No candy coating but no gory details either. Just who, when, how often, for how long. They need to be able to trust at least ONE parent to be honest. And let's face it the WS has been dishonest with them for years.

Younger. I'm not sure. The problem is that they know something is up. 12+ I would be inclined to simply say you are having problems but trying to work them out. They need security at this age and will become nervous if they know something is going on and it is being hidden from them. Again they need to be able to trust.

Under that - only when you are going to S. I'm not sure if it appropriate to mention infidelity at all.

JMHO

Miracle

Congrats to Manchild and so glad all the partying went well. Repeating - you should train to be a teacher!!!

Allgood

My head is spinning. What DOES that man want????

BIG HUGS honey

M33

I'm feeling pretty darn spectacular!

And becoming more so every day. Good for you.

Strong

Hope you and DD have LOTS of FUN!!!!

Nell

Nice to hear you sounding good and that H has stepped up with caring for Boyo2. Hope he gets better soon and this rotten thing goes away for good. I know what it's like to have kids with chronic illness.

BIG HUGS

Allgood

I'm thinking of going with a warning that things have been bad, we need some time apart & land somewhere between there's no hope for us working it out (cuz there is none) & just short of telling them the whole Dad is moving out here's the visitation schedule.
This would be to give them advance warning only, not because stbx and I are uncertain. (I read this in a book - that the kids need some warning.)

I REALLY like your plan. Good luck honey.

WheredoIgonow

HERE.

You are very welcome. The people here on LTA saved my life last year. It would be a privilege to try to help you save yours.

Maybe post your story in your profile so we know a little more about where you're at at present.

HUGS and love to all the tribe


Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wheredoigonow...welcome to our little corner of si...talk to us and tell us how we can help...


allgood: sounds like you have a good plan...and it sounds like doing it when the kids will have full access to one or both of you for that time period is brilliant...


m3: i know you still wrestle with what to do...i know you still love the idiot, and i know that you would love to be able to keep your family together....but because you still wrestle i gots some questions that i hope might help..

1. what does love look like to you...the love between 2 adults...?

2. (this one is really 2 questions)do you think you will ever trust him, with your heart and your kids without you?

3. is he making progress in ic?

4. do you have a plan for mc?

5. do you have any goals both with him and without him? and is he able to help you reach these goals..the ones obviously with him

6. what would your life look like without him?

and your kids?...what would life be like for your kids should you d him...

7. percentage wise...how happy are you? and how much peace do you think you have with your sich as is? or in the future?


strong: i think you know she is "safe" for you, and i think that because she is the last one to know it might make it that much more real and final....and also somehow quite surreal since this is not a conversation you ever dreamed of having...you might have been planning it recently, but not one you ever really "dreamed" of making it so so surreal...

as it is this is sometimes i think so surreal for all of us....its so much to actually process and there are days that it feels like the processing part will never end...so that we could put it away so to speak...

anyways...i think once you are able to hug that child you will feel so so much better..and i hope you have a good cry together...purge it out and hopefully let some of it go...


nell: not liking those fevers...have you started keeping a journal of what he eats, where he goes on the days he gets them....


laura i will have to check out that post later...


miracle house update:

its official saints be praised, manchild is a high school graduate... ...happy tears!!!


pfm is getting worse these days with his mutterings and inappopriate comments...his listening skills are in the crapper....he pretends to listen then the shit spews and you know he didnt...my kids roll their eyes much more then they used too...we all do now...i liked it better when he had his friend, he was attached to her and the detaching he did at home was much more peaceful...i noticed or should say i realized that the more attached he is to home the angrier i am....of course he could still have his friend for all i know and he is just reverting...i do see shades of old, more often the i used too...

nite all...

(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where Do I Go-
You are definitely in the right place!
A 2 yr LTA and then continued affairs for another year or so definitely qualifies as a LTA.
That is what all of us here have in common- having to deal with the shock of finding out that our WS was capable of lying to us, to themselves for so long.

Our tribe is in various stages of recovery/healing etc. after d-day.
Some of us are many yrs post d-day..others are more recent.
Some are reconciling with their FWS. Others are planning to divorce. Still others are in limbo-unsure yet as to how to progress.

Some have very remorseful WS..others are not so remorseful.

But, the one thing that everyone here has in common is a really big heart and so much compassion for others... so feel free to share your thoughts and concerns.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This past week, I witnessed an intoxicated man jumped over 150 feet into the near mouth of the Mississippi River. As my family and I only about 30 feet from his fall saw and heard him screaming all the way into this muddy river water. The turbulence took him under for several seconds before his head popped up. No way was he going to survive this. My Wife and daughter’s tears ran down their face knowing we just witnessed death. It took the cruise boat nearly 1 mile just to stop in the powerful current. Some brave men from our ship launched away in small boats to rescue this man. All the river traffic was stopped and a coast guard helicopter was called for help. When you get down to this part of the river, the current is strong and it is not so wide. The boat turned and steamed back to get closer to the men trying to rescue this person.

A choice to jump into the Mississippi River is not a good choice. He survived with broken bones, dislocated shoulder to the thanks to many people who risk thier own lives to save him from himself.

We make choices in our lives.

We need to make choices that will make us happy. Me? I overcame anger and I am battling to forgive, as I made the choice to love someone who made a decision kinda like jumping into the Mississippi River. It is my decision to accept how, and the ways my W loves me today. It is me that can tell her how I need to be loved and accept nothing less than my own happiness. It is me that can hurt over my past, but wise to see today. It is my W’s choice to love me the way I need to be loved.

Happiness is what you make it. If you do not, or cannot have what I now have, I get it.

ats, you cannot control a wife if she decided not to make love to you. Physical love is most important love with most every man in a marriage.

Allgood, you cannot control a H who “thinks” he is wanting the marriage, but still does nothing significant to change his ways. Staying out all night is living single. He is a drunk to do this. His addictions are causing misery.

I so wish you both the strength to seek happiness.

I had a wonderful life experience last week.

Peace to all.

[This message edited by trynhard at 7:55 AM, June 28th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryin-
Unbelievable story. It must have been so horrific to have watched this.
But, your analogy to our WS behavior during the LTA is very accurate.

My husband does look back on all of those LTA years and shakes his head in disbelief.

He looks back on it and calls it complete insanity.

When given a choice of a life with me and a single life to do as he pleased- he chose me, our marriage, our life.

IMHO a remorseful WS is the key to being able to even consider reconcilation.
Without a remorseful spouse there is little chance of R.

Finding out about a LTA is extremely traumatic for the BS. Recovery and healing takes a very long time.

The only way that a marriage survives is if the FWS is 100% committed to saving the marriage and willing to do all of the hard work.

Laura-
Glad to hear that you are doing well-75% is really good considering how recent your d-day was. It takes time...

Nell- Sounds like your concert experience was crazy but fun!
Sorry that DS continues to have the fever symptoms.
I agree with Miracle -start keeping track of everything that he does, eats etc. during that time period.

[This message edited by njgal480 at 12:56 PM, June 28th (Tuesday)]


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
WheredoIgonow
♀ Member
Member # 27130
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only way that a marriage survives is if the FWS is 100% committed to saving the marriage and willing to do all of the hard work.

I really believe this... but I wouldn't consider my FWH is REALLY doing this...

He is trying.... maybe not to the level I think he can or is capable of... but he's never really had to work very hard at anything his whole life... so even for him, he is trying.

It's almost 2 years since Dday... and lots of IC and MC for the both of us.

Is it possible that they will try harder after time goes by... or if they don't start 100% from the beginning, they never will?


Me; BS (54)
Him: WS (56)
Married 29 years
DD-28, DS-26, DS-18, DS-16
OW#1 - PA - 4 1/2 years
OW#2 - EA/PA - 5 months
He thought she was his soulmate - was going to move out- confessed about OW#2 when asked. OW#1 revealed them.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jan 2010
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is our spouses on dday

Can they change? Be someone able to make changes?

This man was flipping the people the finger as he was being brought back to the ship.

Some people have so much ego or just don't give a damn, they cannot handle shame and hide it, they just give up on life. They do what they want do without really knowing how or what to do to repair what they have done.

They just move on to the next part of life without looking back at all the people they effected.

This is all part of life. Some People are not always loving or loyal.

We cannot control what others do. We can only control what we do.

I will always choose happiness, even if I sacrifice some pain to achieve it. If you make an effort at it, the pains go away.

Efforts get you this... Beauty in the simple things.

[This message edited by trynhard at 8:21 AM, June 28th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
strongish
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Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle - I don't know how you hold it all together. The way you describe pfm and his antics makes me anxious and pissed off...I can't imagine how much harder it is for you! And then you take the time to counsel everyone else here....I stand in awe of you.

Allgood - I like your plan. You have good instincts...trust them. It is good that one or both of you will be around in the immediate aftermath of telling your kids....very wise decision. I'm thinking of you.

m3 - Love the image of you and Baby Paddy, the two of you against the world! There is little doubt in my mind that she is growing up to be one very STRONG and capable little girl. She has you as a role model and is already kicking butt with her therapy! And the Thelma and Louise reference is just what I needed to hear. I"m going to talk DD into doing a girls/beachy getaway soon...maybe next week.

Tryn - Wow! What a thing to witness....and really, this guy is an idiot. Think of all the people that he "hurt" by what he did....all the ones that had to watch and see his jump, those that rushed to his rescue only to be given the finger.....sad, really sad.

I've got to run as I hear DD and DS moving around upstairs. I'll check in later....hugs!


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