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Newest Member: ThrownAwayTwice (43226)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 25
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By the way you CANNOT break it off with your wife on Dip's shift - Tryn will have his head when he gets back.

I disagree. I think tryn would approve.

funny how there's a flurry of activity lately here, huh?

I have a crew of 5 guys in here on their 2nd day of getting the house ready. Just dropped off the listing agreement with the agent... don't quite miss the kids yet, but they've been gone to Camp Grandma for less than 24 hours.

Baby Paddy and Sunshine had checkups yesterday and she's SO tall -- 33 inches to his 35 inches. He outweighs her by about 3 pounds. No wonder everyone asks if they're twins these days!

Anyway, I'm just taking things one minute at a time.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3: I'm glad Baby Paddy is doing well. God bless her. All her "aunts" and "uncles" here love her soooo much!!
Hang in there as much as you can with all the craziness going on at your house. Have you found another house to buy yet? This must be sooo stressful for you. Any change, whether good or bad is full of stress. We're here for you.

Hi Laura!! Hope all is going well with you.

Strong: Thinking of you. Come and vent.

Pity Parties. I don't think any of us here really are having them. It is grieving. We have a lot to grieve and mourn. So many of us have kept going, not really having the support of our WS's the way we should. Feeling great grief and sadness and sharing here is not a pity party. We are more than a message board, even more than a support group, WE ARE FAMILY here. One of the greatest things that I have received here is acceptance for who I am and great support and love. Reality checks I get here are also extremely important.

You are all in my prayers. We are each going through our own private hells.

{{{{{tribe}}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awww... honest, thanks for asking.

No, we have not found another place to buy yet. He's going to have to buy the house. My goal is to be debt free. I have also decided not to co-own anything with anyone ever again.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3

He's going to have to buy the house. My goal is to be debt free. I have also decided not to co-own anything with anyone ever again

Please assure your nosy friend that you have done everything to legally protect yourself here and not leaving yourself open to him dumping all of your marital money in an asset in his sole name?


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will. The current house isn't even listed yet, so there's time.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the kind and supportive words. It means so much to me. I feel like I've leaned on my friends IRL so much that I hesitate to call them and once again literally cry on their shoulder. They say they don't mind, but I'm sure it gets old.

Have not heard from DD22 since FWH talked to her yesterday. I'm debating whether to call her to check on her or whether to leave her be and let her contact me when she's ready. I HATE feeling at odds with any of my kids.

m3 - So happy to hear about Baby Paddy's progress. She really is a miracle, isn't she? Just thinking of how cute she is brings a smile to my face!

Miracle - I'll be thinking of you tonight as I sit alone with a glass of chardonney. Really, I'll be thinking of you and how generous you are to support these kids on prom night when you already so much stress in your life. You are a GREAT mom! Don't doubt that for a second!

Honest - You're right, I feel like thie group is part of my family. And the pity party stuff....we are grieving. I know that I am grieving for the M I thought I had. I'm actually more open now to seeing if FWH and I can rebuild a life together, but some parts will always be a little frayed and battered.

FWH has actually been quite kind the last two days. When he took more clothes out of the closet yesterday he spread out the remaining clothes so it wouldn't look so bare for me. That's the kind of thoughtfulness that I really haven't seen from in a long, long time...if ever. We are both continuing with IC but have put MC on hold for now. We did agree that if after 3 months we wanted to try to get back together, we would have to go through one of the Onsite couples programs. But that's down the road and for now I plan to concentrate on seeing what I really want out of life.

Have a good day all!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell -- where is the 180 train?!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's the nofun update:

It's been the constant up and down roller coaster here. I've had so much stress in my life right now that isn't even related to the A. The irony is that through all of the stress, H has been supportive and thus on and off I have felt connected.

I have not felt connected to this man in 2 years. So that feeling took me by surprise.

H has been opening up more. He has also talked to two of the three kids recently about what a stupid asshole he was and how he doesn't want them to make the same mistakes he did in their relationships. Recently my DD28 asked me if I saw a slight improvement in him because she said she did.

I have been reading about everyone's struggles and it saddens me. I truly wish none of us were in this situation.


((((((tribe)))))


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish we weren't either though I'm glad to hear the roller coaster is going up for you, nofun!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood -- I just want to say that I am thinking about you today and my thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow. And I do actually say a prayer or two when I say that. ((Allgood)) I wish peace for your children. Your oldest might be relieved, you know. The diva will probably be clueless -- so keep a watchful eye on your middle one especially.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks M3.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, y'all. Have very few minutes but had to see what mi familia was up to. Got my concert tix, a new hippie dress and am about to make some to-go drinks to sneak in. (Nobody makes a cosmo like Nell!)

m3,
The 180 train is running in general... it's part two now. We filled up the first train.

ats,
Check in, please.

hugs all around!!!!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3.

Thanks for the Baby Paddy update. She is really growing.

Allgood.

Good luck.

I have to go for now. Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood -- I just want to say that I am thinking about you today and my thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow. And I do actually say a prayer or two when I say that. ((Allgood)) I wish peace for your children. Your oldest might be relieved, you know. The diva will probably be clueless -- so keep a watchful eye on your middle one especially.

does this mean tomorrow is the "talk"....my prayers will be with you too...

and we are here for ya....from start to finish and back again to a new beginning....(((allgood)))


m3: love the baby paddy update....jeez where is she getting that height from...future wonder woman im thinkin...


def look out for your best interests in the event of anything....


strong: i think you should just text her that you love her and whenver she wants she can talk to you...reach out to her mama bear...

and i like that you both have a plan for the future when the future is decided upon...and i especially like how he is handling this whole mess...he is managing from what you have posted to be supportive and remorseful and very open to a future with you....and is being so respectful of your feelings now....(sacrastic me needs to sneak in a bit of sarcasm...it would have been nice if he were that respectful and supportive and everything else way back when)...ok i got that out....but better late then never...i hope it lasts...

nell: a hippie dress and a cosmo...somehow the picture is well....it doesnt match...yet it does..

honest: talk to us about whats goin on with you...is he comin...?


fun: wow, it actually sounds like he is doin right...and im guessin your current guests are driving you somewhat nuts...among some other stuff...i hope its not your business.....


enjoy the concert and enjoy the cosmos...


manchild is off to prom...he looked so handsome and so hot....turns out it was only 9 of them in the limo...7 coming back to hang, 6 to sleep.....if they sleep....

the kid who lost his sister...was lookin so handsome and happy....and his mom god bless her is keeping it together..but i can tell that its all on the surface.....

all the kids looked so perty and handsome event the one kid who didnt smile...


i may be back later...it will be along nite for me...i may try to take a nap...

(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, June 24th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it would have been nice if he were that respectful and supportive and everything else way back when
Yep...that thought has rocketed through my brain multiple time!!

FWH stopped by earlier today to pick up some parts of his uniform that he forgot to take with him. We had a "nice" talk, nothing too emotional and were able to have a little laugh at my not wanted to hug him good-bye. I put out my hand for a handshake! He talked about his IC today and I think it was very enlightening for FWH. I won't get into details but it and FWH sounded positive.

Miracle - Hope everythign goes well tonight and that prom ends up being as magical as the kids want it to be.

Allgood - Still thinking of you. Please check in tomorrow and let us know how you're doing.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, June 25th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

FWH is on the phone to his mother (who I can't stand and haven't spoken to since dday) so I have a few minutes.

Hard to chat with him around all the time.

Strong

FWH has actually been quite kind the last two days.

He talked about his IC today and I think it was very enlightening for FWH. I won't get into details but it and FWH sounded positive.

You are sounding very STRONG. Take care of yourself. I think from what you have said your H is finally "getting it". Now he has to decide to ACT to save his M. I so hope he does.

Miracle

all the kids looked so perty

I can hear the love and joy in your words for the kids. I think you would have made a great teacher. You have such a rapport with kids and great sense of how to handle them. Much better than being a nurse

Allgood

I too wanted to say that I am thinking about you and praying for you.

BIG HUGS honey

FUN

The irony is that through all of the stress, H has been supportive and thus on and off I have felt connected.

Maybe he wants to be your KISA. Maybe you should let him for a while. Let him take care of you. Enjoy it

M33

I have also decided not to co-own anything with anyone ever again.

Isn't it just SO AWFUL that we feel like this. I have separated everything since dday and that will NEVER change. FWH knows and accepts this. Sigh. So pleased Baby Paddy is going well. Take care of yourself honey.

Honest

Hi Laura!! Hope all is going well with you.

Thank you. I think it is. EMDR has taken away the raging hurt and pain but I still feel very sad at times.

EMDR may help you too honey. No one should have to carry the weight we do. I wish I had some wise advice for you. Yours is such a shitty sich. HUGS Honest

0115

Hope you are holding it together honey. These early months are so horrible for you. Nothing anyone says or does can make it easier. It just sucks. BIG HUGS.

NJgal

They have come around and seem to be pretty much back to normal with their father

Mine seem to be too. I sometimes resent this and want them to punish them. That's a little sick I know. But feelings is what they is

Thanks so much for always being here to cheer us on. I really appreciate it.

DP

Think of you often. Glad to hear the new job is going OK. Being busy is probably helping you in some ways. Take care.

Dip

You have done an EXCELLENT job of holding down the fort. Well done!!

(((((((ATS)))))))

FNF and lostsuol

Good to hear from you

dontknowanything

Of course you are welcome honey. Come in and chat whenever you want to.

Gotta go. He's saying goodbye to the old girl. Bitchy I know but the woman is a bitch and I believe a major contributor to who he became and who he is today.

Love and HUgs to all

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, June 25th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle - It's a little bit of everything. The guests at my house, the business is now just squeaking by, the economy is killing me. My hot headed, impulsive son has to go to court for negligent driving and if he is found guilty the atty told him he will never get on the fire department which he has been working towards for a few years. I'm just sick and tired of everything.

Allgood - I'm thinking of you.

M3 - My thoughts are with you also. God Bless baby Paddy.

Strongish - You are my hero. I wish I had done what you are doing. Seems your H is becoming remorseful.

Honest, Ats, DP, Dip, Laura, Nell and everyone else....Hugs.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, June 25th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Fun

He'll be OK.No matter what happens, he will be ok.

And so will you.

Love

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, June 25th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Fun)) I am also thinking of you & hoping everything turns out ok for your son.

Miracle - hope all went well at the prom & after party.

Me:

So, stbx is at work today, planning on telling the kids after dinner.
Last night I tried to discuss things with him & really all I got from him is that he never wants to tell the kids & never wants to move out. Unclear where that leaves me as he never mentioned "us" in any of this.

Anyhoo.

So, this morning, I texted him that there's never going to be a "good" time to tell the kids & that if there was any hope that we could work things out, I would delay, but there's been no indication of that from him at all over the past few months, even after he signed the agreement & I told him I still hoped that he would wake up one day and want to work things out, etc.
Anyway, so I told him that there's no reason to delay as the marriage is clearly over. Let's just get this over with, tell the kids & let's all start our new lives.
So, he responded by saying that he would love to work things out, but....
A conversation ensued which was cut short when his partner re-entered the car, but basically, he said he would want to try again, but his attitude seemed to be the same. So, I told him that I wasn't going to try again if his attitude was the same, his attitude being that no matter what he does, it won't work out. And told him that the things I expected of him were reasonable (ie: not lying) & I wasn't flexible on those points.
At this point the conversation gets cut short.
So, it appears I opened up a can of worms.
It really all started by trying to show him why there was no need to delay telling the kids & then it morphed into something else, like my need to be superdy duper clear why this is all his fault.
But, if anything, it has restored my resolve to go forward. His thinking is still so far skewed. Anything short of a complete epiphany would not change my course for this afternoon.
I'm not holding my breath.
And, quite frankly, I'm disappointed that I even "went there" with him, because now I feel bad that I may have lead him on a bit.
Whatever.
I'll get over it.

Tune in at around 10pm for the conclusion to this riveting soap opera.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 8:12 AM, June 25th (Saturday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, June 25th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood: I know deep down you wish he'd do more to show he wants the marriage. Right now, you know he is not giving you lip service because he did sign the papers.

Ok, Tryn isn't around, but I would suggest one last go around with Retrovaille. It can't hurt, and if anything, at least maybe you 2 can communicate better even if you go through with the S/D.

This way you will know that ALL avenues were taken to save the M, and WH will know too. And perhaps, just perhaps the idiot will wake up. I know you want all of this to be over and done with and the pain to stop, but WH leaving will really not do that.

Damn them!!!!


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