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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 25
Whisperingwillow
♀ Member
Member # 24550
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, May 31st (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly, I think this is also a thread for me. Hi Nell!

Yesterday WS had phone contact with both OW4 and OW1. I felt something was wrong; I had a wrenching gut ache, but it felt psychological; I think it is when my inner reality doesn't match what WS tells me is or isn't happening.

They both phoned him he said; so how come the little arrow on the phone is an outgoing call - he phoned them back, but they phoned him. He just does not get that NC means NC of any kind. So it is coming up for 3.5 years with OW1 - he has more or less been in contact with her the whole time. The PA ended 28 April 2008, but she is still in his life, and as a result, our lives. He doesn't like her, he thinks she's a pain, but he still gives to her what he should be giving to me; time, listening, consideration, time.

OW4 is coming up for a year now - an EA that he just refuses to end conclusively.

As I posted on the multiple affairs thread, my trust for WS has been in a coma for well over a year, after two years in and out of intensive care. We seemed to be getting on better recently after some very good MC, the trust seemed to revive, but it was false hope, just reflex twitching. I think the life support will have to be switched off one day.

Anyway, on with my day. Chores. Walk. Dinner with DD. Meeting. Completely and utterly NOT going to engage in any conversation about anything non=essential with WS.

Mostly calm today considering the searing pain of seeing those numbers on his phone yesterday, and of him lying as a default position. MC isn't for another 11 days so no getting into discussions until then.

We are going to Greece for a week in 4 weeks time; and I am not going to let his feckless, faithless, cheating heart stop me from having a good time.


Me: BS 57 Him: WS 57 Child: DD 20
Multiple DDays/TT 28 April 2008 onwards. OW1 -PA 5 months, EA 2 years. OW 2 a prostate he paid to touch him PA. Then there was inappropriate friendship/flirtation with OW3. Current EA with OW 4 since 2010 whic

Posts: 297 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: London, England, UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, May 31st (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome whispering...

i have to ask,, why are you still with him if he is still actively cheating...and make no mistake about it he is actively cheating by the fact that they exist in his current world....and i am so so sorry that he seems to be an amazing fucktard...

again i am so sorry that you are going through this....

(((whispering)))


i had a thought in reading ats's response to tryn...tryn...you know our ws's did not get here to this messed up frame of mind overnight and they sure as hell are not going to be out of it overnight either....the build up for most of our ws's has been goin on since childhood....not gonna be fixed in any reasonable amount of time...kind of like pregnancy...it take the body 9 months to produce a babe....it takes that long or longer to get the body back...and way more often then not...its never the same body.... ...so we fix it the best we can and make do with the rest....and when we have had enough we get a tummy tuck...and even then its never back to what it was...


nell: yay mr nell, dare i say the man is gettin a clue...



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, May 31st (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whispering, I have to agree with miracle -- what's the deal with that?

I did not leave my WH when he kept having intermittent contact with his XHSGF, which I could only prove was EA, for a few months after Dday, but I did go ballistic every time I saw contuse, and each contact was less and less -- and finally she seemed to only be friended on his FB page and I asked him if it was really worth it to him to get a D over FB friend, because given the whole picture of everything else it was worth it to me -- but did he really want to draw his line in the sand there? Really?

Now, with the confirmed PA -- I saw one pix text msg. from OW's BH about 6 months after Dday and I ame within about an inch of filing over that. If it had been OW's # or EVER happened again (without immediate disclosure) then I would be done.

Granted, that's just me, but really, what's up?


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, May 31st (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Wisperingwillow.

I am so sorry you are here, but pleased to meet you. As the others have noted, your WS is still on the fence and in the A. What are your boundaries, and how long are you willing to share him?

I stongly belive that the WS must identify, own, and be actively working on correcting his or her internal issues that led to the A.

He doesn't like her, he thinks she's a pain, but he still gives to her what he should be giving to me; time, listening, consideration, time.

So here is an example, why will he persist in not wanting to hurt this woman he does not like, knowing that it is hurtful to you. Careful, this may woosh like a 2x4, but if he is unwilling to hurt a woman he does not like, what does that say about your relationship with him. At the very least he feels safe that you will let him do as he wishes with no consequences.

I also question what good MC can do until he has identified, owns, and is actively working on correcting his internal issues related to his A's.

A PA that is an on-going 3.5 year EA, and TT is not much to build a relationship uhpon.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3961 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, May 31st (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Willow. Welcome here.

Okay, does anyone else notice that every single time I say anything positive about WH's steps, it comes IMMEDIATELY after one of my breakdowns?!?! Does that scream "Emotional Manipulation" to anyone except me?

P.S. Evil Twin phoned WH on Saturday using his "I ' m s o d e p r e s s e d" voice... after our talk on Friday night (when WH seemed to have an actual "ah-ha" moment regarding random people demanding that WH solve their problems), WH decided NOT to call evil twin and offer his money, his marriage, his children, etc., to fix evil twin's latest boohoohoo. Evil twin thinks that his GF and he are about to break up... evil twin thinks that his GF is crazy... well, that's what you get when you shop for GFs at the Crazy GF Discount Store. I heard this story two years ago and gave my opinion (based solely on WH's recounting of evil twin's recounting of crazy GF's actions) and I'm out. What I want to know is (1) is evil twin still planning to honor us with his suck-life presence and (2) will crazy GF accompany him? Tune in tomorrow for another Day of My Life.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, May 31st (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Can't chat gotta get to work.

Quickly

(((Nell))) Love how you make me laugh.

Welcome WW.

(((WW)))

Reading and thinking of you all

Love

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Whisperingwillow
♀ Member
Member # 24550
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, May 31st (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all, and yes, it is a fair question, why am I still with WS. DD is taking exams this month, and going to university in September, my position since April 2008 has been that I will not break up her home and jeopardise her chances of success just because WS has forgotten how to be a decent man. This is my decision, and many might consider it a wrong decision, but I have made it for the right reasons and I am confident in it, firm and resolute. I repeat I will not break up my daughter's home until such time as I deem it necessary and until I believe the time is right. In the meantime I do a soft 180 as much as I can.

WS has repeatedly said he wants to be with me forever, that he loves only me and that he cannot imagine being without me. I have repeatedly said that if that is the case and if we are to R, he needs to go NC with the OW(s) to own his stuff and to heal whatever it is that hurts him so much that he hurts me. He seems unable to do this, he seems to want to, makes promises but breaks them. He agrees that he needs IC, says he will go and then fails to organise it.

The MC is our third attempt, and we have only had two sessions. Very good sessions. I terminated the second MC, and initially said I would not go to MC again until WS went to IC. However, I began to realise that I need the support of MC for me, to live with WS, regardless of whether WS is in IC or not. Yes I can insist WS goes to IC; but then it wouldn't work - he needs to want to change.

I think he just cannot believe I would ever leave him; I'm going to raise this at next MC; that and the total lack of respect for me he shows every time he takes a call from OWs; and he does hurt them too, he has really hurt OW1 (good). Nobody is a winner. The EAs aren't really even EAs; he's not emotionally involved with them, its quite juvenile reading the texts; its more like he gets an ego boost having secret liaisons, and add to that extremely porous boundaries and so we are in the situation we are in. OK, late, I'm tired & should be in bed. Sorry for waffling.

Nell - you make me
I like your spirit!


Me: BS 57 Him: WS 57 Child: DD 20
Multiple DDays/TT 28 April 2008 onwards. OW1 -PA 5 months, EA 2 years. OW 2 a prostate he paid to touch him PA. Then there was inappropriate friendship/flirtation with OW3. Current EA with OW 4 since 2010 whic

Posts: 297 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: London, England, UK
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, May 31st (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iwant... I cannot disagree with ya on the time to heal. ats, you seem mighty patient. I guess for me, almost right out of the dday, I insisted on change and being in a complete loving and healthy relationship. No, not all things went according to plan, but we fault through it all.

ats, as far as correcting, what is that anyway? Heck, I am not certain my own W is “corrected.” How can I know? I’m not in her head. You cheat, you have abortions, you have sex as a child, what can you do to correct that? It’s history. From a wayward’s perspective, I’m pretty sure you live through this trauma you caused, you are not going to forget all the pain you brought on others. If you do it again, well then you are a psychopath.


Posts: 2635 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, May 31st (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whispering:

i too am in my marriage for my kids...however i am not hoping to reconcile...i am here purely for them and them alone...

its one thing to stay in a marriage for your kids, doing so in name only...but quite another when he is actively cheating...bringing home who knows what diseases to YOU...you are sleeping with his op's just as much as he is if you are sleeping with him....

right now your ws has no reason to stop....he has it all doesnt he...

if reconcilliation is what you are after...you will never have it whilst he op's are in the picture in any way shape and form....

if you are staying just until your daughter is settled....and using him for sex and whatever else...then that is fine...but you cannot have reconcillitation under these conditions...at least not where you will be happy and at peace...

for me: when my kids are in a place where i think they are safe enough...i am done...i would ideally like to wait til my youngest is also done with college...but thats a lot of years...and i am not sure i could...its not easy within an in house separation where your kids do not know...at the very least i need to get my middle child settled...he is starting college in fall provided he gets through the rest of high school...this child has issues....but once like i said he is settled....if need be i am outta here...or rather he is....

its not an easy way to live...



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn, I honestly do not know if I am patient or pathetic. I do know that I can empathize to a fault (is, co-dependent). Figuring out my true motive in staying is one of my issues to still resolve. Is it for the kids? Is it fear? Is it inertia? Is it a true love and support for my W? Honestly, I cannot tell you. I can tell you I carried our relationship for much of the time after dday. Most of our time post dday has been about her and what she needs.

Still, there are glimpses of a caring and supportive partner. An IC/MC I trust believes in us and when I was doing MC with FWW, challenged me to find my way to a healthy M with FWW. He does the same with her in her IC.

I liked Nell's advice to write out my ideal M. This fits with something FWW and I talked about from her IC a few days ago. It may be a good reality check for me and hrr and a jumping off point for MC. It is possible our beliefs of what an ideal M looks like are very different. She may want the concept of M without appreciating what that truly means to me.

btw, tonight was one of those glimpses.

WW, I understand your position, but I believe iwam speaks a strong truth. My opinion, fwiw, is you need to consider what your DD is learning about relationships with a spouse as much as you consider maintaining a more stable environment for her. If she gets her degree, but believes it is appropriate for a man to treat her as your WS treats you, will it have been worth your sacrifice?

--Ats

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 1:09 AM, June 1st (Wednesday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3961 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Whisperingwillow
♀ Member
Member # 24550
Default  Posted: 3:17 AM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS is not a fucktard, he is a good man who is, at times, behaving very badly. He is hurt inside and needs healing. He is lost and can't find a map or compass because he is looking in the wrong places. He doesn't realise he is in hole and that if he keeps digging it is going to get deeper.

DD will know, whatever happens, that despite his many excellent qualities, her Dad did this awful thing which hurt so many people including him, and that I gave him every opportunity to heal and come good. She is learning patience, compassion, understanding. She will learn that people take time to deal with FOO issues; maybe she will learn that for some people dealing with FOO issues is too painful so they avoid it.

I don't know what the future will bring, but the way things are going she will probably learn that I gave WS every opportunity to heal and make good, but that he didn't heal enough to stop hurting me so I had to move on. Or she may learn a different lesson, I just don't know.

Thank you all for listening to me.


Me: BS 57 Him: WS 57 Child: DD 20
Multiple DDays/TT 28 April 2008 onwards. OW1 -PA 5 months, EA 2 years. OW 2 a prostate he paid to touch him PA. Then there was inappropriate friendship/flirtation with OW3. Current EA with OW 4 since 2010 whic

Posts: 297 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: London, England, UK
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Whisper.. Sorry you are in our club.

ats.. I carried my M through this R and yes I did what Nell did too. But with Nell’s list came my boundaries. You've read them before.


Things like...
- I am only going to be married to someone that loves me the way I need to be loved. (And I love my W the way she needs to be loved)
- I am not going to be threatened with another "male" relationship. (An me, no female relationships)
- I am not going to accept "working" as priority over me. (And I do the same for my W too)
- I am going to forgive my W. (I choose not to make her feel guilty, shameful in any way)

I can remember so many times having to repeat, compromise and enforces those boundaries. And you know what? I may still have to guard my boundaries. When I have bad feelings associated with each, I tell her my feelings. I never hide them anymore. I never let them pass.

Last night, I was thinking about intimacy. What makes it so.

When we first meet someone, we share so much. It seems we have nothing to fear. So we communicate how we feel. Only after time do we start to hide our feelings. Maybe to protect from a fight, a hurt or whatever.

I never really knew about feelings, how to express them, until after going to Retrou.

ats, maybe if you can make a commitment that you will bring this marriage into a new whole different kind of love if she also makes the commitment.

You tell your W, you have decided that you will only stay married and in a relationship where you both love each other to the fullest, all of the time, to the best of your ability, then start communicating how you feel on everything, I believe a natural intimacy starts to return.

No way you can control what other feel, what others do. But what you can do is express your feelings in a way to achieve that ultimate intiamcy. Just do it in a good safe way knowing feelings are what they are. Funny how when I share, my wife can ends up doing the same thing and I understand it vs going off on her for something I misunderstood.

If you both share feelings and commit to each other that you want them to only have good feelings, you might be surprised how you start to feel better.

It ok to hurt too. It's ok cry, or be happy.

Of course you have those "days", but this way of treating others by sharing feelings works. It does not control them. You control your own self.

[This message edited by trynhard at 7:38 AM, June 1st (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2635 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for that chart tryn. I am going to try to burn that into my brain for the IC appointment I'm going to on Friday. I'm sure it will be very helpful. I want to tell his IC about behavior without making judgements I don't suppose you have one about marriage? I think I'll use the list of successful marriages and the desirable/ undesirable lists... Those might help too.

Whispering - we jumped right in and sounded very tough on you - we do tend to be tough on each other - but please stay. The thing I see with this group is that eventually we each come to an understanding of ourselves and our M's that gives us confidence. That is very important.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell:
Okay, does anyone else notice that every single time I say anything positive about WH's steps, it comes IMMEDIATELY after one of my breakdowns?!?! Does that scream "Emotional Manipulation" to anyone except me?

This is something you should discuss calmly with WH. He should be in the M all the time, not just to perform damage control.
I hope that you and WH can discuss fully ways to cope with "evil twin". It sounds so messed up, and also shows how your WH has assumed the role of "rescuer" and has co-dependent issues with his brother and people. Perhaps the book "Codependent No More" would be a good read for him?

Ats: You have admitted that you have codependent tendencies. ( I think a lot of BS's get these after DDay)You have been working on the M and helping your FWW, but you also need to find the balance and work on what YOU want.
You have spent so much time and effort for this M. You have put your heart and soul into it. You do need to step back and see it for the reality it is at this point. I know it is hard, because it is a work in progress. I think a M will always be a work in progress. I don't ever think a relationship with anyone will be "complete" and we can step back and relax and say it is done like remodeling a house.
Right now, I get the feeling that you are waiting for FWW to get better and then things will be better. I also think you really haven't made a decision deep in your heart on what you are going to do. You are really in limbo in a way.

You do need to make some boundaries as Tryn says and then decide to commit to the M. If the boundaries are crossed, you will know what to do. Nell's suggestion about what you want an "ideal marriage" to be and comparing your list with your wife's is a good idea. Granted NO ONE will ever have their "ideal" marriage. That is a fantasy, but the lists to compare would be a good indicator on where both of you stand in terms of expectations of a marriage.

Whisperingwillow: Welcome to our little corner of SI. I reread your post several times and see that you said that your WH has stopped the PA in 2008, but the EA continues? You are in a hard place. Has your WH read "Not Just Friends"? If he wants to R with you, that should be required reading for him.

Please continue to come here and vent. We all have been there, and a LTA is hard to deal with. Many of us, like myself could have qualified for many of the categories of the "I Can Relate" thread. I could qualify for OC, multiple affairs, long distance relationships, NPD, etc, etc. But this place, is home for me. There are many wonderful, wise people here who really care.

{{{{{Willow}}}}

Miracle: how are you holding up with your daughter gone? I hope she is having a good time.

For me, WH is saying he might be coming next week and thus my cycle of downward emotions begins again. DS 16 really wants to go overseas and visit family and is driving me insane. WH is after me about me and DS12 going, but that is NOT happening.
I am researching ways of getting financial independence, Tryn. That is the only way I really will be free. I'm really getting to a point of accepting that I cannot change the sitch, no matter how hard I try. I cannot do it with someone who is unwilling to be a partner and commit to me and the M. I am in mourning and grieving, but not devastated as before, just extremely sad.

hugs to everyone.


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest:

I'm really getting to a point of accepting that I cannot change the sitch, no matter how hard I try

Hold on there, Miss...

You cannot save this marriage single handedly. Certainly not. To be honest, even if he was to tell you, prove to you, he divorced OW, was turning over a new leaf, etc. I would be screaming and jumping up & down to not attempt R with him. He's had too, too many chances, he's proven who he really is over & over again, he has on occasion even admitted to you that's he's incapable of the kind of relationship you want.

So, the point it: you should not want the M. You can grieve and miss and be sad at what you once hand and/or what you thought you had, but this is not someone YOU want to be with.

So, you cannot change your relationship with your H, that's true.

Other than that, tho, YES YOU DO HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHANGE YOUR FUTURE!!!

I think it's wise to anticipate and be prepared for a worst case scenario, but you cannot let that disable you. You have everything you need to move past this. You just need to take the first step.

((Honest))


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

short on time again...

whispering: i apologize for hurting your feelings calling him a fucktard...

i disagree with you on your take of the man....he is actively choosing his op's, 2 of them over you and your feelings....

he may be a good man to everyone else, but he is not a good man to you and this is what you are teaching your daughter....

how would you feel if this were happening to your daughter....

look i am usually the last person to tell anyone to give up on a marriage, i do not walk in your shoes...but i do believe that people need to see their relationships for what they really are...and you are not in a working marriage, you are not in active reconicilliation....it take 2, 2 people workin on it for that to be....

like i said we all have our reasons for staying, and in your own words he seems to be digging himself further in the hole....

right now your ws does not "see" you for who you are and that to me is sad, you deserve better then being his 3rd choice...cause so far he put 2 others ahead of you.....

and it sucks, you dont deserve this ...


(((honest)))

why is he coming back and what is the plan for where he is staying?...

and you will change your future...as hufi likes to say..decide..choose...commit....

nell: good observation....wutcha gonna do with it...


dd is having a great time in france, she arrived in paris yesterday.....and i am actually fine, really fine, as long as i hear from her once a day to tell me she is safe im good....and everyone seems so surprised that i am really ok....wish i could send pfm away...and i wouldn't need to hear from him at all...

(((tribe)))

wavin to ya'll..


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, seriously.... where IS everyone?

Honest - hope my 2x4 didn't leave a mark... and that you know I just have your best interest at heart.

Strongish: WHAT HAPPENED?

AND, where IS everyone?


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Allgood!
Computer problems. Had to take the sucker into the office physically. Ugh.

Nell -- I have totally noticed that as well. Forgot to mention that.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood.

I'm here.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, June 1st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, I've been mulling this over for a couple of months now, and I think it comes down to one very simple thing: infidelity is a dealbreaker for me. It just is. I can't do anything about it. I keep thinking, well maybe if WH did X, or Y, or Z... well, I've been very confused because I still love my WH and I don't think that should be discarded lightly, but it's just a dealbreaker. It sucks. I think it was when he insulted me on Christmas Eve and then again at the dinner table one Christmas that I just gave up all hope that this could be salvaged. And I kept in mind "path of least regret... give it time... blah, blah, blah..." but at the end of the day - nothing he's said or done has made much impact. He said the other night that he feels like no matter what he does I'm just going to keep moving the bar. I've been pondering that statement all week. I think maybe he's right.

I'm feeling kind of down today. Ugh.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
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