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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 25
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl - For what it's worth. My H bought me a puppy after I said I did not want anymore dogs. Then 2 yrs later he buys another puppy. This is all while he was in the midst of the A. I look back and see that he knew exactly what he was doing (it's that control thing). I was so busy with the puppies and they preoccupied my mind.

When they came to live here, I had that gut wrenching feeling of being trapped and not really wanting the responsibility. But they were so cute and lovable. I'm a sap.

What happened is they became my saviors, my best little buddies, they licked away many tears and stuck with me through this whole horrible ordeal. I can't imagine living without them now. I love them just as much as they love me.

Whatever you decide, will be the right decision for you.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl - Do not feel guilty!! Some family is going to love having these sweet dogs in their life. Giving them up doesn't mean you are selfish, it means that you know the limits of your sanity. Trust your gut!!

Yeah....I guess I should have qualified my comments about FWH being "crazy smart" to his being book smart. Emotionally, he's an idiot.

As for the S....I'm trusting my gut on this one. I need to be away from him for a while. I need for him to get some clarity on how he's going to be the husband I deserve. He admitted yesterday that he has not been a "husband" to me for quite some time. That's progress. He goes to Onsite on June 3rd. That will be interesting.

Miracle - I'll be thinking of you and your DD today. I hope her travels are uneventful and that she loves her time in France. Lucky girl!!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strongish and nofun, special hugs to you today.

I'm reading but have nothing to say. Which is


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much. I tell you, I simply am NOT the same person as pre d-day. When they say it’s like being hit by a 40-ton truck, that’s exactly how my emotional side has been crippled. I have questioned everything about myself and my life and found myself wanting – which is ridiculous, I know. Sheesh. Who’d have thought one person could do so much to another without even touching them?

Anyway…… the dogs. Still here. No joy from any of the rescue agencies (and I have phoned lots) – they are all full and those that have waiting lists (the RSPCA have waiting lists to go into kennels???) have – wait for it – full waiting lists…… People are starting to go on holiday and dogs are being turfed out. I think I’m going to have to wait now until one has finished her season and take it from there. Put the word out locally – notice in the vets and pet shop, etc. I cannot believe I have been so stupid. I don’t even have any papers. WTF was my head last weekend???

nofun, I had two lovely labs on d-day. One developed a brain tumour shortly after and had to be put down. the other died of (basically) old age last year. And yes, they never left my side in those early days. I walked their legs off on those days I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I think FWH is getting concerned about my spiralling. He’s going for interviews (made redundant March) and has several on the go, all coming up to final negotiation and decision time. Says he can’t make the right decision with me as I am.

For just a day – this is them. The one in the blue collar is in season, guess that’s why she’s looking gormless.

*poof*

[This message edited by UKgirl at 3:27 AM, May 27th (Friday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl,
Mr. UK needs to stop for a moment and gather his wits about him. Whether he means to do it or not, he is pressuring you far too much between the dog situation and this latest
Says he can’t make the right decision with me as I am.

He's going to have to, as I say, borrow your big-girl panties. And you can borrow my teflon underpants. You do not need to be anything for anyone else... dogs, their owners, your husband, his future employers... none of them need to be your responsibility. Do whatever traditional or new-agey thing you have to do to give yourself a break right now.

Suggests Nell.

BTW those puppies are damn cute. I'll bet if you walk them in front of a school when the children are being picked up by their mommies and let any kid there pet them... and explain sadly and loudly to every single one of them that you're "afraid you're going to have to give the poor beautiful darlings away for free" as they're not yours but were surrendered to your care... that one or two of those children will have a new pet/s within a week.

Mwah hah hah hah.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am writing you from inside miracle's DD's suitcase ... sigh. No. But stowed away on the way to france does sound great...

nofun and UK -- my WH did the same thing with control. Oh, no, wait, it wasn't puppies, it was BABIES.

As a matter of fact, he still asks me to have another baby at least twice a week. Not even the fact that I appear to be in menopause has deterred him.

Nanny is sick again so I am watching Team Smudgie play in the sandbox and with the hose as I type...

miracle, I do not think WH's IC is dim, I think he is under-informed. I rather carefully chose his IC three years ago. The infidelity is a bit of an issue with his IC because there is a very different attitude to infidelity throughout much of the gay community, but I'm not going to talk to his IC about infidelity per se or as a surrogate MC session -- I just want him to be fully aware of WH's behavior since Dday -- spending $65K we can't afford on a new boat, being abusive, ruining all my holidays, How long it took him to go NC with XHSGF, etc. As well as his historical pattern of behavior -- drinking, drugs, needing little sleep, infidelity, spending crazy amounts of money, mood swings, violent outbursts, the fact that his current medication isn't working well enough and he's noticably depressed and dsiturbed to others, his mood swings, etc. getting worse since he started seeing IC and taking AD's 3 years ago... sound like any particular disease to you?

Essentially, I have 3 things to say to IC (1) This is how WH behaves, are you sure you have him on the right medication (2) WH is abusive and it has to stop (3) WH's behavior both historically and since Dday isn't really the behavior of a person who wants to be married. It's the behavior of a person who wants to live what tryn calls the "married but single lifestyle."

Then, I'm going to ask them if they have any questions for me and leave so they can talk. If they want me to stay to talk to me again, I will, if not, I'll go home and leave them to it.

My friend said, do you think he's bipolar? and I said, well, it tends to present more as unipolar depression in men over 40 and it's usually discovered as bipolar more at that age after AD's have a mania-inducing effect or don't work well to control the depression -- and he never ever had trouble keeping up with me when I was partying like wild, usually it takes a bipolar to keep up with a bipolar. So, it's possible.

Yes, the IC visit should be interesting. I told WH the appointment time when he got home yesterday and he lost his shit and totally blew up at me (but in a non-abusive way -- yea him -- and then he coped by gardening) so I said, hey, you said you'd go, but I can't make you so we can cancel if you want and then I told him that the kids and I don't have to sit there while he storms around all night so I took the kids out for the rest of the evening and went to the park with a friend and had a great time and came back at dark. When I got back he apologized and said he'd had an awful 2 days and told me some things that were bugging him about work and about a friend of his and he didn't bring up the IC thing again. So, there you go. I would call that relatively positive conflict. Good for him/us!

Okay, smudgies are crying for snack now. Having awesome fun goes downhill fast when you are 1, 2, and 4!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3,
Sounds like a plan.
Having awesome fun goes downhill fast when you are 1, 2, and 4!

And also 39.

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 11:52 AM, May 26th (Thursday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

crap! don't tell me that!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, m3, how ya doing? Wanna fill up page 15 with back-and-forth banter as it appears we are the only ones here?

I just had pecan-crusted trout with a butter sauce for lunch. It was yummy and I didn't make it, which made it taste even better.

As you have the little people today, I'm guessing you had PB&J or hotdogs for lunch. Am I right?


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a fancy Farmer's Omlette for brunch. Not bad. then ... ice cream for a snack later while the little ones had chicken nuggets and fries. I have been to the school 3 times today (drop off, pre-school pickup, regular pick up) and will be back for PTA meeting tonight! Whoo-hoo! I did manage to buy a new bathing suit and hit Starbucks after brunch this morning though. I think the "are they twins?" spread a lot of smiles on our walk. They're going to look a little less like twins soon I think: I'm pretty sure Baby Paddy's hair is coming in red and all the boys are blondes. It's hard to tell though, she's still really mostly bald.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell & m3.

It is easy to see that you need a man to offer some input here.
I had a ham sandwich and chips. I fixed it myself and it was so good. After I mow the yard, I think I will go and catch a few trout for supper.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You MOW?! You are my hero. I have one neighbor who mows...


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3.

I mow & weedeat. Chainsaw if needed. I got all the groceries for the weekend this morning. Wanted to beat the holiday crowd. I would be quite the catch if I was not so DAMN OLD.

P.S. It is starting to rain so the mowing may be canceled.

[This message edited by old dipstick at 4:10 PM, May 26th (Thursday)]


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just got home, walked the dog, ate some cracked-pepper crackers and had a Mormosa (OJ and sparkling water) and now I'm about to pick up Boyos from school for the next hundred years. Can't wait until they're both in the same school next year! I should be gaining weight with all the snacking I do, but I seem to be stuck where I am. I could use a few additional pounds to go back to my pre-DDay weight.

Then I'm going to not mow the lawn.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's see - yogurt shake & granola bar for breakfast & spicy chicken wings for lunch.

And - I just planned my 1st weekend trip without stbx!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell.

It is good that you do not mow your yard. That makes a person lose weight so if you want to gain, stay on the couch.

Allgood.

Let me be the first to say that we all will be waiting to hear the story of this weekend trip.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood,
Tell tell tell tell tell.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi everyone...it was good to see the lighthearted banter this afternoon...


yes allgood do tell us about this impending trip...does it include the kids? or is with friends??


dd is still in flight....still praying for safe arrival and safe trip from start to finish...


on the way home from the airport pfm and i talked some more....at least there was no real yelling this time....


dinner table convo was a mix....from good to issues with the boys....the issues on how they "see" their parents....kids "see" so much...it amazing on what they "see" and so far dont see....

nite tribe


((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, May 27th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle - your daughter is becoming quite the world traveler, isn't she? That's great. I'm sure she will be fine, she seems to have a very good head on her shoulders.

Stongish: what happened with the kids? I know you were waiting to tell some of them -but what happened with the one that already knows? Did you and your H discuss it yet?

As for my mini-vacation - stbx advised that he was working ot (in addition to his regular schedule) this weekend, so I just decided "I'm outta here".

Bringing the kids with me - my choice of venue - probably not the best choice - but we usually take the kids to a theme park during the summer, so that's where I'm headed. Not the best choice, because this is something very difficult to do outnumbered 1:4 and with my daughter being so young.
The older ones may bitch a bit because they are not getting on "their rides" fast enough or may not be able to go on some rides because I won't be able to go on with them, but, a good time will be had by all nonetheless, damn it. Lol.

Peace to all today.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, May 27th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood,
Yes, they will love it! Good for you! The juggling of the I-wannas is always interesting, but at least with four you've got built-in "buddies."

miracle,
So proud of your daughter and her travels, and you for allowing her to do that. She will remember those trips always!

A friend of a friend with whom I have a book-lending relationship sent over a novel she loved about Frank Lloyd Wright, who was a WH, and his MOW, which is billed as "a great love story." Okay, I guess I can put her in the "doesn't know" column.

I have one night of the evil twin/alcoholic girlfriend taken care of... one of my very good friends has invited me out to hear one of my favorite bands at a local venue. Gotta remember to tell WH.

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 6:35 AM, May 27th (Friday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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