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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Before You Say Reconcile...
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, September 3rd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7662 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, September 6th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7662 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
2yrs+recovering
♀ Member
Member # 31582
Target  Posted: 11:51 AM, September 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These guidelines are the best thing for JFO.

Everyone knows what they need but when you JFO it can be so hard to think.

WS need to be in for the long haul,


BS (me)60 FWH 72
Married 35 years
4 children and 3 grandchildren
5 yrs into R.
Now that he has changed and become the man he should have been all along, why should I start over?

Posts: 563 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: New Jersey
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, September 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1933 | Registered: Nov 2010
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, September 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumpety bump

Posts: 7662 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, September 15th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7662 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, September 19th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7662 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
crickett
♀ New Member
Member # 33393
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, September 19th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by crickett at 3:30 PM, September 22nd (Thursday)]


me 55
WH 57
We have two grown children


Posts: 46 | Registered: Sep 2011
Will-I-Ever-Know
♀ Member
Member # 32703
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, September 22nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me BS:21
Him F?WH:23
OW:34!!??
DDay #1 June 2010
Full blown 6 month long PA: OW was his 2nd Girlfriend.
Many DDays & TT for the rest of this year!
In R, Married on June 25th, 2011.

WARNING: I am long-winded. Sorry in advance. :)


Posts: 157 | Registered: Jul 2011
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, September 23rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7662 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, September 30th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7662 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, October 2nd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1537 | Registered: Nov 2010
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7662 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
runsmiley
♀ New Member
Member # 33572
Default  Posted: 2:24 AM, October 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks for posting this. I'm still trying to fuddle through the details, and it seems like WS is falling into the rugsweeping category :(

Posts: 8 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: PA
PlainsGirl29
♀ Member
Member # 33520
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, October 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What if wh is rugsweeping but has ended contact with ow, does that mean there could just be a break in the A, or that an A with so3one else is likely in the future? I am full on in limbo and hate it.

Posts: 1146 | Registered: Oct 2011
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, October 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Plainsgirl, have you read the post 20/20 Hindsight? I'll bump it for you now. It might help answer your question. But basically rugsweeping doesn't help with reconciliation. Stopping the A is only the beginning, not the solution, of healing a relationship from the damage of infidelity.


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1303 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, October 12th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5883 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
beachbrenda
♀ Member
Member # 32410
Frustrated  Posted: 2:36 PM, October 13th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, people... here's my dilema-- My WH looks like the reconciliation side of this thing, but I don't trust him AT ALL! One false move and I think he's still at it.

I got a random phone call last week. He swears up and down and sideways that it was random, but I'm thinking not.

I got a weird text from him today... I makes me think he was talking to someone else, but texted me by accident.

I have looked through his work phone--all the texts are to/from me (with my name on each one)... What if he just deletes texts from an OW or uses my name to label her number, as well?

This is killing me--the paranoia... Does it ever go away? How is that even possible?

Yesterday was our 15th wedding anniversary... I've been a ball of tears and anxiety for 3 days...


me--40 BS
him--46 WH
5 kids--13, 10, 8 & 6 (and stillborn would be 14)
"Have the utmost concern for what's right rather than who's right."

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Oregon coast
rejectedluv
♀ Member
Member # 33495
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, October 13th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for posting! This is really an eye opener. I can say that currently my WH is a mix, but I would lean more towards Rugsweeper. This hurts more than the EA I think. I have asked him specifically for several things that I need (as recently as Monday) and he has yet to do one of them, so not sure where we are headed. Somethings we can only discuss with MC as a neutral 3rd party right now. DDay was about a month or so ago. Keep working on it. He tells me NC with OW from the EA, so I believe this, and he made other strides, but I don't want to be in a naive position like I was prior to Dday ever again-PROTECT PROTECT PROTECT my kids and myself!!


all is well

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2011
featherweight
♀ Member
Member # 22690
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, October 13th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump.


Me:BS 41, WH 40 Married almost 10yrs
our precious little DD is almost 5.
WH had EMA with CoWorker for 2+yrs. D-day 12/08, separated 18mos.
R started 2010, decided to live together again after 18mo, very hard to trust again. Still trying.

Posts: 383 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: FL
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