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User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 24
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Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, May 4th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dip: My IC says I'm better when WH is gone. Actually, she says it takes me a week or two to recover from his visit and then I fall apart again right before he comes and for the duration of his visit.

That miniscule seed of hope is still there, unfortunately and I wish I could destroy it completely. Maybe it's residual feelings or foo or whatever.

Damn, there is too much to deal with!!!!

So, who's coming here for the weekend? My mother for Mother's Day and her birthday. Oh joy!!

DS 16 just passed behind me and saw I was on here, and I told him, you know, this is my online support group and he nodded and just kept doing what he was doing. Since he knows everything, I figured it best for him to understand what I'm doing and not that I'm emailing guys or trolling on or something

I feel blessed, because not only is this truly an online support group, I also feel I've made true friends here. I truly care about each and every one of you and want so much to help you all.

Love to the tribe. {{{{tribe}}}

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
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Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, May 4th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow, these days are so long and so draining...

therapy with manchild...well we went in many many circles and the kid just does not "hear" whats being said...and he does not know when to shut the hell up...

manchild and pfm are the same....god help me they are the same....

some texting today with pfm...i dont know why i bother....i knew something was up though, the more he detached from me which he's been doing is i guess the more attached he's become to this so called friend....he's always been attached somehow someway to someone....and always some woman...

pfm told a friend of ours about this woman last nite was pfms version of what the friend said, i spoke to this friend and his version of his own immediate response "my god you are a fucking ass, wtf is wrong with you"...i think he said it well don't you???

no is what it is, this is nothing i didnt already know, i know this man better then he knows himself....which means i know exactly what he is capable of in more ways then one....and i also know what he is NOT capable of and thats the part that keeps getting least when he was detaching life was easier because the proclamations of love were seemingly with this confession of sorts they are back...and of course they are all lies....he knows what he had to do, he know what he should have been doing if he thought he had this so called chance to change my mind...and of course he blew it....

i am crying somewhat less today....but still my eyes are itchy as hell...

and praise god...i gots a girls nite scheduled for looking forward to it...

the bin laden jokes were know this whole thing with bin laden kind of gives me hope on another level...when i first heard the news i yelled out "woohoo"...then i thought, it could have waited for the last 15 min of brothers and sisters to finish...then i watched the president...and the joy on his face while making this announcemet bothered relieved as i am that this man is done, the joy people are taking in his killing bothers anyways i feel like there is hope for me...i keep wishing pfm if i could find some kind of not sympathy but an issue with the joy people feel about bin laden does this mean that i would be sorry if he did drop dead.....

but meanwhile i am still wishing it...go figure....

m3: you already know how i feel on the subject....being a mom comes first and foremost when your kids are threatened in any way shape and form...and it should be the same for dads...



i LOVE this new works...

honest: you now have a clear know what you need to do, know what you have to do and you know what you want to do.....need to, want to and have to do not always match....but now you "see" each for what it is and your path and your destination is now a straight will be littered i am sure with potholes along the way...but they are just bumps in your road...your destination will bring you peace...

good nite all


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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Default  Posted: 4:22 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hullo dear friends

I have just caught up on the most recent dispatches and think once again how much I appreciate you all

FWH is at work tonight. I got home at a reasonable 6pm and am enjoying the first of my lovely reds.


I did not comment when this word first appeared but was quite puzzled. I actually felt quite dumb as I didn't know what it was. Is it short for "people"? What does it have to do with drinks? Is it a duck? or duckling? Finally found time to google and there you are! Could someone please explain EXACTLY. This is clearly a yank expression which is alien to we aussies!!!

On a more serious note

I have to comment on the monster's execution. I had quite a discussion with my senior RE class about it today. I didn't want to offend anyone here but now that miracle has commented I think I can chime in. Many of my Aussie friends were dismayed by the broadcasts of celebrations at BL's death. I can understand the reasons for celebrating. However, someone in the staffroom today commented that if you took away the sound and the flags the scene could have been shot in the Middle East. I think it is a little sad myself and wish the celebrants and TV reporters had thought about how the world would interpret the response. Once again, yes I am glad he is dead. Someone also said "they" should admit it was an execution. I suspect it was. I can understand the decision to execute him. Awful as such a decision is it was necessary. The risk to the world of holding him for trial would have been too great (Can you imagine hostages unless he is freed, threats of more bombs etc?). I'm just glad it wasn't my decision!!!

For me personally, I truly thought. "Good, he's dead. he's no longer a threat." Maybe if he'd bombed Sydney I would feel differently. I hope not. But a man is dead. Just a man. It was necessary and I'm glad he is. However, I think the huge public celebrations are a bit sad. No offense meant to my dear yanky friends.

LTA Ladies

Congratulations to you all. You are wonderful women. You are SO strong. I so wish I could sit down and chat with you all IRL. Reading your reflections on here I admire you all so much. You are facing the fallout from your WH's LTAs with courage, grace, wit and wisdom. You truly are fabulous!!! "Meeting" you is a privilege. I just wish I had such great ladies as my friends IRL! Those of you who are mums living with kids at home are extraordinary. I think I would be in the loony bin by now if I had to cope with this shit AND had kids at home as well. I salute you.

LTA Gentlemen

You are the Hs we LTA ladies wish we had had. We know there are more out there in the world like you but unfortunately we LTA ladies also know there are far too many like our (F)WHs.

Laura's Point

Whatever is happening in your lives you should feel GOOD about yourselves. You are great people. Great parents, great Ss and great friends to each other on LTA and friends to those you know IRL.

It is a privilege to know you all.

I am sorry you are experiencing this. It is so sad that such good people should suffer as you are.


DS 16 just passed behind me and saw I was on here, and I told him, you know, this is my online support group and he nodded and just kept doing what he was doing.

Aren't kids great!! I told mine about SI and they both said (paraphrasing) "That's great mum, I'm happy you found some people to share with who understand how you feel."


God woman. You are amazing. Your strength astounds me. PFM's stupidity is almost as astounding. PFM if you are reading this "WAKE UP dickhead! When miracle has finally had enough of you I hope the karma bus FLATTENS you!"

I can't write more. I'm exhausted. To everyone else, I empathise with you. I shed tears with and for you daily. You are in my prayers nightly. PLEASE take care of yourselves.



Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
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Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi again

Can't believe how tired I am but haven't been able to sleep! After watching TV for a while I checked my FB. My son wrote on his status: ‎

"One cannot be angry when one looks at a penguin.".

Just thought I'd share my smile. I love my son.

I'm off to bed.



Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
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Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been ruminating about pfm. (Thanks for sharing the luv, miracle! ) I am sure that he is justifying, minimizing, excusing himself for having this secret relationship with the train chippie six ways to Sunday. And it's all bullcrap. It's disrespectful, sneaky, stupid, slippery-slope crap. And he knows it... he just won't admit to himself that he's acting like an asshole. And I do hope that what people SAY they tell him is really what they tell him... and not that they're saying to pfm, "hm, do you think that's such a good idea? maybe you shouldn't?" while telling miracle "ah hell no, jackass!" Anyhoo.

I actually have given myself a compliment every day for the past week. I have complimented myself out loud in front of WH, sent him a text complimenting myself, and e-mailed him compliments to myself. Finally, yesterday, I did not compliment myself until mid-morning. I sent him an e-mail saying that I had an e-mail waiting for me in my private e-mail box (the one I share only with my close family and friends) and I got excited, thinking that maybe it was a compliment from him, but it wasn't... then I said that I guess I'll just compliment myself again, so I did. He read it but did not respond immediately as he has been doing. Instead, he waited until he got home to explain that he has been uncomfortable to compliment me because he doesn't want to say the wrong thing, but he guesses that he has to just start saying what he's thinking. Yes, I understand his problem... and it is HIS problem... complimenting me is not a power position for him (and negative statements about me put him in a power position "You're not doing enough [whatever]") and he is afraid to be vulnerable.

So... good... I feel like a puppy trainer here. Yes, Laura, I know this is a good step.

OMG Laura (OMG is warranted here, though I hate it). What are Peeps?! I was going to take a vaca in Australia, but if you all don't even know what Peeps are, then forget it. I'm going to describe them, but the description doesn't begin to explain it. Peeps are marshmallows shaped like chicks covered in bright-colored sugar. I know, it sounds simple. But it's insanely delicious. We should probably put some for you in the mail.

I have apparently decided to keep the US Postal Service in business single-handedly.

Speaking of mail, I checked out that mom website... it looked funny but I can't tell if it's ongoing or if it stopped several years ago.

I agree with your IC. Your writing changes when Mr. Dishonest is about to/is "visiting." When you think about him, do you think his name? Would it help to assign him a nasty nickname, like Selfish Cheating Bastard? Seriously. Words have so much power. You don't have to say it out loud (in front of DS) but it *might* help you assign bad feelings and detatch. That's my crazy idea for today.

Okay, must run. No SI for me at work today. I get caught up and get nothing done and I'm chasing my tail as it is. Gators! Gators!

Hugs all around.

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok - so I checked the phone records. He was texting a male friend of his.

H has had quite the busy week this week & I'm impressed I've had no reaction to date. He went out last Sat nite, came home at his usual 3am. Played ball 2 nights this week, coming home as 11-12 each and has a night out planned for tomorrow eve.

Must say, he did ask first about all these activities, which is something that only has happened post-DDay.

Now, if he would just stop the incessant "do you want to have sex", that would be awesome. At least he asks & accepts the answer now.

Laura: the peeps. Nell described them well & it's true, the physical properties don't do the experience justice. It's an Easter thing. They come in chicks, bunnies (anything else?) and in brightly colored yellow, orange, pink, blue, purple. They come in a box of 12-16 or so & 4 of them are stuck together & you have to sloooowly pull them apart.
O marshmallowy goodness.

Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

puppy trainer here
You have a wonderful idea of complimenting yourself. You have it within yourself to not allow your ego to stand in the way of being a puppy trainer. Nell, you are trying to help you H understand you. What you are doing is trying to be a good communicator. You are a wonderful woman for doing this.

You are, and you should, tell you husband, “ I am showing what I need.” Mr. Nell, If you cannot do it, like the examples I am sharing with you, or if you cannot learn from what I am demonstrating to you, or you don’t feel anything that is positive about me, then maybe we do need to re-evaluate our marriage.

What you are doing is showing your H how to be desirable, how to give affirmation. This is so important after a trauma in the marriage.

he doesn't want to say the wrong thing

Mr. Nell, “please don’t be afraid to speak from your heart”

I think Retrou tries to get you to do the kinda stuff out Nell is trying.

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
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Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Laura,

LTA Gentlemen
Maybe you would have wanted me as I am now. But before dday, yes, I was nice, but I did much of my own thing. My priorities in my relationship was not high. The position of power in my relationship was always my ways. I know the secret gave my W the feeling she had power. It took the “feelings of death” for me to somehow make a change in myself. I admit I changed for my W.

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
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Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I had to edit this whole post because it's angry and political about bin Laden. Sigh.

[This message edited by m334455 at 9:17 AM, May 5th (Thursday)]

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
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Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iwant... I hope your H reads this. He’s making another mistake starting this relationship with a married woman, sharing personal business. It sounds like the beginning of an emotional relationship.

I was at mass this week and something hit me during my meditation and prayer. The word trespassing. I know I have said that her infidelity is 100% on my W for her inability to say, NO. I strongly believe NO in these situations is what it takes to be in a good marriage. So, it is totally her fault.

But on a different “level” and many ways I view this totally separate. My relationship with the OM was my relationship with him. He could have come over to my home when I wasn’t around and caused me some sort of damage too. You know, chewed up a tree or something. "Forgiving those who trespass against us" in infidelity is not an easy thing to do.

It is our own responsibility that should not trespass. My wife OM trespassed against me. My wife trespassed against his W. pfm is trespassing.

Iwant, what were your feelings along with the anger to make you feel this way? Jealously? Feelings you had your privacy violated? Fear over how are going to have to make a living? Dealing with your feelings is the hard part when you pick to stop loving your H only to keep your family together for the sake of your kids. I think if you stay, these bad feelings are going to come and go. I could never do it. I guess because this is my life, not my kids. Is that selfish? Yes, I guess it is but living for myself to be happy.

Today, I believe you can raise your kids being single or re-married. I believe it is totally up to who the parent is as a person. If you tell your kids, “You are a piece of crap everyday” you teach them they are a piece of crap. You can tell them they are a piece of crap married or single.

The hard part in raising kids single to me is, when you have a partner in life, all those things of combining work load with the chores, save money. A good marriage will show kids what true affection is about. A bad marriage teaches bad affection. Kids seem to see these things. “I never see my parents holding hands” vs. “My parents hug and kiss every time they see each other”. IMO, if your kids see you never kissing, you now teach them not to kiss thier spouse too. Just my thoughts and opinions.

To me, if you cannot have a true marriage relationship, it is good to show your kids that sometime life does not go according to plan.

My latest is that on Sunday, May 22nd, my W and I are having our vows renewed. Just us, me, my W, and my 2 kids.

[This message edited by trynhard at 9:45 AM, May 5th (Thursday)]

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
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Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

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Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you m3.

I have been reading your post. I hope your anger has started to fade.

you going to be OK?

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
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Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn: I'm so proud that you have reached the place you are now at & in a position to renew your vows. I'm very happy for you, especially knowing how much was done to get there.

M3: I, too, wonder how you are doing.

Miracle - I do agree with Tryn, that staying in a bad marriage is not the best thing for kids either. But, I know your sitch is a bit more complicated than that & it's a decision as between the lesser evils.
And, I do not think it's selfish to be happy in one's own marriage. At some point, your kids will leave. I've heard too many adult children that did not really appreciate a parent staying together for the kids.

Today, I am eating raw carrots to repent for yesterdays' peeps. I'm not nearly as happy today as yesterday. I believe this is a direct result of my lack of peeps, even though my carrots are a bright orange.

Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gots zero time..

just need to send some love to you all...and let you know that i feel so blessed to have you all in my life......


and i am happy busy...i actually have my little charge today, have not had him in months (his dad has been layed off) i am enjoying him very much....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
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Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You are RIGHT AGAIN! I did the raw carrot thing and I don't feel as good either. I'm not at the same level as I was after eating the peeps. I have some homemade choc-chip cookies I am going to try next. That should help! I confronted my W about the hidden peeps. She said she "doesn't remember hiding them."




You need to get some peeps. They are so good! Thanks for the nice words about us guys. We like all you gals here too.


Choc covered peeps. I have never had them, but the hunt is on. Thanks I think.


I suppose your mother will make sure she is the center of attention this weekend. Mothers day and her birthday! I hope you do O.K.


It is good to hear that you are getting to enjoy the day. Here are a couple of to help your mood get even better.

Hugs to the tribe.

Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A

Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
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Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In honor of the tribe, I too had peeps today - I started my day with a perfectly air-ripened purple peep.

No, I am still very, very angry and getting angrier.

Dip -- I'm sure your wife didn't think you'd care about the peeps and that what you didn't know wouldn't hurt you.

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

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Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On the subject of Peeps....let's face it, they are like crack with sugar on top. No getting around it folks. My name is Strongish and I am a Peepaholic.

Miracle - Glad that you have found happiness today. One day at a time, just one day at a time.

tryn - I am so happy for you. Yours is a success story and one that is inspiring to me. Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts and encouraging words.

m3 - Air-ripened Peeps...the best kind. I always leave mine outside of the wrapper for a day or two so that the outside is just a little "crispy." For severe anger issues, I recommend the chocolate-dipped crack-and-a-half. the botox last week. LOVE it! I really think that it took 5 years off my age. some "fillers" in my face. To those who don't believe in this stuff....a year ago I would have said the same thing. Now, this makes me feel like I'm doing something for me, just me. In fact, I'm not even sure FWH is aware the I was having it done. I told him, but if it doesn't have to do with him, then it may not be important enough for him to remember. He's due back from a one-week business trip tonight and I leave tomorrow for "Camp Crazy." I'm nervous. Will they try and influence me into staying in a M that I don't want to be in? Or will they encourage me to leave my M when the right thing to do is stay??

Another dilemma....last weekend a letter came in the mail confirming the request to change the name on one of our investment accts. it clearly indicates that the "old" name was both FWH and mine, but the "new" name is my FWH's name only. So....on Monday I called our financial guy and asked what's up? They called me back and said that this letter referred to the part of the account that is FWH's IRA and that we should be getting additional letters for our other accounts. (We also have two other accts. with them, one that is just mine and one that is joint.) So I've waited, and other letters this week. I e-mail FWH and ask if he knows anything about this. Naturally he e-mails back that he never made any changes to these accounts, doesn't know anything about it, etc. And a year ago, I wouldn't have thought twice about believing him. Now, I'm thinking twice and even three times about trusting his word on this. Plus I leave tomorrow and will be for all intents and purposed incommunicado for one week. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to make copies of the most recent statements for all our savings and investment accounts and put the copies away somewhere "safe." Am I over-reacting...maybe....but considering FWH's remarkable ability to lie to my face, I'm okay with my level of reaction. back to the Botox....I love it. Had the "fillers" injected today and I'm loving that even more! Unless you really knew me, you wouldn't be able to tell that there was anything different. I can tell, but I'm not sure FWH would notice unless I told him. Of course, my whole face is still kind of numb from the local anesthetic, but no bruising for my upcoming week at "camp."

I will miss "talking" with all of you next week. My plan is to keep a journal but even with that I know that I won't be able to remember everything that we do. But I go knowing that the Tribe has my back while I'm gone.

This is an incredible group of people and I feel privileged to be among you.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
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Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn - inspire us.

miracle - glad you are feeling a bit better day at a time.

strongish - Yeah for the Botox and the Fillers. I would have never thought of doing any of that either but I did and I want those fillers. Have a safe trip...make sure you take notes.

honest - you'll get through mother's are doing just fine.

Laura - I'm going to send you some peeps!!

Dip - Love your sense of make me smile.

M33 - Worried about you.

Allgood - I don't know how you manage everything that you do. I'm in awe!

Nell - I wish I could compliment myself...I just feel so low right now. I wouldn't even know what to say. But I do think it's a great idea.

Ats, DP and anyone else I forgot...hugs!!!

BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

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Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so happy for you!

Glad that you are going to the workshop. I hope you find it helpful.

Miracle- So sorry that PFM continues to break your heart...
try to focus on the positives in your life...
girl's night out is a good start!

Honest- Like everyone else has really do sound so much better now that your STBXH is gone!
About Mother's Day... stay calm...and try to filter out any of the toxic stuff she may say....
I had a typical visit with my BPD mother last week.
She admitted to holding a grudge against me from 1973!
And, that's why she has been acting this way toward me ever since! BPDs are funny that way....

well, its good news that he was texting a male friend but bad news that he continues to lead his bachelor life by staying out all night long etc.

Nofun- Sorry to hear that you are still feeling bad about things.

I may be the only on here that does not like Peeps!
They look cute in an Easter basket but I am not a marshmallow person.

M33- Hope things are OK at home.

Nell- Saying daily affirmations to yourself is a great idea.

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA

Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Thank you for the props.
And I'm so happy for you! Congratulations!!!

I'm so glad that you are having a better day today.

Ya damn straight we've got your back!

Two grown men texting all night? Really?
what ru doing?
nada u?
watching tv
o yah? what channel?
hey r u a loser like me?
yah totally hehe


I did not compliment myself today; was waiting to see what WH came up with. [crickets] But! I look great in bright colors. They match my bright personality.

So suck it, WH.

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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