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User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 24
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, April 24th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Easter Everyone

Had a lovely time at the butterfly house and FWH finished reading "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair"

Have a great day

(((((Tribe)))))

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 6:29 PM, April 24th (Sunday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, April 24th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Easter! Hope everyone had a wonderful day. I went on strike this Easter. For the first time in 35 years, I did not cook, did not entertain. In fact, I left and went to the beach for the weekend.

My DD32 asked Dd28 if mom was depressed. I do feel kind of guilty though. I abandoned EVERYONE!

I will be married 35 years tomorrow!! I went to 3 card stores and can't find an appropriate card. I will try one more store tomorrow....

Hugs to the tribe...


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, April 24th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fun- hope you get through your anniversary ok. I know things were improving with you & your H and I hope that continues through tomorrow.

I'm glad you got a chance to take a timeout. Lol.

G'night all.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, April 24th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood, I didn't even take my crew to church.

miracle -- I was the only one to have a drink here today -- a single beer. WH has cut way, way back and it's been quite a few months now.

Sunshine won Easter. Having the Easter Bunny come to your house when you are two is clearly very awesome. It was a beautiful, warm sunny day too, so lots of playing in the yard and blowing bubbles for the little ones and lots of cooking, cleaning and washing dishes for me! I did watch The Greatest Story Ever Told, but did NOT make it to church. Hoping that in confession I'll get a bye because sometimes the priests say it's ok to miss when there are so many little ones. Somehow I doubt it.

Hugs to all. Thanks for your message, tryn. I think Easter is the perfect day for messages of hope.

I was thinking part of reluctance to R is a fear it will happen again -- so "yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil..." those are my words for today.

And to ponder for each of you: if the OP asked you for forgiveness, what would you say? Just curious.

I was thinking of this today -- in many ways I was closer to OW than to WH -- and though I don't expect to ever hear from her again, I do wonder what I'd say: internally it's significant for me, much like you have to work through it even if your WS leaves.

Anyway, I like that book Laura's husband just read. I think if OW ever asked I would tell her that she must read that book, tell her BH, do those things in the book and also apologize and make amends to nanny who she hit and THEN I would forgive her.

But, I was also thinking of it because of the distinction between genuine forgiveness and cheap forgiveness and something I've noticed in many Christians, especially Catholics, and it's this idea of repenting or confessing and you'll be forgiven -- and where I'm going is this: I've heard both OW and WH say something along the lines of "well, if you mess up just go to confession and you'll be forgiven and everything is fine again."

Well -- I think having an expectation of an entitlement to forgiveness is part of the WS mindset...

i.e. I won't get caught but if I do he'll/she'll be mad for a while but then I'll be forgiven...

Anyway, just rambling.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, April 24th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi M33

Sunshine won Easter. Having the Easter Bunny come to your house when you are two is clearly very awesome.

Putting my hand up Catholic here.

Forgiveness. No I guess I'm not a good Catholic. I still harbour evil thoughts and think I always will.

OW1 told me I was nuts, needed psychiatric help and should just get over it = no forgiveness for her

OW2 wrote me a beautiful, tear jerking letter of apology and then tried to give FWH a secret phone 2 weeks later = no forgiveness for her

OW3 wanted him to leave me for her and tried to intimidate me when I was in the hospital with my dying aunt = no forgiveness for her

So forgiveness needs to be genuine and earned. Can't see that happening with them. So for now I just keep looking for the Karma bus for each of them.

As for FWH I doubt I will ever forgive. I hope I will come to accept but know I will never forget.

HUGS

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 10:50 PM, April 24th (Sunday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, good God! No, don't EVER forget!!!

You'd have to have Alzheimer's. snort.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:02 AM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love you M33

FWH just phoned. His mother is in hospital. She's not my favourite person but guess which nurse is looking after her tonight. OW2 Grrrrrrrrrr

Don't think I will be going to visit!!!!

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope your MIL feels better.

At least now I know why there are so many hospital dramas on TV.

Ugh. it's late here. I've got to finish up what I'm doing -- my nanny is probably going to crap out on me for tomorrow so I've been working while the rest of the crew sleeps. Have a happy Monday my tribe :) I'm going to be MIA for the day.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't wait for the British wedding to be over. Bleaaargh.

Yesterday went well; I had a sore throat all day, but WH helped (really helped) get everything ready so it was much less stressful than normal. Although the way he set the table was... interesting... everyone got a fork and tablespoon but there were no butter knives, napkins or salt/pepper. It was funny. I giggled a bit.

WH's brother and his family joined us; we ate and then played a bit of tennis. Boyos were hepped up on sugar and acted like they had never eaten at a table before in their lives. Oh, well. I recall that when BIL's daughters were young, they never actually SAT at a table during meals; they would wander around, grabbing food from the table as they went by.

WH read about 20 more pages in the Linda MacDonald book last night. Of his own volition. I read what HE read this morning; it took me 10 minutes. (I'm either a freakishly fast reader or I'm so well-versed in the language that I am not so much reading as scanning... probably the latter!)

Ugh, I don't want to go to work today. But must. Happy Monday, all.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will never forgive OW nor my FWH...I guess I'm not a good catholic either.

You just can't go to church, ask forgiveness and it be granted. It has to be genuine and heartfelt.

Saturday I asked my H to go to church, he said NO. He said he couldn't because he hadn't been in a long time and felt he didn't belong there anymore. He's catholic also.

Now on the other hand, OW is Catholic. Went to catholic schools, her kids went to catholic schools and she attends church regularly. She must have went to confession and asked forgiveness, after all, she's a "good" catholic who had a 12 year on going affair with a married man.

My opinion only....you don't need any religion in order to be a good moral person. You either are, or you aren't.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3
if the OP asked you for forgiveness, what would you say? Just curious.

I would just say, It was not you that made may W's decisions.

I have already forgiven OM for the most part. Sometimes in my heart, I have some bad thoughts that I think could come out of my mouth.

I do realize OM did not hold my W down and rape her, force the A. She wanted it just as much. It was my wife that could not say no.

No, I will never have any type of relationship with OM. I will never seek him out for any reason nor say a word to him. I have no reason. He must live with what he did himself.

I really don't want to think about what OM feels. It's my choice not to even care.

Me, I feel petty good.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey fun....i know how you feel about the card...i used to have such issues getting cards for my ws or his foo....thankfully i no longer have to do that at all.....how many years will it be for you fun....i too will be having an anniversary....22 years for me on the 28th....and all i could think of is yeah, 22 years ago he took his vows knowing all along he would never be faithful...and when he did take the vows in church, he stumbled over the 2 parts that had to do with fidelity...my first clue....i thought it was just nerves...

i too did not go to church yesterday, since d-day i can't seem to bring myself to attend....i also dont think i would be able to hold it together, not sure why but it is how i feel...

pfm did go to church and none of my kids did....he went alone...my kids truly are disconnected from him in so many ways.....and pfm was a total asshole for some of the day,....i think he is somewhat cracked....the things he does and says just don't make any sense, even for him....so either he is cracked or he does stupid better then well and has actually developed some form of retardation...


had my morning walk today..



today something happened during my walk that was priceless too...at one point these men were unloading this truck and when i passed them, i gots comments, the same on the second lap and on the third lap the comment came and they got so distracted they dropped their load...

needless to say, my ego is quite full...

laura: does your mil know????...i hope she has a speedy recovery and gets the hell out of there, favorite or not, the last thing you need is for one of those bitches tendin to her....


fun: i loved that you went on strike, and i think its funny that your kids are wondering now if you are depressed...us mom's who do it all have such expectations from our kids of who we are no matter what.. sheesh...but good for you...


nell: i love that you let it be and let him do the table...and all people who eat candy get that sugar rush you know....not just kids...the adults just hide it by drinking...

and i have learned long long ago, kids and husbands are the same when it comes to chores, they need to be completely flattered over and over, no critisizm or they will tell you to do it yourself or just won't do it again...the husband not the kids,...the kids you still have some sort of control, or at least you think you do...but the bitchin and whinin they do if you complain or point something out....i made that mistake yesterday....i must remember not do that again...so what if the places were set cockeyed...everyone could find all their utensils and cups no matter where they were placed....i kept repeating that over and over in my head whilst popping chocolate kisses in my mouth....everything is better when chocolate is melting in ones mouth..


have an amazing day tribe...its somewhat of a cloudy day here, possible rain but i am so happy that its warm....warm....warm.....


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

iwantamiracle... I'm sure you are very attractive. You will make a great girlfriend. Not like this type...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPcWCXBizoY

[This message edited by trynhard at 10:40 AM, April 25th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning all.

Forgiving OW: I guess I forgive her. She gave me what I thought was a heartfelt apology, didn't try to justify it. I don't particularly like that she chalks it up to having made "a mistake". I don't like that she told me she now avoids going near my H's precinct, wants to "avoid the whole thing" only to learn she actually approached him at the Christmas party. But, she did apologize willingly. So, I guess I forgive her. Still think there's something terribly wrong with her that neither she, nor my H will acknowledge, but I no longer hold a grudge against her.

Vengeful thoughts subsided months ago. Tho, if I ever met her in person.... well, who knows, I'm under a lot of stress, lol.

And, H signed the separation agreement today. Glad I no longer have that hanging over my head. The finances and living arrangements, are officially "in order" and capable of enforcement. Still makes me sad tho. I did share that thought with him (via text). He said it made him sad too.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura: I hope your MIL feels better. What a difficult sitch that the OWs have to be there!!! It would drive me bonkers. Just because you can't bring yourself to forgive the OW's yet, does not mean you are not a good Catholic!! Unfortunately, because of your sitch, you are still being put in a place where you still have to see/deal with them. That is incredibly hard. The fact that you are not seeking revenge and are walking the high road shows that you are a good Catholic.

M3: Sunshine must have been adorable on Easter!!
Going to confession just for the words is NOT forgiveness. If these people feel it is and they do not have true remorse means that they are NOT forgiven. They are hypocrites of the worst kind.

Nofun: Good you took a day off from working. See, a 180 gets people to notice and see what you really do!!

Nell: It's good to hear that your WH is making some efforts, even if the outcome is half assed

Miracle: Love the story about how the workers were so distracted by you that they dropped the stuff! Go get 'em girl!!

Good morning Tryn. I hope all is going well with your recommittment plans.

Forgiveness is a process, I feel. If the bad behavior is ongoing, one is just trying to deal with the day to day trauma and hurt and it is almost impossible to forgive. The behavior has to stop first. Laura, you still have it in your face, so it's hard to do.

If the behavior is done and finished and the person is no longer hurting you (actively on purpose), the process of forgiveness can begin. There is a lot of soul searching to do, a lot of understanding and letting go of the hurt. It is not an easy task.

I do feel it is freeing to make a decision to try to forgive the other person someday in the future. To make this decision is the first step of letting go and stop letting the other person have a hold on your emotions, to take the power back and not let them have it anymore.

You are not going to allow them to hurt you anymore.

You hold the power.

Forgiveness is NOT saying "Oh, it's ok that you did a bad thing"

Forgiveness is more like letting go of your anger, releasing yourself and the offender of the chain of hurt and pain that binds you together still.
To letting go of the pain. It does NOT mean ever forgetting.
We are human and remember things that hurt us for survival reasons.

Forgiveness is more of a gift we give ourselves, to purge ourselves of the hurt and the power the offender has over us.

Sometimes, we cannot achieve it completely and it doesn't mean that we are bad people when we can't.

If you bear with me, I'll share this.
It took me years to forgive first xWH. He was a very controlled alcholic and cheated and left.

Over the years, I would examine and analyze what happened and tried to look at the whole marriage objectively without emotion getting in the way.

I finally saw that xWH wasn't a bad person per se, he didn't do the things he did to purposely hurt ME.
Long story, but I got to a point that I saw him as a human being that made a big mistake. I was able to forgive him in my heart.

Do you know what? Because of that, just recently I realized that xWH did give me a gift and ironically why I was never fully happy with current (x)WH): first xWH did LOVE ONLY ME during most of our marriage. I truly felt it. The way he said the wedding vows to me were unbelieveable that even my maid of honor said to me "how were you able to stand there and not cry with how sincerely and beautifully he said those vows?"

I WAS truly loved by first xWH. I WAS a priority to HIM.

I don't think I could see it now if I didn't forgive him. And the knowledge that I was loved helps me right now with my self esteem that I AM ok and I AM a person who deserves love.

Sorry, don't know if this makes any sense at all, or is just a ramble.

Love to everyone.

ETA:
Allgood: we were cross posting. My thoughts and prayers are with you today. I know there are sooooo many mixed emotions you are feeling. Please, please vent here!!!!

{{{{{allgood}}}}

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 12:34 PM, April 25th (Monday)]


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn:

iwantamiracle... I'm sure you are very attractive.

thats just the thing though...i am ok, i would not say that i am beautiful, i have my good days and bad days....and of course my really really bad days.. ...i am just ok, average....my bod is good, no big boobs though, no long legs....but i am thin and decently proportioned i think,..so when they guys dropped their stuff for me it was just, i don't big time ego food...and funny, really really funny...


allgood: i understand how you feel, i wish i didnt, i wish i could say i didnt, but i do....he is doing right but he is doing more wrong by not fighting for you by doing right....is sucks because we all know he will come to regret his stupidity....


honest: yes your xh did right, he actually did alot of right even when he did wrong...


and tryn: yeah i think i could be a better girlfriend then the one in that video..


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

FWH has left for work and I have the house to myself for the day. Spent far too much time on SI yesterday and neglected my chores so need to be strong today.

I keep forgetting I am still on the rollercoaster and last night was bad. Still struggling with the "why" and his inability to REALLY tell me the whole story. He talks but I still don't feel he is really opening up his heart. KWIM?? It appears the years of lying, half truths, evading and detaching are going to be hard for him to recover from.

Nell

I can't wait for the British wedding to be over. Bleaaargh
.

Me too!!! Charlie is such a creep I couldn't care less what his offspring do. Poor Di. What SHE must have gone through.

WH read about 20 more pages in the Linda MacDonald book last night. Of his own volition. I read what HE read this morning; it took me 10 minutes. (I'm either a freakishly fast reader or I'm so well-versed in the language that I am not so much reading as scanning... probably the latter!)

Yay for Mr Nell. Honey I think it is great he took so long. For me it would say that he is really reflecting and taking it in. Rereading sections to ensure he gets it.

Fun

My opinion only....you don't need any religion in order to be a good moral person. You either are, or you aren't.

Yep and there are hypocrites everywhere!!!!! I'm sure many of these so called "good" Catholics are great at compartmentalising, blameshifting and rug sweeping to absolve themselves

Tryn

I get what you are saying about forgiveness but I still say "It takes 2 to tango". I have had plenty of chances to cheat and I said no. I made a moral choice based on my knowledge of the hurt cheating would cause my family and that of the AP. A moral person weighs up the implications. APs also can make a moral choice and choose to make an immoral choice. Just because they don't KNOW us doesn't mean they aren't culpable.

Love your video

Here's one for the ladies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJ8RyGxrxVM

Girls make sure you listen carefully to the audio in the last part (blue screen with yellow phone number) and read caption under web address.

Miracle

Re PFM and Mass see "hypocrites" comment above!!!

they got so distracted they dropped their load

Sheesh. The excitement is killing me. Can't you get us a video? Pretty pleeeeeez!!!

AGNG

So, I guess I forgive her.

I LOVE your tone here. To me it really comes across as you are not sure you care if you forgive her. Good for you. She clearly means nothing!

And, H signed the separation agreement today..... Still makes me sad tho.....He said it made him sad too.

((((AGNG))))

Honest

Thanks for the kind words re my MIL. Unfortunately I have deleted most of his family from my concerns. They are quite toxic and I believe that the way she raised her children contributed significantly to the sense of "entitlement" they all (inluding FWH) exhibit. One of his biggest faults is that he is never satisfied. He always wants more, bigger, better and is one of the people who constantly talks about winning the lottery so he can have everything he wants. I truly believe that this is the kind of mind set that promotes cheating. I have always focused on how "lucky" we are while for him the grass is always greener.

Re forgiveness. I forgave FWH for OWzero (22yrs ago). I forgave, forgot and "moved on". I BELIEVED his lies - and that led to OW1 (16yrs ago), 2 (8 yrs ago),and 3 (2 yrs ago). So at this time forgiveness is just not on my agenda.

Having said that I'm sure that your rambling will help me in future. I have copied your thoughts to my journal.

Miracle

I so love you are getting these ego boosts. Yay for you!!!

Love to all the tribe today. Be gentle with yourselves.

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 4:51 PM, April 25th (Monday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fun

Hope you have a nice day honey

Love

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 5:21 PM, April 25th (Monday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

FWH just rang. OW2 broke NC. Saw him as she was leaving this morning and went up to talk to him. He said "I am not supposed to talk to you" and she said "Can you please tell Laura that I am off work for the next 4 days in case she is worried I will be there when she comes to visit your mother"!!!!

How considerate of her!!!!!

Keep telling myself to see the positive side - he told me!!!

(((((tribe)))))

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, April 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura: Yes, that sense of entitlement is something a lot of WS's have (maybe not all)
At least your WH told you about the NC. I pray for your sake that the OW does feel some remorse and is trying to stay out of your way but needs to get the message that in the future NC is NC.

The point of my ramble, I guess was that with current (x)WH, although I did feel he loved me, I NEVER felt I was the priority EVER nor did I FEEL the security that I was the only one. I was always suspicious. Talk about not listening to one's gut!!! Over the years, I succumbed to emotional
manipulations as in: "Sure, you can do anything you want Honest, but if you do "x" then I will feel we are no longer close....." Geez, more like a child saying: "If you don't do x, then I won't be your friend no more!"

I saw IC and was discussing "gut" feelings and she said one can act from our feelings , intellect or our "wise place" and I said that is the "gut"

She said that this all must seem so unreal to me. And yes it does. Some kind of nightmare that I'm awakening from.

Miracle: You are a beautiful woman inside and out. No wonder those workers dropped everything!! The inner Miracle is coming out and watch out world!!


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