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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 24
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, lostsuol!!!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Nell!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should have taken notes, but I didn't.

Nell.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOUNG LADY!

Honest.

I liked nofun's suggestion about putting the phone on the subway. Do you know anyone who is going on a cruise ship? They could take a phone with them. You could ship one via fedx to several people and they could ship it back.

m3.

That was great news about Babby Paddy. She is awesome. So is her mother. Thanks for the saying about the cats in the sock. I had never heard that one.

Strongish.

Does that therapy camp have group rates? We could get a bunch of LTA-ers to go at the same time. Is it close to Memphis? A Beale Street get together could be fun. They have pretty good BBQ there.

tryn.

It is good to hear that your W said yes. That is a nice turkey. I have had a Tom strutting in my back yard and driveway for several days. No hens around. He was strutting back and forth a few feet from my truck. Maybe he is in love with it.

miracle

One thing about BPD is that a lot of the traits are childish. One theory is that their emotional development is stuck in childhood. We all have some of these personality disorder traits. Us "normal" people do not have these things run our lives.

nofun.

The phone idea was really great. We think alike. Evil and twisted.

The gators have been after my ass and I need to get back to fighting them. Sorry if I missed anyone. I shoudda taken notes. My mind is like a old steel trap. Rusty.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dip --

What's the point of staying married if your Dday was 22 years ago and you're still here with us?

Hope I didn't put that wrong.

Nell -- Happy Birthday!!!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dip --
What's the point of staying married if your Dday was 22 years ago and you're still here with us

Ouch.

Why wouldn't he want to hang out with us? Lol. We're a fun bunch!

I think he's here because at the time of his DDay, he didn't really have any resources available to him, like SI, so he didn't really know how to process it all. So, I still think that chatting with us all helps support him & help him heal, even at this late date.
How he has gotten by all this time without any support or resources is beyond me.

And... YAY BABY PADDY!!!!! That's awesome!

ETA: Actually - the new word for awesome is "beast" at least to the grammar school aged kids.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 3:17 PM, April 19th (Tuesday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M333- I think we all need each other, including Dip. It just goes to show you that even after 22 years, the shot of the A never goes away. It just doesn't. It's always there and we are all a support to other another, whether it's 2 months, 2 years or 22 years.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

think he's here because at the time of his DDay, he didn't really have any resources available to him, like SI, so he didn't really know how to process it all. So, I still think that chatting with us all helps support him & help him heal, even at this late date.

No, I'm not saying we're not awesome! Or that Dip's not awesome! I guess I'm just thinking -- shit, if I stick with this am I still going to be hurt and pissed off 20 years from now? because I really don't do hurt and pissed off well.

Thanks for all the cheers for Baby Paddy. I guess she's officially a toddler now! I have TWO toddlers. And they talk. In sentences. By the way, the way babies think and act is hysterical.

(Sunshine takes a toy from Paddy)
Paddy: No! I don't like that!
Sunshine: (screams)
Me: Paddy, is everything alright here?
Paddy: Ga ga ga ga ga
Me: Oh? You're a baby now?
Paddy: Yep.
Sunshine: I want a juice box.

Crazy monkeys!


M333- I think we all need each other, including Dip. It just goes to show you that even after 22 years, the shot of the A never goes away. It just doesn't. It's always there and we are all a support to other another, whether it's 2 months, 2 years or 22 years.

See? This answers my question, as I should have phrased it.

That's it. I'm changing my sig line back to "Well, crap."

[This message edited by m334455 at 3:24 PM, April 19th (Tuesday)]


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal - It will be 2 years this June. It really is in my best interest to try to make thi work, H is FINALLY after all this time, "trying to get it". I just don't want to settle and that's what I'm so afraid I'm doing.

Ats and Miracle - Thank you for your wisdom and your words of encouragement. You help more than you know.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think "Well crap" says it all.

And, that toddler conversation is hysterical. Classic.
One day I should really try to step back & see the humor in it.

And, M3, I understand your concern. No one wants to think this is a life sentence. Depends a lot on the WS tho.

Peace out.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Popping in quickly to make sure I say Happy Birthday to Nell!!

And YAY to Baby Paddy!! I'm so excited for her!!

Well, not gonna lie, it's a little depressing to see how long it takes to heal from a LTA. I'm at just under 10 mos. since DDay and I'm already sick and tired of being sad and angry. Doesn't bode well for the future.

Talked to IC for quite a while today about the week long workshop (crazy camp as my friend calls it) and I made the preliminary call to reserve a space for the new session in May. Will "talk" more later but FWH is hanging around....hugs to all!!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3.

Allgood is right. I went so many years without any support or knowledge of how to handle this. I treated myself by handling it like a death. Sort of a just move on and try to forget it. I always had questions and no amswers. A few years ago I had some things happen that set me back. I feel like it was kind of another D-day. When I found SI I was so happy to be able to read all the things here. I had never had a outlet during all those years.

Allgood is also correct that I do like hanging out here with everyone. When I do not get to check up on this place I miss everybody. It really is like the Hotel California.

I understand your concerns m3. I almost did not ever post here on SI because I was afraid that I could discourage BSs since my D-day was so many years ago. I still wonder if I should post here sometimes.

Thank you too nofun.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Popping in quickly. FWH still in bed (7.45am WED).

Will have to change my tag line.

Yesterday afternoon we arrived. Cute little cabin. I wasn't feeling well so had a cup of tea, sat on porch and read my book (thriller). FWH came out and sat with a magazine. I went inside got Macdonald book and gave it to him. He looked at the cover and said "Ok but I don't feel like reading it now". I said "OK". He said "But you want me to". I said "NO it doesn't matter". He said "No I'll read it". I gave him a highlighter. We sat and read until dark. He highlighted heaps and read a few bits out loud. Said "I do this". "I need to do more of that". I tried not to say much - just let him talk. I think he teared up at a couple of bits - he was trying to hide it.

HE READ ALL BUT THE LAST CHAPTER!!!!!!! The man has never read a book since I've known him. I am so happy. For me this is huge.

Fun

Keep positive honey. Focus on the good stuff.

M33

Yay for Baby Paddy.

Nell

Happy birthday honey.

Tryn

Did I say "yay" for Mrs Tryn? How could she not love you you silly man? Of course she wants to marry you again.

Hi lostsuol

Ats, NJgal and miracle

Thanks for your posts. Great food for thought.

((((Strong and DS24)))). Do the workshop honey.

((((Allgood, Honest, DP, BP and Scared Still)))))

Dip

I also had a dday 22 yrs ago. My first. I just didn't know it at the time.

Hugs to the lurkers and anyone I've missed.

The sun is shining and this morning we are going to the Butterfly House.

Have a great day, evening, night everyone

Love

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i gots only 5 minutes again, then i am off to ic...

happy birthday nell!!!

(had a freudan slip or was it a msg of some sort...when i typed in happy birthday nell i actually typed, "happy brithday hell"...who it was intended for... )


will be back later....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWIW,
The Birthday Queen likes everyone here and does not want to lose anyone. *ping* (That was my birthday sceptor... or something... I'm a little shaky on all the proper queen accoutrament.)

Thanks, all. Jumping on and off. Nell out!

ETA: Happy birthday hell heeheehee!!!... nope, no more "birthday hells" for Nell!

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 4:55 PM, April 19th (Tuesday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

omfg...i hate him tonite i really really hate him....why do i keep putting myself into the position of battling with him....we began talking about our kids...he gets no respect...of course this is partially my fault according to him...he still wants me to 'chime' in and help....he doesn't get it that that is not gonna happen, i cant make them respect him, he has to do that all on his own....i cannot fix who he is and frankly i don't want to try anymore...well one thing led to another during this lovely convo and now i am sitting here with tears rolling down my face....and i was in a decent zone considering....he crossed my boundaries and then lied about it....and still i was doing ok....talking to him about our kids, about his foo...(we will be going to his neices sweet 16, she is the one who is sick with an autoimmune disease....good possiblity his foo will be there...we have not seen them since before d-day....)...too many things, we didn't stick to any one point, i actually kept getting led away from the major topics by him....i hate that....he always used to do that....apparantly i am still allowing it too.... ...i am so mad at myself, i know better...i should know better....i hate that i still get caught up in it all...sorry guys bad nite for me....

thank god tomorrow is another day....i think i need a nite out...may just have to plan one, kind of an escape at least for a few hours....

he went to a wake tonite for someone we know through his business, all i could think when he told me was why couldnt it be him...then he came home and told me that another guy, a really young guy that we knew through the business also died...and again all i could think of why couldn't it be him...i hate that i still wish he would just die....my god who have i become...earlier tonite he said i have become him, the angry him...i told him that i could get rid of so much anger just by kicking his ass out...his still being here, still crossing my boundaries i need to allow this charade to continue is what gives me anger....

there are days...never mind....tomorrow is another day, i will take a half of one of those little lovely pills....i will feel better then, at least the edge will come off....

sorry...


eta: just remembered one of his lines...

him: "yes i have changed"

me: "you are still a liar"

him: "i don't lie about everything, just some small things, that does not make me a liar"

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 10:04 PM, April 19th (Tuesday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((iwam)),

of course it is painful, if it were not it would be because pfm was trying to be a different, better person. But he is not, and so you live with the reality if who he is. No blinders or mis-perceptions like before dday.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, April 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: I wrote a pm to you.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Miracle}}}}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry. It's hard not to engage with them, and especially we forget that we are not dealing with a "regular" person and we try to talk logically, and it doesn't work.

There is a lot of anger you have, and rightly so. Not only because of the past, but what is ongoing in the present.

Keep venting here. We are here for you.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 5:20 AM, April 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell - Happy Birthday

M - Baby Paddy - you rock girl!!!!!

Laura - enjoy

Tribe - have a safe & happy Easter - may the Angels watch over you all.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, April 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((((miracle)))))))))))
I do hate those Pied Piper conversations. And I completely understand the "if SOMEBODY has to die, why not..." thoughts. They pop in unbidden and have to be shown the door again. Makes me feel like a completely nasty person, though I know I'm not. I didn't have those thoughts right away... but they are normal... I remember reading about that response in Shirley Glass's book and thinking "wow, that's extreme." Now I think it's just reality. Some things would have been better had I been dealing with a tragic death rather than a concerted effort to deceive and take advantage of me for such a prolonged amount of time.

In any case, you are not alone, and I hope that today is a better day. Hugs, honey.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, April 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle

I am so sorry you have to endure this bullshit

Love and Hugs

laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
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