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User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 24
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Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, April 15th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And now, good night!

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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Default  Posted: 5:20 AM, April 16th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest: Yay!!!!!!!
(I wish they had a standing ovation emoticon. Lol.)

That's right. Now, don't forget the follow through. Seriously. Like I said, once the shit hits the fan over there, you may no longer be his biggest problem to deal with (sorry to say it that way - it's Dishonest talking, not me). So, try to follow up with him this week.

Hmmmm. Now maybe I should be power-walking. Maybe I'm missing a lot of cheering etc cuz I'm running too fast. LMAO.
Or maybe like Nell said, I'm just not dressed appropriately. Lol. I can run in heels. (Actually, I recently ran in heels wearing a suit & carrying a briefcase when I forgot my umbrella. Lol.)

Ok. Mr. Allgood is home today, so I don't think I'll be here much (on SI, I mean.) He took a "nap" yesterday in our bed at around 8:30 last night. He hasn't slept in our bed in 10 days. I slept somewhere else (which sucked!) and when I saw him this morning he made it clear that he would've moved, he had just gone in there to nap, etc. Maybe there was more to it. Maybe not.

Aight. Good day to y'all.

Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, April 16th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest - I have a really good idea regarding the GPS in your phone. Buy another phone and hide the one with the GPS on a subway train. Bet that would drive Mr. Dishonest crazy!

I'm glad the Karma bus came through for you. And you are QUALITY.

Hugs to the tribe!!

BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
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Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, April 16th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yayy! He's gone. What a dillusional wack job he has become. His thinking is so convoluted..... maybe it's just him...or maybe its the influence of his culture in his home country-this idea that having more than one wife is perfectly normal so asking you to marry him again with those guidelines seems normal to him????
I can just imagine him skulking around street corners in his not so obvious American baseball cap trying to spy on his 'other' wife while he is bad mouthing her to his 'real' wife and asking to marry the 'real' wife as long as she agrees that he can continue his sexual exploits with other women...which could include 'marrying' them and fathering more children with them.....
oh yeah... and he is spying on both of his wives because he suspects that they could be cheating on him because....that would be bad..very bad.... only he is allowed to cheat on everybody!

Am I getting this scenario right?

Besides all of the emotional damage this crap causes.... besides the total immorality and twisting of any religious beliefs to suit himself....

IMHO at least those Sheiks in the Mideast that have a lot of wives are billionaires and they can provide comfortable lifestyle for all those wives and OC.
This loser is bankrupting you and his sons and jeopardizing their college education funds etc.

What exactly is his function in your family?
He just comes back to create havoc and disharmony and anxiety???? Nice.

Can you tell I'm a little pissed at your STHBXH- Mr. Dishonest?

Honest- you never answered my question...just curious..what do your younger sons know about the OW/OC and what do they say about it?
Do they accept it as part of their father's religion? Or are they as outraged as your older two sons are?

And..about the BPD descriptions....I agree with all that you said about it.... the black and white thinking, the rages, the fear of abandonment.
The fact that you can do 100 things right but....if you do one thing that the BPD perceives as wrong...we'll then it's all over!
But, there is one difference- my BPD mother NEVER apologizes for anything that she says or does.
In fact she believes she is right and no one can dissuade her!

Hang in their Dip.
It's a tough personality disorder to deal with.
I think a tough love approach is all that works.
You need to protect yourself.I think your strategy of walking away, leaving...even if you have to stay away over night...
may jog her back into reality.
You are 100% correct-we're not getting any younger and anger,anxiety, stress are killers-you do not need any of that at this point in your life.
You need to do whatever it takes to remove yourself from an anxiety inducing situation.
Maybe if you do it enough times she will begin to get the message that the rages are not OK....

love the idea of the GPS cellphone riding the subway!

and .... the reason that Miracle turns heads on her walks is because she is a very good looking lady!
Very fit and youthful.

[This message edited by njgal480 at 11:02 AM, April 16th (Saturday)]

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA

Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, April 16th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well peeps...i did not powerwalk today and i was missin the ego strokin only to come here and get stroked by youse peeps...i feel very new yawker today....

honest: i too want one of those emoticon thingys that does a standing ovation for several points..

1. he is gone ( i keep singing the wicked witch is dead everytime i think he is gone...weird) ding dong...

2. you my dear have definitely turned the most awesome corner of the universe.....

3. the sense of peace you now long as it doesn't interrupt the peaceful flow by clapping too loudly...

4. aside from the financial end which could get worse, the emotional end is up from here....a few dips here and there but nothing compared to where you were and will never be again...

5. karma buses are green...

6. you used the word dilusional to describe mr dishonest, which in itself may not seem like much but knowing you its HUGE!!!it means you are no longer taking any kind of blame anymore...for that i applaud you, not too loudly though i really don't want to disturb that peace you finally achieved...especially since this was the 6th standing ovation in a row...


premature postulation again....i was not done yet...

honest to allgood....defeatest is the definitely the word...and he will do nothing til he is forced to im thinkin...draggin it out a bit...making, as someone pointed out to allgood before, making her do all the work

did he sign the papers allgood...??

ats: the eq thinkin it maybe on your own pesonal emotions you might get stuck....or your ws....when it comes to others where you are not emotionally invested if you kwim...and this happens to most people, kind of why doctors are not allowed to treat family members..

honest thanks for your further definition of bpd...then that is not pfm or manchild...

damn, now i forgot everything else....i reserve the right to come back

in the meantime have a great day peeps...


[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 9:28 AM, April 16th (Saturday)]

i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, April 16th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

did he sign the papers allgood.

He's off this week tho, so I'm going to start pressing him on it by mid-week. (Since he's not getting an attorney I have to watch it with the amount of pressure I apply on him to get it done or he can use it to undo the whole agreement.)

Fun stuff. At least I have allowed myself enough time to get what I want accomplished if he doesn't cooperate.

Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, April 16th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so very much!! I hope I can maintain this.

Nofun: OMG!!! The cell on the subway made me laugh!! What a great idea!!!

Allgood: You are right, I need to keep following up and I intend to do that. Slowly but surely I'll get things done.
Mr. "nogood" sleeping in your bed? He still hasn't gotten the full impact of what's going on or he's in denial, hoping it will all go away and you'll change your mind.

NJgal: Yes, xWH has twisted his religion to suit his needs. His moral compass is skewed to make himself guiltless in this whole thing.
You described what he is going to do very well. All he keeps saying is that he wants to be free.

WH told our DS's right after dday. DS16 is angry and says over and over that is father is wrong and twisting the religion to suit his needs. DS 12 is confused and upset about this whole sitch.

What exactly is his function in your family?
He just comes back to create havoc and disharmony and anxiety???? Nice.

My friend pointed out the same thing the other day. She said,"What does he do all day?"

He really doesn't have a function, although he thinks he does. He makes money, and thinks that he is helping raise the DS's by telling them what to do, etc.

It's a good thing for me to focus on. He really has no function but to create tension and disruption here. The kids do love him because he is their father but also are hurt when he leaves and they know why, especially DS16.

WH told me that I am messing the kids up by telling DS16 that he divorced me. I am messing up the kids by my behavior of being upset and crying. Everything is twisted and blameshifting is high. He is toxic to me.

Miracle: I'm so happy that you are getting such positive feedback in your walks!! You deserve it! NJgal is right, you are a beautiful person inside and out.

Right now I want NC and only contacting WH via email about the DS's and money, but then if I don't answer his phone calls, I don't want to get him upset because of the money. He wants to be "friends"

The best he's going to get is for me to be "friendly".

Friends don't treat each other this way. Friends don't betray one another. Friends don't blameshift and are selfish.

WH thinks I am his friend and he will confide in me about all his exploits, etc.

He doesn't think about other's feelings. I don't think he really is capable. I think he is intelligent enough to realize that some of his behavior will get others mad or upset and will therefore avoid that behavior. But not because he really cares about how they feel or understands their feelings. I've heard him too often sayin to me that he did this or that because I would get mad. Not because I would feel hurt or upset. Geez. He is messed up.

Any suggestions? I need to detach and keep away and not be lulled into anything anymore.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
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Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, April 16th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Any suggestions? I need to detach and keep away and not be lulled into anything anymore.

since you are way too honest and nice for your own good i suppost a hit man is out of the question...

seriously though, you are already doing it, you stopped taking his remarks and his actions personally and that is the biggest first step.....knowing its him and not you....knowing that nothing you did or could do warranted any of it...

now still loving the karma bus...

and its good to see that mr dishonest is still making the most absurd helps keep you on the path, better then anything you or anyone else can each time he opens his mouth "shit" comes forth...and you could just flush it away, shaking your head and posting it under dum shit they say....then sit back with a glass of your favorite alcholic beverage and have a laugh on his expense, both literally and figuartively (spell check needed...gotta tell the mods we need that feature)...

i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, April 16th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saturday, 4:30 p.m.
WH has not touched the book since Thursday evening.

He has been very busy working on his business plan. He has been purchasing birthday gifts for me. (He is with the Boyos now, took them to get me something from them.) I have been keeping busy doing random stuff, including setting up playdates for the Boyos and switching the spring linens for the winter stuff.

I won't ask, just tell us when the papers are signed so I can pour a glass of sparkling water and pretend it's champagne!

More yays for today. I'm now picturing Mr. Dishonest skulking around in stinking dark alleys in his baseball cap, peeping at OW. In my head, it's a cross between Raiders of the Lost Arc and Looney Toones. Thank you, njgal, for helping me with that image.

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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Default  Posted: 4:53 AM, April 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning all.

Honest: suggestions? My biggest suggestion is for you to see that you do not have to be his friend to continue the source of money. Stop thinking like this. At some point you need to take the leap of faith, otherwise you will never fully detach, never heal & never move on to have a happy relationship with someone else.
I think you should have an agreement prepared based on the conversations you have had with your stbxh to date. Tell him ahead of time it is coming. Tell him you prepared it based off a form off the internet. Tell him, like you said, we can be friends through all this, but as we are divorced, this formality needs to be done. Tell him you've done this as a separation agreement to leave the door open for the 2 of you working something out in the future, but for now, he is right, you are too upset, etc. to be able to do that, so this is what must be done. You need some time & space to fix yourself.

Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, April 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Allgood.
You do not have to be his friend anymore.
He's not your friend.
Have you considered going to a support group? I think that would be helpful for you- IRL support.
What comes to mind first is ALANON. That could be helpful because they can help you with detachment and the 180. But, I know there are other support groups for co-dependency type issues.
Do you think that might something that could help you?

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA

Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, April 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell: So many of these WS's think there is nothing wrong with them, and they don't want to face the fact that maybe it's their fault!! Reading will reinforce the guilt that is floating near the surface that they are so desparately trying to shove down. I'm glad, though, that he is buying you some birthday gifts.

Happy Birtday Nell!!

Miracle, thank you. You are right, this shift in my perspective and attitude is the big thing. I have to keep this perspective and listen to positive things to keep me here.

Allgood, you are absolutely right. I wanted to get WH in a "good" mood before I discussed all this stuff. I think he is there. He is so focused on his "freedom" and thinking that we are the same that he doesn't really see the full repercussions of being D. I think he thinks that us being D just simply means that I won't be on his case about other women, he is free to do what he wants, and our relationship is the same, sans sex. I guess he thinks I can be his "mommy/sister/caretaker/ friend"? Do you think that is what he wants? To still get loved and taken care of etc, but be free?
He says I should consider this D as a separation.

NJgal: I agree, a IRL support group would be a good idea. A friend of my suggested CODA which is for codependents. I will see if there is a chapter around here.

Thank you everyone. I need to stay on this 180 train as much as I can.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
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Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, April 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was reminded again that my H is a total a-hole.
My bad for thinking he was feeling some regret/concern over losing me.
But, finally it is sinking in. He will never change. Not even after he leaves.
Everything has to be easy for him. Marriage, reconciliation, etc.

I'm sure he's boxed this up & put it away as having been unavoidable. That there is nothing he can do that will change me trying to discuss "the same thing every day for the rest of my life".

I let him have it today for sure. I've had my peace with him & for the moment, I really want nothing, absolutely nothing to do with him.

Now to go & play happy family in front of my folks. O joy!

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 2:45 PM, April 17th (Sunday)]

Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, April 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think as a cop, your WH knows how to compartmentalize well and is doing this now. He is acting like it doesn't bother him, but I'm sure it does.
I know how you feel. You know it's over, but you'd like your WH to show that he's feeling SOMETHING like sadness or remorse over all of this. As you know, these LTA WS's are great actors and he is acting like it doesn't bother him.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
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Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, April 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all. Things have been going okay...until today. Finally got our taxes done and felt a huge relief and it was nice out after a couple of miserable cold days....went to go to store and WH was fine and affectionate. Come home and he is distant and quiet???? Stupid me while we were fixing dinner said is something bothering you? AH replies "no, should there be?" Said you are just quiet....well I must always be quiet because you ask me that which I respond I guess you would just rather me not give a sh* does it happen that quick? and why did it push my buttons? I realize it was a big trigger because for years he would suddenly become distant and moody and I would ask and I would get this classic blameshit...this is a big trigger for me....despite all the things he is doing makes me wonder if the A is still ongoing :(

Posts: 83 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: DE
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Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, April 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage's taken me quite some time to catch up on the goings on here in the LTA house.

First and foremost.......YAY TO HONEST!! You are turning the corner my friend and seeing the are NOT the problem....Mr. Dishonest is the problem! Yes, he is delusional. Yes, he is manipulative. Yes, he is a narcissist. Yes, he is toxic to you and your children. He is morally weak, where you are a tower of strength. Why? Because you know that even though it's hard, you will do what it takes to do the RIGHT thing. You deserve so, so, so much better.

Allgood - I'm sorry that Mr. Allgood is still disappointing you. This roller coaster sucks.

Scared - Sounds like you also have a front row seat on the roller-coaster to/from hell. I can't tell you why on some days it's easier to blow off the triggers and some days it's harder. (((Scared)))

Home from visiting DS24 in CA. He is looking great and really makes me so proud. He and FWH and DS17 had a blast on go karts last night. For all my problems with FWH, he is a pretty good Dad. He has his moments, but don't we all? I hate, hate, hate that what his selfishness will most likely cause our kids so much sadness. DS24 tried to subtly ask me yesterday how things were between me and FWH. I just told him that we were still working on trying to solve our issues.

So, it's back into the dumps for me tonight. I miss DS24 and while I can usually ignore how dangerous his job is, it was front and center this past weekend. It will take me a few days to put away the fear for him and put on the happy, carefree face that he needs to see from me. Did I mention how proud I am of him?

I'm glad to be home but not happy about having to face the crap that has become my life for the past 9+ months.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
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Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, April 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome home strongish.

Honest - I'm going to rephrase everyone's separation advice in more ghetto terms --the baby momma who files first gets more child support money. 'nuf said.

Dip - thank you for venting. It's nice for us to feel helpful to you for a change. The colorful phrase I've been holding back is " it's hotter than two cats f***ing in a sock!" it was WH's grandmothers favorite...

ATS thanks again for the chodron recommendation...

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

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Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nell: so when is your birthday?...just in case its today...happy case its tomorrow...have a happy birthday tomorrow..!!!

i hope your wh comes thru with reading for your birthday....

allgood: in house separation and playing happy damned hard when all you want to do is shake them, shake them til their eyes roll, shake them and given them some syndrome to become who they were supposed to be in the first place...


still: your fears are very valid....the behavior it what it is, the fact that your ws is not that cooperative with you does not help....when it really is the least he could do....i cannot remember, are you both in mc...if not, get one, if you are make some notes to bring with you, sometimes we get lost in the heat of moments and do not always get to address all the issues we i would write this down, and then try talking to him calmly and rationally letting him know that his defensiveness and snappy remarks do not help you feel safe, isn't that after all one of the objectives in reconcilliation...shouldn't you be able to feel safe again, otherwise why stay within the relationship????

honest: you are doing so well hon.....follow up with the papers asap...

strong: welcome home....does ds know about his dad, do any of your kids know???

and its good that he is a good dad....good for them and also something that will help in reconcilliation should you ulitmately decide that this will be your path....when they suck as dad's it only adds lots more strikes against them...

m3: those cats....have they met the ducks on the grass???

i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, April 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A good weekend with FWW despite all her work. She explained where she is at in IC, which is good since reading her notes (at her invitation) left me concerned. She has her issues figured out. 1: She must forgive herself and become an equal partner in our M if it is to survive. I must be able to disagree with her and have her stand up for herself. She must be able to accept what she did to us and the occasional repercussions. 2: Related, she must learn to deal with the shame she feels, especially with me. Now when she feels shame about the A's or how she treated me she sees me as a monster, she is afraid of me and withdraws.

While discussing her notes, she also broke down in tears and apologized again, asking what she was thinking. Even bigger, she apologized for how she treated me in the first 8 months after dday. I believe she loves me the best she can, and she knows and is working to increase her intimacy.

We found each other to complete the work we both had to do. I am leaning into the painful emotions and sorting through them, FWW is doing the same. Brene Brown is our new favorite author. I wish I had known what I know now 20 years ago to save us so much grief. But our MCs were not so good, and there was no or internet (just lynxs)

I know I bitch a lot, but I am lucky. FWW was behaving as she was taught. When her eyes were opened, she dropped 50 years of environmental conditioning to work on finding a new path fir her life.

Tonight she got home and packed a most excellent picnic to take to the beach.

FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
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Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, April 18th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Just popping in. FWH is out feeding the FDs and will be in soon.

Honest - big YAYS!!!!!


Happy Birthday honey. Hoping WH gets back on the job - reading that is, and does well by you for your b'day.


Welcome back. ((((((DS24)))))

Mr Nogood


Tonight she got home and packed a most excellent picnic to take to the beach.


No power walk today???

(((((Scared still)))))

Hi Fun, DP, Dip, NJgal and lurkers

Hope you are all OK


Come out, come out wherever you are

At Laura's Place

Saw EMDR lady. Nothing earth shattering. Told her my story. Asked if she could help me. She said yes but also you need to start helping yourself!!! Hmmmm.

She also told me to lay off the booze

Seeing her again on the 30th.

Had a really good honest chat with FWH last night. He is opening up more and being more honest. (Maybe because when we talk I've stopped crying, screaming, hitting and throwing things so much ). Says he didn't screw OWzero, doesn't understand himself why he screwed OW1, it was "just the sex" with OW2 - he felt sorry for her but didn't really like her much, and he thought he was "in LUUUUUUUURVE" with OW3 - but still didn't intend to leave me and was thinking of breaking off with her because she was increasing the pressure to see her more often and to leave me - bitch wanted my life . He says now he realises he didn't really "luuuuuurve" her or he would have left me and not thrown her under a bus.... Hmmmmm. I'm pretty sure he is being more honest. He wouldn't have used the L word at all I think if he was minimising. He's repeating the mantra "Will never do it again, will spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy etc".

Tomorrow we are going away for a couple of days to a beach place. Staying in a nice little cabin a short walk to the beach. It's cooling off here so we may not swim but walking on the beach will be nice. Nearby there is a great Butterfly place he's taking me to. They have a huge temperature/ humidity controlled environment with heaps of different species. Should be fun. I'll try to remember to get some pics.

Love you all


[This message edited by Laura28 at 12:51 AM, April 18th (Monday)]

Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
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