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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 24
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

LOOOOOOOOOVE the pics of baby Paddy.

I get the sense that this house should have something from everyone.

If you all list what you would like I will make a collage. You can supply pics if you wish but if you just tell me what you would like I will get the pics for you. May take me a day or two but then we can all have a little piece of "us" in the house.

As for me, I think I will save the pic. Print and frame to remind me of my SI friends.

All is good here. After meltdown on Friday night, nothing Sat night but then Sun night he finally told me ALL, and I mean ALL about OW1. I do believe him.

As it was 11.30 pm when we finished OW1, I said lets go to bed (we both had to work Mon morning). he breathed a sigh of relief .

Tonight I hope to hear all about OW2.

Will keep you posted

Love to all

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 4:18 AM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M33- Baby Paddy is a beautiful baby!

Laura-Great news that your H was able to tell you all....finally...now on to the next OW.
hopefully, he will undertand that it is so much better to get it all out there instead of keeping any more secrets.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Content  Posted: 4:37 AM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3... Love BabyPaddy's smiles!

Today I enjoyed my grandson's shy smile and then his eye-sparkling dimpled grin for 'memaw'. Hope to see him often in the next couple of weeks. Then it will be back to Skype visits.

{{{Laura28}}} glad your H is opening up to you.

Middle of the night on the west coast... have to try to sleep. Busy wkend spent at quilt show. My sister won 2 ribbons! We'll both be taking it easy tomorrow.

{{{LTA}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura: I'm glad you got what you needed to hear.

As for the collage: I like to run & I like the beach - so running on the beach? Please make me look hot wearing just a tank that shows off perfect abs and very short shorts.
Thank you.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 6:01 AM, March 28th (Monday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

deepp... I am glad you are about ready to stop loving your W. To stay out so late must have hurt pretty bad and that is not loving you.

We need to place ourselves in happy situations. You keep going that direction. All that pain becomes behind you when your mind takes you ahead. Good luck in your interview... and cooking!

Peace


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DP))) I can see that you are hurting so much. I'm so, so sorry. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Please do what you need to do to put some distance between you and WW. You have gone above and beyond to heal your M without any help from her.....it may really be time to let go.

Laura - Great news!! I'm so happy for you that your FWH was able to open up and tell you all the secrets. There should be NO secrets in a healthy M.

Miracle - As always, you know how to say the right thing. I love that feeling that you have first thing in the morning when you just wake up....before you remember how badly you've been hurt and that the person you are married to is not who you think they are. For the most part I am accepting was has to be done. I want to be happy. I want to be loved...completely and honestly. And I don't want to be a victim anymore. I don't want to be sad, pathetic Strongish anymore. I want to be strong Strongish!

So today will be a better day. For my part of the collage please add a dog....preferably a Golden Retriever. I hope you don't all think I'm weird by my dog is my crying buddy. He will sit in the closet with me while I sob away! We've always had goldens but this one is so close to me. He runs with me in the morning and goes in the car with me to do errands. He brings me joy every single day.

Hope the Tribe has a good day today. Honest....how are you doing??


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura: That is good news that your WH was able to open up to you and then felt relief instead of being resentful or angry. That is a good sign. Hugs to you. It must have been difficult to hear everything.

Lost: congrats to your sister on her ribbons. I hope you have a much deserved rest.

Deep: Have you seen a lawyer yet to see what your rights are? Good luck in the job hunting. I am sure you will be able to land a job now that you are sounding stronger and more in control. It is so unfair how the A devastates everything in its path and we are the ones who pay for it.

{{{{tribe}}}


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me -- Pink Anthuriums.

Ok -- I'm really superstitious or I look for signs everywhere or something -- but here are the three that are sticking out to me lately.

(1) When I was at Home Depot getting things to fix up the house I was talking about the projects, the move, etc. with the woman helping me to find everything...by the end of our conversation she was saying that I looked so happy and that this move was going to be awesome for our family and she hugged me (ok -- I guess I'm that person, who gets hugged and mothered by total strangers...)

(2) My fortune cookie. I know -- it's a fortune cookie, but my oldest DS says it's completely creepy how I always seem to know which cookie is for which person and the fortunes match up -- anyway, my fortune cookie said "Stop looking forever, happiness is sitting right here next to you." And everyone else got lotto numbers. AAGH! I should have played the lotto numbers ...
(3) This morning I was telling the PT how we're still working on how to juggle the considerable logistics around here -- and she said something along the lines of how my husband and I have the most amazing relationship with each other and with the children that she's seen with any of her clients and that's what's most important.

So -- there you go. Maybe it's cheesy, but I just have this belief that God talks to us through those sort of unsolicited comments that come from unusual sources. Then again, I also check in on the homeless people in my neighborhood when I see them partly because of the whole "whatever you do for the least of us you do for me" thing -- and partly because most homeless people are suffering from untreated mental illness and addiction and I always think "there but for the grace of God go I..."

I don't know. I'm rambling.

ATS -- I got that book "How to improve your marriage without talking about it" yesterday and have read the first three chapters. it's been informative but I'm hoping the second half gets more useful. So far, all I've gotten is a whole huge list of problems and no solutions. Ugh.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3.

Thanks for the baby pictures. Cute smile and I love those cheeks.

Laura.

About that collage. (1) Be sure and honor Allgood's request. Tank and short shorts. This could be good for the morale of the men here. (2) We need a aardvark. I don't think we have ever had a aardvark at the LTA house.

strongish.

Dogs can be such good buddies. They seem to know when you are down and just want to help. Strong strongish, now that sounds good.

Deep.

Good luck with the job interview.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning, Tribe.

M3 - Baby Paddy is adorable. I am now a Grandmama for 1 year and I'm kinda baby crazy. They are all so darn cute, I want to hug 'em and squeeze 'em and love 'em. Also, all 3 of my babies were baldies, but have beautiful hair now.

Laura28 - I can only imagine how exhausting emotionally that must have been for both of you, but it so good to get it all out.
As far as decorating, I too love beaches, particularly in Bora Bora or Tahiti, not that I have ever been there. My fantasy trip would be to go to Bora Bora (I think it is) and stay in one of those luxurious huts that juts out into the ocean and has a hole (glassed) in the floor so you can see all the tropical fish swimming below. Heaven!

Deep - so sorry, that is really hurtful staying out all night just about. Sending you good mojo for the job.

Strongish - I am so sorry that it looks like you are heading toward S/D. I think it is tough for everyone, but when you are 30, you have so much more opportunities, I feel. It is extremely scary to have to start over in your late 40's and on up. Of course, it can be done and it could be great, but I think much scarier the older you are. JMHO (((strongish)))

Have a great day, tribe!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8940 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura28 - I have a question for you.
I was reading the Urban dictionary looking up the nasty c*** word.

If you have never seen the Urban dictionary it is kinda like Wikipedia where everyone can add their own info to the definition. It gives definitions to words that aren't in the regular dictionary.

Anyway, there were many definitions from many different people. This one person from Austrailia said that the c*** word in Austrilia is used like "mate" is. Like I would say to you "Hi, c***, how are you doing today?"

Is this true? Being American I, of course, would find this appalling.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8940 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, sure... I say I'm going on vacation and you all move to another house.

Brought the laptop to do some work and couldn't resist popping in to see what everyone's been up to since Saturday morning.

My trip is going really well, except for the people who ask about WH and get breezy little answers in response, and the daily poor-me phone calls from WH. (You don't call me, I'm sad. I want things to be the way they were, I'm sad. I had to clean the house, I'm sad. Being a single parent is hard, I'm sad. I'm sad, I'm sad, I'm sad.) I know, I sound like a heartless bitch, but for crying out loud... it's been two days and it would be nice if WH would just suck it up and let me enjoy myself once a year. It's not like I'm hiding out at my brother's house, making secret phone calls to my mistress to talk about how sucky my marriage is while my faithful spouse is at home being a single parent without complaint.

Resentful much?

Anyhoo. Had lunch with my mom and sister and am now about to power through a couple work things while waiting for the next fun to begin, whatever that may be.

m3,
Loved the baby Paddy photos!

Laura,
I'm not sure what to include for the collage. Impossibly sexy shoes, maybe.

I have too much to say to the rest of you to say anything at all.

Oh, I made a note to answer someone's question about going away with WH or the Boyos... I just need a break, and I need to see my mommy and BFF (who had to cancel her trip to see me last month). It's difficult to maintain the "everything is fine" and "lets spend all our time pretending to be superfun happycouple" stuff without some major decompression. I'm an introvert at heart, so sitting in a quiet house with no responsibilities is heaven.

Hugs to all.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

laura what a cool idea to make a collage....i look forward to seeing it...i wonder if there would be a way to put it on page 1 so that everytime we sign in here to lta we see it...


i would like to request 3 items if i may....first would be pots/pans to represent my love for cooking

second would be the mudslide of course to represent my escape every now and again from reality

and lastly a cup or pot of tea to represent when i am in reality its peace in a cup for me....oh so soothing...my cure for when i am sad, have a belly ache or even my way to wake in the am....tea is my drug of choice....of course when it fails there is always xanax..


nell: glad to hear that your trip is regenerating you....and as for the sad man...he is that, a sad man...no pity for him from me.....maybe a few head shakes though....


milkshake i am impressed you responded to so many...and you said you couldn't keep up.... and yes i know, i know its a slow day in here today....


laura: i have said this before and it still strikes me...but i am so happy that he told you everything about #1....and it strikes me that we get happy hearing that a ws is talking about the op's...telling us hurtful things, but oh so necessary to be able to move forward in the relationship...


soul: enjoy your grandson...time does fly so quickly with little ones...

and congrats to your sis on her ribbons...you all sound so countrified...quilting ribbons for me is something you see in a movie on tv...


strong:

I want to be happy. I want to be loved...completely and honestly. And I don't want to be a victim anymore. I don't want to be sad, pathetic Strongish anymore. I want to be strong Strongish!

you do deserve happiness and you were never pathetic, you were a victim of a terrible crime committed unto you by your husband...and bravo for not letting it define who you will be.....and you are already strong, you always have been....the strong know how and when to allow themselves to feel not weakness but pain....and then the strong will use the pain to propell them elsewhere and that is exactly what you are doing...


purple: i am glad that you are not going to take it anymore...i have that picture in my head where the guy is yelling out the window..
im mad as hell and im not going to take it anymore"...and a bunch of windows open and a bunch of people yell this....so i would like to yell it with you if i may to offer some support..."IM MAD AS HELL AND IM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE"...of course if this is not the case i will still support you, and look forward to when you do so i could yell it again..


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Quiet night last night. No attempt by FWH to open up about OW2. I decided to let it go as we were both very tired form the night before. Maybe tonight.

Thanks for all your good wishes. Yep much of it REALLY hurt but the honesty soothed the pain for me.

Deep

Hope the job interviews go well. What do you want for the collage?

M33

Yep. I see signs too. So many butterflies visiting me every day.

SMS

This one person from Austrailia said that the c*** word in Austrilia is used like "mate" is. Like I would say to you "Hi, c***, how are you doing today?"

Well as we all know there are fucktards everywhere. A decent person would never use the word that way. I guess that is why in the first few months after Dday during my meltdowns I used it to describe FWHs OWs when screaming at him. He cringed visibly as I have NEVER used the word before.

Nell

Good to hear from you. Keep enjoying your break.

Collage:

This is what I have

Miracle

a tropical climate... a tripped out bar that does it all...mudslides with alcoholic whipped cream...some handymen...some eye candy for the guys

AGNG

I like to run & I like the beach - so running on the beach? Please make me look hot wearing just a tank that shows off perfect abs and very short shorts.

Honest

classical guitar

Strong

For my part of the collage please add a dog....preferably a Golden Retriever... sit in the closet with me while I sob away! ... runs with me in the morning and goes in the car with me to do errands.

M33

Pink Anthuriums

Dip

a aardvark.

SMS

Bora Bora or Tahiti.... one of those luxurious huts that juts out into the ocean and has a hole (glassed) in the floor so you can see all the tropical fish swimming below.

Nell

Impossibly sexy shoes

Laura

France and butterflies

Have to get to work people.

Take care

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle

We cross posted

i would like to request 3 items if i may....first would be pots/pans to represent my love for cooking

second would be the mudslide of course to represent my escape every now and again from reality

and lastly a cup or pot of tea to represent when i am in reality its peace in a cup for me....oh so soothing...my cure for when i am sad, have a belly ache or even my way to wake in the am....tea is my drug of choice....of course when it fails there is always xanax..

I will include these too.

Have to run

Love to all

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tribe - thank you very much appreciated.

IWAM - as I read yr post about yelling out the window I started to sing "Were not going to take it" - Quiet Riot & imagined the video featuring the tribe.
All these poor waywards running down a street being chased by their angry betrayeds.

Anyway I do yell but on the inside.

Laura - thats so good to hear WH gets it. For my part I too love the beach so a nice 6-8 foot barrell or a surfboard which maybe Allgood can hold up - hows that Dip?

(((strong))) take care.

(((tribe)))

[This message edited by deeppurple at 2:38 PM, March 28th (Monday)]


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deep.

Sounds good. I'm pretty sure Allgood will look great no matter what she is doing.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All these poor waywards running down a street being chased by their angry betrayeds.

I'm imagining us waving club, pitchforks, torches....like the angry mob does when they are chasing the monster!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love the collage idea Laura...
hmmm but, I can't think of what would represent me...what do I like?
I loved my vacations to Hawaii.... I love going into NYC and seeing plays, concerts...
Like Miracle- my drink of choice is a cup of hot tea with lemon or an Iced tea....
that's me......


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, March 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura: There are some things that are "inside jokes" in the tribe like the ducks, 'gators, and Dip BBQing everything under the sun that could be included in the collage.

I'm trying to remember some other inside jokes we had....I don't know about the "cabana boys" though but perhaps a hot tub with the ducks, gators and a BBQ beside it? We can't forget Ats' boat!

Ok, I'm being silly for a bit.

Strong, you are sounding strong, God bless you!

Nell, I hope you are having a good time and can decompress a bit.

I've been nurse maid lately. DS12 sprained his ankle in gym and is on crutches, DS15 (will be 16 in a few days) strained his hamstring and is in physical therapy...WH's blood pressure is up and I'm just plain insane.

DS35 called today and asked if WH was still in the house. He was angry. Then DS says that if I let WH in the house on the next visit, I'll loose him (DS). I have tried to explain many times why I'm doing what I'm doing, but DS35 is very angry. DS15 says he wants to visit overseas during the summer and is starting in on that. This breaks my heart.

WH is being ok, but it all about him as usual. He has no simple consideration, no thoughtfulness about anything, yet he thinks he's God's gift to humanity.


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