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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts 6
anotherOctober
♀ Member
Member # 29794
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HereI Am Again22
I am separated from my SAH and while we were each working on our own recovery my willingness to consider a future R was based on his continuing to work his program, be transparent and open and maintain NC. Although he is still active in his recovery group he has at this point decided that NC with OW is not a symptom of relapse. Therefore; I believe that in order to protect myself I need to 180 and take care of me.
It is a very bumpy road and a baffling disease. I can not save someone from themselves, no matter how much love I have for them. But I can save me!
You have the right to set whatever boundaries you need to feel safe IMHO.

Posts: 125 | Registered: Oct 2010
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hereIam... I think Sabrina gave you very well thought out answers to your questions. Keep posting and keep reading. Everyone has slightly different approaches and beliefs, because every one of our journeys are different. You will find what works for you too. Just give it time. (I used to hate when people told me to give it time, but really it is the best advise.) Keep in touch with your emotions also. This is where journaling may help you. I try to keep my focus on THIS moment, not yesterday or tomorrow.

It has been my experience that the SA has to have some recovery under their belt before they can do much of anything else. Sometimes the urge to act out consumes every waking moment and resisting that urge can be overwhelming. But as they come to a more sane existance, they can make small steps in working on the marriage. For us it was not a linear process, but more back and forth. He works on his recovery and makes realizations we bring those discoveries into our marriage. Improvements in our marriage then go on to support his recovery and so on. But that said, it is really difficult to wait while they start their recovery.

But this time can also be when you can focus on yourself without being selfish. do things that you enjoy, treasure your time with the kids, catch up with old friends, connect with others. It will keep you from putting pressure on your wife and "hurry up and recover."

Sager


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couple of questions Ive been pondering....

How can you tell SA from a guy who just wanted some cheap ONS affairs?

Also... My SAWH would NEVER be open to group counseling due to his shyness and personality (and maybe culture as well). He did say he doesnt want to accept he is an addict because of the label but accepts he has a problem and will see a csat if I ask him to.

He is completely open to books/materials that could help though. Only problem is he is not a book reader at all so not sure how much he would put into that. To be honest Im scared that reading books would give him worse ideas. If you read my posts its probably clear Im very paranoid now. I feel like the less info he has the better, since he is #1 VERY gullible and #2 easily influenced (for example, he didnt think about going to strip clubs until his friend suggested it. It doesnt take much to spark something in his stupid brain. FTR, he claims he didnt end up going to any). I dont want him to know he could be successful at some things that other men were. I dont want him to get the feeling like, 'im not that abnormal, other men are doing this too' and other sick behaviors. Are a lot of these details in the books???

And lastly (for now) what exactly are the 12 steps and if any of you are doing that, how much has it helped? What setbacks have you experienced?

I wouldve been so lost without you guys here!


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drivingpast,
I don't remember all the signs (recoverynation.com) but some of them are: 1. tries to stop and is unable to 2. esculating behavior 3. continues behavior in spite of grave consequenses.

My SAH promised me to stop many, many times. He started with phone chat lines and ended with sex with prostitutes. He lost his job because he used the company phone to make $12,000 worth of sex phone calls and used his office computer to view porn. My H is a good, sweet man. If you saw him you would never know he was a SA. But he is an addict also.

I know that you feel your husband would do what he reads about in the books.... I don't think that would be the case. If he truly has a problem, he will probably be sickened and scared by reading how far this addiction can go and how much people have lost. he will also probably "white knuckle" it for a while and try to get better on his own.

The bottom line is that it is ignorance that keeps the addict sick. It it with information from reliable sources that will help put you both on a path to healing. Like all addictions it is virtually impossible to get well with out serious intervention and help. That includes groups (12 step) and IC. A CSAT can make an assessment to see if your H is a SA, but trust your gut. There are some good references listed on page 1 of this thread. Anything by Patrick Carnes would be a good place to start.

If you go to any recovery website you can find a description of the 12 steps. These steps are worked on with a sponsor and often a person goes through them several times during recovery.

In terms of setbacks..... I think if you do much reading here you will find that the setbacks are many. This is not an easy road and you must have the expectation that there will be setbacks.

Keep posting and reading.

Sager


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
HereIAmAgain22
♂ New Member
Member # 32987
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much for your insight! It is definitely helpful and I will continue to read and educate myself. My wife just called after her 2nd 12-step meeting and said it made her hope about herself and the marriage so that is good. She is maintaining that she cannot be honest with me yet. It's either the shame or that it's part of the 12 step and she wants to work it the right way or ? DDay#2 was her choice supported by our counselor to "get honest and become the person she wanted to be". This time it was pretty much that she got caught so her approach is different to this point. Of course now that SA is in the story it'd much different I guess! She and the kids went out of town for the last week since this all blew up (already planned visits to relatives out of state) and when they got home today she started packing for her temporary home away from here. Then it was "OK is this your weekend or mine with the kids" - so matter-of-fact and casually spoken it broke my heart. We are going to the counselor tomorrow so that will help on some of these separation expectations. Certainly her working the recovery is an expectation and NC is a must. There are multiple people (at this point I'm aware of at least 3) and they aren't long term affairs. She claims she never thought of any of them for the long term....thanks again for your comments!


ME BS Male - 47
WS - 42
5 kids ages 4-16
3 D-Days
God help us.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: USA
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((sager))))

Thanks for that. For some reason Im crying now.

I went to that site and on the front page it says
"When trying to define whether or not someone is a sexual addict, keep this in mind: it doesn't matter. If someone is displaying sexual behavior that is for some reason or another having a negative impact on your life (or theirs), then something needs to be done."

I guess that is the bottom line (it doesnt mean Im not still obsessing about that label).

Im really scared about setbacks. If he does any of it again I dont think I can take it, and it almost sounds like its impossible that he wont slip up. Im also struggling with what is normal sexual behavior. He has talked to me like he never has before and told me all kinds of personal things, but theres always the possibility that he has secrets - and Im scared of how sick those secrets may be. And Im worried about leaving him alone.

By white knuckling, does that mean managing it on his own or quitting cold turkey? That is exactly what he is doing. He says he doesnt have any urges now, but is that possible?


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
Mamato3
♀ Member
Member # 29624
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sager said it so well:
The bottom line is that it is ignorance that keeps the addict sick. It it with information from reliable sources that will help put you both on a path to healing.

We had so many "a-ha!" moments after delving into what SA and SAnon are all about. In fact, my SA came home from his very first meeting and knew that he was indeed an SA. And the Patrick Carnes books have been so helpful too. Just having information, reading about how other people get through this, and getting more and more information has helped tremendously in his recovery, in my healing, and in us reconciling and healing our marriage.

I asked earlier, but wasn't sure if folks saw my question:
Anyone else working their SAnon steps? Or completed their steps? Just wondering how the process was for you. Thanks!


Me - BW - 38
Him - FWH (and SA) - 39
2DDs (8&1), 2DSs (6&3)
1st D-day: 09.13.10 (admitted to EA)
2nd D-day: 01.31.11 (admitted to PA; almost two years with CW)
3rd D-day: 02.01.11 (admitted to more)
Working our SA/SAnon program

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2010
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drivingpast;
White knuckling it means that they quit cold turkey and then try to ignore all the feelings that come up after they quit... especially the urges to act out. They try to get well by will-power alone. This illness can not be fought alone. The addiction comes from some sort of a brokeness inside the person. If they quit the behavior without the understanding, they will still be broken and often just become addicted to something else. Does that make sense?

None of us know for sure that our spouses will slip or not. None of us can predict the future. I like to think I am prepared for slips but I do not expect slips. Very, very little of my time goes into "what if". We are all strong enough to get through this if we chose to stay with our partners.

Mamato3: I saw your question but I do not participate in any 12 step group. While I do not doubt it's ability to help spouses of SAs, I just don't believe in the 12 step process for spouses. I think we need support from folks that have walked in our shoes and I think that self reflection is always beneficial. I just don't think we should ever define ourselves in terms of who someone else is. It's really hard to explain and it is just MYopinion. If you disagree that is really okay with me. For those of you that have found peace at SAonon you have my full support, just as I hope I have your support for choosing a different path.

hereIam: sounds like your wife is making some huge strides in her recovery. The separation may give her the space she needs to make more realizations. As difficult as it is, try not to pressure her to rush her process. You will only get frustrated and she will only grow resentful.


My h is doing really well in his recovery. He goes to a meeting almost every night and continues with his 12 step work with his sponsor. Every one who sees him comments how he is so much more connected and relaxed. I'm coming to realize that his job was also a huge contributing factor to his addiction - a true toxic environment. In addition, he continues to send out resumes every day. Hopefully a job will come along soon.

We have fallen into a very comfortable routine these days. A new normal and that is a good thing.

Sager


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
Mamato3
♀ Member
Member # 29624
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your response, Sager!

Mamato3: I saw your question but I do not participate in any 12 step group. While I do not doubt it's ability to help spouses of SAs, I just don't believe in the 12 step process for spouses. I think we need support from folks that have walked in our shoes and I think that self reflection is always beneficial. I just don't think we should ever define ourselves in terms of who someone else is. It's really hard to explain and it is just MYopinion. If you disagree that is really okay with me. For those of you that have found peace at SAonon you have my full support, just as I hope I have your support for choosing a different path.

I had a very similar reaction to SAnon at first, but for me it's been helpful in figuring out ME. It's funny, but I don't really feel that it has much to do with my SA. (Weird, but true for me!) But I totally get and appreciate your opinion. I also can see myself choosing a different path at some other point, but it's working for me for now.


Oh, and this REALLY hit me . . .

Every one who sees him comments how he is so much more connected and relaxed. I'm coming to realize that his job was also a huge contributing factor to his addiction - a true toxic environment.

This is so true of my SA as well. I feel so much more connected to him too because he finally is capable of being connected. And we had a horrible, ridiculous, toxic, evil work environment as well. (Our former boss paid for the two prostitutes and hired the OW "for" my husband. Pure evil.) It's amazing how much better things can be away from that sort of world.


Me - BW - 38
Him - FWH (and SA) - 39
2DDs (8&1), 2DSs (6&3)
1st D-day: 09.13.10 (admitted to EA)
2nd D-day: 01.31.11 (admitted to PA; almost two years with CW)
3rd D-day: 02.01.11 (admitted to more)
Working our SA/SAnon program

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2010
MovinogPast
♀ Member
Member # 30370
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Funny how life works.

I began reading this site prior to my new marriage to my husband at the end of last year. I read it because years before I was in a mad hatter relationship and I did not want to repeat the mistakes with this one.

I was intrigued by "transparency" on this site because I did not know Mr.Movin's passwords and never thought to inquire. He gave them to me when I brought the subject up. He asked me about this site and I said a few brief synopsis'. But this is kinda like a soap in that you get involved in certain people's stories and you follow them. So I kept reading even after I married

Background: When Mr.Movin and I first started talking, I laid all my baggage at the door. This included the fact that I am a now sober AA'er & I had recovered from an eating disorder. He reciprocated by telling me he had cheated on his first wife with call girls. I won't go into all the reasons given, but it was not a dealbreaker with me.
We embarked on what would become a very open relationship, or so I thought. I had found the perfect man with no issues.
We married. We were apart for the first few months of our marriage till I could find a job. It had always been a long distance relationship. Nothing new.
However, when I moved in, I was able to dig into his computer. And while reading SI I would "check" on things. One day I found where he had deleted several hookup and porn accounts at the end of last year. I went ballistic. That night, he confessed that he had a porn addiction for years and years that escalated during his marriage into the call girls. He admitted that night to hitting the strip clubs a few times and getting lap dances.
That happened on a Friday night. By Monday morning he had made an appointment to meet with a person who took him to SAA. He found a CSAT. He goes to SAA two times a week and got himself a sponsor. He goes to the group therapy and to individual sessions. We have done the abstaining from sex suggested.

However, as much as he has learned via this site that Trickle Truth will kill a marriage he has still done so.
Each time it kills me, but then I gain perspective on this site and realize at least he seems to REALLY really want sobriety.
The counselor wanted to meet with me because in counseling he had heard what the TT was doing to our marriage. He introduced me to a new counselor who works with partners. They asked if I wanted full disclosure. I said absolutely.

This week I have obtained more info about sites he used to visit. I told him today I did not want to do full disclosure because I would not even know if he had told the whole truth. (He has offered polygraphs). He had a counseling session today. He met with his therapist.

Afterwards he called me and said he REQUIRED I go through full disclosure for HIS healing. That was HIS boundary. Now understand, this does not sound like his language. This sounds like his therapist. (A therapist who has been insisting I see the other counselor to Mr.Movin the entire time MrMovin has been attending.)

I was livid. I told him he could have his boundary but if I decided I could deal without any more of his "truths" that was my choice. Much back and forth. I basically stated I was not going to jump through his hoops of a carefully monitored "reveal" and if that was a requirement and a boundary I understood but was not going to do it.

In reality, part of me thinks this counselor is pushing this disclosure. My H is very agreeable to any suggestions a physician of any sort makes. What made me livid is the demand that I do it. The demand it as for his healing. And although he says it was his choice to put it that way, I think it was in large part to the counselor.
I say all this to ask, Is full disclosure required? His counselor suggested we would not make it as a couple without it. I personally do not care, and after my husband rescinded the fact that it was required and a boundary to simply a request on his part, I told him no problem. We could if he felt more comfortable.
Was I wrong? I do not like the "Tell you the truth but in the way i want to tell you" carrot dangled in front of me. I also do not like the thought that he thinks he requires the therapist to this degree to do something as simple as tell me the truth. I would appreciate any comments and 2X4's

[This message edited by MovinogPast at 8:26 PM, August 9th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 129 | Registered: Dec 2010
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mamato3

I'm active in S-Anon because attending pushes me to focus on my issues and to work on myself. However, I'm only just now finding a sponsor and am thinking about working on the steps. So I don't really have much information to offer you.

@ movinogpast

My SAWH never did a disclosure during the short period he was in therapy with the CSAT, so I don't have much to offer in the way of advice or insight. I have to say that I want truth yet I also understand that I won't get 'the whole truth' because of the nature of addiction. I'm willing to attend sessions with SAWH's IC from the viewpoint that whatever helps him potentially helps me and, by extension,us. The CSAT I saw always told us that the disclosure was a huge part of therapy for the SA because it lessened the SA's shame (long term view) and promoted honesty and healing. She always said that it needed to be done carefully in a therapeutic setting in order to offer the most support to the spouse. As I said, we never got that far. Whatever you choose, take some time with your decision. Don't rush yourself, don't let others 'push' you into a choice against your will or better judgement.

~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, August 10th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

movinogpast, Requiring you to hear his full disclosure seems contrary to everything I have ever learned about the theraputic and 12 step approach. It really goes against the "do no harm" concept. And in my opinion it seems like the therapist is really dangerous.... too much of an individual focus and not enough of a systems focus. It may be best for his patient (your H) to confess, but you have been clear that it will do you harm.

That said, if the therapist is requiring that you know because you may be at some sort of risk..... STD is the only thing I can think of.... maybe there is a reason you need to know. But you would only need to know as much as to explain that, not everything your H ever did.

You know, I'm not sure if my H has done a full disclosure or not. And for me that is really okay. I know enough to grasp how serious his addiction is. Does it really matter if he slept with 5 prostitutes or 6? Does it matter that he went to 634 porn sites or masterbated in the office bathroom? Really? Does it matter? He needs to know. His therapist and his sponsor need to know. But me? What does knowing change for me? My h has answered any question I have asked about his addiction and behavior. He is willing to be as open as i want. To me that is enough.

The most important thing in my life now is that he live with integrity and honesty. He can not undo the past, we can not make it different. But we can live our lives differently so that the addiction doesn't come between us again.

[This message edited by sager at 11:27 AM, August 10th (Wednesday)]


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
copingwithdoubts
♀ Member
Member # 21431
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, August 10th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The most important thing in my life now is that he live with integrity and honesty. He can not undo the past, we can not make it different. But we can live our lives differently so that the addiction doesn't come between us again.

Yes, sager. Well said.




Posts: 349 | Registered: Oct 2008
MovinogPast
♀ Member
Member # 30370
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, August 10th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Sager. I actually was for full disclosure but as it was stated, how many lap dances do I need to know about? The first one is bad enough. How many porn sites?

I do believe I have most of the story, at least I hope so. My issue is I felt the disclosure was being pushed on me. I am actually fine with full disclosure. I discussed this at length with MrMovin last night. I believe he understands my position now and supports me on whatever way I want to go. However, I want to help him heal as well as myself so I do believe I will go through full disclosure. I hope it will have the desired effect.


Posts: 129 | Registered: Dec 2010
anotherOctober
♀ Member
Member # 29794
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MovingP
I went through a full disclosure with my SAH while he was inpatient. Although I believed I knew most everything, there were still a few difficult disclosures and hearing the lump sum of it all was painful and disturbing. Make sure if you do this that:
Have an appt with your IC asap after the disclosure (mine had me call her from the hotel room)
Have Program or other suportive friends standing by their phones
Allow yourself to feel your feelings

I was very raw and vulnerable afterwards and I was glad I had space from the SA.

Wheen we did this, as I said he was inpatient, and the counselors were very good about helping me to be safe. They even had one therapist there just for me. So talk this all through with your IC and decide what is best for you and how to make it healing for you both.


Posts: 125 | Registered: Oct 2010
sager
♀ Member
Member # 173
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

movingp;
anotheroctober is right on the mark. It's critical to have that kind of support available to you. Let us know how you make out.
Sager


married 21 yr.
d-day #1 8/17/01
d-day #2 7/9/11
3 children - 20, 18, and 16
H in addiction recovery
"Well-behaved women do not make history."

Posts: 1192 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Upstate NY
MovinogPast
♀ Member
Member # 30370
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys. I will. My H had his first meeting today to prepare for disclosure. I will be meeting with a woman who works with the partners of SA's. She will be there for disclosure along with his CSAT as best as I understand it. I am supposed to meet with her sometime next week to start the process.

I am worried about the areas I don't know that will hurt me as they did you AnotherO. I hope it will not be bad but I am prepared for it if it is. He is currently working on his first step for both his group and his SAA meetings. I imagine this will conjure up some memories he forgot.
He has family visiting in the next few weeks so I think I am going to ask for this to occur after that visit so I will not have any odd suprises ruining the trip.
Still on the roller coaster emotionally but I believe I had a flip the switch moment this week where I remembered I could not control his actions past or future. Even though I know that intellectually I seemed to have lost sight of it emotionally as the TT's have been coming. Thanks for all of you for your invaluable insight all these months I have been reading. I really do appreciate it.


Posts: 129 | Registered: Dec 2010
HereIAmAgain22
♂ New Member
Member # 32987
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep TRYING to do some semblance of a 180 and it just keeps going to shiite every time. Am I that weak? We are separated but keeping the household intact since we have all the kids and don't want to totally disrupt their lives (yet?). WS is doing her best to care for the house during the day, even cooks dinner and then leaves when I get home from work. Then she - I guess - goes and sits by the river to be alone and think. She is temporarily staying with neighbors down the road until one of our rentals opens up. She seems much to happy about getting into that rental....She is going to 12 step and starting to communicate with my family and our friends. I guess so far so good but of course nothing is there yet for me and the marriage. Someday I will find out what has happened as I only have bits and pieces. Hopefully she is not still acting out. I'm having a good experience with the RecoveryNation workshop for Partners. However, it's so hard for me to detach. I may really be "co-dependent". God I hate that term.....


ME BS Male - 47
WS - 42
5 kids ages 4-16
3 D-Days
God help us.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: USA
anotherOctober
♀ Member
Member # 29794
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate the CD term also ... but, then again, I too really struggle with 180. It defies common sense given all the information I have. I had to interact with SAH over some business matters and we met at a deli, because I needed to get some lunch. I was doing really well, bought my lunch to go, walked out to the car to take care of the items I needed to give him and then ... slowly started to slip out of 180 into a little sharing of feelings and then (I could kick myself) when he asked what i bought for my lunch, I asked if he wanted to sit for a few minutes and eat together. Gratefully he had to get back to the office and I could scamper home. No sense beating myself up its just so hard to let go!

Posts: 125 | Registered: Oct 2010
Mamato3
♀ Member
Member # 29624
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, August 13th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't like the CD label either.

I know we're all in different stages with our SAs. My SA and I are doing very well . . .but . . . I'm still confused by sex with the SA. I may just be over-thinking it all, but that's just it . ..it sucks that I have to "think" about my motivation for wanting to have sex (or worrying about his motivation). This kind of sucks.


Me - BW - 38
Him - FWH (and SA) - 39
2DDs (8&1), 2DSs (6&3)
1st D-day: 09.13.10 (admitted to EA)
2nd D-day: 01.31.11 (admitted to PA; almost two years with CW)
3rd D-day: 02.01.11 (admitted to more)
Working our SA/SAnon program

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2010
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