Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 23
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, March 25th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol Nell!!

Strongish, Thank you for doing that to the voodoo doll!! Maybe that's why WH was having headaches!! He takes a week to get over his jet lag, so there is no talking to him. So 3 weeks to go.

Still trying to decide if I should wait until WH comes and goes one more time before I start suggesting S. IC says I keep on saying that all the time.

Still getting too emotional about it.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, March 25th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest....take your time. There is no rush. Make sure you have all your ducks in a row before you say anything about S. I don't know your sich well but from what I've read it sounds like you need to be extra cautious before you tip your hand. Take care of yourself!!

(((Honest)))


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, March 25th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strongish, You are right, my gut tells me to wait (the practical side), but now my emotions are screaming to kick him to the curb NOW!!

{{{{{Tribe}}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 4:34 AM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest... You should put on some sexy clothing and prance around the house. Maybe accidently brush up against him a few times. Get that ole ticker of his going again. Is his insurance up to date? (just kidding kinda) PS.. Make sure you say HELL NO if he asked you for it

strongish.. on a postive note, LTA also have a chance to fizzle out. I bet when my W first started her A, OM was the soulmate of all soulmates! Could do no wrong! After a few years, same ole male as all of us out here. My IC says he never had anyone in 8 year A.

I donated money to SI. I have no idea how much it cost to run this site. But it is cheaper than IC. They had network problems someone posted.

Peace out today!

[This message edited by trynhard at 4:37 AM, March 26th (Saturday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Freakin' printer won't print my itinerary!!! ARGH! I can run over to my neighbor's but I hope that WH has replacement ink stashed away. I was up half the night worrying about work that I didn't get done and decided to take my laptop on my trip so that I can do the two things that I'm worrying about. (I know, I know... I never work while on vaca, but I'm seriously making myself sick worrying about it.)

I think I might also be worried that WH will follow his two-year habit of sneaking around and talking (at least) to OW while I'm away. I bought him a few things and hid them around the house, including a movie for him to watch tonight, to at least remind him that he is, in fact, married to a wonderful woman. Even if she isn't standing directly in front of him at the moment. (He seems to have trouble with that concept, which most babies figure out by their sixth month.)

He asked me again yesterday to call him at least once a day to let him know that I am thinking about him, etc. I am a bit resentful, I must admit... this is just one more "need" of his that I am giving while getting jack shit in return. The last compliment I got was Monday when he said I smell good. We had sex yesterday morning. I have told him that I need affirmation after sex. I did not, I do not, get it. I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with him. Okay, that's not true. I totally know what's wrong with him.

He also stopped reading "Not 'Just Friends'" after the second day of reading (last week) and has put it back into its little hidey hole.

strongish and tryn,

LTA also have a chance to fizzle out

True. One of WH's biggest reasons for finally breaking it off with OW was that she was getting more and more insistant that he do "the right thing" and dump his family for her pathetic, needy little self. WH used the word "annoying" when describing her ramped-up efforts to talk him into this. And, sorry, girlie... an easy-access hole and marshmallow lollipop babytalking is all well and good, but when the ever-lovin' victim status was turned against WH and she started blaming him for her problems, it just heightened his sense of anxiety and stress, and at that point I was working on being a better wife, so the scales of where he felt good about himself shifted toward the wife. The gild came off that lily and it took about a year and a half of almost daily contact for that to happen.

Lucky, lucky me... I get to GET AWAY!!!

Hugs to all.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LTA also have a chance to fizzle out.

Well, you don't know how resourceful Mr. Strongish could be to keep his LTA alive and fresh!! This came out in MC yesterday that after a few months the "thrill" and excitement would wear off and she would start to get clingy, so he/she would break it off for a few months. Then, when he was bored at home she started looking good again and they restarted the LTA. This happened 4 times!! He spent more time re-energizing his LTA than he did trying to re-energize his M. And when re-starting the LTA didn't excite him any more, he started having ONSs. He did that twice!

And now he's hurt and sad that I don't want to keep listening to his BS reasons why he felt neglected and unloved. He admitted yesterday that there were a lot of things HE should have done to work on our M instead of just waiting for me to fix his unhappiness.

After DDay I got flowers for a while, he would go get my coffee, tell me I looked nice, beautiful, etc. but that was when we were having sex/HB. Once I started feeling oogy about sleeping with him, the other stuff stopped. Of course, he didn't do that stuff before DDay but I just thought he was too busy. Now I realize that he can't "give" to me unless he's getting something/sex in return.

[This message edited by strongish at 7:11 AM, March 26th (Saturday)]


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest: I think there's some middle ground between kicking to the curb and staying for logical/practical reasons. And, I think you need to reassess how your emotional health is affected every time he comes home. That is a very important consideration as well.

Nell: you really are very sweet and thoughtful to your H. What a really nice person you are.

As to the general topic of LTA fizzling: I know my H's A is technically a bit short of being an LTA, as it was only 1 1/2 years, but they had very frequent in-person contact - at least 3x/wk and daily texting/calling, all day, all night.
No fizzling.
And, H had no complaints about her AT ALL and apparently they never fought about ANYTHING and she never pushed him to leave his family, etc. Apparently, the closese they came to it was her saying she was going to have to move on as there was no future in their relationship and he said he understood. Then they joked about who she would hook up with.
I think they got on fabulously and were wonderfully compatible and I shared this thought with my H.
It's one of the biggest things that bothered me.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

as it was only 1 1/2 years

Allgood - do not use the word "only." One day or 1200 days of infidelity....to some people one day is enough to send them packing to others they can R after a LTA. You shouldn't ever feel that you need to minimize or justify your feelings of hurt, betrayal, etc. because Mr. Allgood's A was "only" 1 1/2 years. One day was enough for you to feel those things.

(((Allgood)))


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn: WH still wants sex even if I'm not prancing about in sexy clothes! He wants TLC, cuddling, etc too. All I've been doing since he came home is taking care of him because he doesn't feel well. I'm very resentful about this, when usually I'm a caring person.

Strongish: Your description of your WH pushing OW away when he needs were not being met and then having ONS really shows you that the A was about HIM and how it made him feel. NOT his relationship with OW. She could have been anyone. It didn't matter who. It is all still very much about HIM. He is only giving when he will get something in return.

It can get us so very resentful and angry about where the effort was put to maintain the relationship. I did tell my WH if he put half the time and effort into trying to fix our marriage that he put into keeping OW a secret, we would have the best marriage in the history of the world. He really shut up when I said this.

Nell: I'm glad you are getting away for a while. It's good to get a break and focus on yourself. Your WH is still looking for anyone to feed HIS needs.

Allgood, you are right, there is a middle ground, and I'm trying to find it. I get too emotional about so much, though.
I've been wanting to talk to him about this, but as usual, he is so jet lagged for the first week, nothing gets done. Even though he's home all the time, there never seems to be the right time to talk with the kids around, etc.

It seems that so many times WH comes home exhausted or sick, I nurse him back to health, take him to doctors etc. and then he goes back on his happy way overseas.
My neighbor says what is he good for besides the money? I'm getting nothing out of this. WH seems to think that we are blessed with the presence of his company!!

I think I found something good to do to tell WH how I feel without him turning it around on me. This is not really a healthy way to communicate with a "normal" person
What I did was WH was talking about money and being careful with it and I told him that I was always careful. Then I was getting mad and told him quietly that I've been turning down the thermostat way down and me and the kids were often cold in the house, didn't have enough to pay for the electric bill , etc and that I was mad that what HE decided to do was to take OW to a religious trip in Jan for 10 days and I was sacrificing for that. Then I walked out of the room to let him mull over it.

He didn't bring it up later, but I know he thought about it.

I think I will use this technique for the biggies that really bother me because he turns it around on me.

What purpose? He'll not change. He won't see that he was wrong, BUT I will feel better that I told him how I feel and take it out on him and not an innocent victim.

{{{{{tribe}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nell: what did i miss, why are you going away without mr nell?

and yes drawing mustaches, beards and anything really that stimulates you is art....i personally like adding a zit or two also...in really strategic places..


strong: that voodoo doll for mr dishonest...squeeze a bit harder, kkkk...


honest: re: kicking him to the curb....maybe not the curb but definitely the couch or doghouse!!!!

and as for him being sick....couldn't you just give him what he gives you...a "get over it" type of response...that "he is too emotionally connected to his health" and maybe he should go back overseas and let #2 take care of him...and maybe if the jetlag is that bad his visits should be much fewer in numbers....and with the new phone he insisted upon its not like he "can't" "SEE" the boys when he is there!!!


strong: wow, so much to absorb for you...and i am glad you are giving it time before you truly decide....and i think june will be a big month for you....even if you decide to stay, methinks june will be some sort of starting point, now i know that the starting point should have already begun, but right now i think you are in the mindset that you need to stay put for that important date for your dd....to put off the life changing decision that you know will affect everyone....once her graduation is past so will be the last shred that ties you emotionally....unless you get caught up in another childs milestone....


either way you do sound strong, sound as though you are processing....and you are feeling to help in the healing....there is a difference between the feeling and getting lost in it and the former...


re: fizzling out: well pfm never allowed any of them to "fizzle" out, not even the ones that were supposedly done, numbers were kept, and regular checkins were done....and both of his lta's had down times...and in those down times there were others...he never stopped looking, he also never let go completely of anything except of course his supposed vows!!!


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi! I found a minute to pop in...

WH and FIL have the two older boys at a fishing show, the babies and MIL are resting...

No, miracle, my IL's do NOT know about WH. They would go absolutely apeshit and never let him forget it as long as he lived. Especially MIL.

Whereas my parents yell at me about it an never say a word to him about it at all. Nice.

Strongish, I understand where you're coming from.

Honest, I'm with tryn -- thought the same thing before I got down to his post.

Nell -- have fun. Don't call. Ha!

As for statistics -- I read somewhere that less than 2% of A's last more than 2 years.

In a situation like mine, where the A preceded the marriage by more than a decade -- well, in a way maybe I'm the AP. I was talking about that in IC yesterday -- that my relationship with WH is do all the chores, watch the kids and sex. I'm like a booty call/maid/nanny. I have no emotional intimacy with him. He changes the subject no matter what I want to talk about, he refuses to listen to my concerns about anything... I'm a Stepford wife. What was it someone on one of the boards said? "Family-man arm candy?"

maybe I should be reading the angst-y OW boards about how they deal with their "MM's"


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG!!! Is this the last page? Sorry, I couldn't keep up with you all. If I missed a day or two of reading posts it took me too long to catch up and I was all confused.

I also feel I don't have good advice for anyone here. I think you all have BTDT longer than me. But, I want to be in this forum on this thread, so once again a fresh start for me.

I think ImNellNow gave me a shout out somewhere on maybe page 13, thanks! I have been peeking here and there but just couldn't seem to keep up with you all.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8984 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to "see" you!

Please don't worry about keeping up with us -- just let us do what we can to help you.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, m334455, nice to *see* you, too!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8984 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M33- why haven't you told WH parents about his LTA?
Are you protecting him?
You know my mantra...expose expose....the truth will set you all free.
Let him deal with the fall out.
I don't see a downside. In fact I think his family knowing could be helpful in many ways.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest: What do your boys think about this whole situation with OW & co overseas? (Not your grown kids - I know their feelings - but your little ones?
I'm just curious. I just cant seem to wrap my head around it. I know you have a very good relationship with your boys. Arent they confused by all this?

And I thought I'd share the following for your consideration & comment:

Ok. So, a few days ago H initiated sex while I was half asleep and unable to resist. That's my story & I'm stickin to it.
Anyhoo.
Afterwards, he seriously started asking me like 100 questions - like am I going to get a boob job & how he will be pissed if I do that now & I didn't do it while we were together.
He asks me a ton of questions about the kind of guy I would be looking for & assumes that I am looking for the opposite of him, so I will be looking for some (P word) who will do whatever I want. I briefly told him he was way off base, I don't want to dominate someone, but I do want someone who cares about me.
Can't remember everything, but it was tons of questions, most of which I didnt answer.
Thought it was odd.
I realize it means nothing as far as him having regrets. In fact, I spoke with him briefly yesterday about how I was starting to feel a little used by having sex with him. But, it's clear that he really just sees it as 2 people that love each other, want to have sex, but that the other stuff in the relationship just isn't working.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 3:15 PM, March 26th (Saturday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is an article that I think sums up all that the BS goes through.
I thought it might be helpful for some of you that need some ammunition to explain what dealing with infidelity is like.....

The Sea of Stress is Difficult to Understand.

YOU BETRAYED YOUR PARTNER. NOW COMES THE FALLOUT.

They discovered your adultery. You ended the affair and promised you’ll never cheat again. But the stress from their emotional devastation lingers. And you don’t see much change – at least, not as much positive change as you expected. Many times, any visible changes are for the worse. You observe them bouncing back and forth like a ping-pong ball, moment to moment, from one emotion to the next. They’re unpredictable. There’s no discernable pattern. Their nerves are frayed. They can’t sleep. They can’t eat. Their thoughts are obsessive. Intrusive visions and flashbacks assault them without warning. They cry at the drop of a hat. They feel empty, used up, exhausted. The stress consumes their energy and their life until they feel like there’s nothing left. It’s terrible.

It’s an ordeal for you to witness their tortured, depressed and angry states, and what’s worse; you don’t know what to do. You’re not alone. Unfaithful spouses never dream they’ll get busted, so when confronted with their adultery they’re always caught by surprise; first by their partners’ knowledge, then by their intense agony. Indeed, unfaithful partners never think about what they’ll face “after” until after. The fact is: Though they inflict it, adulterers are unprepared for the onslaught of their spouses’ overwhelming emotional distress. Is this real? Is this permanent?

As you watch them sink lower and lower, wallowing in an emotional abyss, you wonder where the bottom is, when they will hit it, and if they will ever ascend from it and return to “normal.” You ask yourself, “Is this real?” Then you ask, “Will this ever end?”

The simple answers are: Yes, it is real. And, yes, it will end. But recovery takes a long time, often years, and much depends on you. Can you be remorseful, apologetic, loving, patient, empathetic and soothing over an extended period of time? Can you commit to openness and honesty at all times – and forevermore being faithful to your spouse?

Be honest with yourself: If you can’t or don’t want to get over your affair, if you don’t feel shame and remorse, and if you can’t generously provide appropriate support to your spouse, then now is the time to consider ending your marriage and spare your marital partner further pain. (If this is the case, you need not read any further.)

But if you have put the affair permanently behind you, if you feel and can freely express your remorse and shame for your unfaithfulness, and if you can commit to supporting your spouse through their excruciating anguish, then you have an excellent chance of rebuilding from this disaster you’ve wrought to a happy, satisfying, caring and loving marriage. The following is intended to help you help your partner, and in turn yourself, through this horrible time and jumpstart your journey to recovery.

So, take a couple of deep breaths… and let’s start with three foundational facts:

What you’re seeing in your spouse is a normal reaction to a life-changing event.

Your spouse needs to grieve for as long as it takes in order to recover and heal.

You can be a positive influence on their recovery.

Now, go back and reread them several times. Let them really sink in. When you can repeat them without looking, continue.

Your first mission is to learn.

Learning about your partner’s myriad reactions to your betrayal allows you to recognize, understand and properly respond to them as they occur. Doing so will help you get through
this horrible initial stage, which can last a long time.
Below you’ll find a little of what your spouse is probably experiencing. They may shift from one reaction to another, or they could experience multiple reactions concurrently. And don’t be surprised if they return to previous states many times. Where applicable, we’ve added some tips to help you to assist your partner through this. In some cases, however, there may be little for you to do except to simply “be there.”

Most importantly, remember at all times: Your infidelity has traumatized your spouse. Act accordingly.

SECTION 1 - THE WILD PATCHWORK OF EMOTIONS

DISBELIEF: They expect to wake up any minute from this nightmare. It can’t be true. They don’t believe it. This is natural. They trusted you and don’t want to believe you did what you did. It is common for this to occur in the very first moments of discovery. (Note: If some time elapsed between the discovery of your affair and the confrontation, you may have missed this when it happened, but it is also possible for your spouse to return to disbelief.)

SHOCK: They are numb and often seem dazed. Their emotions are frozen. Their senses are dulled. They go through the motions mechanically, robotically, but can’t seem to apply sufficient concentration to their day-to-day lives.

REALITY: “Oh my God. It really happened.” They feel they’re getting worse. Actually, reality has just set in. It’s as if a ton of bricks just fell on them and they’re buried beneath them. They don’t know where to turn, or can’t. Don’t discount the likelihood that they feel shamed by your infidelity. So, they may be reluctant to seek support from friends and family. Be available to them for emotional support and encourage them to talk freely with anyone they choose. Suggest therapy as a means to help them through their trauma, but never accuse them of “being irrational” or “acting crazy.” Be supportive and encouraging. Commend them for seeking help.

CONFUSION: They’re disoriented. They can’t think straight. They become impatient, disorganized and forgetful. More frequently than usual they go to a room to retrieve something, but once they get there they can’t remember what it was. This is very upsetting to them. Bear with them. Be gentle and be helpful. Help them find their misplaced purse or locate their lost keys. Know that they will eventually come out of the fog. Also be aware that their confusion, as with other states listed here, may be set off or magnified by certain “triggers.” (Note: Read more about “triggers” below.)

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS: They may sleep or eat too little – or too much. They may suffer physical aches and pains, numbness or weakness. They may feel unusually tense and develop headaches, abnormal tics, twitching or shaking. They may feel sick to their stomach and vomit, or their digestive system may react with constipation or diarrhea. Weight loss is common. Usually the symptoms fade gradually. If these symptoms persist, make sure they check with a doctor to rule out other causes. Encourage them to eat well and to exercise – but don’t nag. You might instead take control of their diet by preparing healthy, well balanced meals. If you don’t cook, take them to restaurants where you know they serve nourishing food and, if necessary, order for them. If they’re not exercising, initiate taking long walks together. It’s a good way to ease them into a healthy exercise regimen, which is always a good stress reliever, and will provide opportunity for you to begin constructively re-establishing your “couplehood.”

CRYING: Deep emotions suddenly well up, seeking release as crying, uncontrollable sobbing and even screaming out loud. Allow them their time for tears. They can help. So can you. When they cry, give them your shoulder. Hug them. Help them through it by gently encouraging them, to “get it all out.” Be certain to verbalize your remorse for causing their pain. They need to hear this from you. (Note: Right now, genuine, complete and repeated apologies are the best “general use” tool you have in your repair kit. That is why you’ll see many more references below. Read “Apologize” in Section 2.)

SELF-CONTROL: They control their emotions to fulfill their responsibilities, or to simply rest from the pain. Self-control can shape and give rhythm to their grieving, but be on the lookout for constant and rigid self-control. It can block healing. They need to reduce their emotional pressure to regain equilibrium. Allow them to vent when it happens. Be aware: Too much self-control means they are storing up much anger and will release it powerfully, like floodwaters breaking through a dam. So don’t be alarmed if they suddenly lash out at you, your affair partner, or even themselves. Understand that the release of anger is necessary to heal. Though it may not feel this way to you when it happens, it’s beneficial.

NEED TO KNOW: They will ask lots of questions. Their curiosity may be insatiable or it may be limited. Different people have different needs and tolerances for information, but they need information to process their trauma, move through it, and move past it.

Let them set the agenda. Whenever they ask a question, whatever they ask, answer honestly and sufficiently. Refusing to answer gives the appearance that you’re still keeping them in the dark, that you still have something to hide. Do not hold anything back. If they discover later that you omitted or hid details, or if the facts they discover don’t match the story you tell, they’ll feel betrayed once again. Follow the delivery of each new piece of hurtful information with an apology, and soothe them with another promise that you’ll never again be unfaithful.

WHY: They ask, “Why did you do this?” They may or may not expect an answer, but they ask repeatedly. If they do want an answer, provide it – and answer honestly. Even if the question is rhetorical, be aware that the question itself, rhetorical or not, is a cry of pain. And each time they feel pain, it should be answered with another apology. (I can’t stress enough how important this is.) Be aware: Even if they are not verbalizing this to you, they are still silently asking the question “Why?” over and over and over again.

INJUSTICE: They feel it’s all so unfair. You invited danger, you took the risk, but they suffered injury. They want justice and begin to think like a vigilante. They may harbour a secret desire to do harm to you or your affair partner. They may want to get even by having a “revenge affair.”
Understand that the aftermath of your unfaithfulness is an agony you have thrust upon them. Meanwhile, despite your betrayal and deceit, and the shame you feel, you and your affair partner may retain fond or even loving memories of your affair. One of my patients described her feelings of injustice this way: “I feel like a rape victim watching helplessly as the jury returns a ‘not guilty’ verdict. Then, the assailant looks at me, points his finger at me and laughs all the way out of the courtroom. How can this possibly happen?”

A sad truth of infidelity is: It is unfair. Of course, there is no “justice” that can come from this. Betrayed spouses generally settle into this realization on their own, but they need to know that you understand how this plagues them. (Note: Read “Share your feelings of guilt and shame” in Section 2. It explains the best way to help them through their sense of injustice.)

INADEQUACY: Their self esteem is shattered. They feel belittled, insignificant, and often even unlovable. Just as you would crumple a piece of scrap paper and toss it in the garbage without a second thought, they feel you crushed them, discarded them, and didn’t give them a second thought, either. So, they question their own value. They wonder if you truly love them – or if anyone could. They need to know why you now choose them over your affair partner, even if they don’t ask. Make your case convincingly. Be generous, but be genuine. They’ll know if you aren’t, and false flattery for the purpose of mere appeasement will only hurt them more.

REPEATING: Over and over again, they review the story, thinking the same thoughts. Do not attempt to stop them. Repeating helps them to absorb and process the painful reality. You can help them get through it by answering all their questions truthfully and filling in all the gaps for them. The more they know – the more they can repeat the complete story – the faster they process it, accept it and begin to heal. If the story remains incomplete or significant gaps are filled in later, they may have to start the process all over again.

IDEALIZING: Sometimes they remember only good memories, as if their time with you was perfect. They long to live in the past, before the affair came along and “messed it up.” Assure them that you, too, remember the good times, and want things to be good again. Remind them that you want an even better future, that you are willing to work at it, and, most importantly, that you want your future with them – and not your affair partner.

FRUSTRATION: Their past fulfillments are gone. They haven’t found new ones yet and don’t seem interested in finding any. They feel they’re not coping with grief “right” or they feel they should be healing faster. They don’t understand why the pain returns again and again. They wonder if they will ever recover and feel better. You can help them by verbalizing what they need to hear even if you don’t or can’t fully understand it yourself. Be empathetic and assure them that under the circumstances they’re doing okay. Remember that despite how much you have hurt them, you are still the one they chose as their life partner, for better or for worse. You may still be their closest confidante. As incongruous as it may seem, don’t be surprised if they choose to confide in you over others.

BITTERNESS: Feelings of resentment and hatred toward you and your paramour are to be expected. Don’t be surprised if they redirect much of the anger that’s really meant for you toward your paramour. This is natural. It’s actually a way of protecting their love for you during the early stages. By restricting their anger toward you, they allow it to be time-released, and only in smaller, more manageable amounts. Expect their anger to surface periodically, and give them plenty of time to work through it so they can eventually let go of it. Understand that until they’ve worked through and exhausted their anger, they cannot heal.

WAITING: The initial struggle is waning, but their zest for life has not returned. They are in limbo, they are exhausted and uncertain. Indeed, life seems flat and uninteresting. They are unenthused about socializing, perhaps reluctant, and they are unable to plan activities for themselves. Help them by finding ways to stimulate them. Plan activities for them around things that hold their interest and bring joy back into their life.

EMOTIONS IN CONFLICT: This is one of the most difficult manifestations because there is so much going on at the same time and their feelings do not always synchronize with reality. The most succinct description was provided by the late Shirley Glass, PhD: “One of the ironies of healing from infidelity is that the perpetrator must become the healer. This means that betrayed partners are vulnerable because the person they are most likely to turn to in times of trouble is precisely the source of their danger.” The inherent conflict for a betrayed spouse is obvious, but Dr. Glass also recognized how difficult this balancing act can be for a repentant adulterer: “On the other hand, [unfaithful] partners sometimes find it hard to stay engaged with their spouses when they know they are the source of such intense pain.” The key, of course, is to stay engaged nonetheless. Be supportive and remorseful, and above all… keep talking.

TRIGGERS: Particular dates, places, items and activities can bring back their pain as intensely as ever. It feels like they’re caught in a loop as they relive the trauma. It is emotionally debilitating.

Triggers can cause days and nights of depression, renew anger, and can spark and reignite nightmares, which may make them fear sleeping. Triggers can cause them to question if they will ever again experience life without the anguish. Get rid of all the reminders immediately: Gifts, letters, pictures, cards, emails, clothing… whatever your spouse associates with your affair. Do this with your spouse so they are not left wondering when those triggers may recur. Never cling to anything that bothers your partner. It leaves the impression that your keepsakes and mementos, or any reminders of your affair, are more important to you than they are.

Attend to your partner. Learn what dates, songs, places, etc., are triggers for your partner. Pay attention to your environment: If you hear or see something that you think might be a trigger, assume it is. Each occasion a trigger arises is an appropriate moment for you to communicate a clear and heartfelt message that you’re sorry you acted so selfishly and caused this recurring pain. So again, apologize and let them know how much you love them. The occurrence of a trigger is also a good opportunity to express that you choose them and not your affair partner, which is important for them to hear. If a trigger occurs in public, you can still wrap your arm around your spouse’s waist or shoulder, or simply squeeze their hand, but verbalize your apology as soon as you are alone again.

It is very important for you to understand and remember this… Triggers can remain active for their entire life. Don’t ever think or insist that enough time has passed that they should be “over it” because another sad truth of infidelity is: Your affair will remain a permanent memory for them, subject to involuntary recall at any time – even decades later. They will NEVER be “over it.” They simply learn to deal with it better as they heal, as you earn back their trust, and as you rebuild your relationship – over time.

SECTION 2 - WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO TO EASE THEIR PAIN & RELIEVE THEIR STRESS?

Make certain you’ve killed the beast: Your affair must be over, in all respects, completely and forever. You cannot put your marriage in jeopardy ever again. Your spouse has given you a second chance that you probably don’t deserve. That may sound harsh, but think about it this way: Despite any marital problems the two of you experienced, you would certainly understand if they divorced you solely because of your adultery. So assume there will not be a third chance and behave accordingly.

This opportunity you have been bestowed is a monumental gift, particularly considering the anguish you caused them. Treat this gift, and your spouse, with care and due respect: No contact means NO CONTACT OF ANY KIND – EVER.

GET INTO THERAPY: Most attempts to heal and rebuild after infidelity will fail without the assistance of a qualified therapist. Make certain you both feel comfortable with the therapist. You must trust them and have faith in their methodology. Talk about it: If of you are uncomfortable with your therapist at any time, don’t delay – find another. And if need be, yet another. Then stick with it. Save particularly volatile topics for counselling sessions. Your therapist will provide a neutral place and safe means to discuss these subjects constructively. Every so often, think back to where you were two or three months earlier. Compare that to where you are now and determine if you’re making progress. Progress will be made slowly, not daily or even weekly, so do not perform daily or weekly evaluations. Make the comparative periods long enough to allow a “moderate-term” review rather than “short-term.” Expect setbacks or even restarts, and again… stick with it.

APOLOGIZE: Actually, that should read: “Apologize, apologize, apologize.” You cannot apologize too often, but you can apologize improperly. Apologize genuinely and fully. Betrayed spouses develop a finely calibrated “insincerity radar.” A partial or disingenuous apology will feel meaningless, condescending or even insulting, particularly during the months following discovery. Your spouse will feel better if you don’t merely say, “I’m sorry.” To a betrayed spouse that sounds and feels empty. Try to continue and complete the apology by saying everything that’s now salient to your partner: “I’m ashamed I cheated on you and I’m so very sorry. I know that my lying and deceiving you has hurt you enormously. I deeply want to earn back your trust – and I want so much for you to be able, some day, to forgive me.” As noted earlier, right now genuine, complete and repeated apologies are the best “general use” tool you have in your repair kit.

REALIZE YOUR PARTNER WANTS TO FEEL BETTER: There is so much they have to deal with – pain, anger, disappointment, confusion and despair. Their being, their world, is swirling in a black hole of negative feelings. It’s agonizing. They wish it would stop, but they feel powerless to make it go away, which worries them even more. Remember that they can’t help it: Just as they didn’t choose for this to happen, they don’t choose to feel this way. Beyond all the possible feelings described in the section above (and that list may be incomplete in your spouse’s case), even if they don’t understand them, they do recognize that changes are occurring in themselves – and they are frightened by them. As terrible as it is for you to see their ongoing nightmare, it is far worse to live in it. Periodically assure them that you know they will get better, that you are willing to do everything necessary for them to heal and to make your marriage work. Reassure them that you are with them for the duration – no matter how long it takes – and that you intend to spend the rest of your life with them.

HIDE NOTHING, OPEN EVERYTHING: While they’re greatly angered and hurt that you were emotionally and/or sexually involved with another person, they are even more devastated by your secret life, your lies and deception. They feel no trust in you right now – and they’re 100% justified. If ever there was someone in the world they felt they could trust, it was you – until now. Now, they have difficulty believing anything you say. They are driven to check up on everything. Let them. Better still, help them. Overload them with access. The era of “covering your tracks” must end and be supplanted by total and voluntary transparency.

You must dismantle and remove every vestige of secrecy. Offer your spouse the passwords to your email accounts – yes, even the secret one they still don’t know about. Let them bring in the mail. If you receive a letter, card or email from your paramour, let your spouse open it. If you receive a voice or text message on your cell phone, let them retrieve it and delete it. If your friends provided alibis for you, end those friendships. Do not change your phone bill to a less detailed version or delete your browser history. Provide your spouse with your credit card bills, bank account statements, cell phone bills and anything else you think they might wish to check. Immediately tell them if you hear from or accidentally run into your affair partner. Tell them where you are going, when you’ll be home, and be on time. If your plans change, notify them immediately.

The more willing you are to be transparent, the more honesty and openness they see and feel, the more “trust chits” you’ll earn. Replacing your previously secret life with complete openness is the fastest and most effective way to promote trust, even if it feels unfair or uncomfortable. Think of this as the “reverse image” of your affair: Your affair was about you selfishly making yourself feel good. Now, rebuilding trust is about selflessly making your partner feel safe with you – and you were certainly unfair to them. Keep in mind that eventually they will trust you again, but you must earn it and it will take time.

SPEND LOTS TIME WITH THEM: Assume that they want your company at all times. The more time you spend in their sight, the more they will feel a sense of safety, if only for that time. There may be times when you feel they’re a constant, perhaps even an annoying presence. Just remember that they need to be around you – more than ever. If they need time alone, they’ll let you know and you must respect that, too. Knowing where you are and who you are with reduces worry, but expect them to check up on you. Don’t take offence when this happens. Instead, welcome the opportunity: Think of each time – and each success – as receiving a check mark in the “Passed the Test” column. The more check marks you earn, the closer you are to being trusted again.

PHYSICAL CONTACT: They may or may not want to be sexual with you. If not, allow sufficient time for them to get comfortable with the idea of renewed intimacy and let them set the pace. But if so, don’t be discouraged if the sex is not optimum. They’re likely to be low on confidence and may feel self-conscious or inept. They may even act clumsily. This can be offset by lots of simple, soothing physical gestures such as hugging them, stroking them softly and providing kisses. You might try surprising them sexually. Try something new. Choose moments when they don’t expect it – it can feel fresh again. On the other hand, don’t be surprised if their sexual appetite and arousal is unusually heightened as some partners experience what’s called ‘Hysterical Bonding.’ Also be aware that during lovemaking they may suffer intrusive thoughts or mental images of you and your affair partner, so they may suddenly shut down or even burst into tears. Again, apologize for making them feel this way. Express that you choose them – and not your affair partner. Reassure them by emphasizing that they are the only one you truly want.

SHARE YOUR FEELINGS OF GUILT AND SHAME: If you exhibit no shame or guilt for hurting them, they’ll wonder if you’re truly capable of being sensitive, caring or even feeling. They may see you as callous and self-absorbed, and question if it’s really worth another try with you. But if you’re like most people who have badly hurt someone you truly love, then you certainly feel shame and guilt, though verbalizing it may be hard for you. Of course, some people do find it difficult to express these feelings, but try. You’ll find it provides a great sense of relief to share this with your partner. Moreover, do not fail to realize is how vitally important it is for your partner to hear it, to feel it, to see it in your eyes. It’s a building block in the reconstruction of trust and the repair of your marriage. Do not underestimate the power of satisfying their need to know that you are disappointed in yourself. Your opening up about this will help them feel secure again, help them to heal, and help you heal, too.

LET THEM KNOW YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR CHOICE TO RECOMMIT: You probably think this is obvious, but to your betrayed partner, precious little is obvious anymore. They will wonder about this. Do not make them guess, and do not make them ask. Just tell them. If it doesn’t seem to come naturally at first, it may help if every now and then, you ask yourself, “If they had betrayed me this way, would I still be here?” (Most of us would answer, “No,” even if we can’t imagine being in that position.) When people give second chances to others, they really want to know that it’s meaningful to, and appreciated by, the recipient. So, express your thanks. Tell them how grateful you are for the opportunity to repair the damage you’ve done and rebuild your marriage. You’ll be surprised how much this simple, heartfelt act of gratitude will mean to them, and how it helps to re-establish the bond between you.

HERE’S A GREAT TIP: You will find it’s particularly meaningful to them when they’re obviously feeling low, but they’re locked in silence and aren’t expressing it to you. Just imagine… In their moments of unspoken loneliness or despair, you walk up to them, hug them and say, “I just want you to know how grateful I am that you’re giving me a second chance. Thank you so much. I love you more than ever for this. I’ve been feeling so ashamed of what I did and how much pain I caused you. I want you to know that I’ll never do anything to hurt you like this – ever again. I know I broke your heart and it torments me. I want you to know your heart is safe with me again.”

These are beautifully comforting words, particularly when they’re delivered at such a perfect
moment. You can memorize the quote, modify it, or use your own words, whatever is most
comfortable for you. The key is to include, in no particular order, all six of these components:

A statement of gratitude.

An expression of your love.

An acknowledgment of your spouse’s pain.

An admission that you caused their pain.

An expression of your sense of shame.

A promise that it will never happen again

Unfaithful spouses I’ve counselled often report that this most welcome surprise is the best thing they did to lift their partner’s spirits – as well as their own.

SECTION 3 - SO WHAT ARE THE NEXT STAGES, AFTER THEY WORK THROUGH ALL THEIR GRIEF, PAIN AND STRESS?

HOPE: They believe they will get better. They still have good days and bad days, but the good days out balance the bad. Sometimes they can work effectively, enjoy activities and really care
for others.

COMMITMENT: They know they have a choice. Life won’t be the same, but they decide to actively begin building a new life.

SEEKING: They take initiative, renewing their involvement with former friends and activities. They
begin exploring new involvements.

PEACE: They feel able to accept the affair and its repercussions, and face their own future.

LIFE OPENS UP: Life has value and meaning again. They can enjoy, appreciate, and anticipate events. They are willing to let the rest of their life be all it can be. They can more easily seek and find joy.

FORGIVENESS: While the memory will never leave them, the burden they’ve been carrying from your betrayal is lifted. Given what you have done, the pain it caused them and the anguish they lived through, this is the ultimate gift they can bestow. They give it not only to you, but to themselves. Be grateful for this gift – and cherish it always.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal...that article was fantastic....

reading it makes me so mad...because pfm didn't fulfill his end....but it is what it is....i have no regrets...the things i would have changed would have been changed had i known better, which i didn't...so there you go as m3 says all the time....

and milkshake...most definitely come in and post whenever the need is there, whether it be daily, for some of us its several times a day, or weekly or even monthly....sometimes you just need a place to recharge your batteries...and do not worry about keeping up with us...even for me there are times i feel i can't catch up, we all feel like that now and then...we do get chatty from time to time...


allgood: you belong here just as much as the rest of us, this is home away from home for so many of us isn't it???....one day maybe we will all grow up and not have to be here all the time...like in real life...move out so to speak and come back to visit like lovinlife does...but not for me yet....hopefully though someday..


this house is almost full...it will be time to decorate a new one...we do go through them so fast...and i have to admit i will miss signing into this one...the first page with all the pictures that some of you lta'ers know how to post look so good...

so you guys will need to do some handy dandy decorating in the new house ...kkkkk


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

7.30 am Sunday here and FWH has gone to work. While he was away and SI was down I had a meltdown and rang him. Told him I was sick of waiting for him to tell me the truth about the As. If he wants R I have a right to know everything. He said when he gets home we would “talk”. He arrived home last night. Spent hours telling me all about his trip, we had sex and he went to sleep. So….?? I refuse to ask. He knows what I want. We will see. Oh but he did buy me presents!!!


LTAs fizzling out

FWH stopped PA with OW1 went she left town. Restarted EA when she returned after divorcing her H and remarrying. Started with OW2 EA for 3 yrs (according to them both) PA for 5 yrs. He said he fucked her twice a week for the first few months and then once or twice a month for the next few years. Later every month or two. She says twice a week for 4 yrs. Then she says she got the guilts about me and realised he wasn’t going to leave for her and started being unavailable. This is when he started with OW3. He fucked OW3 often. Not sure how often but before I caught him I know he was with her at least twice a week. HE said that he was starting to think of breaking it off because she was putting too much pressure on him to leave me. Said she was starting to get “bitchy”. Told him he, “didn’t have the balls to leave me”. Conclusion: As usual it’s all about him. They needed to be available, not demanding and willing to accept whatever crumbs of emotion and time he was willing to give. When they became demanding or were to not fulfilling HIS needs , the way HE wanted things then the relationship went sour.


Nell

when your WS isn't really forthcoming with details, no matter how many other details we squeeze out of them, we will never get the feeling that they told us it "all".

Yep. I have a feeling I will always feel that way. I wonder if I will ever be able to be at peace with that?


Tryn

I am going to allow my sex life just to.. go with the flow. If my W says No. I am going to take it with graciousness and an return it with affirmations! I will continue to romance her in some way. I am sure she is doing all within her soul to make me happy.

I think, given the status of your R, this is wonderful. I suspect that sometimes sex issues can cause enormous and unwarranted damage to an otherwise healthy relationship. If we don’t give the sex issues too much weight then they will probably dissipate because the couple’s love for one another will heal them.

My sister is in a very unusual situation. She married and then her H became physically and psychologically abusive. She divorced him. Some years later (in her early 50’s) she met and married her current H. From the start she knew he had a medical condition and is unable to have sex. They have a happy healthy relationship without sex!!! To begin he used meds and they did it to meet her needs. Now she says she doesn’t care about it.

Ats

She is making a stand to show I am now foremost in her life.

That is wonderful!

Strong

I am taking the path of least regret but oh, this hurts so much. I never, ever, ever thought I would be D. And from what I see out there I'm not holding my breath that I could meet someone else. Pretty depressing, huh??

I have thought about this a lot. I believe that we BSs of LTAs have the right to do whatever we want in terms of staying or going for as long as we want. They made their choices and now we have a free pass. We should be totally selfish. If we want to stay for the kids or the money or just for us then we should KWIM? At my workplace (about 40 staff) there are 7 people who are divorced. All for many years. None of them are in relationships or have remarried. 3 of them are very physically attractive and nice, fun people. I think that if we are going to S/D we need to realise that we may NEVER find that soulmate that we all want. I only know a few people who have D’d and are happily remarried. My sister, OW1 (I think they are happy) and my B and SIL who were both victims of WSs. It took them 10 yrs to find each other.

This is why I am trying to R. I don’t want to throw away what could be a very good marriage unless I am 100% sure. I know there may very well be another mate out there for me but there may also not. OTOH if a year, 2 years, 5 years or even 10 years down the track I decide I have had enough then I will leave. At least at present I am staying in a relationship with my eyes open. Not blind as I was in the past.

Honest

He hasn't been feeling well since he's been home…. his blood pressure was very high…..WH was having headaches!!

I am having many evil thoughts about this. I can’t share them as I do not want my friends to think less of me.


Dip

I tell myself I am only going to check out SI for a few minutes. Then I too get caught up, can't get away. I'm not doing the rubberband thing though. That hurts!

I can’t help myself either. My biggest problem is that being in a different timezone I get on and have pages to respond to. Ok on weekends but so hard to do on weekdays.

Tryn

Is his insurance up to date?

I hope so!!

I donated money to SI. I have no idea how much it cost to run this site. But it is cheaper than IC.

Me too. A world without SI is too scary to contemplate.

Strong

After DDay I got flowers for a while, he would go get my coffee, tell me I looked nice, beautiful, etc. but that was when we were having sex/HB. Once I started feeling oogy about sleeping with him, the other stuff stopped. Of course, he didn't do that stuff before DDay but I just thought he was too busy. Now I realize that he can't "give" to me unless he's getting something/sex in return.


I hate this feeling. Before dday my FWH was like this. If we had sex when he wanted it he was nice. But if I said no for whatever reason he would punish me for weeks. Don’t you hate that feeling???? It made me feel like not “putting out”. I often felt like it was some kind of blackmail.

Honest

WH was talking about money and being careful with it and I told him that I was always careful. Then I was getting mad and told him quietly that I've been turning down the thermostat way down and me and the kids were often cold in the house

Can you get some more money from him to put away for the future using something similar? Play on his guilt. Tell him you need some “emergency” funds. Maybe even your own cheque book access to his account. Then you can clean it out when you decide it's time.

Miracle

as for him being sick....couldn't you just give him what he gives you...a "get over it" type of response...that "he is too emotionally connected to his health" and maybe he should go back overseas and let #2 take care of him...and maybe if the jetlag is that bad his visits should be much fewer in numbers....and with the new phone he insisted upon its not like he "can't" "SEE" the boys when he is there!!!

Love it


M33

I read somewhere that less than 2% of A's last more than 2 years

Aren’t we the lucky ones!! I’ve never been in the top 2% of anything in my whole life.

Nell

Hope you have a great break.

SMS

Welcome back.

AGNG

So, a few days ago H initiated sex while I was half asleep and unable to resist. That's my story & I'm stickin to it.

Who cares honey so long as you enjoyed it!

Can't remember everything, but it was tons of questions, most of which I didnt answer.
Thought it was odd. I realize it means nothing as far as him having regrets.

Maybe he IS starting to have second thoughts???????

NJgal

Love that article. Fortunately I found SI a couple of weeks after dday. That article really hit me. I could identify with so much in it. I printed it out and gave it to FWH. A week or so later I heard him (on VAR) talking to OW1 (this is when I found out about her and OW2 – at the time I only knew about OW3). He was telling OW1 all about it. About how devastated I was. It really brought home to him what he had done to me (or so he told her).

He has done all of these things:

A statement of gratitude.
An expression of your love.
An acknowledgment of your spouse’s pain.
An admission that you caused their pain.
An expression of your sense of shame.
A promise that it will never happen again

I am 100% sure that if I hadn’t given him this article I would not be here with him. He has been far from perfect when it comes to adopting all the strategies suggested (eg TOTAL HONESTY) but he has taken much of it onboard.

Well at this rate mine will be one of the last posts in this house. Anyone considering decorating tips for number 24? How about a French theme. I teach French and am determined to go to France again soon.

Hugs to all

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, March 27th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

may house 24 bring us blessings abound as 23 has served us well...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.