Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 23
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, March 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest: i agree with njgal....he does something wrong just by ignoring the elephant in the room so to speak....his being in the home like he belongs there when he does not belong there anymore, by his being all nicey nicey when he needs to make a choice, which he refuses to do,,,....he is not stupid, he is very smart and very manipulative....he is a great actor.....he is the consummate liar....

never ever forget who he is...everytime he wants to be nicey nicey he is showing you exactly who is...he is a man who has 2 wives and intends on keeping 2 wives period....and he is a man who is currently looking for a third...maybe not to marry, but most definitely to fuck....


m3: i will step back, and i never for one minute thought mr m3 was or is pfm....but mr m3 is an abuser, mr m3 has some serious issues...they do have certain qualities in common...and i can identify with your sich on some levels...we are both women who love our children....we are both women who have put up with an enormous amount of shit in the name of love....

love is not supposed to hurt....in any way shape or form....relationships are supposed to be mutual, yes they can and should be worked on, much like you would anything of value...you nurture and take care of it....mr m3 has not from any of your postings taken care of you, not even when you miscarried his baby....im sorry m3....

i hope your plan is a good one in which you put yourself in a place of joy because you deserve it...as do your kids...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, March 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((honest))) (((M33))) (((EVERYONE ELSE)))


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, March 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((honesttoafault))


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, March 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest:

He starts caressing my shoulders and ask if I want a massage. I just smiled, and found an excuse to do something else

Good for you!
This is big!
(Now, we will have to work up to the point where your immediate reaction to such a thing is a sharp elbow to the jugular, but we will work on this between his visits. Lol.)

All that went through my mind is that he does this for OW, he's probably nice to OW too.

I am guilty of this as well. However, for us, Honest, there is an easy response to this: just remember that this is exactly the reason why this relationship is abusive and OVER!

But I'm so starved for human touch

O, Honest, I know. I'm sorry. I get this. I'm guilty of giving in to this as well. For you tho, you cannot afford to go there.... Get yourself in a good place and look forward to meeting someone who will be really good for you.

And, I agree with your IC - this is a vicious cycle. You have to do something about it. Lay down some boundaries. And, don't sell yourself short on your ability to thrive without him. First off, you will be getting financial support from him. Second, this is one of those things that you should be setting up now. Get into school now if that is what you want or start investigating what options you have now when you are under less pressure.

((Honest))

In me news: I have arrived home and did not lose anybody! Yay me!

(But, Miracle - I had a similar experience as you in Disney. I took a picture of my 1 kid with a character and then poof, the 2year old is gone. F'n longest 2 minutes of my life.)

Spoke with H briefly about vacations this summer and was sort of shocked that he doesn't understand why we wouldn't vacation together.
I said, it seems to me you want to be together in every sense of the word except not be accountable to me and not have to deal with my emotional issues.
He smiled & said that sounds pretty good to him.

Gots to run.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, March 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I said, it seems to me you want to be together in every sense of the word except not be accountable to me and not have to deal with my emotional issues.
He smiled & said that sounds pretty good to him.

Allgood - WTF

Here's the bat - swing hard, fast & straight.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, March 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deep: I appreciate your "angry face", a nice show of solidarity, lol, but bear in mind that my H is not remorseful. His response was no surprise to me. After months of twisting & turning and wondering how he could say one thing & do another - I had already come to this conclusion.
And, we are officially "over" and have been for a few weeks. So, this is more of the post-game wrap up. The game itself is over.
Plus, he will use humor to diffuse, distract or deal with whatever situation he wants to avoid.

ETA:
Just wanted to add that SuperDad, who saw the kids for about 20 minutes today finally got up from nappy time to tell the kids to go to bed (cuz I was obviously on SI).
M3 - can you relate to this?

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 7:00 PM, March 20th (Sunday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, March 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All - I know - those words certainly wouldnt come out of my mouth. Guess I'm just too much of a nice guy to be such a prick. I think its a sign of my growing frustration, resentment & ANGER or a desire for revenge on the OP.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, March 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood:

(Now, we will have to work up to the point where your immediate reaction to such a thing is a sharp elbow to the jugular, but we will work on this between his visits. Lol.)

you crack me up....and more then that i like it....unfortunately i think honest is to nice...remember!!!


Spoke with H briefly about vacations this summer and was sort of shocked that he doesn't understand why we wouldn't vacation together.
I said, it seems to me you want to be together in every sense of the word except not be accountable to me and not have to deal with my emotional issues.
He smiled & said that sounds pretty good to him.


this really does not surprise me at all....and actually i think he means it....


do you ever want to look into his ears just to see if you could see straight through to the other side....

or yell, "anyone fucking home"

or maybe tell him he needs to pay his light bill, so that maybe the lights will come back on....


purple: love how protective you feel towards allgood....do you have of that left over for yourself...self-preservation is a really good thing you know!!!


allgood: also super-dad sucks when super mom is around mostly because HE CAN!!!!.....when he takes the boys for his outings or you are not around he miraculously does fine...the ineptitude comes into play when he knows you will pick up the slack....


and that 2minutes of not knowing where your kid is....i have to admit, that is right up there with d-day as having the worst feeling ever.....totally different to your emotional psyche and overall devastation....but i know in my heart that if something ever happened to one of my kids that would probably be the only thing that would top this pain....

it is one of those things i used mentally going through this shit...i feel personally that everyone has their crosses to bear....and if this is my cross, it beats anything every going wrong with my kids healthwise.....so i choose this path instead of the other and pray everyday that i never ever take that path....there have been a few si'ers...after going through this, went through that....i personally think it would be my total undoing....and hopefully i will never god willing find out...


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, March 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IWAM - probably part of my issue - I'm more protective of others than I am of myself & yes i'M very protective of WW.

Lost no2 some years ago in a playground for about half an hour. Had to call WW to come & help search. No 2 had gone back to the car when they couldnt find me - needless to say I wore shit for months after that- I wasnt allowed to take the kids anywhere on my own for so long. Now its the reverse - DEFINITELY feel like a single parent most of the time now.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, March 20th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood - now I'm all creeped out. Do you have a webcam in my house?

Yes. WH slept in a few hours after the kids got up and followed that with a 4 hour nap this afternoon.

I took a nap once a few weeks ago when the little ones had me up 5 nights in a row. He was pissed, but held his tongue - but I only got 2 buoyed before he got me up because xthe kids needed x, y, z

Yup.

Miracle - never back off. You keep me smart. I'm just sayin' no projecting. Yes. Guess that's it. Goodnight everyone.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood and m3,
Before I found out about the A, I was mad enough to consider divorce twice. Once was when we were in NYC and Mr. Nell completely forgot about my 30th birthday (following nearly daily reminders until two week before we left, at which point Mr. Nell said I know, please stop reminding me) and the other was two weeks after Boyo1 was born... on top of all the usual new-baby sleep issues, Boyo1 had been hospitalized when he was 4 and 5 days old with a breathing problem... needless to say, I was beyond exhausted. My parents were visiting so I gave Boyo1 his medicine, wrote it down on the chart like I always did and then took a nap. Mr. Nell woke me up after a half-hour to find out if I had given Boyo1 his medicine (remember it was written down on the chart, which was kept on the front of the fridge at eye level). I contemplated divorce as I laid there in tears because I was so tired and I was now not going to go back to sleep.

Allgood,
I can just picture Mr. Nogood's little smirk when he responded with "humor" to your vacation comment. I recall an Eddie Murphy bit about Stevie Wonder... I believe the words he used were "ha ha motherf**ker."

I did not walk the dog yesterday... Mr. Nell was running around getting his computer fixed until the sun was waning and it was time to get dinner on the table.

Boyos had their friends over for quite a few hours, spent a bit of time building a rather intricate mountain/valley/tunnel thing in the sandbox.

It was a good, low-interaction day.

Oh, and in a devil-on-my-shoulder moment... there is a wildfire just outside OW's town and my initial thought is "that burning in hell thing is happening faster than I thought it would."


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning all.

Miracle:

also super-dad sucks when super mom is around mostly because HE CAN

That is so true, tho I never thought of it that way. This was a major bone of contention throughout our marriage. I don't know why he didn't see how much I resented this, especially since we had very few days when we were all together.

this really does not surprise me at all....and actually i think he means it

O... he means it. He seriously doesn't understand why we wouldn't be going to his family things together or vacationing together. He also wanted us to be "over" but still share the same house - with him sleeping in the basement. When we went over the agreement and I explained how he was going to have to get his own car insurance, we were going to transfer title to the car, etc., he didn't understand why all of that was changing either. On the other hand, when I got to the changing beneficiary stuff, he said, well, why would I change any of that - it will all go to you (and he meant over and above the life insurance that is normally put into place to secure child support and even after child support is done.)

Now, I realize, when he meets someone else all this will change, but it's a reflection of what he's thinking now.

On another thread, about why women stay in abusive relationships, one of the things that touched me was that they stay because despite the abuse, they can still see the little boy inside, or the things that they love about him, and that keeps them staying. Almost like a "He's really not a bad guy, it's just when he....".
Idk. I'm definitely not doing the article justice, but that's the gist of it.

Honest: check in. Even if you cracked and slid backwards, don't be afraid to tell us, we want to help you get back on track. And, don't forget to put the insulation in his underwear while he's here. I think if you do that on a consistent basis, he may start to associate coming home to unbearable groin pain and will stop coming home. Lol.

Nell: sooooo close!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i started the pc and aol had this blaring caption that i had to just check out.....where was this 25 fucking years ago.....

http://www.mydaily.com/2011/03/16/manipulative-relationship-signs-master-manipulator/?icid=main%7Chtmlws-main-n%7Cdl3%7Csec1_lnk3%7C206796

i hope the link works...


allgood and nell...you both crack me up...

you know us lta'ers have some awesome senses of humors...too bad we could make money at it.....just sayin...


and isn't it amazing what we settle for....a moment of peace here and there, a moment of us nell put it...low interaction...



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Loved the article, miracle. Thanks for sharing it.

I've been reading another book by Henry Cloud that is very good too. I learned something that will serve me FOREVER. It said basically that wise people who are forthright and above board just naturally assume everyone else is too when in reality many people are foolish, selfish, manipulative or even downright evil.

So, see, we got caught up in that and thought well I'm saying "X" and getting no result so WS must not hear me. Well, WS heard you, allright, and used it as ammo/counterintelligence. He said for foolish people only CONSEQUENCES work and for evil people -- lawyers, guns, money and get them the heck out of your life.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wrote a long post, and it *poofed*

Hade a major anxiety attack last night. Nothing specific triggered it.

I'm just overwhelmed with all my emotions that I can't think straight. Thank God I have an IC appt. today.

I'll check in later.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs, honest. I'm so sorry. Is it nice outside? Can you go for a nice, long meander alone to collect your thoughts, cry, meditate?


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest - hang in there. Hope u feel better after IC.

And, Nell no, unfortunately, where Honest lives - the weather is super-crappy today - chunky rain all day.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh my...so quiet...


(((honest)))

i too hope you feel better after ic...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tribe!! Halloooo out there!! I'm back "on the grid" and over the next day/night/day I hope to catch up on what I've missed. I've only read one page so far and there is so much I want to say....stand by....this could be a long night.....

Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

all these proclamations of love mean nothing when not backed up by doing the work....its talking the talk without walking the walk

Yeah...I'm getting a little tired of FWH professing his "love" for me. I believe that he loves me, he just doesn't love me enough to put me first or enough to respect me, or enough to put the work into our M that it takes to keep it vital. His kind of "love" I don't need or want.

On to the discussion of whether the AP would feel any remorse and/or contact you to sincerely apologize.....in my sich the OW contacted me so that "I COULD HELP HER!"" No kidding....she asked for my "help" since she was so "used" by FWH. She sounded pathetic.

Gotta feed DS17...I'll be back!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.