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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 23
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3--Can I ask if you knew it was going on all of those 20yrs?

Dear God no! First of all, I was only 14 when he started seeing her -- I met him when I was 23, started dating him at 25, we got married when I was 27. Hell no! I found a naked picture of her on his phone on Oct. 21st 2009, spent a few weeks deciding whether to hire a PI and divorce him or if I wanted to try R -- confronted him the day after Thanksgiving and when he lied, lied, lied e-mailed my "friend" (yes, he introduced us, our kids were best friends, we vacationed together, etc.) and basically gave her the option to either sell WH out or I tell her BH.

Hell, no I did not know! No WAY.

So, there you go.

Everyone I told was SHOCKED. He totally didn't act like he was with her when we were all together. They met by taking sick days and were always home on time, etc. No, it was very underground by the time I came along because she'd already been married quite a few years. In fact, she had her first child the day of my 3rd date with WH.

Anyhoo, hope that helps. WH and I had been together 8 years when I figured it out.

starstruck --

You have to be your own hero. Don't give me any credit for that though -- I read it somewhere else on SI, LOL.

As for the rest of you GoofBalls:

I'm so glad you had a fun day!

-- Peace, M3


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to say thank to everyone for your sweet mentions, so many of you see a side of me I don’t show IRL. But I guess that’s the same for all of us holding on in here. The support is truly awesome. And honest – never stop writing. I look at the stuff I wrote in the darkest early days and see how far I have come. And it serves as a reminder of just how heartbroken I was so I can help and empathise with the newbies who arrive so broken in JFO.

Today (the 15th) he bought me a huge kite in the shape of a butterfly. He has done well and I am pleased.
Wow Laura! That sounds wonderful! Well done and good on Mr Laura.

No more DDays for me as I know it's going on and won't change...it's way past time for me to move on....
My H is not someone you can tell anything to..you have to show him and that's exactly what I am doing....
Well Looking, I’m sure that time will come when you can watch it all unravel from afar. And you will be okay with being sad about it and how your stupid foggy WH threw away something he later saw as valuable for something with no substance or sustainability. One day, he will look at you in “that” way which will say it all. But by that time, you will have moved on and you will no longer be affected by anything he says or does. (((Lookingforlove)))

I’m pleased for those whose FWS’s have stepped up and made an effort for Valentine’s Day. Mr UKg was at his SIL’s funeral, so that was his get out. And no, he did nothing this year And I don’t expect him to give me an “alternative” VDay like Nell and Mr Nell. Although I plan to do one for him I think it will have to be Saturday as it looks like that will be the only day he will be home.

I am 4 yrs post d-day and it has really only been in the last few months that I have felt a real sense of peace.
So, even with all the intensive IC, MC, etc. time is a big part of the healing process.
It is a long, hard road. If we have the hope and we have the love and there is the focus from the FWS to do the work, it can be done. We are thankful for survivors like you to show that there is light and that time truly does do the healing. Inspirational. Thanks.

(He still wants to insist that he never actually LIED since it was lies of omission. But I digress.....)
Same here. and H never messed around with rings. He never wore one, then we bought one a year after dday, then I met MOW and found out about the proposals which he said he only did because it was what she wanted and that was it – it was off and has been in his bedside drawer since. He wore it for about two weeks. Two friggin weeks! I don’t wear one – so he doesn’t. He has never adequately explained that either.

I think we need another bout of MC. It’s been about three years……

H signed the refi papers yesterday and we are on our way with that. Just revised the separation agreement to update the finances.
methinks he is just being placid and waiting in the wings…..

So I am invited to go on this express bus tour? Am I just going to be the cook or do I get to drive?
I’m buying a ticket – and sitting on the top deck for the best view!

LOL – great names and great superheroes! Where on earth did you find that GREAT pic Nell?? Go get 'em!! I quite like Electra myself….

As for me – I’m doing an Indian head massage course and this is what I have planned for MOW…… LOL

Well, it made me smirk! Off to bed – night tribe. Catch up on your chatter tomorrow.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 4:56 PM, February 16th (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

KickassNell.

Any cabana boys show up and DP will kick their ass.

AllgoodVengeance.

Yes I will guard the bus while you girls are out kicking ass. I will be armed and dangerous. Cooking with one hand and shooting with the other. No big problem.

m3.

GoofBalls? You really think we are goofballs?

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No cabana boys, no problem. Pffft to them anyway. DP, you're hired!

UKgirl, I hope your Saturday is lovely, whatever you end up doing.

ETA: Not so sure ats and tryn will want to have any part in this little experiment in vendettarocity... but as far as I'm concerned the more the merrier!

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 5:48 PM, February 16th (Wednesday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell:
We've already got a Strong. (Just drop the -ish!) Hit Girl is good.

lol, sorry Nell, but I was addressing Strong!!! When I reread my post, I realized how it could have been misinterpreted!! I do like Dip's suggestion of "KickassNell", though And even if Phoenix is used already, I like the concept of risen=Rose, but perhaps a little of the darker side with a thorn? Rose Thorn? I can be a "thorn" in the side if need be!

Electra, sounds good, UKgirl. Thank you for your support. I like to write, but know I'm not great, love to draw, and play the guitar, but as accompaniment (sp?), not as a performer!!

Dip, thank you for offering to drive and especially to grill for us!!!

M3, you have to join in the fun. You have been through WAY too much. Talk about compartimentalization that your WH does. I'm so sorry. At least if you come, you can enjoy Dip's grilling!

Sorry, I think we left the cabana boys back at house 22

{{{tribe}}}}


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about "BLACK ROSE" - from the Thin Lizzy album.

[This message edited by deeppurple at 6:26 PM, February 16th (Wednesday)]


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nell, I'm ready.. let's go... ready to motivate

[This message edited by trynhard at 6:31 PM, February 16th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2634 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG Tryn!!!! LOL!!!!

Thank you!!!

BTW, Laura, I wanted to give a thumbs up to your WH for the butterfly kite. Perhaps you can be "Metamorphisis"?


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn: lol!
Actually - the pic you selected looks like one of the asses to be kicked, with the beer dribbling all over. lol. I like the plunger and helmet tho - ready for anything.

And Nell:

little experiment in vendettarocity

LOve it! Another little Nell-ism I'm adopting.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 7:38 PM, February 16th (Wednesday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of the talk of the karma bus make me wonder what I did to deserve this. Maybe I was pfm in a previous life.

I have enjoyed the last week being a bit disengaged. Since dday I have been trying to be chatty, smiling, social, and helping. The fact is, I am a strong INTJ. For this last week I have enjoyed the inward focus. It may be that FWW needs a more emotionally expressive partner, and I am comfortable with rationality and inward reflection. We will see, but I anm actually feeling more "at home". If FWW is an hout late getting home, it doesen't really matter if I am not counting on her for anything.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 7:50 AM, February 17th (Thursday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3959 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats:

Maybe I was pfm in a previous life.

thankfully i was not drinking anything as i read this for i surely would have not only not been able to retain it but would have ruined my keyboard...

well girls we could be the kkk....the kick-ass karma kittens and our boys will be ad's our attack dogs of course...


so dip will you use the spatula the tongs or the basting brush as your weapon of choice...

tryn i see you have decided to use the almight plunger....i think i like the symbolism of that one....isn't it usually shit that clogs the drains..

that movie kick-ass was cute, definitely different...we watched it a couple of weeks ago....


ats:

INTJ


???i gots no clue what this stands for, i have enough trouble with so many initials, some of course i got down really really well....but this one????...i need help on the definition please...



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iwam, INTJ is my Myers-Briggs personality type. I am not a good match at all for fww. I am intuitive, thinking, judging. She is very externally focused and sensing.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3959 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Early mark from school today. h is still at work (suddenly doing all these day shifts lol) and I am sitting here grinning from ear to ear after almost falling off my chair catching up on the latest merriment.

Thanks everyone for "making my day" - didn't someone say that in a movie???? I remember - Dirty Harry. perhaps someones could be Dirty Harriet?????

Me I really want to be Lisbeth. I know it doesn't sound kickass but for me it would make me feel strong. She was used, abused, betrayed and villified and came out the other side self possessed, independent and even wealthy!!! I want to be her (minus the asbergers!. I would rate the Millenium Trilogy as the best thrillers I have read. If only he hadn't died!!!! BTW he was a WS - but I block out that info when I think of his books!

Focussing on the positive - Up to number 2

I had a really bad night sleeping last night. Every time I woke H woke even though I was quiet and rubbed my back and I went off to sleep again.

Love to all the tribe today. It is 3.30 pm and I am OK so far.

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 10:35 PM, February 16th (Wednesday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 4:07 AM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura,

I just watched the first Lisbeth Salander movie one week ago and I LOVE that girl! FWH watched it with me and he was a bit uncomfortable with how bad the "bad" guy was! Or maybe he just didn't like how Lisbeth was taking justice into her own hands. Either way....I enjoyed the first two movies. Still have the next one to watch.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:21 AM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi strong

You're up late? Are you OK??

Yes I read the books first and loved them and have seen both movies. If you are a reader, I would highly recommend you at least read the 3rd. The books are brilliant. I actually found the characters in the movie were just as I imagined them in the books.

I love Lisbeth! She is my hero!!!

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
starstruck
♀ Member
Member # 29547
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have read all the "The Girl Who...." books and seen al the movies.

Lisbeth inspires me because she took charge of her life after all the trauma she suffered and triumphed.

I want to come out of this stronger and healthier tahn ever.

Thanks for the warm welcome into the LTA Tribe. Already helping!


DDay 7/29/2010
Am hoping to reconcile!! Am I crazy or what?
If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves-Thomas Edison

Posts: 319 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Pa
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


More than a little shocked to read some of you sweet women and mothers of children saying you like the Dragon Tattoo books and movies.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3959 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats,
Alls we're saying is, "Don't cross the queen!" (See? Great catch-phrase.)
I am having trouble figuring out what see positive things she brings to the relationship.

I don't know if this will work for you, but when I have this same problem I do a little writing experiment. Two columns. First column is all the "bad" stuff WH does/acts like/etc. Opposite each word or phrase, spin it positively. Helps me to see that it might just be my current perspective and not so much WH's inherent assholiness... example...
First column: WH never opens a door for me.
Second column: WH thinks of me as his equal and his friend.

tryn,
Glad you're in! You do need a better costume, though.

Had a bit of a bad night; Boyo1's teacher sent home a snarky note that didn't need to be snarky... after being all lollipops and marshmallows when we had our face-to-face with her. It made me feel like a bad mom and on top of everything else it was just too much. Cried a bit and then lashed gently out... when do I get to take a 2-year vacation in marshmallow lollipop babytalk world and have people tell me I am perfection in pants instead of getting "you suck" messages sent home in my kid's backpack and "you suck" e-mails sent from stressed (and bitchy to everyone) co-workers and "that's not true" as a response when I say that I don't feel attractive to WH. I mean, COME ON!

So rereading all the silliness from yesterday was perfect!

honest, I'm glad the Strong wasn't meant for me.

Also, that photo really jacked the last page up. I'm glad we moved to the next page!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok - I'm onlyjumping in for the superficial stuff, cuz my productivity today has to make up for yesterday's non-activity.

But - Laura LOVE the pics (except the mowhawk).

Also, I found a pic I liked for my vengeance character, but I couldn't post the pic, cuz I'm tech stupid, but she was tight! and had a big, big gun. Muah ha ha ha. O - and I think she was called Black Widow and she killed evildoers and sent their souls to Satan. Hmmmmm.

Ok. nuf silly stuff.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More than a little shocked to read some of you sweet women and mothers of children saying you like the Dragon Tattoo books and movies.

Ok -- I haven't read these or seen them, but I have to say: I'm not even sure it's responsible to try to raise kids in today's world without being an uber-bitch on some level. JMHO. I liked Time's article about the Tiger Moms.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
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