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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 23
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood,
to you today!

Tribe,
What do I talk to IC about? Seriously. I have nothing to talk about, except the same shit I say here. Everything in my life that I can control is good. WH and the marriage suck. Soooo... fix it. ????? I mean, all I can come up with is "I'm angry at WH because he's selfish and acted like a complete fucktard for two years, and continues to ignore and rugsweep and be defensive and unhelpful to me." Seriously. What do I talk about?

ETA: Starstruck, welcome! You were victimized, but it doesn't mean that you have to be a victim.

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 10:29 AM, February 16th (Wednesday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood.

I want to say "shop till you drop", but then who would take care of everything else?

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell - I had the same experience with IC - that's why I quit after a few weeks as all we did was talk about how stupid my H is and wonder aloud why that is.

She did, however, remind me of my need to be more direct with my H - which you guys might not think is a problem given the manner in which I word things here - but was a valid point.

IC might also just help keep your thoughts focused.

continues to ignore and rugsweep and be defensive and unhelpful to me

So annoying.
I'm going to start shopping for a karma bus for the SI girls to drive around in and adminster justice super-hero style. Lol.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nell: you talk about it again and again if thats what you need to do...and most of us kind of do need to do just that....for several reasons...

first: for me at least i am still in shock over the whole damned thing....i still cannot believe that this is what my life has turned to....

so on this point it helps it to sink in....brings me closer to acceptance of my sich

second: it helps me realize that i am not crazy....

third: she gives me guidance for pretty much every sich that comes up whether it be with pfm, my kids or whatever

fourth: she is my safest place of all right not for me to fall....i can tell anything and everything and i do....and i need that irl....

fifth: she helps me see ahead when i cant see...and she helps keep me focused


going to ic can do so much, i can go on and on with this list....can i do it on my own...sure but why not get the help, make the journey just a touch easier, its tough enough, kwim.....

having someone irl to look you in the eye is so helpful....and if you have others that can give you those irl hugs...even better...i do not get too many of those...but when i do, i soak them up.....just like i soak up what i recieve here....

go to ic and give it a real chance...pour out your heart...you can be sad, angry or even funny when you go...i do it all when i am there...there are days i walk in and let her know that its a good thing she is sitting down....and there are days i walk in and let her know that if she has to go potty now would be a good time....usually because i know what i am about to tell her about will have her laughing...and she does laugh with me.......ic and si have been my absolute life savers......both...not one over the other....each holds different value for me as does the people irl who surround me.....

allgood: damn i still want to shake that man up, would love to talk to him......talk and shake...yup


and he doesn't want to read because he doesn't want to admit and see what he's truly done...much easier not too....and he strikes me as the type who will always go for easy......until he realizes that easy doesn't always work,and sadly he may never realize that.....he seems to be too stubborn and stuck within his own defeatest macho shit....

yup...he is up for the stupid award again this week im thinkin...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I'm going to the IC because I feel like I should specifically because I'm a BW. I foresee something very close to Allgood's sitting in an overstuffed chair in an office containing no fewer than three Kleenex boxes and wondering aloud why WH chooses selfish lazy defensive asshole behavior. And knowing that me getting the correct answer to "why" doesn't matter at all.

So I guess I'll go in with no agenda (which is so unlike me!) and see if my experience is as positive as Miracle's. I'm hoping for... hm... clarity. And a miracle.

BTW, Miracle, you ARE the very personification of a miracle so you got your wish.

Meanwhile, dip, get some travel grilling utensils ready because the karma bus tour gals will need to eat. Lots of protein to keep our strength up.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

aaahhh nell: you could put the wine away now....

seriously though

that was so so sweet, thank you!!!...so not the miracle i was lookin for tho.. and i love the picture you paint of allgood....i also wonder if she would keep a track sheet...


dip: did you get that, nell says start stockin up on the protein...and bring some of the chocolate kind too...


raising my imaginary glass to miracles...

may we all be blessed with a few, for stupid to become brilliant, and assholes to get hemorroids ...and of course for sweet sweet karma...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell.

So I am invited to go on this bus tour? Am I just going to be the cook or do I get to drive?

miracle.

The other day you said you wanted to come and have me cook breakfast, lunch and dinner, plus snacks! When we all go on tour, you will get your wish. I guess that old saying is true. The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. BTW. It was good to read that your IC helps you realize that you are not crazy. I will quit worrying about that now.

ats.

You passed the test. I was trying to see if anyone would notice the mistake concerning the knife/fork thing. Or maybe I need to hire a better proof reader.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been lurking a bit here too lately.

I want to welcome Milkshake and Starstruck. Please don't be overwhelmed! I've been here a while and have to take notes sometimes to remember what I want to say. You don't have to say anything at all if you don't want to.

Strong, Right now, decide NOT to decide for a while. I am finally finding that while I'm trying to heal and focus more on myself, that in itself helps in my decision making. They often say that when you want to get married you KNOW it's the one. I would say it can also be true of deciding to stay or go. If one decides to end the M just to stop the pain, or without doing anything proactive for themselves or to save the M, then I think it's too soon.

If one stays stagnant and just continues to put up with inexcusable behavior with no boundaries for a healthy self esteem, that's no good either. Don't rush yourself, Strongish.

I know you, as well as all of us want the pain to stop. But unfortunately, whether or not we are with or without our WS's, we still have to go through the pain.

Nell, give the IC a little longer. At first, all I did was vent and complain, but after a while, since I felt my self esteem was so shot and I didn't trust my judgment, the IC was a good sounding board and reality check. She helps me to move forward and focus on the future.

Allgood

I'm going to start shopping for a karma bus for the SI girls to drive around in and adminster justice super-hero style. Lol.

I LOVE this! We even have our super hero names already, although we might want to tweak some of them a bit. Allgood and Miracle are great superhero names!!

Miracle- you are a Miracle for us!

Been going through some very old papers in my purging process and a journal from when I met my WH. It's not easy, but a little validating about my feeliings then and now.
I don't think I was EVER exclusive for WH.

A lot of reflection to do.

Love to everyone.

{{{tribe}}}


Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jan 2010
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I invite myself along on a roadtrip and then invite other people to join. RUDE.

ETA: I need a superhero name. "Nell" isn't kickassy enough. Now taking recommendations.

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 1:31 PM, February 16th (Wednesday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest - o,no Allgood sounds waaay to mellow, like a pot-smoking superhero. I need something far more powerful and scary. I will give this some thought after I finish designing my costume.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, CRAP. We need costumes, now, too?!?! Who was that girl in Kickass? I'll just borrow her name and costume. The infidelity diet has gifted me with the body of an 8-year-old so I'll be set. Plus her hair rocked.

ETA: She's "Hit-Girl" and I'm about to try and post the image...

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 1:50 PM, February 16th (Wednesday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My vote is for leather over spandex. Spandex should be outlawed!!

Nell - I had had some good luck and bad luck with MC/IC. The first one that FWH I went to was one that we had seen together like 18 years ago. She was good for our lack of communication problem then but I don't think she was at all helpful dealing with the LTA, etc. We saw her together and separately for almost 4 months before I pulled the plug and found someone else. I now see my own IC and we see a MC together. I'm waiting to see if FWH will make his own appt. with an IC that our MC recommended that he see. Like Mr. Allgood my FWH has not finished the Shirley Glass book. He started it two weeks ago and has not finished it, although he seems to be able to get all his reading done for his Master's program.

Miracle - Your name does suit you!

(((Tribe)))


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell - thank you - I was just looking all over the net for her name in that film and couldn't find it. What a massive waste of time. Lol.

Ok, then if "Kickass" is up for grabs - I'll just take that. I think I would dye my hair hot pink, but I want to be taken seriously. Lol.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell

Love it

I want to be Lisbeth Salander from the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo".
(Read the book if you haven't - it's fabulous"!
She's been called the "Patron Saint of Vengeance"

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 2:14 PM, February 16th (Wednesday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, ok, now I want to be called "Vengeance"!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol Nell!! Love the pic!!

Allgood, hmmm Vengeance sounds like a GOOD name I like it!!
Or, Justice...

You're right, Nell, something stronger for you.

Strong.....now that's a good name...Strong + something else. mmmmm Or Lady Strong?

This could be fun!!


Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jan 2010
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've already got a Strong. (Just drop the -ish!) Hit Girl is good. Or something with Queen in it. So that I can use the catch-phrase "Don't cross the Queen!" (and then, KAPOW.) Can't you see it?

Laura, you can be Lisbeth (love that book, I'm on the second one now) but you need a different name. Something with butterflies. But badass. How would one make a butterfly badass? Hm.

Allgood, Vengeance. Love it.

honest...? Something phoenixy... but not Phoenix... that's been done to death. Risen? Rose? Rose is a possibility. How do you feel about getting a tattoo?

Now, about the karma bus. I'm sorry, dip... but I vote we hire a couple of cabana boys to serve as drivers.

Oh my goodness. Good thing it's time for me to run... I'm beyond silly.

Peace out. This was GREAT!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell,
I'm sorry, but the karma bus is no place for the cabana boys. It really is inconsitent, in my humble opinion, with the ass-kickin/Hell hath no fury vibe we should be going for.

And Dip - you can drive and you can cook for us, but you are going to also have to be responsible for guarding the karma bus when we are ass-kickin.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ladies of LTA if no Cabana boys the following solution is at hand.

DP - Karma Bus Driver (I drive fast - kickass style)
Dip - Tour chef
Ats - Tour Leader/Guide/Liason
Trying - Tour Coach & KickAss Team Motivator


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ladies of LTA if no Cabana boys the following solution is at hand.
DP - Karma Bus Driver (I drive fast - kickass style)
Dip - Tour chef
Ats - Tour Leader/Guide/Liason
Trying - Tour Coach & KickAss Team Motivator


Omg today was silly. And, not so coincidentally, I got nothing done today.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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