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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 23
SI Staff
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Member # 10
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

#1


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

#2 But, I don't really know what to do here. I know my FWH was involved in LTA so this thread is for me. My story is in my profile. I hope to be able to join in soon and talk to the *tribe* and maybe be part of it. The *tribe* is what you call yourselves, I think. (?)


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8926 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome to our tribe milkshake...

i read your profile, i have to say the ow is one sick bitch....

join in whenever you are ready, no need to keep up with who we are, just come on in pull up a chair tell us how you feel and if we could help we will....we are sometimes a chatty group so keeping up with us can be difficult when you are feeling so overwhelmed, which we all have felt....we start out feeling overwhelmed and then from time to time we get "hit" with it here and there, the enormity of what transpired underneath our very noses.....


(((laura & ats)))

check in k......


(((tribe)))


and we need to decorate this new house, i am thinkin tropical, luscious and DRY!!!.....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Cool  Posted: 7:26 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi SMS

Welcome honey sorry you are here. I agree with miracle - she's one sick POS.

ats

I'm right there with you honey. BIG HUGS


NJgal


Laura-
I can't imagine how you must have felt in the pub seeing the OW's exH.
What are you going to do?
Are you going to sit down with your SIL and find out what she knows?
Would you ever contact the OW's ex husband and ask him what he knew?

My SIL tried to phone me this morning but I was out. I called back but no answer. I will have a talk to her sometime. We get on great and I'm actually glad she knows. I don't hold it against her - not telling me- this affair shit is so hard for us to deal with and I'm sure those on the outside find it hard too. Anyway what she heard was just "rumours" - no hard evidence - but we will talk and I know she will tell me all she knows.

I was so tempted to get my friend to introduce to me OW3's xH. It was so weird seeing him after looking at his pics so often. The pub we were at is about 10 miles from town and is lovely - overlooks the river and you can sit outside and eat. As it was Sat lunch time the races were on and he seemed very interested in the races and very comfortable and chatty with the bar staff. I've never been there at that time of day before. I wonder if he goes there regularly? Perhaps he likes to go each Sat and bet on the horses? The devil in me says next time H is off Sat lunch time I suggest we go there. I know H met XH because during one of my inquisitions I asked him. Apparently he was at OW3's farm one day and xH came unexpectedly. She introduced MY H to her xh as a "friend" from work who was helping her with some chores on the farm. I could be really naughty and introduce MY H to him!!!! or even naughtier and go one Sat by myself when H is at work and strike up a conversation with him.

Anyway, as you may have guessed I'm feeling OK today, maybe a little silly but thoughts like these help me get trhough the crap. Just need to take it one day at a time I suppose.

Sorry I have had to abandon my page by page catch up that I started in our last house. Don't really want to revisit that house with recent events anyway.

I will begin the decorating - hope you all don't mind

Did you notice the butterflies???

Sorry about the water miracle but hard to avoid when you say "tropical"


Hope my dear wonderful treasured friends on SI are having a good day/evening/night. I am now going for a swim in the pool as it's very hot here.

BIG HUGS to all

Love Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 7:36 PM, February 12th (Saturday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

A little reflection. I know we are not supposed to talk religion here and I'm not evangelising. Just wanted to share.

Went to Sunday Mass for the first time since dday this morning. I was sitting right in front of a statue of Jesus. After I'd been there about 20 mins I noticed that someone had placed a small imitation butterfly on the stand the statue is on. I've never seen it before even though I used to go to this church regularly for years. Hmmmmmm

Love to all

laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As much as I can believe what FWW says, the situation Thursday was not another OM, just a weird conversation. As for her disassociating that night when we got home, she says it is because I gave away most of the cookies from the basket I won in the silent auction. I did not realize we were trying to win it, I thought I was just bidding up the price to keep it moving as I did on some of the other items, and no one bid after me on the cookies. I did not know one of the people I gave them to she hates, I just offered her cookies to take home when she mentioned her kids while we were all helping to clean up. Yes she is younger and thinner than FWW, but that is not why I gave the cookies to her. I gave cookies to others too, I did not think it a big deal, and we do not need the calories. How that ruined a perfect evening, I do not understand. FWW seems rattled by it all too.

I also think FWW is cutting again, not big, but hard to believe she got scratches from shrubs while wearing a sweatshirt today. Instead of MC Friday, she is going for IC.

All of our conversations have been strained since Thursday. All of our plans to go out or do things, she cancelled or things came up. I moved back to the spare room just to have some private and quiet time. This whole thing has triggered memories for me and I am back fighting mind movies and some internal anger.

Sigh…..

ETA: Dip's #1!

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 8:35 PM, February 12th (Saturday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3961 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats

Ats: I know you feel you have had it. I truly understand. You have worked so hard and so long. Don't let all that go to waste.
Sit on your decision for a while and vent here. You need to vent. You have been carrying this M on your shoulders for a very long time and I think the resentment is coming out....

I agree with honest ats. I know how important it is to know it all. God knows I wish I did. We need to get it all so we can put the shit where it belongs. But don't despair - You will get there. You will be OK.

HUGS

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

laura: i think you are a marvelous decorator....and that kind of water is not only acceptable but welcome...its the water that comes "pouring" down in the hot form and most especially in its freezing form....

i saw some butterflies in the picture...my eyes need for things to be blown up, actually speaking of blown up there are some body parts i would like to do that to... and i am not talking viagra blown up but more like grenade blown up..


so this bh does not know about his wife and your husband i take it?...or he doesn't know who you are?...


as for the butterfly on jesus...i'm thinkin the devine works in progress....and an affirmation that you will be ok.....you will be ok....

ats: why move to a separate bedroom...just use the bedroom to sleep if you need some alone time, spend it somewhere else but go back to your bedroom to go to sleep beside your wife...it might help you when you feel so disconnected to reconnect.....unless of course she snores and kicks in her sleep then you might just be too tempted to join me on my blown up body parts.. ...


do you believe her?....and is this enough to get her cutting again???sounds a bit extreme to me...



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi miracle

Glad you like the tropical butterfly garden. (Press and hold Control while you press ++ to enlarge. Press and hold Control while you press the zero key to go back to normal size)


so this bh does not know about his wife and your husband i take it?...or he doesn't know who you are?...

I'm not sure what he knows. He and OW3 were married for 35 yrs. The divorce was finalised in Aug 2009. She started with my H in May 2009 (according to my husband the truth twister)and was with my H until May 2010 when I found out.

He met my H one day when he turned up at OW3's place unexpectedly. She explained him away as a friend. At the time they were separated. So I don't know what he knows or suspects. I don't know if my H was one of many or the first. I don't know if she D'd her H because she wanted mine. I DO know she was constantly at my H to leave me. He told me she upset him by saying that he "didn't have the balls to leave me". I also know that she told my H 2 weeks after dday that she would FORGIVE him for cheating on her with OW2 and would have him back even though he had cheated. Amazing how these silly bitches forget about the wife!

I don't know much at all. My h says they didn't talk about her X - yeah right.

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 9:59 PM, February 12th (Saturday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura
Thanks for the beautiful pics! Very calming and peaceful...just what all of us here on LTA need.

If I were you I would probably contact OWs ex husband and find out all he that he knows about the affair.But, that's me.

Ats-It sounds like your wife is troubled.
I know you see a MC together. Does she see a IC?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi NJgal

Thanks. I think I will contact him. I need to wait until I am ready. If it upsets her all the better. I didn't think too much about it before because by the time I found out they had been divorced for at least 6 months. Having said that I sometimes wonder if I should have told him. She tells everyone he is bi-polar and that's why she left him. He's obviously been that way all his life and yet it took her 35 yrs to decide to leave???? I susupect that she left cause she saw my h as a potential partner. The more I think about it the more i think it is the right thing to do. he has a right to know what was going on in his life. According to my H he didn't start screwing her until she left her H. but he also says they were "friends" for a while while she was still married!!!!

What do you think?

Love to all and BIG hugs to anyone suffering

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, February 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Njgal, she has been seeing our C for IC. We did MC last week, but back to IC for her. She is upset that I am still triggering.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3961 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, February 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW ats

I like your new handle!!

Now we both just have to do it.

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, February 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm #14?!?

This is totally unacceptable. Lol.

Morning all, nice job decorating, tho it could use a bit of eye candy if you ask me...

Laura, glad to see you sound so much better.

Ats: just a big hug. Don't know what else to say.

Milkshake: welcome!

Aight - back to my chores.

If each one of us hosted a chapter in the new LTA house, mine would be in the suburbs, freezing your ass off because oil is $3.70/gal and I'm getting heating bills of $600 every 3 weeks (so the thermostat is waaay down) and you would be surrounded by toys, laundry (both dirty and clean) and running, yelling children everywhere.

(Laura & Miracle - I like the tropical oasis better. Lol.)


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, February 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tropical works for me. I love the waterfall and the butterflies.

Ats - I get why you've moved to another room. Like you, I need my space when FWH and I aren't connecting. Take the time YOU need.

SisterMilkshake - Welcome to the LTA group. The good people here have helped me keep my sanity on many occasions...okay, "sanity" may be stretching it a bit! In any case, when I'm feeling bad, triggering or just not sure where to turn, someone from this group will reach out and if nothing else will let me know I'm no alone. We pray, hurt, laugh and joke with each other and it makes this journey bearable. I'm sorry you have to join us but you found a place of hope and healing.

Laura - You do sound better. I'm glad. I haven't been to Mass for quite some time. Did you find it helpful?? There are some days when I think that it might bring me some peace to go and participate in the rituals that have been so much a part of my life, but then it starts to feel like it would be so much work. I know that's the depression talking but some days it's all I can do to keep a game face on for DS17. If it weren't for him I'm sure there would be days I wouldn't get out of bed.

Having said that, I can feel that I'm getting stronger. The MC we are seeing has been helping with that. At our last appt. she said that I was exactly where she expected me to be. I made her repeat that for FWH. Since my word is not enough I didn't think it would hurt for him to hear it from a "professional." She also gave FWH the name of an IC for him to see. He says he's going to make an appt. this week. Here I am holding my breath!

In the meantime, I'm pulling away from him. The vision of me being alone and starting over is beginning to look attractive to me. I want to be sure that it wouldn't be "running away" but rather a positive step to be true to myself. All too often I change my behavior to make FWH happy. I do it consciously and unconsciously and it has to stop. I am who I am. I am a worthwhile, good, giving person. Yes, I have my quirks, but I vow to be happy with myself and more and more I'm seeing that FWH and I have grown to want different things going forward. Does any of that make sense?

I'm going to start working on taxes...ugh! Just the way to get the week started off on the right foot...NOT!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, February 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the welcome, allgoodnamesgone, Laura28, iwantamiracle,and strongish I appreciate that and look forward to getting to know everyone better.

A special "thank you" to iwantamiracle and Laura28 for saying my OW was a sick POS bitch. That was so sweet!

Really, that is the first time I have had anyone tell me that. And it felt really good. Of course, I haven't told anyone of my FWH's infidelity, except our MC and SI. So, it was so nice to hear that. That is what I think of her, but nice to hear other people concur.

The one girlfriend I would have talked to about this died 2 months before my D-day. She was my best friend. Last year was an extremely tough year.

Anyway, I will probably lurk here for awhile before I jump in because I don't know your stories as of yet.

Thanks again.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8926 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, February 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell, Just want to say that I thought your post on Friday to Laura and ats was wonderful! A great little pep talk and a reminder that we are all great people. What you said to them could be attributed to each and every one of us. Okay. No time tonight. Not even time to look at what sort of place we are now calling home. This place on Barbados looks nice – and it should be a beautiful time of year now and through the spring. I believe it comes with “staff” rather than cabana boys. And that the Butterfly Cascade and the Flamingo Gardens are within a short stroll.


Sigh.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, February 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

milkshake

A special "thank you" to iwantamiracle and Laura28 for saying my OW was a sick POS bitch. That was so sweet!

you are so very welcome....


The one girlfriend I would have talked to about this died 2 months before my D-day. She was my best friend. Last year was an extremely tough year

wow, milkshake this is so so sad, i am so sorry for your loss.....and tough year is an understatement i'm thinkin....you lost a bff and husband....as much as your husband is alive, he is not the man you believed him to be, that man died on d-day......never forget that...it will help you in the dark days when you can't figure out why you feel so damned bad for so damned long.....

i also wish that you would find someone irl to give you some hugs....support and a shoulder.....so feel out the people in your life and see if there is someone you can do this with....


laura: i did as you suggested to enlarge the picture...it didn't work...when it comes to computers there are certain things i am totally lost on.....


as for telling this man...i don't know i have mixed feelings about it, on the one hand he could be a valuable source of information and on the other hand he's divorced from the bitch and he should be allowed to just be in peace...

as for the information that you got concerning their break-up...i wouldn't believe a word of it considering the source...she is not exactly honorable or honest.....


strong: i am glad your mc tells it like it is to your ws....does he actually "hear" it?...i hope so...

and i also hope he goes to the ic that was recommended to him....

its amazing how the ws gets detailed instructions on how to put a marriage back together, and still so many just can't do it....kind of gives new meaning to the word stupid.... human free will.....


allgood: eye candy...i always love some good eye candy...got any?


(((tribe)))


eta: ukgirl: what a beautiful place...i could make use of "staff"

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 12:49 PM, February 13th (Sunday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, February 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Laura & Ats)))) thinking of you guys - be strong.

Milk - welcome & so sorry that you are here.

UKGirl - I loved yr story about your dads flying gear - s sweet childhood memory.
I'll join you ib Barbados - looks fantastic.

To all the tribe as we approach Valentines day - my thoughts are with you all.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
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