Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
Reborn Again
♂ Member
Member # 33608
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, December 1st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All I can say is that in the time since d-day and D, and all that's happened in between, Ive come to realize that this thing has the potential to really destroy us if we let it.

It causes some BH to lose weight, drink, withdraw from those who love us, and wish for death. If we let it, it can effect us mentally, physically, and change our demeanor making it impossible to ever be in another meaningful relationship again (not that i'd want one). The anger and hurt can actually eat away at us over time, i.e. balding, grey hairs, lack of sleep, poor work performance, depression, stress, etc.

I will end in saying that at some point as betrayed men who have D'd or are on way to D, we need to say, "fuck it, it happened, my whore wife cheated, i've dealt with it as best I can, and now im going to try to move on and live the best life I can".

To do otherwise would allow our WS's more power and influence over our lives than they deserve.

[This message edited by Reborn Again at 9:33 PM, December 5th (Monday)]


Me: BH
Her : XWW
Long marriage with Kids
Divorced earlier this year
Trying to start over again


Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2011
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, December 5th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Reborn and everyone here,
Wish me luck, for tomorrow I will be sitting in the courthouse across from the whore/wife at the Early Settlement Panel meeting.
I suspect it will just be a repeat of her nonsense from the past, but you never know what lurks in the minds of the dysfunctional!
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, December 5th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good luck, MPB.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
3yrwait
♂ Member
Member # 29907
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, December 6th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stay strong MPB,
You know what she is capable of and what you have to do.


Me: BH (early 40s)
Her: WW (early 40s)
Married 15 years
1 daughter, under 10
DDay July 2007

Posts: 450 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: 3yrwait
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, December 6th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mpb)))

Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
impastit
♂ Member
Member # 28951
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, December 6th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mpb, how did it go?

Mpb)))

jjct, thats a perfect man hug. I agree.


"Get over it." Classic. Classic sociopath!

DDay 4/6/10 Filed DDay, smelled it coming, again
She moved to her happy place 5/2/10
D final 11/18/10
Thank God I got the dog.


Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2010
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, December 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Everyone for the good wishes,
Now the reality of what happened.
The ESP lawyers, suggested, now get this;
1.) Since her Father gave the property to us, we should divide the property value, ($1,000,000), 60-40. Of course in favor of her.
2.) The panelist lawyer from ESP said the judge would probably order 1-3 yrs. alimony for her at $300 per week based upon our take home pay. What the F! My lawyer all along has told me that this clearly is not an alimony case, since my whore/wife if a DVM and chooses to work only 2.5 days per week.
The ESP lawyer said the 3.5 yr old at home, going to day school 3 mornings a week maybe harmed if required to go fulltime. What!
3.) The whore is still going after a major part of my retirement account, ($100,000).
4.)I will pay child support, computed upon our present incomes. I will pay $114 per week to her. That now totals $414 per week for this bitch to sit home, work the same hours and now receive more money from me and whatever she can squeeze out of her asshole cop boyfriend, (he's actually in debt up to his ugly head).
So, my conclusion is; I will take this to the judge. It may come out the same or possible a little worse, but as it stand now, I will be paying out more money over the years than the 20-30,000 for the trial.
Then, to top it all off and wrap it in a neat bow, the bitch has rescinded on her custody agreement that we mutually determined 3 weeks ago at the mediation, which cost me $3,000 and her nothing, ie Daddy money again.
Final note, Monday I have a meeting with another lawyer, (a shark), maybe more money, but at least I will get a second, hopefully honest, opinion.
Wish you all well.
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
3yrwait
♂ Member
Member # 29907
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, December 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh jeez, I am sorry she is drawing this out.
I hope it works out.


Me: BH (early 40s)
Her: WW (early 40s)
Married 15 years
1 daughter, under 10
DDay July 2007

Posts: 450 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: 3yrwait
stillwaiting1963
♂ New Member
Member # 34039
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, December 10th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have a question and I apologize if this has already been covered.

I'm curious, of the WW's that have stayed in the fog, divorced, then gone on to marry their AP, or a different guy, or just in a relationship with some other guy, what percentage of those xW's are truly happy?


I don't want to hear back that you wish or envision they are living a misearable life, but those of you who have found out what your xW is up to, or stay in touch, what percentage are really happy? Or are they unhappy with their life, but it's too late for them to come back.

I've read polls where most divorced couples, either one or both wished they had never divorced.

Or if you could point me to some statistics or articles. I'm really curious what the percentage is of WW's that have messed up only to realize it's too late? Or maybe down the line the BH has accepted her back even though they are D.

Hope that makes sense.

Thanks!


Me: BH (48)
Her: WW (44)
M: 22 years
DD: 7/28/11
Separated 11/18/11

Posts: 14 | Registered: Nov 2011
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, December 10th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the feminist womens magazines that used to be pro divorce, seeing it as empowering women blah blah blah, changed their editorial policy a few years back after doing a study women who had been divorced for 3 years. It found something ridiculous (like 80%) wished they had tried harder to make their marriage work and not gotten a divorce. No mention was made of infidelity, but truth be told, most divorces involve adultery, and even if 100% of the women who did not commit adultery regretted the divorce, that still leaves 60% of those who did who commit adultery regretting it (I won't bore you with my math, but it assumes that 50% of divorced women cheated, since 50% of women cheat).


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, December 11th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stillwaiting, I guess I'm too busy with my great new life to wonder too much @ that.
I think about it this way; if I cheated, left my W, and moved on with my soulmate schmoopie - would I be *really happy* ?

No. I might be able to forget about it for varying stretches of time, but it would dog me till my final days.

And then what would happen after my final day? <<<shudders>>>

So what if all this does NOT occur to the WW, and she moves on, seemingly happy. It's my thought that such fleeting happiness...the seeming of it - is shallow at best. In the dark of night, alone, we are all confronted by the certainty of our mortality.
- "But at my back I always hear. Time's winged chariot hurrying near" Marvell
- "And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, And in short, I was afraid." Eliot


I can actually sense this in my first XWW. She married the AP.
Now, she's regularly going to church, but there's a sense of sadness, humility, inevitability about her. Almost as if I can hear her internal dialogue going; "Please forgive me, please forgive me!" on and on and on.

It's a burden I feel blessed to be without!
(don't worry, I got several of my own )


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, December 11th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stillwaiting, I am in R, but a buddy went through this and they divorced. She married OM. They are dirt poor, she descended into alcoholism, he cheats on her regularly. I don't see how she could possibly be happy there.

I expect it's a lot of what you said, that they are unhappy in life but feel it's too far to go back. Or just plain unwilling to admit error.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, December 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Everyone,
It doesn't matter, the percentage of those woman or men that go on after divorce who have committed adultery and are still with their adultering partners.
I've heard only 10% of these affairs last, but I, for one, don't give a shit what they do as long as they don't affect the kids adversely after the divorce.
I will never consider this whore/wife of mine a friend and I will never go out of my way to be nice to her. Only if my boys would be hurt otherwise.
She will have her time at the gates, so will I.
Let the only one judge us, not these asshole humans that are anointed by the legal system to pass judgement on our lives, kids, future.
The system is broken. Our society is in desperate times and possibly we are at the gates of Sodom and Gemorrah once again.
I pray for our children and the innocent amongst us.
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
jollum
♂ Member
Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, December 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gentlemen,

It's been a long time since I posted but I wanted to add my 2 cents on this topic.

My FWW's mother cheated. She is still married to the ap after 30 years. She is absolutely miserable and will quickly tell you. But she will not divorce again because she doesn't "believe in that"...perma fog

FWW's Uncle's wife cheated on him and married ap. AP ending up murdering her son and burning the house down to cover his tracks. She rates as also in the not to happy camp.

FWW's cousin cheated on her husband with the lurv of her life. Left her husband and married ap. He beat her half to death on a regular basis and she finally left him after a couple of years. She literally looks like she is 90 years old and she hasn't hit 60 yet. Chalk up another one to the unhappy camp.

Side note: One would think that after seeing the coping mechanisms of the women in FWW's family I would have seen this coming. This is why believing that FWW was "different" from her FOO and would not go that way was my stupid belief in the "Hollywood" type love. The very best thing we can do for our kids is help them see people for who they really are.


Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, December 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She will have her time at the gates, so will I.

and there it is...

The quote that brought me up short on this subject...real short (scared the bejeebers outta me)

1Pe 4:18...And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?

I'm not righteous by any means. Even if I was. I'd be scarcely saved.

<<<<jj, puttin the scared in scarcely since....


I don't remember when


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
roadscholar
Member
Member # 23276
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, December 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stillwaiting,
I can only speak for my situation...but my FWW certainly doesn't seem very happy.
She moved out a year and a half ago....D was final a little over a year ago. She's still with OM. They don't live together, but I know he sleeps at her place most nights.
Just in the past couple of weeks she made attempts to convince me that we should give it another shot.
This is the 3rd time she's tried to talk me back into R since she moved out last year.
I declined, again.
I'm sure that OM has no clue, and I'm not inclined to do him the favor of giving him a heads-up.
In that first year or so after D-day it was hard to imagine life ever being good again...but it is now. I met a girl 10 months ago...we became exclusive pretty quick, and it's going really well. She's 24, and a looker. The sex is off the charts. I may end up having to send the OM a thank you card.

My boys are doing good, better than I expected they would. We share custody 50/50. No CS or alimony of any sort. I live less than a block from their school, so even during the weeks they're with her, they still come home to me for a few hours in the afternoon, until their mom gets home from work. (I play music for a living, so I'm always home during the day)
So I see them almost every day, and I'm very thankful for that.
It is possible to survive this shit!

[This message edited by roadscholar at 7:04 PM, December 12th (Monday)]


Me-BH, 45
Her-XWW, 40
2 boys- 11 & 14
D-Day- 2-14-09
Several attempts at R, all of which failed.
Divorce final on 11/23/10
"Life's Been Good To Me So Far..." Joe Walsh

Posts: 182 | Registered: Mar 2009
Reborn Again
♂ Member
Member # 33608
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, December 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't make a lot of sense to expend energy on trying to figure out if XWW is truly happy or not or to even care.

If they are not happier, they will still say they are. Just to spite you.

If they are truly happier now, then they will make it a point to let you know.

I learned that its all bullshit. Right now my XWW's idea of happiness is being able to freely drink, party, and have sex with different people. Later on I suspect that she will settle down with another sucker for financial reasons, marry him, and then say how he is everything I never was and it all worked out for the better.

When dealing with WW's, its all bullshit and as soon as we learn to not give a shit, is when we are truly free. Yes, it would make us feel better if our XWW's ended up miserable for what they did, and came back and said so, but I think in most cases that will not happen and we should not spend time worrying about whether it ever will.

The real question is whether, years after d-day, are you as a BH happier? Have you done the work to rebuild your life? Did you turn lemons into lemonade?

I know for me I would have been happiest if my XWW had never cheated and we could have remained an intact family. But my XWW changed all that and now Im left to make the best of the cards Ive been dealt.

[This message edited by Reborn Again at 12:04 AM, December 13th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH
Her : XWW
Long marriage with Kids
Divorced earlier this year
Trying to start over again


Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2011
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, December 13th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When dealing with WW's, its all bullshit and as soon as we learn to not give a shit, is when we are truly free

so true


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, December 13th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Reborn,
Again, right on the mark.
Matter of fact, yesterday, I fired my inept lawyer, (women), and hired the shark, (male).
He told me, (and I'm not lying), that we have to make lemonade out of lemons. Strange, right?
Now, it's feeding time for the shark and I know exactly where he can find some smelly fish!
GOD Bless US All,
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, December 16th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys, I know this is 'our' little place and all, but
DAMMIT TO HELL!

I HATE these abusive bastards who treat the gals like shit.
I want to seriously beat their asses. I cannot believe the shit they are putting these good girls through. FUKKERS!

They don't even give a shit about their own kids and I am so fukkin angry at the damage they do to SUCH LITTLE ONES!
FUKKERS!
gO AWAY!
STOP being such a STAIN on our chromosome! Pussies!

I am officially madder than a dam bob-tailed bull in fly season.

These girls are GOLDEN. We need to help them. I'm near to formin a fukin POSSE. Someone get the rope.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.