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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
Reborn Again
♂ Member
Member # 33608
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont think that Im scarred or damaged because of what my XWW did.

I think of it as a painful life lesson that we as men can never entrust any woman with our emotional and financial well being. I can be happy without a woman in my life ever again. We hand over our heart to them and hope they never stab it simply because they promise to never do it.

I think of what my XWW did to me as an awakening that I should never again truly trust anyone else other than myself. I dont place all the blame on women as there are plenty of guys ready and willing to F any woman that allows them to whether they be married or not. I havnt lost trust just in women, Ive lost trust in humans as a whole when it comes to committed relationships.

Its odd how guys who go thru life without ever getting married are considered weird. Almost like something must be wrong with them. Maybe perhaps they are the smartest ones and figured it all out before us.

[This message edited by Reborn Again at 10:31 PM, November 21st (Monday)]


Me: BH
Her : XWW
Long marriage with Kids
Divorced earlier this year
Trying to start over again


Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2011
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, November 22nd (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Reborn,
You got it soo right!
In today's society, failure to continue marriage is acceptable, and in fact, encouraged via the information highway, and all the buzzards that inhabit the divorce infrastructure. It is a multi-billion dollar industry just here in NJ.
All the laws to prosecute are gone, all the morals dismantled, and all the hurt just pushed aside like a heap of trash.
I'm sure it's just as painful for women who are betrayed, but it sure has shrunk my hope in humanity along with the obvious appendage!
What goes around, comes around is a somewhat reassuring thought, but in reality, the pain is the same, the total destruction of the family unit, society, the kids, gone, changed forever just because of selfishness, narcissism, whatever you want to call it.
Never to trust again? Yes, Never to marry again? Yes, Date again? at this point, who gives a flying S!
The kids are about to be destroyed, the marriage gone, the money in hands of the buzzards.
Me, second mediation w/lawyers present$$$$$. Still no agreement on buyout by wife, (low balling me), backed for her Daddy warbucks father.
Both still dragging this into Jan. 31 court date.
But, I'm not giving in. Too much pain, too much damage to me, my boys to let her just get what she wants.
Now, she freely talks inadvertantly about the boyfriend, goes to his family events, (Italian Christians, right!). It's a shame, sin everywhere. I'm beginning to think that we are very close to the end just as in Sodom and Gemorrah.
God help us to heal and protect our children from the sins of others, (especially when those sins are of the Mother).
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
Reborn Again
♂ Member
Member # 33608
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, November 22nd (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MPB - Divorce is a bitch. Thats probably why I feel the way I do about marriage. I still owe my divorce lawyer 4k. It will have cost me about 15k all told to legally detach from the unremorseful cheater.

But on the bright side, If I were to die tomorrow, I would die a divorced and completely separate person from my XWW. (BTW me dying would be her worst nightmare, no more CS gravy train)

The funny thing is if I were the type that never wanted to legally marry, I think my XWW wouldnt have minded. We could have lived together and still had kids but at least Id be able to contest paternity in court. So I got screwed by trying to do things the right way.


Me: BH
Her : XWW
Long marriage with Kids
Divorced earlier this year
Trying to start over again


Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2011
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, November 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reborn Again,
No one wants you to die, especially your kids, (well, the bitch would probably care less, except the CS as you mentioned).
I understand how difficult it is to just say, 'oh well, what goes around comes around'.
That maybe correct, but it doesn't help us with our pain, damage, distrust and disgust with how we have been treated.
Only GOD can deal out the justice, but in my case, since my slut wife continues with the cop boyfriend, I just think that I may put a crimp in his wonderful life, ie. refile, with adultery, serve him and her at work, then file a formal complaint against him, (details on that are not to be made public).
So what if they both get pissed! I'm use to pain.
Take me away on a false DV charge, then I sue her and put her in jail overnight.
Or, as some say, just let them eventually suffer between themselves, (only 10% of these affairs ever make it past the starting gate).
It's a tough decision and I struggle with it everyday I go home and see that whore in our house. Ten months, two mediations, ESP in two weeks, trail date set for Jan. 31, 2012. $$$$$$$$$.
I may even fire my lawyer and hire a shark, $$$$$$$$$.
Life sucks and then you die!
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, November 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was with the ex for 18 years and we lived together for the last six of it... No kids, never combined finances except I bought half of her house with cash...

When I caught her, I just grabbed my shit and left... No attorney, no hassle and no money changing hands except her buying my half of the house back...

I let her head off with the OM and moved into a great place and into a better life without her.... OM beat her up and dumped her and she still tries to this day to boomerage back to me...

I never believed in marriage after watching my 6 older brothers and sisters choose poorly and live miserable married lives... All but 1 of the six have been divorced at least once....

I simply refused to allow a judge and state laws determine where my assets went if things didn't work out... Although I do regret all the really expensive jewelry I bought that she got to wear to impress the OM..

Believe me, I feel for you guys and know that I dodged a big bullet... I'll never get married and will continue to live my life traveling with great friends and not putting up with shit....

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, November 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats Wonderingbull,
Not many of us have the foresight to see into the future and determine our fate.
I admire your courage not to conform, but some of us are not as intuitive as you.
Yes, we certainly regret ever meeting, less marrying our slut/whore wives, but we adore our kids and live for them.
Remember you once were one as well.
GOD Bless,
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
impastit
♂ Member
Member # 28951
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, November 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have noticed that what XWW did changed me. I think what it did is permanent also.

The women that I date get very distant very quickly. After thinking about it for a while this may be a blessing.

If that keeps me from getting M'd again great. The pressure that is put on a man to "DO the right thing" concerning his woman is utter bullshit in my opinion at this point. It is all about putting most of your things in your life at risk for what? Commitment? Loyalty? Partnership?

Seems like a joke that our dumb asses bought into and paid dearly for.

This time I am getting a bass boat instead.

[This message edited by impastit at 2:45 PM, November 23rd (Wednesday)]


"Get over it." Classic. Classic sociopath!

DDay 4/6/10 Filed DDay, smelled it coming, again
She moved to her happy place 5/2/10
D final 11/18/10
Thank God I got the dog.


Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2010
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, November 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I get the joke part alright-I feel the joke's on me-WW wanted to get M'd, then after a few years wants to date. To get out I must give her half my stuff & both the kids. I wonder if this was her plan all along, and I was too stupid to realize it.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
impastit
♂ Member
Member # 28951
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, November 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel more and more as if it was a premeditated plan by XWW.

Either that or she looked at it like a viable back up plan if she ever became unhappy in the M. I also think she veiws her/our children as CS meal tickets that pay till they are out of the nest.

She makes no bones about letting me know she is not happy what she got in the D. She got a hell of a lot more than I thought she should have. My punishment and fine didn't fit for crime she committed IMO.

I get a little reminder once a month when I write that CS check. DD9 is here at my house with me alot more than with XWW, yet I pay.

I look at it like I get more time and influence over DD9 than her and OM do. Many people still say I am just enabling her to enjoy her party lifestyle.

[This message edited by impastit at 4:09 PM, November 23rd (Wednesday)]


"Get over it." Classic. Classic sociopath!

DDay 4/6/10 Filed DDay, smelled it coming, again
She moved to her happy place 5/2/10
D final 11/18/10
Thank God I got the dog.


Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2010
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, November 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brother, I'm pastit))) too. Don't think most wimmenz premeditate the disaster...it's more they...I dunno...evolve into it..."move that way". Go with the flow of their emotions (du jour). I don't want to broad paint brush the whole bunch of them. They (some of them) just "naturally" "do such things" I think.

It's like they are driven by forces unbeknownst to them (and us at the time)
to devalue us,
our contribution and sacrifice.
Hypergamy? (whatev u wanna call it, i don't care! "Lack of being true" works for me)

They devalue our goodness, our faithfulness, our strength. For some? If this destruction was planned? Oh my brother(s)))))))))))))!

Mine couldn't plan a birthday cake or a lawn-mowin without drama. Guess that makes me lucky huh?

Why yes. Yes it does!

I'm thankful for bein able to poke these words out on a keyboard and be heard.
Thankful for SI.
Thankful for you.
Giving it.



Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Reborn Again
♂ Member
Member # 33608
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, November 24th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whether its premeditated or it evolves, maybe its a little of both.

We are basically useful idiots. There really isnt a downside for a WW married with kids who makes less money than you. You end up dishing out CS based on guidelines set by court. Im paying way more in CS than what I ever spent on kids per month when we were married. And we lived a comfortable life.

Now im struggling and she is riding gravy train and using CS money on herself and her APs.

There is really no longer a social stigma for adulterers. They wont admit to anyone that they cheated, only that the marriage was bad due to you being a "bad husband". No blowback from their friends or family or kids who buy into this lie. You cant go around trying to convince others of the truth because then you are the badguy for badmouthing your spouse. Its classic no win situation. You just need to quietly go away and just get over it. Nothing to see here.

All the incentives are there for your WW to cheat. The logic is 1. you wont find out, 2. if you find out you wont have the balls to go thru with D, 3. if you do D, you will be paying thru the nose and its SS and CS gravy train time.

If your WW is anything like mine, she will land another useful idiot in no time flat. This guy will shell out $, support her, buy her nice things, and enjoy the added benefit of your SS and CS payments. All in the pursuit of the almighty tail. Which in the end I think is the downfall of us all. We want an attractive woman to show off in public. It makes us feel better about ourselves and it strokes our ego. Its like driving around in a nice car, if people see us in a nice car, it must mean that we are successful and have achieved greatness.

Its all a facade though. So true that throughout time man has allowed women power over us and to control us into doing things that make absolutely no logical sense. Im hoping though that one day collectively us men can understand why we do this. Is it simply a matter of sex?

Maybe all this will continue until some smart guy figures out how to create a realistic female robot that can physically satisfy our needs, will never cheat on us, and will tell us they love us. Maybe then the cycle will finally be broken.

[This message edited by Reborn Again at 3:05 AM, November 25th (Friday)]


Me: BH
Her : XWW
Long marriage with Kids
Divorced earlier this year
Trying to start over again


Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, November 25th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are basically useful idiots.

Ok, I know that quote was from one of the most evil men who ever existed, but to hear it stated thus in OUR context?
Why o why did I NEVER think of that?

hoping though that one day collectively us men can understand why we do this

O this too!

Though I doubt there will ever be collective understanding, that's not my thrust here, because, you know - sometimes you're the bug,
sometimes the windshield...

To understand this particular why, me myself,
I imagined how adam dealt with eve's deception. She was deceived. He made a choice.
That's just how I roll, yaknow? (no collective in that, though I can wish it were till my dyin day)

The good news is, we ARE wiser now. Through the crucible, and all that. The bad news is, well...it burns dammit!


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
29yearsforwhat
♂ New Member
Member # 34009
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, November 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My W of 29 years loves OM who lives 800 miles away. due to finances we are sharing the same house. She flys out once a month to be with him, the latest on the day before thanksgiving. On that day we also discovered she has breast cancer. I was with her the day of her biopsy hold her hand and almost passing out during the proceedure. Do I continue holding her hand throughout the oncoming ordeal. I doubt the OM will.


Dazed and Confused

Posts: 5 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Northern Ky
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, November 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reborn Again,
Has hit the nail directly on it's ugly head!
As always Reborn, you are dead on. The adultery is gone as a legitimate legal issue, although some states will still consider it a legal matter, but not in this wonderful, fair state of NJ, where the family is dismantled, fatherhood laughed at, more lawyers per sq. mile than any other state and judges, (whom are mostly divorced themselves),for the most part BOTHERED! that they even have to do their jobs, ie. Iam constantly reminded by my lawyer that I do not want a judge making any decision regarding my future!
So, what kind of message does that send to our beloved wives?
They can do whatever they want, not all!, but now statistics show that more women cheat, then men.
I should have listened to my damn Father when he told me the three rules of marriage;
Don't do it, just eat it and politely ask for seconds!
OK, maybe my Father didn't tell me that exactly, but he did warn me that it might come back and bite me in the ass.
Bitter, betrayed, battered, beaten, broken, but I'm not giving up, giving in to a low ball buyout of the property and looks like I may have to fire my present lawyer and hire the, 'Bulldog' $$$$$$.
GOD Bless all of us and our children whom we dearly love.
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, November 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

29yearsforwhat,
Hate to say this buddy, but I wouldn't hold her hand, let alone get near that portal down there!
Please get yourself checked for STDs!
If you have kids, then protect them with 120% of your love.
Protect yourself now! Don't wait another minute. Secure your financial matters, then proceed with discovery.
'God helps those who help themselves first'!
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, November 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

29yrs, I kinda went thru the same kinda thing w/WW, her mom died soon after dday.

It's really hard to comfort someone who broke your heart.
I didn't want to seem callous to my children, but no longer have the same feelings for WW either.

Pretty tough for a guy to have sympathy for a cheating W.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Reborn Again
♂ Member
Member # 33608
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, November 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This kind of brings to mind to me the question of what would be my reaction if I found out my XWW had been in a serious car accident or had a terminal illness?

Honestly I don't think I would care, as cold hearted as that sounds. She gave me my heart of stone BTW. Isn't the goal for us BS's to be indifferent? Indifferent means that your XWW is just like any other person out on the street. If the tables were turned I'm sure she wouldn't come rushing to my side. She would definitely go to her AP's (plural) side but not mine. Why should I go to hers?

Would it be simply to display to the kids that Im not an asshole? She's already poisoned them against me by not admitting she got caught cheating, telling them that I abandoned them and their mom, divorced her for no reason, and that Im a deadbeat dad. All of which is not true.

[This message edited by Reborn Again at 4:05 AM, November 30th (Wednesday)]


Me: BH
Her : XWW
Long marriage with Kids
Divorced earlier this year
Trying to start over again


Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2011
impastit
♂ Member
Member # 28951
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, November 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw this somewhere else and I am going to try it out for a while.

Ignore women, aquire currency.

Maybe not totally ignore, just a different mindset with the fairer sex. I like to play with girls. I also like to play golf. I just don't take either too seriously at my age.


"Get over it." Classic. Classic sociopath!

DDay 4/6/10 Filed DDay, smelled it coming, again
She moved to her happy place 5/2/10
D final 11/18/10
Thank God I got the dog.


Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2010
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, November 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

29 years, reciprocation of nothing is nothing.

IMO, she's making the effort for the OM, let him make the effort for her.

That said, you're probably going to be there with her anyway because you love her, and that's not a bad thing.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, November 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wonderful Thought impastit!
But, unfortunately for those of us that are in the heat of battle, money is the only thing we can hang on to and that, in itself, can and is a very difficult issue when the Wslut is trying to take everything and give you Sh t!
She is now going after my savings account, mind you, even after I recently found out that she has not contributed to the joint checking account for years.
Short of groceries, I've been paying all the household bills and have the proof, but she still thinks she is entitled to 50% of my savings at the point of divorce filing.
More motions by the lawyers, more money from me. Her, her Father is picking up her tab, (very wealthy family). Me, I'm purposely being played out both financially, emotionally while she just does her boyfriend whenever and now freely mentions the jackasses name.
Dec. 6th, ESP, Trial date Jan. 31, 2011.
I think I'll just take this pony for the ride to the end, even if it requires me to spend every cent.
Too much money involved in the property dispute and my kids and I have the right to live comfortably, just like the ass hole whore Mother they have, ie. she wants to buy me out, but for near nothing. Surprise, right!
Why is it that these whore Adulterers, don't ever admit guilt, don't ever feel remorse, and worse than anything else, can't see the damage they are causing to the kids.
I know, 'the fog', but it still doesn't help make me feel better.
I wish I could just tell her exactly how I feel about her behavior without it becoming a potential domestic violence issue, (remember, her BF is a cop).
Still bothered and depressed after 11 months, still in the same house. Counseling, medication help, but the anger and pain continue to eat away at me.
Never, did I ever think I would be in this situation at this point in my life.
If you guys get a chance, read my profile blog. It's a real take home lesson on being naive nice guy.
Mypoorboys

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
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