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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, September 26th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi stilllovingher,
Yes, I transitioned sucessfully over to BM on ICR, but still maintain contact on the other two boards.
To answer your question, I will not leave the house, and she hasn't asked me to since my DDay, Dec. 2010. When the D is finished and I get my check from her, then I will leave, after! I buy a house in the same township and after I complete the move to the house, period!
I've told her 3 times to pack her things and go live with the boyfriend. The Wslut says, she will not leave the boys and it is not possible to live with the boyfriend, (cop/asshole/boyfriend divorced in 2006 after nasty, lengthy custody battle that he lost).
The whore now tells me that she is waiting for results from an appraiser she hired to appraise my appraisal!
She should know by this weeks' end, and she also told me a week ago that she is willing to go back to mediation and wants to avoid going to trial, (Jan. 31, 2012).
Right! I don't believe anything that comes out of that filthy, soulless, unremorseful, slut.
So, if no mediation is scheduled by weeks' end, (another mucho denaro session!), then I will start to pursue another avenue to force her hand and use the cop as leverage.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, September 26th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you dude. Glad to hear it. Play nice but keep your hand on the holster!
There is something really wrong with her so your gonna have to beat her at her own game. Dont forget to file spousal support against her!...i would if I was treated like that!


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, September 26th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I transitioned sucessfully over to BM on ICR, but still maintain contact on the other two boards

You must be new to the world of web forums
We all bounce around. Its fine.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Disappointed740
♂ Member
Member # 33017
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, September 26th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this is a good topic for me- I am out of the house right now, but I think it is a temporary healing sort of move. Haven;t officially got a new place or anything like that, but perhaps I need to move back once my "give a shit" expires (to borrow a phrase) and I file for D.

Thanks for the great discussions on this board!


Me (BH)- 42
Her (WW)- 40
Married 10 years
D-Day 7/31/11
3 kids 2, 5 & 8

Posts: 72 | Registered: Aug 2011
WarInside
♂ Member
Member # 31736
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, September 26th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MPB,

Just wanted to say hello, and that you've been heard. Your profile lays out an excruciating situation, but it sounds like you've hung in there pretty well.

I've found a lot of salvation in the gym and sports, too. WW is no longer with either of her OM, but I'm still learning how far back the lying goes.


31-year-old X-BH
29-year-old X-WW

D-Day in October 2010.

Separated In August 2011.

Divorced in March 2012.

Happy again.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Apr 2011
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, September 30th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time for me to weigh in here. I look forward to going back through at least Part 7 of this thread.

I am a doormat, too. Did everything I could to please my WW in our marriage including giving up my career to stay at home with the kids. Yes, it was tough. She wasn't happy, either and she eventually (slippery slope!) started treating me poorly and I let her. Found out about a 2 year affair last feb ('10) and tried to reconcile for about 9 months and of course, she let me, encouraged me, trickle-truthed me (and caused me an ass ton of pain and treated me worse than ever) until a MC finally told her to cut me loose already. I asked her to leave and she refused. So, in true doormat fashion, I left and got a job. I've been living 2 hrs away and having the kids every weekend for 9 months now and I finally understand it isn't right. She has continued to be with OM and the kids know him well although he does not sleep over. I could have sued her for fault based on adultery but did not want the kids to see her like that. i have been protecting her integrity this whole time. I still think that's important but I want to stand up for me. I'm now asking for half time with the kids, i'll move back and rent a house, get some child support from her and half all of our assets (401k, etc.). I still know I could ask for more but if i can get what seems amicable and save a ton of money on lawyers I am still willing to do that.

But. Everytime i see or talk to her I still reel. She knows my buttons. Not sure if shes narcissistic but she sure is selfish.

Anyway, hey guys.

Gomphus


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
Disappointed740
♂ Member
Member # 33017
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, September 30th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gomphus- Good luck, man. That situation sounds an awful lot like the path I am heading down. I flipped from a full time employment to part time to give her an opportunity to progress in her career, and she started shitting all over me as soon as that happened, suddenly she is in an affair a couple months later. Its like suddenly a new sense of entitlement popped into her brain.

I moved out after she refused following my discovery of the A, I see the kids a little more frequently, but we are both victims of WWs horrible acts PLUS lack of remorse AND their selfish need to keep everything the same for their lives. All I can say is HANG IN THERE! This sucks but it cant last forever.


Me (BH)- 42
Her (WW)- 40
Married 10 years
D-Day 7/31/11
3 kids 2, 5 & 8

Posts: 72 | Registered: Aug 2011
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, October 3rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i have been protecting her integrity this whole time. I still think that's important but I want to stand up for me.

I hear you man, but think about whose expense you are protecting her integrity at, or even what it is you're actually protecting since the integrity is all on your side of the field. What you are protecting is her well being, state of mind and status quo; there's no integrity there.

I know it's easy to say and hard to do. Just want to point out that YOU got the integrity in this situation, not her. Don't let that go or give it away. Be proud of it.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7107 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally unrelated to any current discussions here but something that in a way makes me happy.

The OM in my case got popped for child abuse (yes the nad kind) and is getting prison time. 5+ years.

Hope he enjoys Bubba

Thought that would make a few guys feel better that the karma bus does role around once in a while.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thought that would make a few guys feel better that the karma bus does role around once in a while.

I feel sorry for the kid, but great to hear about some karma actually happening.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

5+ in prison for child abuse...he hasn't even heard the karma bus' horn yet...
I'm sure there will be a few folks in there nicknamed "karma"!


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, October 5th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Everyone,
Just wanted to update my situation.
Don't know if the Wslut is for real, but she told me last week, (and her lawyer confirmed to mine), that they wish to go back to mediation and avoid a Jan. trial.
The Wwhore is should get an appraisal of my appraisal, (quite a laugh), any day now, then, in theory we will arrange for another mediation session. This time with both lawyers present and the mediator; cha-ching, cha-ching!!
I'm still trying to get the max buyout from her and now 50% shared parenting. Just hope my cancer does not return, (had blood work done last week and will now whether me feeling horrible last week was a stomach flu or the cancer).
Regardless, maybe some progress is taking place.
The Wslut still texts 24/7 with the cop scumbag cooperating just as well.
She still gets only 2-4 hrs sleep a night and if the mediation does take place and I don't get my dollar buyout amount and shared 50% custody, then I will pull the plug on the shithead cop; (refile the divorce complaint as Adultery, serve him at work, her with her attorney), then, if necessary, file a formal complaint against the shithead for conduct unbecoming an officer, (only an administrative move, since here in NJ all the criminal laws regarding divorce have been removed from the books, thanks be to the wonderful NJ bar association).
Everyone please keep their appendages crossed and pray for my boys and I that this is resolved quickly and I can keep my kids away from her as much as possible.
The fog is a very strong entitiy, engulfs everything around it. I just hope that she finally shipwrecks with her, 'trainwreck boyfriend'.
Into the 9th month now.
'Put one foot in front of the other and eventually you will get to where you need to go'!
GOD Bless,
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, October 5th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck my poor boys. You have a great plan in place and you have not fallen into the trap "just get it over with".

My opinion in divorce when you have the angle. It's my way or the highway.

Stay strong.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks lostcause,
Still trying to get back to mediation. Also, just realized that I have been paying all the bills for the past 9 months from the Wslut and my joint checking account, ie. she works, but has not transferred any money into the account.
Called my lawyer this morning.
My lawyer said, 'the Wslut, (my term of course), should be contributing to the bills and my lawyer will contact the whores lawyer regarding this.
I'm sure the slut will be very happy with the new arrangement.
Last night, I confronted the slut with this information and she actually told me,'OK, then I will pay all the bills and you can leave this house'.
What a laugh, again just another example of the, 'fog'!
9 months and counting. ESP panel scheduled for Dec. 6, just hope we get to Mediation before, then I can avoid filling out that damn Interrogatories.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mpb - good luck, it sounds like you're on solid ground.

Wish I was. Until the WW sticks to her word and gets the personality disorder under control, I can't move forward, sideways, or back. Not really looking forward to paying child support on two more kids on top of support paid for two oldest ones either. My oldest is currently lost in the BS land of his uterus donor, who has convinced him that shoplifting, lying, and disrespect are appropriate behavior. She's also taught him that Dad's an Ahole for getting knee deep in his shit when I found out, and its ok now to not talk to me if he doesnt feel like it. Her solution to the shoplifting was to ensure that he now has cash in his pocket when he leaves the house, so he wont steal!?!?!? Umm, am I the only one that sees an issue with this approach?

So maybe I'm projecting a bit, but I dont want to be in a position to go down that road with the younger kids.


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, October 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Make sure you check out the dad divorce site and read "the list". Make it your bible.

Stay strong guys!


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, October 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Hurtingandlost and lostcause,
Thanks for the encouraging words. Everyone has a different path to follow through this shit process. We all have separate issues, but the pain is the same and the kids, no matter what asshole psychologist says, are always hurt by someone's unabashed selfishness.
Look at me, at 9 months past DDay, I'm just now trying to come to grips that this whore I married is ripping me off and taking advantage of my nice personality. Stupid me.
My lawyer should have addressed these issues long ago.
Use common sense, try to put the emotion aside, (very, very difficult). Spend time on yourself. We can only control so much around us. If our WSluts decide to use the kids against us, then go back to court or file a motion to stop that behavior. Do something.
Don't sit there like me and just let things transpire around you.
What a learning experience this has been. Even with the 180, doesn't help with all the pitfalls.
Protect, protect, and protect yourselves.
GOD Bless,
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, October 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll second that.

A lesson learned but not headed in my first marriage to a cheat. I took the high road, never spoke an ill word about the POS WW to the kids, and let her dictate everything she wanted in the divorce.

She never followed through with the divorce decree, and the commissioner where I was divorced wont enforce his own decree. WTF? She had student loans for her degree, and the decree stated that she was responsible for them. AFTER the divorce, and AFTER I was remarried, she "rehabbed" the loans in MY name and walked away scott free. They're on MY credit report in default. Went back to the judge and showed him evidence of this and that she had not repaid me money she stole and he wouldnt hear the case???WTF??

And now, my oldest kids want nothing to do with me unless I'm shelling out dough, which I refuse to play into.

My current WW, who I think is trying hard to avoid pissing me off at the moment, is no different. A whole lot of "I will take care of it, I wouldnt do that, I dont want that" etc, and ZERO follow through. I trust her as far as I can throw her.


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
Reborn Again
♂ Member
Member # 33608
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, October 17th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since my XWW betrayal...

I do dishes

I do laundry

I iron clothes

I get kids ready for school

I drive kids to school and pick them up (they dont go to same schools)
I then go to to work and put in a full days work at a stressful job

I cook meals for them

I go grocery shopping

I take them to doctors visits

I help them with their homework

I talk to their teachers

A wife and mother would be like.. big deal!.. I do that every day.

But you see, I never had to do these things on a regular basis for about 17 years (I married young). We each had our roles during the marriage and I was the breadwinner. She was the SAHM for the most part only working part time hours for grocery money. I wasnt sure Id be able to step up. My XWW sure didnt think I was going to be able to.

For me it was scary at first but Ive been doing it for 8 months now and its not such a big deal anymore. Its just me here, I don't have a babysitter or family members helping me out right now.

I stopped to think the other day about all the changes in me since d-day and D. I took a moment to be proud of myself for being able to adjust as best I could to the aftermath of my wife's betrayal.

Wondering if any of you guys out there are also going it alone and making it thru D or S with young kids?

Thanks

[This message edited by Reborn Again at 11:07 PM, October 17th (Monday)]


Me: BH
Her : XWW
Long marriage with Kids
Divorced earlier this year
Trying to start over again


Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2011
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, October 18th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Reborn Again,
I will be in your shoes if this Wslut wife of mine ever gets her head out of her boyfriends ass long enough to end this misery.
My situation will be the same as yours, albeit with a certain caveat. I am a cancer survivor and get monitored every three months. So far, everything is ok.
I'm shooting for 50% shared parenting and the same scenario plays out in my mind as well.
I have two wonderful boys, 3 & 7, whose lives will be completely destroyed by their selfish, unremorseful, Fogged spoiled little girl of a mom.
I need to buy a home in the same school district, then find some way to rearrange my work schedule, pay the babysitters, maintain my health and start over trying my best to help heal these little boys, and myself.
I'm also 22 years older than my slut wife. Maybe retire in a few years or, if I can, and still on this planet, retire at 65.
Either way, my life and my kid's lives will be in a state of flux for some time.
If you want a real Halloween story, then read my profile blog when you get a chance.
Short of just shooting me, there is not much more that my Wwhore could do to destroy everything that I build up for her and the boys.
Adultery is major disease that is spreading through the fabric of our society like a plaque.
I fear that GOD my soon view this land as he did Sodom and Gemorrah.
You give me some inspiration and I know that I will survive this new challenge and that my boys are the only thing important now and I have no choice, I have to readjust and survive for them.
I pray every night for their future and mine.
Thanks for sharing and thanks for your strength.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
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