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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, June 15th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think men ever do.

Jimi, I love you like a brother, but you're wrong


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35369 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH5, are you passed it? Or did you learn to live with it?

Big difference. Zero trust now. I look after me, now. I don't go out hardly at all anymore. That ain't passed it, that's living with it.

I see the same old patterns, and I just don't give a shit.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, I know now it's my problem-I'll simply never trust her again. Just like burning your hand on the stove, I have learned to never trust her.

It is freeing in a way, not caring any longer, but I really wanted a partner, not a roommate.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope, didn't learn to live with it. I'm not wired that way. I'm past it. I actually realized it last night. I've been at like 98% for a long time. At some point those remaining 2% were gone.

Remember though, BR had to do the heavy lifting to heal herself. She did that and continues to do that. We got off to a bad start, but after we found SI and a great marriage counselor, she owned what she did, saw she was broken, and actively worked to fix herself. At the same time I was dealing with my own issues.

I've dealt with all my feelings. Processed them all. This doesn't have to be a life sentence


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35369 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you're right, Bro. It would be cool.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH5, the huge diff is your WW wanted to be a better spouse, mine went to two or three therapy sessions & she's all fixed, so it's all my problem now.

yeah I know CSAB is prolly the reason she's all fucked up, but I didn't molest her-I didn't even know her until she moved here @age 20. But still I am the one to blame.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, mine pretty sure she is cured too. NOT!!!!!!!!!


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

since dday, mine will actually have some spells of normalcy, but only after showing her ass.

I have a 5 y/o, who won't go to bed @ nite(her mother lets her stay up too late), is very crabby all day because she only gets about 6-7 hrs sleep. The other day, WW threatened her w/a nap if she didn't calm down. I quietly told her not to make a nap a "bad thing"-you would have thought I told her to cut off an arm WW jumped down my throat so bad. Later she apologized, as she felt I was correct after all. Lather, rinse repeat in just about any dealings w/her.

My boy weighs more than i do, he's 11. One day I came in the house & he was putitng whipped cream in his chocolate milk, I asked if he really needed whipped cream in his choc milk-"I TOLD HIM HE COULD HAVE IT!" she screamed @ me.

I dunno, he's 11 & weighs 200lbs, but I'm the one w/a problem.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

-you would have thought I told her to cut off an arm WW jumped down my throat so bad. Later she apologized, as she felt I was correct after all. Lather, rinse repeat in just about any dealings w/her.

Sometimes I wonder if there's any demographic on the planet that insists on the phrase "two wrongs don't make a right" more than a WW. It boggles me.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It boggles me.

it's because you are using logic. That has no place in WW's mind.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
nofeelings
♂ Member
Member # 31694
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

64fleet,

Why do you put up with your WW slowly killing your son and torturing your daughter? If you dont like how she treats your kids stop complaining about it and do something. Grow a pair and stand up to her for your kids sake.

I have to say, early after Dday I almost fell into trap to become "better and more understanding husband". Thanks to wonderful advice at SI I stepped up and got my balls back - I did not put up with any crap no matter what excuse. Especially when it came to kids - although she was always pretty good with kids, but no more yelling at them just because she is in bad mood.

It made huge difference - not only I got my self respect back by doing the right things and standing up for me and my family, but also WW stepped up and started to treat me with respect and involve in every decision that concerns our family. I am not too far away for dday, but I have to say I like changes and no matter what, I will not let anybody harm my kids - not even their mother.


ME BH 35
Her WW 32
Three young kids
D Day 3/16/11
Trying to R

Posts: 114 | Registered: Mar 2011
heartbrkn0209
♂ Member
Member # 31679
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is it easier for a BW to recover than a BH? As sexist as it sounds...I think yes. Your WW allowed another man to enter her. You know they didnt use protection.

Am I missing something? How can you R with that pic in your head? I am in D BTW

Im just puzzled as to how BH's can R after their WW's PA

I just dont get how that can ever be the same

What am i missing? please comment

[This message edited by heartbrkn0209 at 2:20 AM, June 17th (Friday)]


Me: BH
Her: XWW
Married to XWW for over 16 years
Together for 19 years. 3 Kids
D-day Feb 2011. Divorced 6mo later
No multiple D-Days for me
She was having sex w a married man and several women in our home and at motel rooms. No remorse, just lies

Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2011
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heartbrkn, I'll let you know if I make it.

It's not like she never got fucked before, so there is that. But you're right, it will never be the same.

If she doesn't start putting some effort into pleasuring me, she is going to be out the door, soon. I wouldn't find it nearly as offensive if she had not put out for other guys, but seeing as how that came so fucking easy for her, she can fucking well start putting some effort into my dick!!


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I try like hell nofeelings-you've obviously never dealt w/crazy.

See, I'm pretty sure my WW is undiagnosed bi-polar-you really have no clue what she is like sometimes. The push-pull is really a rollercoaster.

If you ask her, she is mother of the year. She gives the kids anything they want.

OIAL, maybe deep down there is still some hope/spark, but its wayyy down. I think its just 2 kids & familiarity tho.

[This message edited by 64fleet at 8:03 AM, June 17th (Friday)]


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is it easier for a BW to recover than a BH? As sexist as it sounds...I think yes. Your WW allowed another man to enter her.

How is that much different from a dick poking around some scabby sarlaac pit? There's a thread in R I think where the BW ended up puking after trying to give her FWH oral because she couldn't stop thinking about where that'd been. Don't see how it's easier, I think it probably sucks just as much.

It is hard to deal with, yeah. My wife has owned her shit though, so I think that's the big difference.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I haven't done oral since dday-just can't do it. Also cannot kiss her open mouthed-all I can see is her making out w/OMM in her office when she tries.

Wierd-we used to make out for hours, now I cannot do anything more than just a peck.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

64fleet.

Have you looked into boarderline personality disorder. Violent, sudden mood swings, and past SAB are part of bpd. They are also prone to the push/pull behavior. It is often refered to as "I hate you, don't leave me" type of attitude. At times they can be very hard to deal with.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah, it sounds like she could be BPD or bi-polar-not sure, I'm no psych major by no means. Of course, usually she thinks she is fine-even the kids wonder why she goes off like she does-add in the dry drunk & its really crazy making.

But my kids tell me things like they don't do X or Y because they don't want momma to yell @them.

The same woman who rubbed my feet last night will berate me this morning.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
nofeelings
♂ Member
Member # 31694
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

64fleet,

You are right - I never dealt with crazy and hopefully never will. If she has violent mood swings then it could be chemical imbalance - maybe convince/bribe her to go to doctor? 200 pounds for 11 year old - unless is because of medical condition, there is no excuse for it.

As far as BH with BW - if physical part is more important to you then you have to go to IC and really go deep down inside you. To me betrayal is so much more painful to accept then PA part - of course, it makes me cringe just to think about it, but unless you were first for your W you do realize that she had sex with someone else before?

And there is nothing wrong with blocking that from your memory (and trust me - we all capable of it) - its not rugsweeping since PA means nothing without betrayal behind it. If your WW is getting help, doing work to fix herself, is turning into your partner, friend and lover that you always dreamed about, what does some exchange of fluids is compared to that?

If you can't move past betrayal, then I understand, but if you can't get past physical part of it then you are not a man you thought you are. Just IMHO.


ME BH 35
Her WW 32
Three young kids
D Day 3/16/11
Trying to R

Posts: 114 | Registered: Mar 2011
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

maybe convince/bribe her to go to doctor?

she's been to a few (maybe 3?)counseling sessions, so she's all good now.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
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