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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
reggie
♂ Member
Member # 31682
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, April 11th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it i quite straightforward, as Mr Kite points out. She feels her actios will be less serious if you cheat as well. This seems to be very common, although not well thought out , since yours would be consensual on her part, expected, and would cause no where near the amount of damage that real cheating does(by real, I mean surreptitous).
Did anyone see the standing ovations the crowds in Augusta were giving Tiger Woods? Made me sick. WTF is wrong with these folks? If Hitler could hit a high fade, would they cheer?

Posts: 165 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Minnesota
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, April 11th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did anyone see the standing ovations the crowds in Augusta were giving Tiger Woods? Made me sick. WTF is wrong with these folks? If Hitler could hit a high fade, would they cheer?

A good golf swing trumps morality? Hitler could drive it deep but couldn't putt worth a damn.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
reggie
♂ Member
Member # 31682
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, April 11th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In reality, before this affected me personally, I probably wouldn't have thought too much about what a lying piece of shit the guy is, either.

Posts: 165 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Minnesota
Between a Rock
♂ New Member
Member # 30871
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, April 11th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does everyone else now notice the general lackadaisically attitude society has towards infidelity until they (us) experience it? I can't believe the number of times I've seen it referenced on TV with little to no regard about the true amount of pain that it causes.


But you, you’ve gone too far this time
You have neither reason nor rhyme
With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine

Posts: 48 | Registered: Jan 2011
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, April 11th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's part of the human condition, BaR. People don't pay much attention to cancer, Aids, or heart disease either until it afflicts them or a loved one.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
WhoIsThisWoman
♂ Member
Member # 27424
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, April 11th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This topic hits home HARD with me. The STBXWW had a birthday party for our one year old at our neighbor's house. (This way she controlled the invites and didn't invite my family because they don't talk to her anymore.) Anyway, this woman's husband has shown ALOT of interest in my wife in the past including inviting her (privately via e-mail) up to Penn State football games for an overnight. Doesn't she realize that if her husband was more her type, it very well could have been HER husband my wife had sex with? But hey, go ahead and be her best friend. Invite the fox into the hen house... She deserves whatever hell my wife brings to her world... And also all of the people that actually showed up to this fiasco...

Ugh...


Me: 40 yo
STBXWW: 41 yo
Married 15 years, 4 kids.
EA in '07
PA in '09 (same OM)

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: PA, USA
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just popping in to say "Hey."


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi jimi-- where ya been?


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
reggie
♂ Member
Member # 31682
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it worth it, going to the gym and trying to get all ripped up, again, at this age(57)? I hated that shit when I was younger and playing ball.

I really don't want to be an alpha, but, I would, occassionally, like to get laid.


Posts: 165 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Minnesota
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, Fleet, I had a big job on the go, kept me out of the office. I pop on once in a while to see who's around.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't want to be an alpha, but, I would, occassionally, like to get laid.

Reggie, I wouldn't worry too much about that. My FWW is considered attractive by most any standard, and all the OM she had sex with were by no means alpha males. To attract her you just needed to have a sad story and tell her how wonderful she is apparently.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

B a Rock

WW suggesting I go have an A...
Anyone else ever have this situation?

Yes, in fact after dday I better understood all of the times she was pointing out co-workers and others who she was sure were hot for me and implying I should hit on them.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
nofeelings
♂ Member
Member # 31694
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW suggested me having a PA during MC - she said as long as it was just PA and I would not leave her it would be ok. That made me think that she just wants me to get laid somewhere else and she would have an excuse to have another PA. She seems to be moving on and getting all the benefits of better M (more effort by me) and also had a PA, while I am stuck in this neverending well of sadness..


ME BH 35
Her WW 32
Three young kids
D Day 3/16/11
Trying to R

Posts: 114 | Registered: Mar 2011
reggie
♂ Member
Member # 31682
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That really is the crux of it, isn't it. The WWs who "reconcile" never forfeit all the fun and excitement they had. It is always there for them.
So, when they lay claim to feeling overwhelmed with guilt etc, they can harken back to that little corner of their minds and remember all the tremendous orgasms they had, to help them cope.
Had I the opportunity to reconcile, I wonder if I would have felt obligated to honor my vows, thereafter. What a one sided deal that would be.

Posts: 165 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Minnesota
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if I would have felt obligated to honor my vows, thereafter.


I no longer honor mine, they are null & void IMO-a contract is only good if every party abides by it.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
reggie
♂ Member
Member # 31682
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, 64, that is how I feel, too. But, don't you long for someone that you would feel obigated to be loyal to?

Posts: 165 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Minnesota
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But, don't you long for someone that you would feel obigated to be loyal to?

For a while I did, but I've realized I could never trust another completely different woman either.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since it's such a common line, I've decided that the WS offered/condoned "revenge affair" or whatever you want to call it, should always be accepted at face value.

And you should state your acceptance of the verbal contract. Using your best IMAGO technique, state, "What I hear you saying is that since this sexual inequity has been introduced in our relationship, you are offering me the opportunity to have a similar experience at my discretion. I accept your offer."

Then go on to stipulate that though the offer has been accepted, you are allowed to indulge in it when you choose, with a partner you select who will be as enticing/interesting/engaging as your spouse believed their AP to be.

But here's the thing: in every instance where the condoned revenge affair has been offered, the unspoken bit was that the BS would go out that weekend or something and get themselves laid with some bar slut.

That's no good. If I've got a free pass for an A (and, yeah, I got offered the same guilt-assuaging deal as the rest of you), I'm waiting until I find someone who kicks in my afterburners, baby. Anything less isn't really a fair offer...though I'm sure most of you realize that the condoned revenge affair wasn't intended to be a fair offer. It's a nickel-on-the-dollar offer that your WW considers a fair trade for all the shit she got away with, an offer that will get her off the hot seat and weigh lightly against all the things she did.

That's no deal to me. If I have a condoned revenge affair offer, I get to carry it out the way I imagine an affair should be, not a dark room tug and tumble with with a bar slut. In fact, I get to have the affair that I imagine equaled all of the rainbows and roses mind movies from *her* affair, whether or not that was actually the case.

And I get to do it on my timeline. It's a "no expiration date" offer.

That's my answer to this offer. If you want to put it on the table, then I accept your proposition. And one day, long after we've put your affair to bed, then maybe I'll take you up on it.

See how attractive she thinks the offer is once she knows it won't get her off the hook and she doesn't get to control the outcome or use your own behavior to shut her up...and gets to look forward that unknown day, long after reconciliation has taken hold and the relationship seems to be thriving, when she gets to be the one blindsided.

(Though I can like 99.75% guarantee you that on that day, the fact that she made the offer and you accepted will mean dick. See, because that's the other side of it. You're not really supposed to take her up on it. You're supposed to be noble and see how the offer is really a reflection of her debasement and spontaneously forgive her. It's not just an attempt at manipulation into silence, but manipulation into pity.)

Which brings us full-circle. You short-circuit this offer by just accepting it. Even participating in the argument about why you wouldn't validates her, assures her that she's got you in the bag. So she's got you if you do it, got you if you don't/won't. So don't push the issue. Just accept it.

The moment she realizes that the outcome is out of her control, it will freak her the fuck out. Guaranteed.

And if you can get the offer in writing and keep it in your wallet, all the better.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, April 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


If it weren't for the fact that the drying dick on my thigh stickily accuses me of wanting it again tomorrow, I'd be in.

Posts: 6000 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, April 15th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Winc, once again we are on the same page, and chapter.

I agree totally. Accept the offer of having your own A/A's, but on the terms that you get to play out your own fantasies, just as she did. Draw it up as a contract. Using your own rules, and yes, those mind movies, to outline what you will be getting into. Then have her date and sign it.

And if you're a prick like me; frame the sucker and hang it over the bed.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
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