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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 7
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, March 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OIAL,

If the BS wants to divorce, the WS wants to try and reconcile. I don't recall ever hearing a case here on SI where both the WS and the BS wanted divorce. Maybe it happens, but people in that situation are not drawn to SI? Or have I just not noticed?

Maybe I'm the exception that proves the rule. I filed and got her out of the house when she wouldn't give up OM. She never looked back, like 25 years never happened.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/56 Me: BS/62, 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, March 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Either:
"1. The woman I thought I married didn't exist at all. She was play-acting all those years and I bought into it.
Or:
2. The woman I married died during her A's and she's never coming back." Mr. Kite

Mr. Kite,

Great post! I especially identify with the above and have used similar phrasing for it for a while now. It helps to have the closest thing to an answer there is. Its the simplest description tht fits the facts. That its not one answer but two possibilities still helped me stop the swirl in my brain.

Also like you, I don't think we'll ever know which and it doesn't matter.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/56 Me: BS/62, 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, March 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To be sure, there were many hints left along the way, during the dating stage, during the M, and while the A's were in progress. But I was either unwilling to or incapable of recognizing who I had married.

The illusion of who I had created as the perfect woman; kind, loyal, honest, and open, overpowered all common sense.

My eventual rage after discovering I had been betrayed by this self-created illusion, was not so much at her but at myself for being so blindly stubborn and stupid.

To repeat this type of thinking with WW would lead me to believe I was either self-destructive or an imbecile incapable of learning from his mistakes.

She is who she is. The question that still needs to be answered is can I live with that?


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
oftenwrong
♂ Member
Member # 27822
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, March 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr Kite.

I copy/pasted your words of wisdom to my desktop I thought they were so profound.

You really do get it, see past the total bullshit and boil down a very complex situation in to what it really is.


ME - BSO (35 yrs old)
Her - XWSO (31 yrs old)
LTR 10 years - There can be no 2nd chances


Posts: 995 | Registered: Mar 2010
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, March 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm honored! Too bad it took me over 16 years to get there. Without SI and this thread it might never have happened.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
jollum
♂ Member
Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, March 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr.Kite,

I too got a lot from your post. I'm at the point where I'm now realizing that she is and never was who I thought she was and I really can't decide if I want to spend anymore time trying.

I've similarly told myself our old marriage and the people that were in it are forever gone. The question becomes do I really want to try and go forward with someone who has proven how low they are willing to sink? The mental gymnastics I go through every day are wearing me out but it's about the only exercise I get


Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
13yrsGone
♂ Member
Member # 31351
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, March 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i have decided that i never want her back. i have found out more about my STBXs affair and how she told every one but me that it was over between us years ago but she didn't tell me she just played a part and i bought it because i trusted her. so the person that i missed died so long ago i'm not sure if she was ever really real.

time to move on with my life and i plan to be the best person that i can be

"I’mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balcony"

i only wish i had know this sooner so i wouldn't have wasted the last 2-3 years of my life with her ... and not getting herpes would have been nice as well


Live for the future I know its your prerogative but when you just live for the past you become a part of it.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NC
oftenwrong
♂ Member
Member # 27822
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, March 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't worry brother. Herpes is not a death sentence and totally managable. It sucks but a LOT of guys are in your position with a parting gift from the WW.


ME - BSO (35 yrs old)
Her - XWSO (31 yrs old)
LTR 10 years - There can be no 2nd chances


Posts: 995 | Registered: Mar 2010
13yrsGone
♂ Member
Member # 31351
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, March 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah i know herpes won't kill me but i worry that it'll be an issue when i am ready to have a relationship again

it pisses me off that she follows me even after she is gone and is still going to cause problems

on a lighter note i dropped all her crap off at her parents house today so all remnants of her are gone from my house. of course she wasn't there and the boys said that she wasn't doing anything with them even though she promised to


Live for the future I know its your prerogative but when you just live for the past you become a part of it.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NC
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, March 6th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just sayin! All it takes is a chess board (lower right hand corner...what chess board?)
Ok...there were 2 lawyers and 2 doctors in this pic...one...the one you're all lookin at, would manipulate you, then screw you - she's an osteopath in a pathology residency AND a lawyer...trust me, I'm NOT FALLING IN LOVE WITH THIS ONE! The one on the misfit whatthehells he doin thereguy's right shoulder is a lawyer...right now, I'm postin here...then? life is good fellas!


Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
palerider
♂ Member
Member # 22496
Default  Posted: 2:38 AM, March 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct,

DUDE!!


Posts: 579 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Texas
oftenwrong
♂ Member
Member # 27822
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, March 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol I would have a huge smile on my face too.


ME - BSO (35 yrs old)
Her - XWSO (31 yrs old)
LTR 10 years - There can be no 2nd chances


Posts: 995 | Registered: Mar 2010
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, March 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't fight it, dude.

[This message edited by Mr. Kite at 11:47 AM, March 7th (Monday)]


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
oftenwrong
♂ Member
Member # 27822
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, March 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol that's pretty good!


ME - BSO (35 yrs old)
Her - XWSO (31 yrs old)
LTR 10 years - There can be no 2nd chances


Posts: 995 | Registered: Mar 2010
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh shit! LMAO!!!!!!!
note to self:
'ware the Kite's choppin skillz.

I left the funniest part out. Wonder why I did that...hmmm.

It was when 'that one', yes, 'that one' asked;
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Do you have sons?"

then

I am now "officially" old.
Oh well...
"Time marches on..."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...(my face!)


Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, March 9th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Old? You look like a younger version of Lanky Nibs, chopping his Ice Plunder and scorin' on the ladies on the 7th World.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, March 9th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

still...you are forever in my heart!

perhaps another propagnosia sufferer?

PS be on the lookout for any noob nics - shepherd his sorry ass in here guys! I woulda picke 'dammit jim' if id'a lurked here any longer...
lanky nibs! lmao!


Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to break a good mood but that was Jason. Here's Lanky (from a MASH appearance):


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok...I can see it. I googled lanky and got that...(wishful thinking? projection? face blindness? you decide...) You can bet I'm putting Ice Pirates on my must see list.

Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Watch out for space herpes...


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
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