Could you divorce her based on "cause"? I know that could be very difficult to prove an Affair, but maybe that will help your standing? Moreover, could you fight harder for custody? Merlin, you need to show the courts how you have been a victim of her actions. She cannot win...
Could you divorce her based on "cause"? I know that could be very difficult to prove an Affair, but maybe that will help your standing? Moreover, could you fight harder for custody? Merlin, you need to show the courts how you have been a victim of her actions. She cannot win
I did file for cause - infidelity. But in a no-fault state, its meaningless.
The affair was proven beyond doubt. I had detectives who had everything. It does not matter.
I fought for custody too. Alternate weeks is the best I could do.
As for the court seeing me (or anyone) as a victim, I had to give up on the ideas of 'right', 'fair', 'just', or even sensible in favor of what's legal.
It took me months to get that the system is completely crazy. But that's just how it works.
Her: WW/56 Me: BS/62, 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
She’s been ‘out’ since D-day (August 2008). Everyone knows. She’s completely cold about all this.
It really is amazing to find that the woman you were married to for almost 25 years is no one you know or would choose to ever meet. But that’s how it is.
Alimony reform is something I’m looking for. No luck yet.
He says divorce is so costly because it's worth it.
I can only hope that I feel that way one day. Perhaps its worth it, but it is no bargain.
Did you actually go to court or get snowed by a settlement agreement? She should not be able to take you for that much even here in NJ, if she is working and you were divorced at fault for her adultery. I have not seen a court order that bad before, that is terrible man.
I'll show you mine then. She makes $97,000/yr as a state worker (gold plated everything). Yes, I do better than that. But with a lot of risk and volatile income (now way down).
We went the distance, including a full trial. 30 months from filing to decree. Seven months from trial to decree.
Some of what's wrong is that neither the court nor the lawyers have any idea how to compare the income of a self-employed person to a W-2 person.
The rest of it is just really bad law, precedents and process.
As for backdating alimony and child support to the trial, it appears to be arbitrary. They could have gone back to filing or initiating with the decree. They chose something in the middle.
As to where I come up with $31,500 to pay it, that's an unimportant detail to them.
damn merlin, you are screwed-this is the reason I stay M'd-just another 13 yrs ta go...my only advice is to leave the country.
Were it not for my children, I would have already fugitized.
[This message edited by Merlin at 10:46 AM, February 2nd (Wednesday)]
I have no words. This completely sucks.
Next time some one says anything about the *cost of happiness* you can say you know EXACTLY how much that it is.
Clearly, abso-fuckin-lutely NOTHING about that is true in your case. Not only that, she's with a significant other, right? She gets to share some of his earnings power, right? Are they living together?
My blood is starting to boil. Nothing gets me going like the sense of entitlement some support receivers have. I get so damned mad.
[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 11:12 AM, February 2nd (Wednesday)]
she's with a significant other, right? She gets to share some of his earnings power, right? Are they living together?
She's with him, but he's an unemployed, multiple DUI lowlife. But he (country) dances good I guess. So his earning power is not so hot. He does drive the Mercedes we bought for her 50th birthday though. Sweet!
They live together when my kids aren't staying with her. She's in a two-bedroom apartment. The court doesn't think much of her space when children are there, much less him.
Don't let your blood boil. I cooked my brain over this. Now I'm just numb. That's enough collateral damage in this disaster.
[This message edited by Merlin at 11:19 AM, February 2nd (Wednesday)]
Hang in there.
If your XW made her whole financial identity around her husband, then you'd think she would feel a responsibility to find a new husband that could pay her bills after ditching you. This woman deserves to fall, and fall hard.
I've got a question for you. Which upsets you more, the fact that she cheated on you, or that she is destroying you financially?
I trigger like crazy when I read posts from BW who describe how they mauled their WH in divorce court. Don't get me wrong, I'm OK with some punishment in the settlement as a result of adultery. But even the BW can be overly cruel in divorce court. I think the harm of a crippling settlement ranks right up there with the harm of adultery. It's just as sinful.
[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 12:54 PM, February 2nd (Wednesday)]
Which upsets you more, the fact that she cheated on you, or that she is destroying you financially?
Its our kids that will pay the price of all this. And that is not forgivable. She could have left in many other ways, still gotten alimony and child support and not traumatized everyone along with what will surely compormise their futures. She chose napalm. Now everyone is trying to crawl from the wreckage.
I am really starting to despise this system that so unfairly favors women. You cheat you don't deserve anything. This entitlement is such bs. You bust your ass, take care of your kids, carry the stress of the marriage, follow the vows of the marriage and you are made to suffer.
[This message edited by Merlin at 12:30 PM, February 2nd (Wednesday)]
New Jersey Fathers Rights Law Firms
The Men's Center
Thank you. My problems are less with custody than becoming a court ordered indentured servant. Clearly being impoverished (or in jail) will compromise my role as a father.
I will exhaust these sites though.
It was like talking to someone where 'the lights are on but nobody's home'. I did start child support by handing her a check.
Who is this woman?