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User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 22
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, January 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats: I'm sorry for your wife's loss, but am so happy that you guys were a couple and were working together. This is wonderful.

Strongish, you handled the situation well. You acted calmly and addressed the problem. My WH used to do things like that all the time. Not even common courtesty. I've told him enough times, so now at least he'll say excuse me I have to make a call before I forget.

Allgood, I'm sorry for the meltdown. Please make the MC appointment to talk about whether or not WH will realize that his attitude is what is the problem with the R.
It's ok to kiss him. It takes a long time to let go. Keep up the internal 180 and take care of yourself emotionally.

UKgirl, I didn't know WH was so unhappy. Actually, WH treated me very well while he was keeping his A/marriage a secret. Was kind, loving, gave gifts, etc.

I got reeled in a little the past 2 days, then had a mini meltdown when I realized that I cannot talk to WH about how I feel. Then it hit me how much of an abusive relationship I am in. As long as I do not bring up any A related talk, or how I feel, or what WH has done to hurt me, all is ok. Rug sweeping is what I am supposed to do and no complaining. If I say anything, WH says something very hurtful.

{{{tribe}}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, January 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok allgood i get it...and again i am so sorry he is such a jerk....

curious as to how you burned those bridges???


honest: stop beating yourself up about anything and everything, you are doing the best you can with what you can....and that really is all any of can do....when you know better, and i really mean know it, in your heart, in your soul..in and with every core of your being it will change....and you are getting there...you really are...the road is just filled with many obstacles...and you will "get over" them and you will "get over" him....we both will.....

for some reason tonite i was laying down and just started to cry, damn even now the tears are flowing just thinking about it....i find it so so sad that there is so much love and stupid seems to cloud it....i told pfm tonite that i am sad that he was and is so so stupid.....that all i ever wanted was the truth...i guess i am triggering a bit with allgoods sich...

lying was and is a dealbreaker for me....so i understand allgood...i wish i didnt, but i do...kwim...

need to go to bed now, been a long day....tomorrow tribe...we will be having snow here again tomorrow...now that i have a driving teen i hate it..

nite all
(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Can't chat but saw this and thought of a comment made to me in a pm. Someone said that they changed their will and put a note at the end "You fucked the wrong woman". I guess this lady thought hard in her dying days about her H and his As

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/916969--elizabeth-edwards-wrote-john-out-of-will-6-days-before-death?bn=1

I wonder was she a member???

Love to all. Even though I haven't been able to write I read when I can and think of you all often. Special hugs for Honest and AGNG.

Love

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 5:30 AM, January 7th (Friday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle:
I am sorry my sitch has you triggering.
I once again spoke with him briefly this morning (like 5-10min) and said that I miss him, miss what we were working toward, but I have to assume that he's just not going to "get it" and move on, leaving the door open. His position is that he wants us to be together, but never thought it was going to work, didn't think it was working and now it's worse. His reason for thinking it wasn't working is that it was always there - even when we were enjoying ourselves, 1 drink too many and there it was. I agreed, but pointed out all the things he did and didn't do that impacted my ability to believe in our R, to believe in him and move on. He really didn't have a response to that - other than that he did do some things, just not in a timely fashion. And, that was another point - that I felt I had to push & pull him thru this process, he didn't present as someone eager or even just plain willing to do "anything". Anyway, as usual, he didn't have much to add to the conversation, so I left it at if he didn't know where to start & was unwilling to work with a therapist to figure that out, I would help point him in the right direction.

So, back on the 180.

And, Miracle, I guess maybe even you need a reminder that we cannot control anyone or anything other than ourselves. You should take comfort in the fact that you took the challenge, tried to help him and your marriage (and to an extent you were successful in getting him to be a better person, father), you gave it time, and at some point, you have to say, it's just not meant to be. Sad. But, doesn't have to define us. Someone else is out there that is better suited for you.

curious as to how you burned those bridges???

Well, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right? If I'm going down, I'm going down in a blaze of glory and I'm taking OW with me. It involved a bit of public humiliation via fb that got to her, her family and several coworkers. Muah ha ha ha (evil laugh).
All in a very non-criminal, non-harassment, anonymous sort of way. Of course.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi AGNG

I am up very late having a bad night and just saw your post. Big HUGS my friend. i know you are really hurting. I am here with you

laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgoodnamesgone… I’m not sure, but in hindsight, I think you guys didn’t know how to R. I know you worked on it, but he never really did. To me, the reasons for not signing up and attending Retro are weak… You do it for you... and you will get something out of it.

As I think about success in an R…

I would venture to guess that about in every adultery situation, the cheater always seems to think they can R without 3rd party help. The resistance I’ll call it. To me, I have no doubt that someone with a clear mind, experience, knowledge has got to teach both what to do during a R. Every one of us has the ability to accept infidelity, live happily with some effort and time… and this will become true love, mature love, real love. It takes work, because so many subjects need to be covered about marriage, love, the why’s, the seeing a wounded soul, forgiveness, dealing with emotions, etc… and on top of that, it must be reviewed, over and over, again and again before it becomes the new you. For some people to learn, they must be “taken to mat” or “rock bottom” so to speak before they will even allow someone to help them.

As for 3rd party help. I will list below and what has helped me the greatest, in order of significance:
1) My believe in God and the messages sent to me by some angels. (prayers)
2) Retrouvaille (Time)
3) Ability to discuss, vent, with others. (My best friend and SI)
4) The books I have read
5) Marriage counseling and Individual counseling (These fine people just pointed a finger at me to tell me where to look, then took my money One viewed it as gifts))

But we must also be wise... Sometime in life, people are just not meant to be with each other.

[This message edited by trynhard at 8:23 AM, January 7th (Friday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((AGNG))))

I felt I had to push & pull him thru this process, he didn't present as someone eager or even just plain willing to do "anything".
I understand this completely as my FWH is the same way. He says he is willing to do anything but what that means is that he is willing to be extra nice, willing to take my meltdowns and hug me, willing to go to the MC that I have found (twice now as the 1st was not helpful) and the IC that I also found, willing to let me do all the insurance paperwork/phone calls, willing to do what I tell him to do to "make this right." What he's not willing to do is the HARD WORK that he needs to do on himself to explain how he could have had a secret life for over 5 years. He's not sure the current IC is hleping him, but he's made no attempt to find another. He ordered a book to read about how couples become distant with each other in their marriage....it's sitting on the stack of books that I READ about how to recover from infidelity. He's been willing to drop some airline trips to be at home more, but then asks me how we're going to make up that income. Yes, Allgood, like mine, your WH needs to "man up" and stop being such a wimp. If he wants you and your M then he needs to fight for you! And fight hard!! With everything he's got, not just the easy stuff.

You are gonna be okay. I know it. You are strong, God knows stronger than your WH. You know what it's like to fight for what you believe in because that's what you've been doing. But there comes a time when you have to decide whether you want to be a partner in your M, with someone that cherishes you. Your WH continues to take you for granted. That's what he did with this party. He knew that going wasn't going to be a dealbreaker, but he also knew, and didn't care about how much it would hurt you. He continues to put himself first ahead of you and your M. Even now he is more willing to just hang his head and be pitiful than to do the hard work of winning you back.

I'm so sorry. I can only tell you that I completely understand where you're coming from and I am sending good thoughts your way. Keep posting so we know how you're doing.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strongish.. I'm not so sure Mr. Allgood did know how much it would hurt her. For granted.. yes... The man has no concept of Right or Wrong. I bet he knows now.

It boils down to his ablity to understand the pain of his actions. Being a cop, I sometime question a cop's ablity to see pain in others... Maybe he's Immune to seeing so many others in pain and it just does not effect someone... who knows?? Can you have Remorse without pain?

LOL.. Allgood, don't you love us analyzing your H from miles away?

[This message edited by trynhard at 8:34 AM, January 7th (Friday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Having a really bad night. It's 1.30am on Sat 8th Jan here. Can't sleep. H is in bed snoring his head off. Last 2 days have been just like before dday. WTF is going on??? He is so weak. Knew his efforts to help me through this wouldn't last!!! But thought he'd last a bit longer than this. He is back to mean and cranky. Unfortunately we are at the children's place so I can't scream, swear and throw things.I just want to go home!!!

At least on the farm the nearest neighbour is 200 m away so when I want to rage I can.

AGNG

So sorry honey. Think I may be joining you soon if dickhead doesn't get his act together!!!!

laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Laura28... The man has got to sleep? What are you thinking about right now? What the heck is going on?

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

laura: what happened?....and what took place that you know of before he 'turned'?

and don't you hate it when they snore, especially when you aren't liking them, bordering on hating them...when pfm snores all i want to stuff something down his throat...something hard,spikey and spicy hot..... (bwahahahah)


allgood: do not fret over my triggers...they happen...it is your stupid husbands fault anyways not yours.. ....i just get so sad and mad when i see "stupid"...my fave word this week i think.. ..

fear....behind all of the stupid is fear.....

and it kills me that what they are most afraid of is what they are creating by letting the fear dictate who they are....and that is just stupid....

And, Miracle, I guess maybe even you need a reminder that we cannot control anyone or anything other than ourselves. You should take comfort in the fact that you took the challenge, tried to help him and your marriage (and to an extent you were successful in getting him to be a better person, father), you gave it time, and at some point, you have to say, it's just not meant to be. Sad. But, doesn't have to define us. Someone else is out there that is better suited for you.

thank you allgood for that...and yes letting go is one of my issues....control...we cannot control anyone but ourselves....need to keep repeating the new motto:

[quote]it is what it is and it will no become what i make of it....living for today, preparing for tomorrow, remembering that i cannot control it all, so i will do what i can and let go of the rest....

strong:

What he's not willing to do is the HARD WORK

in doing the hard work is ironically trusting us with all of it and allowing themselves to be vulnerable to finding out and admitting their issues...you cannot change what you do not acknowledge.....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to Laura and Strongish.
Strongish - I hear ya sista!
Tryn - Thanks again - and yes, I love the long distance analysis of my H.

A few more texts back & forth between H & myself.

I am treating this like an addiction. He's got to want it, need it, crave it, before I am giving it to him again. (Reconciliation, not sex...Lol.)


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood,
I was going to go off on a diatribe about your WH's current state of mind, but I don't think there's much to say.

Instead, I want to focus on you. I think it's time for a hard 180. (And, ideally, a two-week vacation for you alone on a tropical island with plenty of cabana boys and no communication with the outside world.) I am watching you tie yourself up in knots, poking at him with a cattle prod, holding out sugar cubes, talking sweetly and then yelling... all to get him to see that the sky is BLUE! BLUE, dammit!!! While he stands there with his eyes closed repeating that it's pink, it's always been pink, he knew it was pink the whole time... You can't make him open his eyes and see the sky. You can only look at the sky yourself, see that it's blue, and let it be enough. It hurts to see you so twisted and tied up. Ignore WH for some amount of time. Be polite, civil, but drop him out of your mind. Focus on you for a bit and find your center. This yo-yo thing is not good for you.

honest, wanting to lead an authentic life... that's what it sounds like you are working toward in your last post. And good for you! The authentic honest. I can't wait! When the authentic Nell gets here, we can meet for an authentic cup of coffee.

Miracle,
I'm sorry this has been such a rough month for you (for a lot of us).

Laura,
What's up?


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell, thank you for your support. I've actually been very calm this whole week, other than raising my voice when he acknowledged that was him in the photo (which even then was brief), I haven't yelled at all.

I agree with you and I am back on the 180.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

So wish our time zones were the same.!!!! H has been such a shit last couple of days. Cranky about stupid little things (Can't find my comb, did you take it, know I left it there, you must've taken it - just BS like this) and telling me lies about stupid little things. Things that don't matter. There's this huge elephant in the room and all the lies associated with it so why bother lying about stupid little things. Pissing me off!!!!!!!!!

Had some problems last night, argued a little, then today he sulked and tonight he wanted sex. I stupidly agreed and it didn't work out well so then he gets the shits!!!!!!!

God, what am I doing here with this ridicluous man!!!! I have put up with all this shit for so long. I really thought that after dday he would make an effort. Mostly he is but sometimes he makes me want to scream!!!!!!!!!!

In the grand scheme of things he is doing OK. I feel like a baby whingeing when honest and AGNG have such serious problems to deal with but I still want to scream at him to grow up!!!

Sorry for the vent people and the baby tantrum. Just feel at times like this that it is not worth the effort!!!

Love to all

And thanks for your quick response to my SOS. Love you all so much

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle

and don't you hate it when they snore, especially when you aren't liking them, bordering on hating them...when pfm snores all i want to stuff something down his throat...something hard,spikey and spicy hot..... (bwahahahah)

I just LOVE you so much. Thank you. I am going to try to sleep. When I am lying in bed and I start to get upset about my dickhead I will think of this

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sense a repeating theme on LTA these days....WS's that won't step up to the plate and DO THE HARD WORK!! They created this mess, why are we the ones working so hard to R, or if nothing else trying to keep our daily lives on an even keel? I frequently picture my FWH standing around wringing his hands and saying over and over "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do." Like I have ANY idea how to fix this mess. I didn't make the shit sandwich, I just get to eat it!

Okay, rant over with. Tryn, help us out here. What does it look like when a WS really is willing to do anything? What kind of behavior would we see if our WS's were trying to win us back? Do you know what I'm trying to say when I say that they need to do the "hard work?" I see Ats' FWW taking a hard look at herself and think, "Yeah....she's finally got it!"

Example...I had this long discussion with my FWH that I posted about earlier about an incident the night before where he basically just shut me out/down/off and turned to his computer and work. It was a calm conversation and it actually seemed like I got my point across. Later yesterday afternoon he once again puts his stupid hat on and tells me that he doesn't like when I connect things/actions/conflicts that are happening now with the A. WTF?? Is he a moron?? He's has compartmentalized the A and the OW and is either unwilling or scared to open up that part of himself and examine that behavior. In his mind, it's over and done with. So while I'm actually more at peace these days I am also more cognizant that he will just never "get it" or will have to be one of those that hits rock bottom before he realizes what he is risking.

Honest, I agree with Miracle that you need to stop beating yourself up. You are trying to deal with an unbelievably difficult situation. You do what you need to do to get through one hour, one day at a time. You WILL get stronger but that doesn't mean that you have to be Super Woman every day.

I sounds to me like quite a few of us need to do the 180. This has been difficult for me in the past as FWH gets his feelings hurt very easily if I try and do something by myself that he would enjoy as well, i.e. a movie. If I'm going shopping he doesn't care, but not if it's going out to eat or something he would consider fun. I've touched on this briefly in IC but we haven't gotten into it much. But I feel "strongish" today so I think I may try and do something by myself tonight and let FWH stay at home. Wish me luck!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quick note on snoring:
WH doesn't snore. But there are times when his regular, deep breathing at night is enough to send me over the edge. Those are the times that I thank God for creating the man who invented the MP3 player.

Allgood:


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura: I'm sorry you were having such a difficult night. You are not whining!!! I went through false R, so I understand the frustrations of wanting them to "get it". I think Ats' advice or plan that he gave R 2 months at a time. If there was any progress (even two steps forward, one step back) he "renewed" the R. I think it was a very wise way to go about things. In the meantime, get yourself ready for any possibility so the decision you make is based on what is best, and not fear.

Nell: "living an authentic life" I LOVE that!! Thank you so very much!!
I don't know why some of these people lie, and for the stupidest things!!

I think one of the hardest things about R, is not just getting over the pain, hurt, betrayal and loss of trust, it's also that the old ways of interacting with one another is not working either, and that has to change. The latter part BOTH parties have to really work on.

Miracle: I'm sorry you triggered. Just when we think we are doing ok, something happens and we break down. I did that yesterday. Don't even really know what triggered me, but had to run to the bathroom and sobbed for a while. Got over it more quickly in the past, which is good.

About this 180. A lot of people here are trying to R.
What I discovered what really is working for ME, is a mental and emotional shift. Before, I had a lot of codependent tendencies that I tried to put everyone first, always worried about
my kids, WH, my mother first. Then I ended up feeling frustrated and resentful. I was no longer enjoying life or feeling guilty if I was enjoying myself.

I think the best 180 is really to balance yourself, in that you are NOT FOCUSED on WS. What are they did/are doing/ are going to do, thinking, saying, feeling?

That is out of our control.

True 180 is putting yourself back in the picture, and not necessarily in a selfish way. Tending to your own emotional needs, nurturing yourself, even if it's to take a break and have a cup of tea.

We want so badly, so desparately for our WS's to DO the right thing, that maybe we try so hard to control it. Of course. Everything was out of our control before. But we can't.

I'm trying my best to work on this. Trying my best to tell myself that "I'm OK". I am not perfect, I make mistakes, and if I do, I will be responsible for them and try to make amends if need be.

I have stepped back from trying to share deep feelings with WH. Although I have decided to tell him some things in a matter of fact way, which worked out for my healing last night. (NOT for R)
I more or less told him that I was working on the above. That it was MY problem to be focusing on HIM and then not being happy or even getting resentful. I told him I want to try to find a balance.

He said that he thought that was great. He said that he felt I kept so much stress that I was getting stomach problems sometimes (which I did and am having now)

Ok, this could seem like I'm getting reeled in, but for me, it was the beginning of a closure. Also, in an odd odd way, he was taking back his blameshifting.

I also said very quietly to him, without be blaming, that over the years, our full relationship, he always would pull me closer and then push me away. He agreed and it was a problem he had. I quietly said that it was something he needed to fix within himself or he would never be happy in a relationship.

So sad. So sad. I do love the bastard. But no matter what, unless he goes to intensive IC, we could never have a real marriage or relationship. (of course divorce OW)

I'm still trying to hold my ground.

Allgood: you are in my thoughts and prayers. Perhaps Mr. Allgood does not really see what all this means? I also feel he is afraid to do the work on himself. Afraid of what he is going to find within. He probably has carefully built a wall to protect himself and is afraid to even have a chink in there.
Allgood, although many of us get angry with Mr. Allgood, I sense very deeply, that he is NOT mean, nor is he doing things on purpose to hurt you. I really believe that. His behavior is childish, and immature, yes.

{{{{{tribe}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Honest - hang in there.

As for me - you are right. My H is not mean. He does appear to be a bit of a liar and coward, immature and selfish - but he's nice,funny, generous. Crazy popular. If you knew him, you would like him. You would want to be friends with him.

My 180 is more direct than yours- I'm not telling him anything about me, my day, etc.

Everything is need to know only - the kids, if I'm going somewhere, household/financial matters and even at that I try to keep it to texting. Course there was some backsliding this week with me being overly-cautious in making sure he knew he still had a way to fix this marriage. But, I really feel like I've said all I can and I'm not going to initiate any more conversations of that nature.

Interesting things happen to me during the day - I'm not sharing it. I don't ask about him or his day. I don't call or text him during the day other than the necessary as defined above.
Example - last week, when we were still a couple, he knows I asked for a raise. This week I got it. I'm not sharing that bit of news with him. Hey - in fact You all are the 1st to know!

Anyway. I missed you guys this afternoon - hope everyone is doing well.

And Honest - keep up the good work.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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