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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Boundaries and Consequences 101 for all new BS
NewTurn
♀ Member
Member # 26399
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, August 7th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BW-45
DDay too many to count! Many false R till final DDay Dec 5 2008
Divorced Feb 2009

Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results!


Posts: 51 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Tx
NewTurn
♀ Member
Member # 26399
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BW-45
DDay too many to count! Many false R till final DDay Dec 5 2008
Divorced Feb 2009

Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results!


Posts: 51 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Tx
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BUMP


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5822 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, August 14th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1897 | Registered: Nov 2010
Llanden
♀ Member
Member # 10402
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, August 15th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump bumpity bump


"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best."
“Who makes everything we experience happen? You. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!” Sweat Pea from Sucker Punch
BS 35
DD's 14, 7 and 5

Posts: 567 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: New York
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, August 24th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For (((exhaustedmum)))


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1897 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, September 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1897 | Registered: Nov 2010
bumbed
♀ Member
Member # 31024
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, September 13th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


I rather suspect like all the worst things in life, making sense of it will not happen.


25 year relationship D day 1/28/11
The we door is closed but the ME doors are opening


Posts: 471 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: a better place in Michiagn
Will-I-Ever-Know
♀ Member
Member # 32703
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, September 22nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me BS:21
Him F?WH:23
OW:34!!??
DDay #1 June 2010
Full blown 6 month long PA: OW was his 2nd Girlfriend.
Many DDays & TT for the rest of this year!
In R, Married on June 25th, 2011.

WARNING: I am long-winded. Sorry in advance. :)


Posts: 157 | Registered: Jul 2011
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, September 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

adbat234


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1897 | Registered: Nov 2010
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, September 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me this was hard. I am just getting over being scared of losing her. I read a post that said to really look at what the worse thing for me would be. First answer was her leaving me. Then It went on to say that I should consider how i would feel sharing her (made my blood boil having someone ask me to think that) and for me they are right - that is far worse for me than not having her. Giving me some strength - thank you for that piece of wisdom (I was going to smilely but really can't bring myself to)


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1129 | Registered: Jul 2011
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, October 2nd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1467 | Registered: Nov 2010
rejectedluv
♀ Member
Member # 33495
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, October 2nd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This post is very helpful. I am a little afraid to set boundaries though for fear he will leave again. He was gone for a week staying at a rented room. It was hell, because he wouldn't tell us where he was at-that is the most frustrating. He is moving his stuff back in tonight. We are in MC, but it is slow going. Has only been about 2 weeks since DDay. Conversation is strained obviously. So, I need to decide if this will be enough for me or not and I think boundaries will help, when I am able to state them without fear he will run.


all is well

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2011
isadora
♀ Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, October 2nd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((rejectedluv))

You set the boundary because you deserve to be respected. Your WH is not respecting you. He is using the threat of leaving to manipulate the situation to his advantage.

Boundaries are healthy. Boundaries are necessary.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4506 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, October 3rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rejectedluv,
I need to decide if this will be enough for me or not and I think boundaries will help, when I am able to state them without fear he will run.

I agree with Isadora,
You set the boundary because you deserve to be respected

Your boundaries speak to how you want/expect to be treated. They are not situational, or have anything to do with if he will leave or not. They are for you to demonstrate how you expect to be treated by everyone, husband included. I wish you well, draw a line in the sand. Tell him you expect respect!
LHAP?


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1897 | Registered: Nov 2010
FacingReality
♂ New Member
Member # 33437
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, October 3rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 22 | Registered: Sep 2011
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, October 12th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5822 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
unarmbears
♀ Member
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, October 15th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


FBS-Me, 60
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 26 and 31
2 Daughters 29, 24 And 4 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4891 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
SouthernHeart
♀ New Member
Member # 33599
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, October 15th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for this.


BS- Me- 27
WH- 32
married 6 years on Oct. 21
D-Day- Oct. 1, 2011
Children: boy age 5, girl age 4 and brand new baby girl born 11-10-11

Posts: 25 | Registered: Oct 2011
cupcakegirl
♀ Member
Member # 33594
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, October 15th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very good post! The part that really hit home for me is that WS tend to see boundaries as a threat. My WH does this. I am striving to sift out the co-dependent from my behaviors as well.

Working on boundaries w/IC right now!

Thanks again,

ccg


Me:BS, 43
Him: SAH, 48
Married 21 years
DDay 1: 2007
First day of transparency in M: 10/17/11
Polygraph 1/13/12 passed!
Polygraph 7/8/12 passed!
Polygraph 2/4/13 passed!
Next Poly is 2/14 passed!

Posts: 238 | Registered: Oct 2011
Topic Posts: 280
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